Drums in the Deep

Journal - Eye Checkup

2012-01-12T15:50:00.000-06:00

Today I had my regular checkup with Dr. Feilmeier at the Kearney Eye Institute. My eye has been looking and feeling fine so I wasn’t expecting much to happen today and that’s exactly how it went.

We arrived at the Institute a few minutes before 11am, which was the time of my appointment and didn’t have to wait very long. The doctor’s assistant took us back and asked the usual questions and checked my vision. On the pinhole test I got part of the 20/40 line, my best yet.

Then another assistant took us into the exam room and check my pressure, which was normal. After perhaps a 15 minute wait, the doctor came in. As expected, he only spent about a minute looking at my eye through the microscope and declared everything to be fine. He said I could reduce my eye drops to 3 a day (I’ve been doing 4) and said I didn’t have to come back for two months.

So everything is still progressing nicely and the doctor is obviously pleased with how things are going since he doesn’t want to see me again until March.

Thought For The Day

2011-12-26T15:02:00.000-06:00

Saturday afternoon at the Christmas Eve service, Joni and I were talking to a friend of ours, an older lady, and she was telling us of some of the hardships she had endured in her younger days. She wasn’t complaining or anything like that, we were just having a conversation. Then she said to me, “…but I don’t think I could survive without my sight, you’re a brave person.”
I thanked her for the compliment, but it got me thinking about things. I lost my sight and learned to live with that, as many others do, but what if I lost my family? I think that would be much harder to endure. I’m guessing that all those poor people who take their own lives are the ones who didn’t have the support of loved ones when times got tough. I feel very fortunate to have the strong family that I do, and very fortunate to have such a kind and loving Father in heaven who always knows just exactly what I need, even when I don’t know it myself.

Mark 3:35 For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.” ESV

Psalms 70:5 "But I am poor and needy; hasten to me, O God!
You are my help and my deliverer;
O Lord, do not delay!" ESV

Journal - Some Christmas Thoughts

2011-12-25T18:29:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we went to the Christmas Eve service at our church. They held services Friday at 7pm, and also Saturday at 3 and 5:30. We went to the 3pm service to avoid having to drive home in the dark.
Anyway, the service was kind of a little play about a Christian couple who invites a non-Christian couple to their home for a Christmas get-together. Through the course of the evening, the non-Christians see how the Christians speak and act and they begin to ask questions. For me, the pivotal point of the evening was the following exchange, which I have paraphrased:

We need Jesus to save us.
Save us from what?
Save us from ourselves!

Save us from ourselves? Well, yes that makes a lot of sense when I think about it. The world is full of all kinds of distractions and temptations. You can call it the world, or satan, or sin, or society, or whatever you want, but it all amounts to the same thing. When we give in to it, we have no one to blame but ourselves and that’s why we need Jesus to save us from ourselves. That’s a rather elementary concept I suppose, but I had really never looked at it quite that way. Those distractions will always be there but I need to learn to keep my focus on Jesus
So that’s what I’ve been thinking about the last couple of days. The play was acted out in several scenes and there was singing in between the scenes, groups and soloists. The service closed with a traditional singing of Silent Night by candlelight. It was a wonderful service, but it was really that one point that God seemed to want to make clear to me, and I’m glad He did. He’s such a wonderful teacher and it always makes me feel kind of special that He will go to so much trouble to reach out to little old me. Maybe it’s not that much trouble for God, or maybe He just thinks I’m worth it. Something else to think about.
I hope that you have (and will) feel a special connection to our Savior this holiday season. That’s what it’s all about after all.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Luke 2:10-14 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Journal - Progressing Nicely

2011-12-09T15:51:00.000-06:00

On Thursday, December 8, I had my monthly follow-up with Dr. Feilmeier at the Kearney Eye Institute. My eye has been looking and feeling great so I was expecting another good report. On this visit, I was particularly looking forward to seeing the Institutes ophthalmologist, Dr. Von (or Vaughn or Vaughan, I’m not sure about the spelling). During my November visit with Dr. Feilmeier, I asked him when we could start thinking about eyeglasses, expecting him to say “after 6 months” or something. To my surprise, he said we could go ahead anytime, as long as I understood that the cornea is still healing, and the prescription I get will probably need to be changed after about 6 months. So anyway, we made an appointment with Dr. Von; to see him on the same day I would next see Dr. Feilmeier: December 8th. I had Dr. Von at 10am and Dr. Feilmeier at 11:15.
There was still quite a bit of snow on the ground from last Saturday’s snowfall, but the roads were in pretty good shape. We got to the Institute right on time; just as a few small flakes began to fall.
Dr. Von’s nurse took me through all the usual tests and dilated my eyes. Then Dr. Von came in and took a look at the results. He told me right up front that based on the tests, he wasn’t sure if glasses would help me enough at this point to be worthwhile. The first thing he did was take a look at my cornea through the microscope to see what kind of shape I was in. He remarked several times that the cornea looked great. He said he often sees transplant cases a few months after to refract them for glasses, and he had seen very few that looked as good as mine, especially considering my surgery was only two months ago. He went ahead and refracted me then, and just as he thought, my best vision with glasses was somewhere between 20/50 and 20/70: an improvement to be sure, but perhaps not worth doing yet. He made out the prescription and said we could talk to Dr. Feilmeier about it to see what he thought.
As Dr. Von was looking through the microscope he also mentioned that the transplanted lens, not the cornea but the inner lens where cataracts form, was beginning to cloud up a bit. He said this is not uncommon, in fact it occurs in about 70% of cataract removals. As it turns out, when they remove the cataract, they actually leave an almost microscopically thin layer of membrane from the backside of the lens. This helps the eye respond more favorably to the implanted replacement lens, but they often cloud up a few months after surgery. Dr. Von explained that this is not a problem at all, all they have to do is laser the membrane to punch a small hole through it, but they will typically wait a few more months when the cornea is more fully healed. He explained that part of my blurriness right now is due to my new cornea, but it is also partially the result of that cloudy membrane. I should note that my vision does not seem cloudy at all, but Dr. Von said that’s one reason why glasses won’t me very much right now.
Anyway, then it was on to Dr. Feilmeier. In between doctors we looked out the window and saw that the snow was now falling quite heavily and really beginning to cover things again.
Dr. Feilmeier took a look at my eye, and once again said that it is doing very nicely. By this time I had already pretty much decided not to bother with glasses yet. As we talked with Dr. Feilmeier however, I got the impression that he really wanted me to get some. He finally came right out and said that he liked the idea of glasses just to have something over my eye to reduce the possibility of injury from bumps and the like. I asked about the strength of the prescription and if that was something I might be able to pick up at Walmart or Walgreen’s. He thought that was a good idea and said if I could get some over-the-counter reading glasses with a strength of +4 or +5, that would still give me some improvement. He dialed up a +5 on the eye tester thingy to show me what it would look like and it did help some. He said Walmart or Walgreen’s might not carry anything as strong as a +5, but if I asked, they might be able to special order it. Sounds like a good deal all around: I will get some improvement in my vision, get a little protection for my eye, and only have to spend about $10 or so. So that’s what I’ll do. By the time we left the Institute the snow was really coming down and the streets were completely covered so we decided to just head home and shop for glasses some other time. It was a slow, careful trip home, but we made it safe and sound at about 12 o’clock.
So I was really looking forward to getting the glasses and having almost normal vision, but it didn’t quite work out that way. Am I disappointed? Not even a little bit. My eye is progressing very nicely, and I’m still happy just to be seeing at all. Dr. Feilmeier’s nurse said something that really struck me; she said she wanted to show me to their patients who complain that their vision is only 20/25. She told us about one lady who brought in her daughter, I can’t remember the girl’s age, about 12 or so I think. The woman actually broke down and cried when she found out that her daughter would have to wear glasses. It’s just sad the way our society puts so much pressure on us to be “normal”. The nurse said she wondered how that lady will react when something REALLY happens to her daughter. And that poor girl will probably grow up thinking that her glasses are something to be ashamed of. People spend so much time worrying and complaining about what they don’t have or what they can’t do that they completely forget about all the good things they have.
So that was our exciting trip to Kearney! Dr. Feilmeier’s next trip to Kearney will be on January 12 and I have an 11am appointment.
Until then, do me a favor…spend a few minutes thinking about the good things in your life. Oh, and don’t forget to tell God how glad you are that you have them!

Isaiah 44:3 For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. ESV

John 1:16 And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. ESV

Powerful Prayer

2011-11-23T14:14:00.001-06:00

I thought that I would post a follow-up to my blog of November 13, Penn State Woes. That was such a powerful and shining moment for the Body of Christ that I thought it deserved a little more focus.
In the days following that football game between Penn State and Nebraska I’ve been looking around the internet for some videos of the event. I listened to the game on the radio and the broadcast team described what was happening on the field, but I didn’t get to see it or hear what was being said. Not surprisingly, there are lots of videos available online now from many different sources showing that amazing huddled mass of football players kneeling for prayer in the center of the field, and of Ron Brown’s words as he spoke over them.
What I really wanted was a transcript of the prayer that was said. I found a couple of them, but they were each missing portions here and there. Toward the end of the prayer, the crowd in the stands began to chant and cheer, not being able to hear what was being said on the field, and portions were hard to make out over the noise. I did, however, find one video feed that was particularly clear and of high quality and I think I got the whole thing down pretty well.
Here’s the text of the prayer for those of you who haven’t, or aren’t, able to view the videos online:

“Father God, we thank you so much. We thank you that you’ve chosen us to be here; this day--this time. We know that you’ve called us specifically, each and every one of these young men have been called to this platform today. Lord, we know, we know that we don’t have control of all of the events that took place this week, but we do know that you are bigger than it all. And we give you the glory that you are going to protect this stadium today, and this town, and these universities, Father, and these students, that you would give great sense to all of them, Lord. Remove the foolishness and that your common sense will reign and shine. Father God, there are a lot of little boys around the country today who are watching this game and they’re trying to figure out what the definition of manhood is all about. Father, this is it right here. I pray that this game will be a training ground of what manhood looks like; that we would compete with fierce intensity; with the honor and the gifts and the talents that you have given us. And may we be reminded, Lord, as it says in your word in John 1:14 that Jesus is full of grace and truth. May the truth be known. May justice be known. Would you protect the victims that were persecuted…And Father, would you shed grace and forgiveness on the lives of all those involved. All of us here need your forgiveness. We thank you for the cross of Jesus Christ. Now give us a great game, a game that honors you. And it’s in Jesus’ name we pray this. Amen.”

Wow! Those are some pretty powerful words! As I read that again and again, it strikes me how very appropriate those words were for that place and that time, but also for all of us in whatever place and time we are in. God HAS called each one of us specifically to be right here, right now. He put each one of us here for a reason, just as he put Ron Brown on that football field on November 12, 2011. It is our job to find out why. Maybe it’s to help support someone who is in financial need, maybe it’s to volunteer for projects in your community, or maybe it’s to pray for someone, or just sit and cry with them. In order for the Body of Christ to function, all of those tasks, large and small, have to be done. Take a look around you; there are people in need everywhere. What can you do to help?
Ron Brown was the wide receiver’s coach at the University of Nebraska from 1987 to 2003, and then returned to the team in 2008 as the tight end’s coach. He became the running back’s coach for the 2011 season, his 17th season overall with Nebraska. Brown’s bio page from the University of Nebraska website includes the following:

Off the field, Brown and former Husker Stan Parker are co-founders and co-directors of a statewide Christian ministry called Mission Nebraska. This ministry stewards MY BRIDGE RADIO, which consists of numerous Christian radio stations and translators across Nebraska. Mission Nebraska also facilitates a statewide Christian endeavor called FreedMen, which challenges and inspires men and boys to take a strong courageous Christian stand in the public square.
The 54-year-old Brown spent the four years prior to his return to coaching serving as the Nebraska State Director of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. While he relinquished that duty to return to the Cornhuskers, he continues as a regular columnist for FCA's National Magazine "Sharing the Victory." Through Mission Nebraska, Brown also hosts a weekly statewide cable TV show called "Truth Vision", along with daily radio spots.

Do we need more people like Ron Brown getting involved with our youth? You don’t have to answer; it’s a rhetorical question. For those interested, MyBridge Radio can be found at 95.7 FM in the Grand Island area. There’s a station in Kearney but their signal seems to be very weak. Visit this page for a complete listing of MyBridge Radio stations across Nebraska.

The prayer above was transcribed from NBC footage that I found at the website of News Radio 1110 KFAB.

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. ESV

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ESV

Links From This Post:
My blog about Penn State Woes
Listing of MyBridge Radio stations across Nebraska at Wikipedia
News Radio 1110 KFAB
Ron Brown’s full bio at Huskers.com

Journal - 40 Days

2011-11-19T09:01:00.000-06:00

It’s been 40 days since my surgery; can you believe that? I haven’t been very good about documenting things during this time so I shall try to remedy that right now.
I had a complication just a few days after surgery where the pressure in my eye dropped radically, but we got that sorted out and it’s been full speed ahead ever since. I have noticed my vision improving little by little, and the doctor has confirmed that, as I’ve gotten a little further down the eye chart on each visit. Over the last 40 days, I have gradually switched from my screen reader to my magnifying glass, and am now gradually switching up to no aid at all. That’s right, there are many things I can do on the computer now without even the magnifying glass. I still use it sometimes for print that is especially small, or fonts that are a little too fancy. Right now I am typing in 12 point Times New Roman, and can follow along on the screen without the glass. I’ve picked up this trick of squinting a little and looking through my eyelashes. The lashes sort of act like the pinholes in that thing the doctor uses. I will go over it with the glass probably when I’m done to check for errors.
So what are some things that have changed for me? Well, I can name a few. I find myself looking out the windows a lot, especially the kitchen window. That one looks east and is the only window in the house that you can really walk up to and stand comfortably. Other windows have plants or sinks in front of them. I’m seeing things out that window more and more clearly and am noticing things that are further away. Just a couple of days ago I watched a snow flurry out that window for a few minutes.
I’ve also had one change to my routine that was unexpected. I’ve been getting up earlier in the morning. I used to get up anywhere between 9 and 10, but for the last couple of weeks I’ve been getting up at 8. I just have more to do now, or rather, more that I CAN do. I started with the filing cabinet, as I have already mentioned, then I moved on to the recyclables in the basement, sorting them and getting them ready for a trip to Kearney. Yesterday I worked on the junk drawer in the kitchen. Just little projects around the house that I’ve been waiting a very long time to do, and am taking a great deal of pleasure in now. I’ve also been playing quite a bit of Star Wars: Battlefront II on Adam’s PS2 and that’s been fun too and I think I have too many 2’s and II’s and too’s in this sentence but I’m too lazy to fix them so too bad. I guess you could say that I’m enjoying having my sight back. Was there ever any doubt?
My audiobook listening time has been drastically reduced from 3 or 4 hours a day to 1 or 2. I’m not sure what that will mean for the future of Audiobook Heaven. I would sure like to continue that as I’ve put an awful lot of time and effort into it, but right now I’m finding more interesting things to do and later on, when I finally go back to work, there will be even less time for it. Well, things are kind of mixed up right now as I try to settle into new routines and so forth. Probably after a while things will begin to balance out again.
And that brings me to my latest doctor visit, which was yesterday. I was looking forward to the visit so I could take a crack at the eye chart and see how much I’ve improved since October 26. I was a little surprised, and I admit a little disappointed, that I only tested 20/50 on the pinhole test. Last time I was 20/60 and I thought it would be a lot better this time. I am making good progress though, so that’s okay. The doctor is very pleased with how well things are going. He almost sounds a little surprised when he tells me that everything looks great. Needless to say, it was a very good report. He took me off two of the eye drops I was using, and reduced the third to four times a day. Yes, only four drops a day, when I’ve been putting in 14 every day since surgery. I’m very pleased about that. But sadly, he’s not ready to let me play the sax yet. He’s being extra cautious after that problem with my pressure, and that’s okay. He also said that he wouldn’t take out the sutures until at least 6 months, much longer than normal. I miss my sax, but he can be as cautious as he wants as far as I’m concerned.
I asked him how much longer it would be before I could be fitted with glasses, and he said anytime. That surprised me because I know my eye is still healing and changing. He said it might not be completely stable for 6 months to a year, so this would be as good a time as any to get some glasses, even though I would probably need a new prescription after 6 months or so. My next visit with Dr. Feilmeier is on December 8, so they went ahead and made me an appointment with the glasses person that same day. Glasses at 10am, Feilmeier at 11:15. I’ll have normal vision in time for Christmas and bowl games; pretty good deal. I sure am looking forward to seeing some Christmas lights this year.
So that’s about it. God is doing a perfect job of keeping my eye healthy and infection free. Was there every any doubt? Well, of course there was; I’m only human after all. But God has shown me once again that my fears and worries were all for nothing. Amen!

Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. ESV

Psalms 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. ESV

"I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O Lord." ESV

Inspirations - Penn State Woes

2011-11-13T00:27:00.002-06:00

Well, the big news this week has been the tragic events that were recently uncovered at Penn State University. I confess that I don’t know all of the details, but what I gathered was that a member of Penn State’s football coaching staff was discovered to have been sexually molesting young boys for a number of years. Other members of the coaching staff were aware of this and either did nothing at all, or didn’t do enough to stop what was going on. One of these was none other than head coach Joe Paterno.
I can only imagine the anger, confusion, and frustration that must have rocked the University, and probably the entire city of State College, as this story unfolded. Of course, the result was a major house cleaning at Penn State, which is still ongoing. It was announced just a few days ago that legendary head coach Joe Paterno, at the age of 84, had also been fired after 45 years as head coach.
Which brings us to Saturday’s football game: Nebraska versus Penn State. All week long there was a lot of speculation about what might happen at the game. Would angry fans be looking to cause trouble? Would angry players be looking to hurt someone? Should the game be called off? One night on the news, there were some Husker fans saying that they were going to the game, but would not wear red in case Penn State fans might want to single someone out. On another newscast, a reporter voiced his opinion that it was good that the game had an early (11am) kickoff so that maybe people would be less likely to drink alcohol before or during the game. The truth is, no one really knew what to expect, but a lot of people were preparing for the worst.
We didn’t have to wait long for those fears to be laid to rest. Several minutes before the scheduled kickoff time, both football teams walked onto the field in Pennsylvania and shook hands. This is traditionally done at the end of a game. After the hand shaking, the players and coaches huddled together and knelt for prayer, led by Nebraska assistant coach Ron Brown. As they all knelt, a large crowd of Penn State alumni, former football players I believe, gathered around in an incredible display of support and solidarity. I don’t have cable TV so I didn’t get to see this, but I listened on the radio and you could have heard a pin drop in that stadium. I never knew 108,000 people could be so quiet.
Even as the game began, the crowd was eerily quiet. Nebraska sideline announcer Lane Grendel commented later in the game that “It was almost as if people didn’t know how they should act.” That seems a very appropriate description to me. Is it okay to cheer and make noise at such a time? Eventually, the crowd decided that indeed it was okay as they began to cheer on their teams, and I think it was the right decision. Even in the face of such tragedy, life must go on.
I can’t think of a more perfect way that this game could have begun: the teams coming together, the prayer, the silence. Could it be any more obvious that the hand of God was at work this day? What an awesome reminder that His love and mercy can overcome any trial, and what a perfect way for Him to reach hundreds of thousands of people with that message. Can I get an Amen?
Well, I hate to see my team lose, but this is one time when I wouldn’t have been too sad to see Nebraska take a loss. I’m not ashamed to admit that a part of me was rooting for Penn State. It wasn’t to be however, Nebraska ended up winning by the narrow margin of 17-14. In the final few minutes of the game, it actually looked like the Nittany Lions just might pull it off. I’m glad they made a good game of it anyway. And I hope the solemnity of the game’s beginning can begin the healing process in Pennsylvania. My prayers will still be with the victims in all this, those poor little boys, and their families. I have to assume that it will take a bit more for their own healing to begin.

Isaiah 30:20 And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. ESV

John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. ESV

Related Links
Read the full transcript of Ron Brown’s pre-game prayer.

TAGS inspirations, god, football, penn state, Isaiah, John

Miracles

2011-11-05T19:59:00.000-05:00

If you know me personally, or if you’ve been following my blog lately, then you already know that I was recently the recipient of a miracle. I have a long history of problems with my eyes going all the way back to 1995 when I was diagnosed with keratoconus, a condition of the corneas. I was twenty-four years old at the time and spent the next 14 years dealing with that and other eye problems. Finally, in June of 2009, I was completely blind. I was blind for two and a half years until finally receiving surgery about four weeks ago that restored the vision in my right eye.
Yes, it was a doctor who performed the surgery that gave me my sight back, but I still consider it a miracle because the hand of God was very evident throughout.
During the two-and-a-half years that I was blind, God did a lot of work on me, and there was a lot of work to do. He taught me a lot about patience. Being blind takes a lot of patience; you have to learn new ways to do things like walking and eating and using the computer. More importantly, I learned how to be patient with God; how to wait for Him to do things in His own time, just like it says in Isaiah 30:18:

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him.”

God also taught me a lot about humility. When you’re blind, you have to ask for help. A lot. That’s something I was never very good at; I always like to do things myself, but it is part of God’s will for us to help each other, and to ask each other for help. It strengthens the body of Christ when we are all working together in that way, just like it says in Romans 12:16:

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

And, of course, I learned how important it is to ask God Himself for help.
I could go on and on about all the different things God taught me through my blindness, and maybe one of these days I will, but that’s not really what I came here to talk about today. Today’s topic is miracles.
While I was blind, Joni and I had family and friends literally all across the country praying for us, and who had their churches praying for us. That’s really what it’s all about; the body of Christ coming together for a common purpose, and when that happens—well, that’s when miracles occur. God didn’t restore my sight just to make me happy. No, He did it so that all of those people could witness it; so that everyone could understand what a miracle this was and so that He could be glorified through it. In chapter 9 of the book of John, there’s a story of Jesus healing a blind man. The disciples asked Jesus why the man was blind, was it because of his sin or because of his parents’ sin. In verse 3 of that passage, Jesus tells them:

Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

If God doesn’t receive the glory for my healing, then it was all for nothing. It is now my duty, I believe, to make sure that as many people as possible witness the miracle that has occurred in my life. If you are reading this right now, then God has chosen you to be one of those witnesses. The big question is what are you going to do with that? Are you going to forget about it as soon as you click away from this page? Or are you going to go out into the world and tell somebody what a great and merciful God we serve? I hope it will be the latter. And remember, if you are waiting for a miracle of your own, you need to get as many people as possible involved. Get them praying for you. Ask them for help. Through God’s grace and glory, truly miraculous things can happen.

Journal - All Shook Up

2011-11-01T12:10:00.000-05:00

So Sunday was kind of an exciting day. I got to see Mom’s house for the first time, and I also finally got to see my daughter, Brenna.
We went to church as usual on Sunday morning. We go to the early service so we usually are home by 11am or so. Before we left Kearney on this particular morning, we stopped by Subway an picked up some sandwiches since we weren’t going to have a lot of time. We came home, ate our sandwiches, and were off again, to Gibbon this time to Mom’s house.
We arrived at Mom’s at about 1pm or so and I got to spend a few minutes looking around her house. She just moved into that house in July of 2010 so I had never seen it before. It’s a pretty nice house. It’s fun seeing places I’ve been to lots of times but have never actually seen.
At around 1:30, it was time to head to Kearney for Brenna’s play. Brenna is a freshman this year at Kearney High. She loves singing and dancing and all that so naturally she gets involved in all the plays that come along. This play was called “All Shook Up” and was about a motorcycle riding roustabout who comes to a small town and teaches the backwater people the joys of rock and roll and dancing and necking in public. I gotta tell you, this was a fabulous play. Kearney High has a lot of talented kids. The acting, the production, the sound and lighting, the music, it was all very well done.
Like I said, Brenna is a freshman, so her part was not a big one, but she played it very well nonetheless. During most of the musical numbers, there were a lot of backup singers and dancers, boys in denim and girls in poodle skirts. Brenna was one of these. We were sitting pretty close to the front, but I couldn’t really make out any faces. Once Joni pointed her out to me, however, I was able to pick her out by her costume each time she came out. She’s pretty enthusiastic on stage and you can tell she has a lot of fun with it. In a couple of years, she’ll probably have the lead role.
After the play was over, we went out to the hallway and waited. Pretty soon Brenna came out to see us and I got my first good look at her. Of course, I already knew she was beautiful so that was no surprise. Luckily, I also knew that she was very tall or I may have been a bit shocked. She’s fourteen-years-old and almost as tall as me, nearly 6 feet. It sure was great to see her, poodle skirt an all. We talked for a few minutes and then she had to go help tear down the sets since it was their last performance.
And that was it. We got back home at around 5 or 5:30, happy but tired. I still get kind of worn out when there’s a lot of activity, like I did when I was blind. Before, it was because I had to concentrate so hard on my surroundings, and now because there is just so much to see I guess. I suppose that will pass with time.

Psalms 7:17 "I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.” ESV

Psalms 21:13 "Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength! We will sing and praise your power.” ESV

Journal - Last Trip to Omaha

2011-10-28T15:27:00.000-05:00

And then on Wednesday, it was back to Omaha once again. My appointment was for 3pm, but they’ve always been good about just taking us in whenever we get there, knowing that we have a long drive. So we left at about 10am Wednesday morning, knowing that we would probably get there at about 1 in the afternoon. We weren’t sure what to expect weather-wise; they were calling for possible wind and rain, and I think there was even a slight chance of snow. Luck was with us, however. It was cloudy all the way there, but no rain at all and the wind was blowing but not too bad. We arrived at Dr. Feilmeier’s office right at 1 o’clock.
As usual, we didn’t have to wait more than a few minutes. We went to the exam room, and the assistant pulled up the old eye chart. My vision isn’t really good enough right now to read much on the chart. I can get the big “E” at the top, but that’s about it. But on the pinhole test, I got all the way down to the 20/60 line, my best yet. If you don’t know what a pinhole test is, it’s just where you look at the chart through tiny little pinholes. It makes the letters on the chart come in much clearer. It’s really the only way to gauge the progress in patients with low vision like myself. After that, the assistant checked my pressure, which is still normal, then she went for the doctor.
Dr. Feilmeier was very pleased with what he saw as he examined my eye. He said everything is looking great, and that 20/60 is remarkably good only two weeks out from surgery. He had brought in an intern with him, so they both spent a few minutes checking out my eye while Dr. Feilmeier filled the intern in on some of my history. When they were done looking, Doc said to just keep doing what I am doing: no lifting, no touching the eye, wear the shield at night, no change in drops. I asked him if I could start exercising again, and he said I could as long as I don’t push too hard. Then I asked about my sax, but he said no sax for at least another month. That won’t leave much time for me to practice for Christmas so there may not be a Christmas concert this year. That’s okay though, I guess that’s a small price to pay. The best news of all is that we don’ have to go back to Omaha again. My next appointment will on November 18 in Kearney. That’s good because we are tired of driving to Omaha, and also because he thinks I am doing well enough to go without a checkup for almost a month. Of course, if there are any problems I can always call him up and get it checked out. I’ve been through enough eye problems that I’m confident that I will be able to tell if something is not right.
And that was it. We got in an out, and were back on the road by 2pm. We stopped in Yolk, I mean York, for a bite to eat at Wendy’s, an to fill up the gas tank. By then it was 4 o’clock, so just before we left York, Joni called Adam at home to make sure he got home from School okay, which he did. Then we hit the road again and were home by about 5:30. It was another long day, but it’s a relief to know that we can just stay home and rest now.

Psalms 6:2 "Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.”

Jeremiah 17:14 "Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise."

Journal - Meeting the Lions

2011-10-28T11:23:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday evening, Joni and I rode along with Tom and Barbara Christi to the Lion’s Club meeting in Ravenna. Barbara had called me last week and asked if I would be willing to attend a meeting so that they could all see for themselves what their donation helped to accomplish. I told her that I would, of course, be willing to do that. Aside from feeling obligated to the Lion’s, I also have an obligation to God to spread the word of what He did for me.
We met at their house in Gibbon at 6:15pm, and left from there. It’s a little bit of a drive over to Ravenna, maybe 30 minutes or so. On the way there, I mentioned that when I was a kid we used to go to Ravenna now and then to go roller-skating at a little auditorium that had been converted for the purpose. Barbara told me that the Ravenna Lion’s still maintain that building and they still have roller-skating there sometimes. That surprised me a lot because it was a good 30 years ago that I remember going. Most of the way there I watched a very nice sunset out the window to my left.
Neither Joni nor I had ever been to a Lion’s meeting before so we didn’t know what to expect. I’ll admit that it was quite a bit longer than I expected, but it was an interesting time. Before the actual meting began, there was a dinner of ham, cheesy potatoes, vegetables, and rolls. It was an excellent dinner, but Joni and I had eaten a bite before we left so I wasn’t as hungry as I would have liked. When dinner was finishing up, someone came over and asked if I would like to say a few words before the meeting began, and I said that I would. Joni and I had been introduced to the group before the dinner began.
After dinner, everyone gathered in chairs at one end of the large room for the meeting. The leader asked me to come up and handed me a microphone. It wasn’t a very large group so I don’t think I really needed a microphone, but I took it and said what I needed to say. It probably only took 5 minutes or so.
After that, they had the roll call. This was a little different than most roll calls I have witnessed. After each name was called, that person had to answer a question about Ravenna’s history. The group has several old-timers so the roll call took a little while as some of the questions led to discussions and remembrances. But I learned a few things about Ravenna that I didn’t know before.
After that it was just Lion’s Club business: a reading of the minutes, financial report, and discussions of new business. One of the members works for the Kearney Daily Hub as it turns out, so after the meeting she took a picture of me and Joni, with Tom and Barbara and a couple of the group’s leaders. So I guess some of the local papers may have stories.
And that was it. We rode back to Tom and Barbara’s house, then Joni and I continued on home. It was about 9:30 when we got back. It was kind of a long evening, but rewarding. I’m glad I got a chance to do that.

Psalms 40:10 "I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation."

Mark 16:15 And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.

Journal - Magnifying Glass

2011-10-19T14:43:00.000-05:00

Tuesday was a quiet and peaceful day. We got to stay home all day and just relax, which we both needed very much.
I finally started on a project that I’ve been waiting a very long time for: cleaning out and organizing the filing cabinet. After two years it was getting pretty crammed full. Joni did a good job with all that stuff while I was blind, but I know it was hard for her because I’m so particular about things. It’s been a little bit of a challenge because my vision is still pretty blurry, but with my magnifying glass I can make out what I need to see and get things in order.
God has granted me something of a unique perspective on things. During the last couple of years before I went blind, my vision was failing and I began to rely more and more on my magnifying glass to use the computer and read mail and that sort of thing. How I cursed that glass as I became more dependent on it. Now I am so happy to be using it again that I can hardly stand it. I’m still using my screen reader at the computer, but can also use my glass to see the things that the reader doesn’t pick up.
So anyway, I spent a few hours in the filing cabinet and it felt pretty good to be doing something useful around the house again. On Tuesday evening, I didn’t have anything particular to do at the computer, so I opened up the old Solitaire program and played a few games using the magnifying glass. That was fun.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? ESV

Journal - Omaha Again

2011-10-18T00:30:00.000-05:00

On Monday, it was back to Omaha again for the third time in a week. It’s kind of hard to believe that I only had my surgery one week ago. Well, I had noticed quite a bit of improvement in my eye over the weekend so I was really hoping for, and expecting, a good report. My appointment was at 1:50pm so we didn’t have to get up early or anything. I got up at about 8:30, only half an hour earlier than my usual time. I took care of a few things over at Audiobook Heaven, had a bite to eat, and we were on the road at about 10:00.
It was a good trip there, cloudy but not rainy until we were pretty close to Omaha. It started out pretty light, but by the time we got into the city it was coming down pretty steady. I’m pleased to report that we made it to the doctor’s office without making a single wrong turn; I think that’s a first. We arrived at 1pm, only a three hour trip. We were an hour early, but Dr. Feilmeier always takes us in as soon as we get there, and he did that today as well.
I knew right away that the doctor was pleased with what he saw as he began to examine my eye. As he was looking, he murmured things like “Uh huh”, and “Yeah.” Those are always encouraging things to hear from your doctor. He told us that the eye was looking much better than it had on Friday, and my pressure was up to 12, well within the normal range. He kept all my meds and drops the same and said he would like to see me again in ten days. That means another trip to Omaha next Wednesday, but if things still look good it should be the last time and we can just see him in Kearney on a monthly basis after that. We were only in his office for about 20 minutes, if even that, and then we were off again. We stopped to fill up the gas tank and were on the road again by about 2pm.
The trip home went well too. It was still raining in Omaha when we left, but we came out of it just a bit west of the city. From there to York it was cloudy but dry. We stopped at York for a bite to eat, and left there at about 4pm. From there on, we hit some showers here and there, but nothing too heavy. We got home at about 5:30.
Joni andI are both pretty exhausted after the week we’ve had: the excitement, the driving, the time away from home. After we got home and settled in a bit, I decided to relax with another movie and picked out Toy Story 3. I got that for Joni last Christmas, and we all watched it, but of course I couldn’t see it. Later on I downloaded the DVS version of it and so was able to get a little more of the story, but I was anxious to see it for myself. Joni decided to watch with me so we popped the DVD into the laptop, flopped onto the bed, and just relaxed with a good movie for a couple of hours. It’s an excellent movie by the way; if you’ve never seen it I highly recommend it. But don’t forget the Kleenex, the ending is a tear jerker.
And that was our day. I’m really looking forward to several days of rest and relaxation before we head back to Omaha next week, and I know Joni is too. She’s been a real trooper through all of this and deserves a break.

Psalms 23:1-3 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. "He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.” ESV

Journal - A Day of Praise

2011-10-17T18:06:00.001-05:00

Sunday was an exciting day, and one I had been looking forward to all week. I was already completely blind when we started attending our church in Kearney so I had never seen the building, or the people in it that I have come to know.
I was also a little (okay a lot) nervous about it, because Pastor Mike had asked me to come up and talk a little bit about the miracle that has occurred in my life. Not long after my bandage came off last Tuesday, I began asking God what he wanted me to do with this amazing gift that He has given me, and when we got home from Omaha on Wednesday, there was an email from Mike asking me to do that. My first thought was, “That’s what I get for asking I guess,” but I knew it was something that I needed to do. I know God didn’t restore my sight just to make me happy, He did it so that people can witness it and so that He can be glorified through it. So that was my task: helping people understand how God has changed my life over the last couple of years, and how important it is to keep the faith, even when things look bad.
So we arrived at church at about 9am as usual, and I got my first look at the building. It felt really great to see it, and the new sanctuary that was completed early this year is really beautiful. It was quite an experience putting faces to some of the voices that I have come to know. Everyone was very supportive and seemed genuinely happy for me. At the beginning of the service, Pastor Mike called us up and he asked me a couple of questions about my experience. I know God was with me because I managed to say some things that sounded coherent, and I even remembered the bible verse that I had wanted to share which was 1 Peter 5:6-7. It only took a few minutes and then Iwas done. Through the rest of the service, I really tried to focus on Pastor Mike’s message, but I was just too excited about seeing everyone and everything. Afterward, Mike asked if we could stay for the beginning of the second service and do it again, and we said “Absolutely!” We didn’t stay for the entire second service, just long enough to do that, and then we left.
After church, we had to run up to Walmart to pick up a few things. That was pretty cool too, just walking through the store without having to be guided, and looking at everything. Then we made a quick stop at Walgreen’s to pick up my prescription, and it was back home for lunch.
After lunch, I sat down and watched, yes watched, a football game. It was the Lion’s again, they’re having a really good year so they’ve been on tv almost every week. Unfortunately, they lost to San Francisco. A disappointing finish, but it sure felt good to see a game. I’m looking forward to seeing Nebraska play next Saturday: 2:30pm on ABC.
The rest of the day was relatively relaxing and uneventful, although we had another trip to Omaha to look forward to on Monday.

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that when the time is proper, He may exalt you; casting your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.

Journal - A Day of Healing

2011-10-16T16:20:00.001-05:00

Saturday morning I woke up and noticed an improvement in my vision right away. It was clearer than it had been on Thursday and Friday, and most of the patterns and sparklies were gone, although not completely.
We didn’t do much on Saturday, just took it easy and hung out here at home. It was windy outside, but not very cold so I went out and walked around the place for a little bit. Nothing strenuous, just walking and exploring.
Late Saturday afternoon I watched a movie. Yeah, watched. I always enjoyed watching movies and it’s something that I’ve really missed. The DVS movies that I’ve been listening to are a blessing and I’m so thankful for them, but it was pretty cool to pop in a DVD and see the pictures. For my first movie experience, I chose Star Trek: Insurrection, my favorite of the Star Trek movies.
Saturday evening I spent some time playing with my mp3 player. I learned how to use it while I was blind: loading movies or books onto it and listening to them, and switching over to the FM radio function. Last night I just explored it, looking at some of the other features it has and playing with settings and such. The print on it is too small for me to handle, but with a magnifying glass I can read it very clearly. That was fun.
And that was about it for Saturday. It was a pretty relaxing day. Throughout the day, I noticed some further improvement in my vision, and felt like I may have gotten back to where I was on Tuesday when the bandage came off. Overall, it was a good healing day.

Luke 11:34-35 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. ESV

Mark 12:30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ESV

Journal - Complications

2011-10-15T10:59:00.000-05:00

On Thursday morning, the day after we came home from Omaha, I awoke and knew right away that something was wrong. My right eye was watering a lot, and when I took off my shield, I could tell that my vision was not as good as it had been on the first two days after surgery. It was blurrier, and there were lots of funny shapes and patterns in my vision: light spots, dark spots and sparkly areas. This was a little bit alarming of course, but I didn’t let myself get too upset about it because I knew we were going to see the doctor that afternoon.
At 3pm, we were at the Kearney Eye Clinic for my appointment. Dr. Feilmeier didn’t like what he saw. The pressure in my right eye was dangerously low; the reading they got was 5. Normal eye pressure is 15, with anywhere from 10 to 20 being acceptable. Doc asked me again and again if I had bumped my eye or strained myself in any way, but I really hadn’t. I guess there’s no way to know for sure what happened, but he surmised that I may have slept on it just right (or wrong) and even with the shield on it had put pressure on the eye causing a leak around the cornea graft.
Whatever the case may be, it was something that would require close monitoring. Doc said we would need to go see him in Omaha on Friday. He said there was a good chance that the eye would stabilize overnight and nothing further would be required. But if the pressure was still very low on Friday, we may need to go back into the operating room to see what’s going on.
So on Friday, we got up early and headed for Omaha once again, arriving at Dr. Feilmeier’s office at about 10:30am. They took us in right away, and before too long the doctor came in.
Dr. Feilmeier spent quite a bit of time examining my eye, poking and prodding and studying. The pressure was still low, and my vision hadn’t improved from Thursday, but he was unable to find any leaks around the graft at all. He even had a glaucoma specialist come in and take a look. Eventually, they both agreed that the graft looked good and there was nothing much to be gained by further surgery. Whew!
And that was about it. Dr. Feilmeier went over all the rules with me again: no touching the eye, no lifting of anything more than 5 pounds, keep it shielded at all times, and drops drops drops. I already had three different eye drops that I was using at regular intervals throughout the day, plus one pill twice a day. At this time, Doc added one more drop, and some steroid pills, not Prednisone this time but something I’ve never heard of. Steroids help to keep inflammation down which is why they are such wonderful healing drugs, but I also know that they can reduce your body’s ability to fight infection. I asked Doc about that because infection is a very real concern and something I have had a lot of problems with in my eyes. He said this was a very light dose and I didn’t need to worry about that, so I won’t. Anyway, we will still need to keep a close eye on things, so he made us an appointment for Monday (yes, back to Omaha again) and we were on our way.
We made it home in pretty good time, arriving back at about 2:30pm, and we spent the rest of the day relaxing.
Today when I woke up, I looked around and felt like my eye was a little better. Still not as good as Tuesday and Wednesday, but better than Thursday and Friday. It’s not quite as blurry, and most of the patterns and sparklies are gone, although not completely. I’ll be hoping for a good report on Monday. He’ll probably still want to check up on me before November 18, his next visit toKearney, but maybe we can at least wait a whole week. But hey, it’s all in God’s hands anyway so that’s all right with me.

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ESV

Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. ESV

Journal - Coming Home

2011-10-13T12:02:00.000-05:00

So on Wednesday morning, we were in no particular hurry to get up and go anywhere. Checkout time was 11am so there was no need to rush. I can’t even remember what time I got up yesterday morning. It might have been around 8 or so; Joni was already up of course.
We went downstairs to the little café area off the main lobby where they have a continental breakfast every morning.. I wasn’t really in the mood for much. I was a little worried about the car ride. By this time I had gotten to where I could walk around unaided, but I was afraid a long ride in the car would make me sick. I had had some very minor bouts with what I guess you would call motion sickness since the bandage had come off on Tuesday. Nothing serious, just a few stomach flip-flops now and then.
Anyway, I was hoping for a couple of sweet rolls or something, but they didn’t have any that morning. There was sausage and scrambled eggs, but I definitely didn’t want that in my stomach. There was bread for toast, and some muffins, but none of that really appealed to me either. I finally decided on a waffle. They had a batter dispenser where you could squirt out some waffle batter into a cup. There were two waffle irons hot and ready to go, so you just had to pour in the batter and close the lid. Once you flipped the thing over, the timer started. After about 40 seconds, out came a nearly perfect waffle. That really hit the spot. I ended up eating a couple of sausages with it after all because I just can’t resist sausages. I only ate two though so I thought it would be all right.
After that, we went back upstairs and packed up our things and were ready to go. The lady at the counter that morning had evidently noticed me, first with a cane, then with a bandage, then with neither. She said, “You take it easy now, a little healing each day.” We leftthe the hotel and stopped to fill up the gas tank, then we were off. We merged onto I-80 at a few minutes after 10am. I enjoyed watching the GPS unit and helping Joni navigate.
I was enjoying looking at everything, but I was still very tired. Once we were on the highway and cruising, I put my headphones on and closed my eyes. The next thing I knew, we were coming up on York, the main stopping place between Lincoln and Kearney. We stopped at Wendy’s again to eat, same place we stopped in on our way to Omaha. After we ate, I got up from our table and walked to the restroom. All by myself. That felt very strange, and very good. I don’t know if I’ve talked much about public restrooms, but let’s just say I always avoided them whenever I could.
From York, it’s only about an hour’s drive to the Gibbon exit, and I was getting very anxious to get home and see where Ihad been living for the last two anda half years. I was anxious to see Sassie too, I had been feeling pretty guilty about leaving her for three days.
The rest of the drive went by pretty quickly, then we were pulling off the interstate. I have spent alittle more than half my life in oraround Gibbon, but never spent much time south of I-80, so the drive from there was especially interesting. I enjoyed seeing corn fields.
And then we were home. Things did not look the way I had always pictured them outside our house. Seeing exactly where the trees were, and our little shed, and the propane tank, and Joni’s country fence was fascinating. Inside the house was even better. I don’t know why, but I had always imagined our house as kind of a dumpy little place, but when I saw it for the first time, I liked it. Liked it quite a lot actually. It was just so strange seeing all those familiar things, things I had never seen before.
I spent the rest of the afternoon just walkingfrom room to room, looking at everything. I went outside a couple of times to walk around andlook. It’s kind of pretty outhere.
When you’re blind, distances are often hard to judge. Even inside a house. I would look around and think things like “I didn’t know there was so much space between the couch and the wall”, or “I thought the back porch was bigger than this.” I knew the layout of the house, but nothing looked quite like I expected.
And it was great to see my dog again. She kept looking at me all the time. Maybe she always did, but it was kind of strange. When I first went blind, I used to trip over her a lot. She likes to lay down right in the middle of the walkways of the house. After a while she adjusted, and learned to move out of the way when I came walking along. After we had been home a while yesterday, I started testing her. I would walk up to her, and instead of moving she would just lay there and look at me. I don’t knowhow, but she seemed to understand.
I suppose I could go on for along time about all that, but I guess you get the idea. Maybe I’ll be able to put it into words better later on.
Wednesday night I was very tired again of course, and we got to bed at our usual time. It was so good to be home, and especially good to be climbing into my own bed.
And that, at last, brings me to the present time. I have an appointment with Dr. Feilmeier today at 3pm in Kearney. If everything is to his satisfaction, then I’ll just be seeing him once a month, each time he comes to Kearney. I’m looking forward to seeing a little bit of Kearney today. Being the nearest town of any size to my hometown of Gibbon, I was very familiar with Kearney. But I know a lot has changed there, and I’m looking forward to seeing it for myself. That reminds me, I need to go see Gibbon too, and Mom’s new house, and the new school, and the empty lot where the old school was, and Mom’s store, and gosh, there’s just so much to see. Stay tuned!

Journal - Greetings from Omaha part 4

2011-10-11T17:22:00.002-05:00

Well, here it is Wednesday already, and I've fallen behind in my updates. Things got a little busy for us in Omaha. Also, there were a couple of times when I sat down at the laptop to write a little, but had trouble getting my screen reader started. That happens sometimes on the laptop; I haven't completely figured that thing out yet.
Anyway, on Tuesday morning we left the hotel at a little after 10am for my follow up visit with Dr. Feilmeier at his office. We had a bit of trouble finding it. We have a GPS, but for some reason it didn't like his address. Long story, but we finally arrived at his office at about 11:30am.
They had been waiting for us, and took us in right away. The nurse got me seated in an exam room and said, "Are you ready for me to get that bandage off?", and I said, "yep." She peeled off the tape, which was stuck to my face quite securely, and removed the bandage. I had my eye closed, partly because I was afraid to look, and partly because I thought the light would really hurt. I don't think I mentioned that on Monday afternoon, a few hours after we got back from the surgery, we stepped out of the hotel into the sunlight, and the light really shot through my head, even though I was still bandaged. Right away I knew that a lot more light was getting through than had previously.
Anyway, the nurse removed the bandage, and I slipped my eye open just a little bit and then closed it again right away. I saw the room, and saw Joni sitting there in front of me and just to the right. After I gathered myself a little, I opened my eye again and started to look around. I can't really explain what that was like, I just don't have the words. suffice it to say that it was pretty amazing.
My vision was blurry, but it was not cloudy at all, like it had been for the last year before I went blind. The light did not seem to bother at all though which surprised me. It was hard at first to hold my eye on anything, it kept kind of bouncing around. A few minutes later, the doctor came in and put the old eye chart up on the wall. I could read a few of the biggest letters, but with the smaller ones, I couldn't hold my eye steady long enough to focus. Dr. Feilmeier assured me that that was perfectly normal, and seemed pleased at what I could see. Even if he hadn't been pleased, I was pretty okay with it.
We weren't there very long. The doctor went over the instructions for my eye drops, two of them that I will have to use several times a day, and sent a prescription to the pharmacy for some pills that we would pick up later. And that was it, we were on our way.
when I got up out of the chair to leave the office, I was very unsteady on my feet and went stumbling all over. Again, this was normal because my brain would need a little time to adjust after two and a half years of darkness. The nurse took my arm and led me out, while I kept trying to stop and read signs on the wall and anything else I could see.
Then we were back in the car and headed back to the hotel. I did my best to look at everything I could on the way there, and enjoyed seeing the hotel and our room once we got up there.. By the time we got to our room, I was already starting to feel a little steadier on my feet. I looked at everything I could: watched tv for a few minutes, checked out my cell phone which I had never seen before, ditto my mp3 player, out the window, and everything. After about an hour of that I was so exhausted I had to lie down for a bit.
Later on, we went back outside for a few minutes and I went over and checked out my truck. Everything was so amazing. There were some bright purple and pink flowers in front of the hotel that caught my eye. The clouds had cleared away and the sky was a beautiful blue. It's really too much to describe.
And that's pretty much how the rest of Monday went. Watching tv, checking things out, going outside now and then to look around. By the end of the day I was feeling a lot steadier and could walk around for the most part without having to hold onto Joni. She was always there though whenever I needed to grab on.
At bedtime, I taped a shield over my eye, something I'll have to do at night for a while, and we went to bed. I slept better, but still didn't get a good night's rest. I didn't think the bed was particularly comfortable. It had been a pretty exciting day though.
Okay, I'm signing off for now. I'll get this caught up sooner or later.

Journal - Greetings from Omaha part 3

2011-10-11T13:51:00.003-05:00

So I was asleep before they even got me into the operating room, and the next thing i knew, I was waking up. if you've never had the experience, I can tell you that waking up from anasthesia isn't like waking up in the morning. you're in a strange place for one thing, and even when you wake up, the anasthesia is still clouding your brain. I have a vague recollection of trying to sit up in the bed, and of someone gently pushing me back down. Then the nurse was asking me if i was okay, and if I needed anything. My head was starting to clear a little, so I said, "I had a dream, and you were there, and you were there, and you were there." you know, like Dorothy in the Wizard of oz. I'm not sure if the nurse got the joke. her chuckle seemed to say, "You're still out of it, and I've heard it all buddy."
That's about all i remember from waking up, except for asking for a drink of water. Oh, and i asked what time it was and the nurse said it was 9:30. They gave me some time to wake up and then Joni was there. My eye was heavily bandaged of course, so i still didn't know what I would be able to see if anything. I don't really remember anything else from the hospital except getting dressed and leaving. Joni says we left at about 10:30am, so we were only there for a little more than five hours, and I was asleep for two of those.
So we came back to the hotel to relax a bit. We layed around for an hour or two, then joni went out to get us some food. I was in the mood for a hamburger so she and Adam went into the little bar and grill across the parking lot and brought one back for me. it tasted very good, but after i ate it I started feeling a little nauseous. But I laid back down and felt okay after a little bit.
So we all napped a little that afternoon and just watched tv and didn't do much. For supper, we ordered from Valentino's; I had chicken alfredo, Joni had spaghetti, and Adam got a mini pizza. I kind of stuffed myself again i'm afraid. I'll probably gain twenty pounds before we get home.
I was kind of excited about monday night. monday Night football moved to ESPN several years ago and since we don't have cable, I've never been able to watch since it moved from network television. and, as luck would have it, my favorite team, the Detroit Lions, were playing. the Lions are having a very good year so far, still undefeated, and they have three former Cornhuskers on the team, including Ndamukong Suh who they drafter two years ago. it was a good game, Detroit won.
it was pretty late by then, probably around 11pm or so I guess, so we went to bed. I slept a little better, I actually fell asleep pretty quickly, but woke up during the night and had a hard time falling asleep again. I think i only got through about half a movie monday night, as opposed to the two and a half on Sunday.
We didn't have to get up especially early on Tuesday morning, so I laid in bed until about 9. Joni and Adam went downstairs and brought up some food from the continental breakfast. I had some biscuits and gravy and a couple of sweet rolls and a hard boiled egg. After watching tv for a little bit, it was time to leave for my 10;30 appointment with the doctor, and to get the bandages removed from my eye. the moment of truth in other words.
But I'll have to write about that a little later. I can't just sit here on the computer all day, after all. Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion!

Journal - Greetings from Omaha part 2

2011-10-11T09:06:00.002-05:00

okay, I think i was talking about Sunday night. We went to bed at 9pm, knowing that we would have to get up at 3am monday morning. i was pretty tired but didn't really know if I would be able to sleep or not. I didn't. When i go to bed, i always have my headphones on so I can listen to an audiobook for a little bit. Before we left home I had loaded some DVS movies on my player so i started listening to one of those. Well, i got all the way through two movies and about half of a third before I started to feel sleepy. I'm not sure what time that was but I'm guessing about 1am. Anyway, the alarm went off at 3am and it was time to start the day.
As it turns out, the hospital is right across the road from us. It's a big place of course, and we had a little bit of trouble finding the right entrance, but not too much. We walked in at a little after 5am.
It didn't take long to check in because they already had all my information. From the waiting room, a nurse took me into a little room to draw blood, then back to the waiting room. It wasn't long before they were taking me back to a prep room.
Then things really started happening. I thought i might catch a little nap before surgery, but nothing doing. I don't know if I can remember everything they did, but let's see. I undressed and put on a gown first. They gave me some socks with rubbery grippy soles on them. I got my blood pressure and temperature taken. Another nurse came in to do an EKG where they stick little electrode thingies on your legs, arms, and chest and check the electrical activity in your body. That only took a couple of minutes. Another nurse came in and put some knee-high stockings on me. She said that was to help prevent blood clotting. I had nine drops put in my eye, three drops three times, five minutes apart. They put an IV in my left arm, this is how they administered the anasthesia. I also had an oxygen monitor on my index finger. Another nurse strapped some things around my lower legs, over the stockings. She said they were massagers to help my circulation. i never got to feel them though, they were never turned on while I was awake.
About 15 or 20 minutes before 7am, the doctor came in to see if I had any questions. Dr. Feilmeier has an excellent bedside manner. he's very confident and reassuring. I always feel like he really cares about me, which is what I always liked about Dr. Hargrave in dallas. A few minutes after he left, the anesthesiologist came in and talked to us for a minute. After that, the nurse anesthetist came in for a minute, that's the assistant anasthesiologist I think. Say that three times fast.
Before i knew it, it was 7 o'clock, and time to go. They put the anasthesia in my IV and started wheeling my bed to the operating room. He said I would start to feel light-headed and drowsy pretty soon, and I was waiting for that, but it never happened. They were still wheeling my bed when I fell asleep.
Well, I have to stop for now, it's almost time to leave for my follow-up with the doctor. I'll try to wrap this up this afternoon. See you then!

Journal - Greetings from Omaha!

2011-10-10T15:09:00.004-05:00

The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. Ha ha, just a little post card humor for you there. greetings from the Comfort Inn on West Dodge Road in omaha!
Well, let's see, where did i leave off? Saturday night it took me a little while to get to sleep even though I didn't go to bed until 12pm. But once I got there, I slept pretty well until 8 when Joni woke me up for church.
I'm glad we decided to go ahead and go to church Sunday morning. We got some nice prayers from a couple of pastors, and lots of well wishes from friends. I confess that i had a hard time paying attention to the sermon though.
After church, we went home and packed our last few items, made sure everything was turned off and locked up, said goodbye to Sassie (poor thing), and hit the road. We were on I-80 by a quarter to one.
it was raining when we left, but not a downpour thank goodness. It didn't last too long either; we passed out of it just a little east of Grand Island. We stopped in york for a late lunch at Wendy's, and the rain caught up with us again. So we had a little more rain leaving york, but soon passed out of it again. That reminds me of something I've been wondering about. If Norfolk is pronounced Norfork, should york be pronounced yolk? And what about polk?
anyway, from there we made pretty good time to Omaha, and found our hotel without much difficulty. We got settled in, made our necessary phone calls, and then made the most important phone call of all: the Chinese restaurant! We used to get Chinese delivered to our apartment in Dallas now and then, but haven't had any since we moved to Nebraska, so I was really looking forward to that. We got our food at about 7pm and I stuffed myself silly with General Tso's chicken, rice, and egg rolls. Gosh that was good!
Anyway, after that I took a shower and we all got ready for bed. We turned in early, 9pm, since we would be getting up at 3am Monday morning.
It was a big day, with an even bigger one to come. I have more to write, but I'm a little tired right now so I think I'll finish up later.

Journal - The Night Before

2011-10-08T23:55:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow is the big day. Okay, it’s not THE big day, but it’s the day we travel to Omaha for my surgery. Believe it or not, the days have gone by pretty fast since the doctor’s office called me on Wednesday.
I haven’t been feeling too nervous or anxious about the surgery like you might think. Until today that is. Shortly after noon today, I started packing my bag, and that’s when it started to sink in that something was happening. The rest of the afternoon I was sort of frazzled and I wandered around the house a lot wondering what I was forgetting to pack. Mom came out at about 5pm to see us before we go. Then we had supper and I took my shower. By then it was a quarter after six.
This evening, Nebraska had a football game against Ohio State that started at 7pm. I was glad of that because I knew it would give me something else to think about until bedtime. That almost turned out badly though. Before I knew it, Nebraska was down 27 to 6 and I was pacing the house again. Luckily, I checked in on the game again a little bit later because Nebraska was rallying. About halfway through the third quarter, the game completely turned around. Nebraska ended upscoring 28 unanswered points, and won the game 34 to 27. That was pretty amazing. According to the announcers, it was the biggest comeback in school history. Needless to say, that took my mindoff my worries and really lifted my spirits. Do you suppose God turned that football game around justfor me? Probably not, but it sure did the trick.
So anyway, the bags are all packed and we’re all ready to go, and I’ll be going to bed soon to see if I can sleep. We haven’t decided yet if we’re going to church tomorrow. There will be time, we’re usually home by 11am as our church has two services each Sunday, and we go to the early one, but we’re not sure how we’ll feel in the morning. We may get up and decide to hit the road. I hope I can get some sleep tonight. My mind is still reeling a bit, trying to think if I’ve remembered everything. Well, even if I forget something I suppose events will unfold as they are meant to. After all, if God be for us, who can be against us?
So long for now. I might post some updates from Omaha since we’ll have Joni’s laptop with us, but who knows, I may have better things to do.

Romans 5:3-5 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. ESV

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. ESV

Journal - The Night Before

2011-10-08T23:55:00.001-05:00

Journal - Good News

2011-10-06T21:05:00.000-05:00

As promised, Eleanor called this morning to let me know how the testing went on the cornea. The call came at about 9:30 this morning, and the news was all good. On Sunday, we’ll be on our way to Omaha.
Mom had told me yesterday that she wanted me to call her at work as soon as I knew something, rather than wait for her lunch break, so I did. I think she was happy for me, although it’s always so hard to tell with Mom the way she hides her feelings and all.
After that, I called the hotel in Omaha to make a reservation. Eleanor had already provided us with a map of the area surrounding the hospital, with some different hotels and restaurants marked on it. Joni and I had already discussed which hotel to stay in, so all I had to do was call them up and book a room. Joni’s mother had given us her credit card number several weeks ago and told us to use it for our hotel. I wasn’t sure how that would work. I knew I could book a room with it, but I was afraid they would want us to present the card when we checked in or something. I asked them about it though, and they said it was no problem. So that was a pretty big load off my mind, knowing that the hotel would be paid for.
Not too long after that, a nurse called from the hospital where my surgery will be, the Methodist Hospital in Omaha. Eleanor told me someone would call today or tomorrow to go over some things. I’m sorry to say that I can’t remember the lady’s name, but she was really super nice. We went over my medical history, medications I’m taking, and all kinds of stuff. She told me not to eat or drink anything after 11pm the night before, and to be at the hospital at 5:30am on Monday. The hospital has free valet parking which was a pleasant surprise. Also, she asked me to bring in all the prescription medications I’m currently using so they could check the strengths and dosages. She didn’t know that I was completely blind, and when I told her she said she would say an extra prayer for me. It seems like God is using every available resource to remind me that He is in control.
After that, I went downstairs for my workout on the exercise bike, which I am still keeping up with, but will probably have to abandon for a few weeks after surgery.
Then this afternoon I called the hotel again to confirm our reservation. When I called this morning, they transferred me to some service they use that handles their reservations. Even though I dialed the hotel direct, I ended up talking to a guy who was asking me what city I wanted to stay in. Also, he called it a Quality Inn, rather than a Comfort Inn which did not fill me with confidence. So anyway, I called the hotel direct again and asked to confirm the reservation, and they said everything looked fine. I asked about the credit card again also, and she said it was no problem.
So it was a busy day, but a good one. I exchanged emails with various members of my family, and even managed to get a couple of book reviews written. A pretty productive day. I had a little trouble sleeping last night, but I’m thinking that I’ll be okay tonight. We crossed a major hurdle today, and while I’m still nervous about the outcome, at least things are moving forward. Sunday will be here before we know it.

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ESV

Psalms 13:2-3 "How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,” ESV

Circumstances

2011-10-05T20:38:00.000-05:00

This morning, Eleanor called from Dr. Feilmeier’s office in Omaha. Eleanor, if you remember, is the surgery coordinator for Dr. Feilmeier’s office. She’s the one that has been in touch with me periodically and walked me through all the necessary steps leading up to surgery.
Anyway, Eleanor told me that they have a cornea for me. She said that the cornea is in Denver today undergoing all the testing they do to make sure the cornea is suitable for transplant. She went on to say that the results of the testing will reach her office probably sometime late tonight, and she will call me Thursday morning to let me know. If the cornea checks out, I will be having surgery in Omaha early Monday morning.
As you can probably imagine, I’ve had all sorts of feelings and thoughts racing through my head all day. As soon as I got off the phone with Eleanor my mind started racing with all the plans and preparations I need to make for a trip to Omaha. So many different thoughts in fact, that I had a hard time figuring out what to do first. I had to just stop for a minute and pray for God to calm me so that I could do the things I needed to do.
That seemed to do the trick, and the first thing I decided that I needed was lots of prayer. So Joni and I started emailing people with the news. I told my family and the pastors at our church, while Joni got in touch with her army of prayer warriors across the country. Having done that, I soon came to the conclusion that everything else could wait. We really don’t know for sure, after all, that this is going to happen yet. That comes tomorrow, and then the real preparations can begin.
So this evening, I turned on the radio to listen to Charles Stanley, and his message tonight was about circumstances. It was based primarily on Paul’s letter to the Philippians. Yes, that’s the one where Paul says, “I have learned to be content with my circumstances.” As I looked over the text, I saw that chapter 4 of Philippians has some pretty good stuff in it.
Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer andsupplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:7And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.
Philippians 4:12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound in any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
The main point of Dr. Stanley’s message was that no matter what we are facing, our focus must remain on Christ, not on our circumstances. Who would know that better than Paul? Stanley also said something that I have said a time or two in my blog, If you take a look around you, you’ll always find someone whose circumstances are worse than yours. If you can do that, then I would guess you’ve taken a good step toward being content with your own situation.
So that’s the big news for today. I probably won’t sleep very well tonight, wondering what tomorrow’s phone call will bring. But who knows, it was a pretty exciting day and I’m a bit frazzled, so maybe I’ll sleep after all.
More on this later.

Inspirations - Courage Under Fire

2011-09-17T19:58:00.000-05:00

On September 8, 2009, a squad of United States Marines traveled to a small village in Afghanistan. Their mission was to provide training to Afghani military recruits in the ongoing war against terrorism. The marines traveled in under cover of night for security purposes, but it was all for naught. No sooner did the Marines enter the village, than the lights went out and gunfire erupted all around them. The soldiers were ambushed by more than 50 Taliban insurgents, and quickly pinned down.
Twenty-one-year-old Corporal Dakota Meyer, of Greensburg, Kentucky, was providing support and cover for the mission on the day of the ambush. When the call came in from the forward group reporting the dangerous situation, Meyer begged his commander to let him go into the hot zone to help his squad. Four times Meyer’s request was denied, until finally, Meyer and another Marine, StaffSergeant Juan Rodriguez-Chavez jumped into an armored Hum-vee and barreled into the fray, with Rodriguez-Chavez driving, and Meyer manning the gun turret. Five times the two brave men drove into the withering enemy gunfire, evacuating the American and Afghani soldiers. Meyer reportedly took down eight enemies in spite of receiving a shrapnel wound in his arm. On his final rescue trip, Meyer learned that four of his closest squad-mates had not survived, and another American soldier later died from his wounds, but a total of 36 men were saved.
Was there ever any question in Meyer’s mind as to what was the right thing to do? Not a bit. Meyer’s grandfather, Dwight Meyer, who also served with the Marines in the 1950’s, said that his grandson’s response to his denied request was, “The hell I’m not.” For his courage, Dakota Meyer was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor by President Obama at a solemn White House ceremony on September 15, 2011, while Juan Rodriguez-Chavez received the Navy Cross.
It’s just one more example of God putting the right person in the right place at the right time, and giving him the conviction to do what he was put there to do. I can only imagine how it must hurt God to see how his children act and treat each other sometimes, but it’s truly amazing how He can still use these situations to make a point.
Dakota Meyer is a true hero in every sense of the word. In spite of the lives he saved, he still regrets those that he did not. Meyer is no longer in the service and was working at his construction job when President Obama called to speak to him. Meyer reportedly did not take the call because he was working. When President Obama and Meyer finally got together on the oval office patio for a beer, the President jokingly thanked him for taking the call.
I am very proud to say that my grandfather served with the Marines during world war 2, and I’m also very proud to see that the rich tradition and history of our armed forces continues today. To all of our service men and women, serving at home or abroad, we’re proud of you and God bless you.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” NIV

Psalms 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. ESV

Journal - Just Some Updates

2011-09-17T00:46:00.000-05:00

Well, I’m up late again, three nights in a row now. My eczema was flaring up pretty bad for the last two or three weeks, so on Wednesday I went to the doctor for some help, and he prescribed some Prednisone for me. Prednisone, if you don’t know, is a steroid, and is practically a miracle drug. It’s what they have always given me just about all my life whenever my asthma or skin gets out of control. I say it’s a miracle drug because it clears up everything: skin, lungs, sinuses, everything. Unfortunately it has one very serious drawback: it also reduces your body’s ability to fight infections, so you can only take it for short periods of time.
I got a little off topic there. I brought up the Prednisone because that’s why I’ve been having trouble sleeping. It’s kind of funny because, like I said, they’ve been giving me Prednisone off and on for most of my life and I never had any side effects, up until about seven years ago. In 2004, I ended up in the hospital with my asthma. They were giving me Prednisone as usual, but for the whole week I was in the hospital, and another week at home after that, I could only cat-nap during the night and day. Also, I was hungry just about all the time. As a result, I would sit up late at night cleaning all the leftovers out of the refridgerator. I can’t remember how I finally found out what was causing it, but finally determined it was thePrednisone. I think I looked it up on the internet or something. So anyway, I’ve been on Prednisone a few times since then and I always get those two side effects. This time I don’t seem to be getting the increased appetite, but I’m definitely not sleeping right. I don’t mind it too much really, even though I don’t sleep at night, I still don’t feel tired during the day. Also, I have more time to keep up with the things I need to do here on the computer.
Anyway, after three days, I’m happy to report that my skin is clearing up nicely, and I still have two more days to go. Then everything should be back to normal. In the meantime, I can get caught up on some updates.
The last batch of peach jam I made didn’t turn out too good. I didn’t cook it long enough this time. That was disappointing after the batch before turned out so good. I think I’ll try opening the jars and cooking it a little more and then re-canning it with new lids. Don’t know if that will work, but there’s nothing to lose since the jam isn’t much good as it is.
Last Thursday I saw Dr. Feilmeier at the Kearney Eye Clinic. It was just a follow-up. I have to see him at least every three months until I get my surgery. I was only there for a few minutes, and he told me I was at the top of the list and something would probably happen in the next couple of weeks or so. That’s fine, but it’s very similar to what they told me at the end of June so I won’t start holding my breath just yet.
Last Sunday (I think) evening, Lion Lady came out to the house for a bi. She’s still trying to get her club to help us with some of the medical expenses. She got copies of the bills already incurred, and some other information to present to her group at their meeting which was on Tuesday.
In Audiobook Heaven news, I finished the awesome Battlefield Earth book that Galaxy Press sent me. Man, that book is great and they did a fabulous job producing it. I can’t wait to share it with everyone, but they say it probably won’t be released until next fall. A whole year! I’m still planning to take a break in November and December and have started ramping down the incoming books a little. I’m still enjoying the audiobooks a great deal, but what I kind of miss is going back and listening to some of my favorites again. I don’t do that much anymore because there are so many new books to listen to, but I’ll have some time to do that at the end of the year.
And I think that’s about all the updates I have right now. In a little over a week, Aunt LeeDel, Uncle Butch, and Uncle Marvin will be coming for a visit, so we’re looking forward to that. Until then, stay happy and healthy!

Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Journal - Peaches, peaches, peaches

2011-09-15T15:28:00.000-05:00

Well, it’s that time of year again. At the end of August, Bobbi let me know that her and Mike’s peach tree was ready to be plundered. Joni and I went out one afternoon and brought home about 60 peaches, the tree produces tons of peaches but they’re kind of small. The peaches were already very ripe so I got busy canning them up and ended up with about 2 quarts, plus enough for Joni to make a cobbler.
While I was canning, I got the idea in my head that I wanted to try making some jam, something I’ve never attempted before. I looked at a few recipes online and decided to give it a try. Since I didn’t know what I was doing, I started out with a small amount, about two cups of peaches. It was a good thing I didn’t use a lot because I cooked it too long, and by the time it cooled it was really hard. It tasted okay though. The Hard stuff was kind of chewy and reminded me of eating dried apricots or something like that. I thought that might make a tasty candy so I tucked that idea away for later.
Anyway, I knew the two quarts of peaches I had wouldn’t make a lot of jam so I asked Bobbi if the tree had any left. She said there were a few so we went back and got a few more. Also, Mom had offered to buy me a case of peaches from her store. They were on sale for a very reasonable price so we came home with lots of peaches.
The peaches from the store weren’t quite ripe yet, so I had to wait a couple of days before I could do anything with them. They were really huge though so I was hoping to get several quarts. After two more days of canning I had a total of 8 quarts.
There was a little left over so I also tried another small batch of jam. Well, this second batch turned out great! After it had completely cooled, the consistency was just right for spreading on toast, and it tasted very good. The first batch I had thought was too sweet, so I cut back on the sugar by half and I think that was about right. So I spent a couple of days eating toast and jam and enjoyed it quite a lot.
My first experience with making jam was fun and challenging. When you cook jam, the test to see if it’s done is to let it run off the spoon. They say it should run off in a single clear stream, but of course I can’t go by how it looks. Instead I have to go by how thick it feels as I’m stirring. I’m guessing each batch will come out a little different, but hopefully I’ll be able to come up with several good jars of peach jam
This morning I tried my third batch, a larger one this time with a full quart of peaches. I was happy to find that each quart will make four small jars of jam, about twice as much as I had thought it would make. I canned three jars, and put the rest in the fridge to eat right away. As I’ve been typing this, I’ve heard two of the three jars pop so wish me luck!

Jeremiah 17:10 "“I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”
“

Matthew 3:10 Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

Journal - Vacation Blues

2011-08-30T20:06:00.001-05:00

Yep, I have the vacation blues. No, I’m not blue because I’m on vacation, or because my vacation is ending, rather I am blue because I’m not on vacation. Is that making any sense? Alas, I shall have to explain further.
I’ve been crunching pretty hard on the audiobook reviews for the last several months, and I was starting to feel a little burned out. At the beginning of August, I had decided that I would finish out the month, and then take September off. You know, just listen to some audiobooks I have already reviewed so I could relax with them and not have to always be thinking about what I’m going to write. I was really looking forward to it too. Then last week I got an offer I just couldn’t refuse.
For several months I’ve been receiving audiobooks from Galaxy Audio. They’re the ones that are doing a whole bunch of L Ron Hubbard’s stories from the pulp fiction era of the 1930’s and 40’s. Last week, Galaxy President John Goodwin emailed me to say that next year they will be publishing Hubbard’s Battlefield: Earth, which is probably his best known work, and one that I have been hoping for since I was first approached by Galaxy. Anyway, John said that he wants to send out some advance copies to get some critical feedback. He’s not asking for a review yet, but some opinions on whether or not the audiobook is good as it stands, or if anything needs to be changed for the final production. That’s right, I could have a say in the finished work! But here’s the best part: John is only sending out two advance copies, and one of them would be mine if I wanted it. I wasted no time in telling John “Heck Yeah I Want It!”
Well, the audiobook is 44 CD’s long, which is absolutely huge. In fact, I think that will be the longest audiobook I have ever had my hands on. I estimate that it will take 12 solid days to get through it, and possibly more. So there goes my vacation plans. I’m not complaining though, because this is a huge opportunity for me that I would be an idiot to pass up on. John mailed it out late last week, so I’m expecting it any day now.
So here’s what I decided: instead of taking September off, I will continue hitting the books until the end of October. Then I will take an even longer vacation through November and December. That will actually work out pretty well because November is when I start practicing Christmas music on my sax and I’ll have less time for books anyway. But don’t worry, because I’ve been working so hard, I actually have plenty of reviews saved up to carry me through the two months. Ifyou follow Audiobook Heaven at all, you’ll never even notice that I’m on vacation. It’s actually a much better plan than the one I came up with myself. Pretty amazing how things work out sometimes, isn’t it?
So, two more months of hard work, then I’m off until next year. I’m still looking forward to the break. There are lots of audiobooks I’ve already reviewed that I would like to go back and listen to again, especially the Harry Potter series. I’ve listened to those books about a dozen times but I just can’t get enough.
Okay, break time is over, gotta get back to those books!

Matthew 21:21 And Jesus answered them, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. ESV

Mark 9:23 And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” ESv

Football Season 2011

2011-08-11T20:00:00.002-05:00

Well, here it is August already, and that can mean only one thing: football season is almost here! I’m not much of a baseball or basketball fan, so as soon as the superbowl is over, I pretty much just sit around and wait for football season to start again. We had a pretty hot and humid summer here in Nebraska, but during the last week or so the weather has been very mild. The calendar tells me that football season is near, but the fall-like weather is much more convincing.
The upcoming 2011 season brings a little added excitement for us Cornhusker fans. This will be Nebraska’s inaugural season as a member of the Big 10 conference. It’s the beginning of a whole new era for the University of Nebraska, and for its ravenous sports fans. The Big 10 conference has 12 athletic schools now, and they will be divided into two divisions of 6 schools each, as follows:
One division will have Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Iowa, Northwestern, and Nebraska. The other will have Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin.
Each team will play the other five teams in its division every year, plus three teams from the other division on a rotating schedule. It was also announced that one of the three cross-divisional games for each team will be against the same opponent each year. Nebraska’s annual cross-division opponent will be Penn State.
It was also announced recently, that division mates Nebraska and Iowa will meet each year in the newly dubbed “Heroes Game.” Each year, the Heroes Game will honor one person from Nebraska, and one from Iowa, that exhibits the qualities and characteristics of heroism. The first Heroes Game will be played the day after Thanksgiving, at Memorial Stadium in Lincoln.
Here’s a look at Nebraska’s very first Big 10 football schedule:

*Non-conference games
Sat Sep 03, Tennessee Chattanooga
Sat Sep 10, Fresno State
Sat Sep 17, Washington
Sat Sep 24, Wyoming
*Conference games
Sat Oct 01, Wisconsin
Sat Oct 08, Ohio State
Sat Oct 22, Minnesota
Sat Oct 29, Michigan State
Sat Nov 05, Northwestern
Sat Nov 12, Penn State
Sat Nov 19, Michigan
Fri Nov 25, Iowa (Heroes Game)

There will also be a conference championship game sometime after that.
Wow, the early part of that schedule looks a little rough. It looks like Nebraska is playing Washington again after they embarrassed the Huskers in the bowl game last year. And those first two conference games? I’ve heard that Wisconsin is expected to win the Big 10 this year, and Ohio State is always very good. That’s a tough start but maybe it’s best to get those games out of the way early, since Nebraska tends to peter out throughout the season. I also noticed that ABC has opted to air quite a few of these games, so those of us without cable might be able to see more games on tv this year. Only a few more weeks to go!

Dream Diary - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2011-08-10T14:38:00.000-05:00

I had a couple of unusual dreams the last two nights, both involving my hair.
On Monday night, I dreamed that my hair was falling out. Not just a little bit, but in large clumps. It was kind of like when Sassie is in full-blown shedding mode and you can’t even touch her without getting a handful of hair. In the dream, I would run my hand through my hair and big clumps would come out.
I used to have dreams about my teeth falling out. For several years I had a lot of trouble with my teeth. Then, about a year ago, I finally got them fixed up; as you may recall I had three pulled and one crowned. Since then I haven’t had any more dreams about my teeth. I don’t know what prompted this dream about my hair though. I’m not having any trouble with that as far as I know.
Then, On Tuesday night, I had a dream about going to the barber. It was an unusual barber shop however, more closely resembling an office setup, a large room with open work stations all around. The whole place was dimly lit, which is common in my dreams now that I think about it. My barber was Ken, who I worked with at UPS.
Anyway, I sat down and Ken shampooed my hair like some barbers do. He didn’t rinse the shampoo out though. He left for a while, leaving me sitting there with soapy hair. I sat there for a long time, with Ken popping up now and again. Through dream logic, I began to understand that Ken didn’t know how to cut hair and he was trying to find someone to show him what to do, but I guess he couldn’t find anyone.
I sat in the chair for a long time until it was time for the place to close and everyone was leaving. I finally rinsed my hair out myself. My friend Jon Nutter showed up. He was trying to reassure me that someone would take care of my hair; he was one of the barbers there. Ken finally showed up again with a man I believe was the owner. He said I would get $3.50 off my next haircut. I wasn’t very happy with that, but that’s about all I remember.
Pretty strange dreams, and unusual that they happened two nights in a row. I don’t really sit around obsessing about my hair like I used to do with my teeth, although I do sometimes wonder what it looks like now. I know my hairline is receding and I wonder how noticeable it is, and I wonder how much gray is starting to show since I last saw it.
Well, I didn’t really care for either of those dreams, so I hope they don’t become a regular thing.

Judges 16:17 And he told her all his heart, and said to her, “A razor has never come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother's womb. If my head is shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any other man.” ESV

Isaiah 55:1 "“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. ESV

Angels Among Us - Saved By A Refridgerator

2011-08-01T12:00:00.000-05:00

During the last two weeks, our church has had a team of volunteers working in Joplin, Missouri. As you may recall, Joplin was devastated by tornados earlier this summer. The volunteers returned home yesterday and spent a few minutes talking about their trip. Pastor Brian, who led the team, shared one story with us that I wanted to pass on.
Shortly after the tornados hit, a man was driving along and came across a refridgerator in the road. The man felt moved to stop and look in the refridgerator, and when he did he found a small boy inside.
Imagine if you will a child inside a refridgerator being picked up by a tornado and thrown heaven-only-knows how far. Imagine the grisly sight that could have met that man who stopped. Instead, the boy was perfectly well and unharmed. The man asked the boy why he got into the refridgerator, and the boy replied, “A man with wings put me in there.”
I wonder how many adults would have had the courage to say that. Only a child could have stated such a powerful truth so unabashedly.
Every year, every month, every day our nation falls further away from God’s good graces as more and more of us turn our backs on Him. Will God’s angels be on your side when His retribution finally comes?

Psalms 4:8 "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. ESV

Psalms 9:19-20 "Arise, O Lord! Let not man prevail; let the nations be judged before you! Put them in fear, O Lord! Let the nations know that they are but men! ESV

Psalms 91:4 "He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. ESV

Journal - Fourth of July

2011-07-02T20:27:00.000-05:00

On Friday, we all got together at Bobbi and Mike’s house for our Fourth of July celebration. We had it a couple of days early because Kylie is leaving for Camp Merrill on Sunday. Gathered at the house were Mike, Bobbi, Brian, Elliott, Brandon, and Kylie. Mike’s parents, Cliff and Francey were there, and Bobbi’s and my mom too. Cliff’s sister Marsha came over, and Mike’s sister Elaina with her husband Greg. Also there was Mike’s step-daughter Courtney, and her two little girls Samantha and Hannah. And, of course, Joni, Adam, and myself.
The weather turned out just about perfect. It had been a hot day, and was still about 90 degrees when we left our house at 6:30. We all wore jeans because we were afraid the mosquitos would be bad, so I thought it might be pretty uncomfortable. But not long after we arrived, it started to cool down and it was a very pleasant evening.
First, we had supper. Mike had started up a good sized fire and we roasted hot dogs. There were also potato and macaroni salads, deviled eggs, and an orange salad that Francey had brought. That orange salad was very good and I found out it’s made with tapioca pudding and orange jello. Sounds gross, but it was good.
After that there was birthday cake. Samantha was celebrating her seventh birthday, and there was ice-cream cake for all. I didn’t have any cake because I had already eaten too much: three hot dogs and two helpings of everything else. I did manage to squeeze in a few toasted marshmallows later on though.
After all the food was put away, we sat outside talking until it was dark. Then the fireworks began. Brandon, Kylie, and Elliott brought out a rather large box of fireworks and put on quite a show.
It was a very enjoyable evening. Lots of good food, good company, the weather was beautiful, and the mosquitos weren’t bad either. I think it was about 11:30 when we got home, happy but tired.

Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. ESV

Passing the Time

2011-06-28T20:26:00.001-05:00

So now the waiting truly begins. It seems that it’s easier to wait for something when you know it’s still a long way off. I really don’t feel very nervous or anxious, but there’s just this feeling in the air, kind of like an approaching storm. Something you sense more than see.
This month marked exactly two years since I went completely blind, and I was just thinking about how those two years have gone by. There were times when it seemed like time would never move again, but of course it did, and now I can’t believe so much has gone by.
I’m reminded of how much God has been with me during this time. Two years is nothing to Him, but He knew it would be a long wait for me. And He was always there with me, helping me along and giving me things to do to help pass the time.
It was way back in 2007 when He introduced me to audiobooks for the first time. God used Uncle Butch to pass that idea along to my mom, and her to pass it along to me. Only God could have come up with such a perfect plan for me. I’ve always loved books and that was just the thing. Of course, I wasn’t completely blind yet at that time, but my eyes were failing and it was getting difficult to read print.
The audiobooks kept me occupied for a while, but the novelty of it did begin to wear off after about two years. In 2009, just a few months after I went completely blind, God gave me the idea to start writing audiobook reviews and publishing them on a blog. Wow, books and computers combined in one project! Does God know me or what? For that one, God brought in the lady from the division for the blind, who loaded a screen reader onto my computer and showed me how to use it. I can’t even guess how many hours I have passed away listening to audiobooks and writing reviews and working on my blog.
Believe it or not, even that began to lose its luster after a year or so. God didn’t leave me hanging though. It was about then that he introduced me to Susan Dunman. Susan asked me if I would be interested in submitting links to my reviews to her site, Audiobook Jukebox. Not long after that, she asked if I would be interested in writing some reviews for another site that she edits, The SF Site. That put a little bit of a new twist on things and kept me going for a few months.
It was through my association with Susan that God planted the idea in my head that I could contact audiobook publishers and ask them to send me free audiobooks for review. That was a great idea because I had already been through most of the audiobooks my library had that interested me. So for the last seven or eight months I’ve been getting lots of great books directly from publishers.
Anyway, God knew just how to keep my mind occupied so I didn’t have to sit around feeling sorry for myself, or wishing the time would go faster. And in the process I’ve met some nice people that I otherwise would have never known. I even met an audiobook producer and narrator from Colorado: after we had known each other for a while, we discovered that we are both native Nebraskans; he grew up in North Platte.
It’s very comforting to know that God is always there looking out for me. Of course, I already knew that from reading the bible, but the message is so much more powerful when you witness it first-hand.

Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. ESV

Romans 8:28 we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ESV

Journal - Final Step

2011-06-27T19:55:00.000-05:00

Today we went back to Dr. Jensen’s office in Kearney so I could give them some blood. This was a very quick visit. As soon as we got there the receptionist sent us straight back to the lab. We only sat there for a couple of minutes before the nurse called me in. She took some blood and then we left, that was it.
After that, we ran up to Walmart to pick up my Nasonex prescription that the doctor sent over last Wednesday.
We got home a little before ten this morning, having only been gone about an hour and a half.
That’s all I have to do, as far as I know. Now we just sit and wait for the phone to ring.

Psalms 145:14 "The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.” ESV

Isaiah 6:8 And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” ESV

Journal - Physical

2011-06-23T10:33:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I had my physical with Dr. Jensen. Like I mentioned before, I haven’t had a physical for a long time, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but I kind of figured it would be a complete check-up: blood work, urine sample, prostate exam, hernia, the whole nine yards. That wasn’t quite how it went though.
My appointment was at 2:40, and I think we got there maybe 10 minutes early. There was a little bit of paperwork to fill out as usual, and a little bit of confusion over whether it was okay for Joni to sign my name or not, (I ended up signing it myself). Then we sat down and about one minute later, the nurse came out and led us back to an exam room.
She took my height and weight. I was pleased with my weight, she said I was around 180. I think it’s been about 10 years since I weighed 180; last year I was around 190 or 195. That exercise bike is really paying off. Then she checked my pulse, temperature, and blood pressure, all of which were normal. Then she sat down at the computer and went through the questionnaire about my medical history. She asked me if Dr. Feilmeier’s office wanted any particular tests done, and I said I didn’t know. When I made the appointment, I told them Dr. Feilmeier would be faxing them some information, but I got the impression that the fax hadn’t come, or it had been lost. She then asked about where Dr. Feilmeier was located and everything which made it sound like they were going to get in touch with him to make sure we did everything that was necessary, so I felt okay about that.
That was it for the nurse, so she left, and it was only a few minutes before the doctor came in. He asked a few questions about my upcoming surgery and my history and all that. He checked my ears, nose, and throat, listened to my lungs, and felt both sides of my abdomen. And that was it. That’s all he did. All together, we were probably not even there for half an hour. I wasn’t complaining, though, I was glad it was over with.
So we drove home. Just as we pulled up in front of the house, my phone began to ring from my back pocket. It was Dr. Jensen’s office calling to say they needed to do some blood work and when could I come back? Hmmph! So we made an appointment for next Monday at 9:00 am.
I can’t really say that I was surprised when the nurse called back. Also, I don’t feel like I’m in a big rush to get all this done and get my surgery as quickly as possible. Some things are worth waiting for, and this is definitely one of those. Still, I was perturbed at having to make another trip to Kearney, gas prices being what they are.
Oh, I also asked the doctor for a prescription for Nasonex. That’s an allergy/sinus nasal spray that I used for a few years before I lost my insurance. Ever since I got my Medicare, I’ve been wanting to get that again so this was the perfect opportunity. He sent the prescription right up to the Walmart pharmacy, and I was just going to have Joni pick it up when she goes to do the shopping next week, but I guess we can get it on Monday now.
So there we are. I’m only half a step closer to surgery instead of a full step, but half a step is better than none.

Psalms 150:3-5 "Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals!"

Journal - Medicaid

2011-06-18T15:40:00.001-05:00

So, a couple of weeks ago I was talking to Denise who works in Dr. Feilmeier’s billing office. She had called me to check on what kind of insurance I had, and whether I would actually be able to pay for my surgery and all that. I gave her my Medicare information and she reminded me that Medicare only pays 80%, and that I would be responsible for the remainder which would probably total at least $3,000.
During this conversation, Denise asked if I had applied for Medicaid, and I told her that I had Medicaid before, but now I had Medicare instead. She told me that some people do have Medicaid and Medicare both, something I thought was not possible.
Earlier this week, Wednesday I think it was, I called my case worker at the Department of Health and Human Services to ask about that. I left a message with Cindy as usual, and waited for a call back, which came on Friday.
Cindy confirmed what Denise had said, and told me that I had a choice. She told me that DHS could continue paying my Medicare premiums for me, which is $115 a month, or I could get my Medicaid back. It would be the same Medicaid I had before, with a monthly deductible of $788. That never did me much good before because my monthly medical expenses were never that much, but it will certainly be helpful when I have my surgery. So basically, Medicare will pay 80% of my surgery, then Medicaid will pay the rest, leaving just the deductible of $788 for me to cover.
Actually, the deductible will be $673, because the $115 Medicare premium, which I’ll have to start paying again, comes out of that. Then, after my surgery, I can cancel the Medicaid again, and DHS will start paying my Medicare premium once again. Confused yet? That’s okay, I have it all straight.

Things continue to fall into place, with very little effort on my part. I just have to shake my head when I think of all the times during the last three years or so that I tried to make something happen, only to be thwarted every time. Turns out I didn’t have to do anything at all, except wait on the Lord, just like He said.

Psalms 91:11 "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” ESV

Psalms 20:7 "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” ESV

Journal - Moving Right Along

2011-06-15T20:52:00.000-05:00

Well, things are continuing to move very quickly. I said earlier that I would probably give Elinore a call later this week to check on things, but I didn’t have to. She called me today to let me know that they had received the measurements from my visit on Monday, and that they now have everything they need to go on with the surgery. That Elinore is really on the ball.
As I said before, the only thing left to do is to get my physical, and Elinore let me know that it was time for that. She said that since they have all the information they need now, that my name would go to the top of the list, “so don’t drag your feet too long on this.” She kind of made it sound like this could happen any time now.
Well, I didn’t drag my feet at all. As soon as I got off the phone with Elinore, I looked up the phone number for my old doctor in Kearney, Dr. Rude. Dr. Rude became our family doctor when I was about maybe 8 or 9 years old, and I had already decided I would go to him for my physical, even though it’s been about twenty years since I last saw him.
Anyway, I called Dr. Rude’s office, but found out that he is booked solid until the end of July. The receptionist asked if one of the other doctors would be okay, and I said that would be fine. So I have an appointment with Dr. Jensen next Wednesday at 2:40pm. I haven’t had a physical for about twenty years I guess, and don’t really know what to expect on this visit. I asked how long they typically take, and she said about half an hour. Not bad, I can tolerate just about anything for half an hour. Well, anything except rap music maybe.
As soon as I had my appointment, I called Elinore back to let her know. She said she would need the phone and fax number so she could fax over some information. Elinore was on the other line, so I left the information with someone else in the office.
So that’s that. I have to admit that I’m finally feeling a little anxious. I thought we were still several weeks out from surgery, but Elinore made it sound like it could happen any time. Now all these thoughts are starting to crowd in on me, getting a hotel room, driving to Omaha, getting someone to look after Sassie while we’re gone, etcetera, etcetera. Well, I guess nothing can happen until I get my physical next week, so I can calm down until then. After that, it will just be a matter of waiting for the phone to ring.

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. ESV

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. ESV

Journal - Measurements

2011-06-13T20:41:00.002-05:00

Today I had my appointment at the Kearney Eye Clinic to get my measurements taken. I think I said earlier that the measurements were to determine what kind of lens I would need, but I found out today that was wrong. What they actually did was measure my cornea, and the length of my eye from front to back. Apparently, the eye length has a lot to do with whether you’re near-sighted or far-sighted.
To get the measurements, all I had to do was sit down in front of this machine, put my chin on the chin-rest and look straight ahead. The machine is automatic and computerized. When I say “automatic and computerized”, what I really mean is that it’s very touchy and temperamental. They got a pretty good reading on my right eye, the one that will be operated on, but it couldn’t get a reading on my left eye, which is the one they can’t do anything with. I should mention here that they measure both eyes, even though only one will be operated on, so they can make a comparison which better enables them to make sure the readings are good. In all fairness, that machine probably works perfectly well on normal eyes. My left eye is pretty messed up.
Anyway, after the first machine failed, they tried me out on a different one. I got the impression that it was an older machine and was less computerized. That one works by actually contacting the eye which meant they had to give me some numbing drops. The second machine didn’t work on my left eye either.
Believe it or not, they had a third machine handy that they tried me out on, but that one couldn’t read my left eye either. They finally decided to just go with the measurements they got on my right eye. The measurements on the left eye were only to be used as kind of an average anyway, and they seemed pretty confident with what they got on my right eye.
In all, it only took about thirty minutes to go through all three machines, so we weren’t there very long at all. After that, we stopped by the library, which is undergoing a lot of construction, to pick up a couple of audiobooks I had reserved, and we were home by 11:30.
My left eye felt a little sore and irritated the rest of the day after all that messing around, and in fact still does now at 8:00 pm. That’s not uncommon, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home from the eye doctor with sore, irritated eyes. It should be back to normal by the time I get up tomorrow morning.
So, as far as I know, the next, and last, thing I need to do before surgery is to get a physical. I believe Elinore told me they would let me know when it was time to do that, but I think I’ll give her a call later this week and make sure they have everything they need now.
I’ve sort of been struggling a little on this, as far as what I should be praying for. I hate to be asking God to restore my sight because I don’t know if that’s His plan for me. I keep telling myself that if God doesn’t want this to happen, there’s about a million different ways He could have stopped it by now, but since May 9 everything has happened very quickly and smoothly. I guess all I can do, and all any of us can do really, is to ask that His will be done. I’ve also been praying a lot for patience, and God has really come through for me. I don’t really feel anxious about this at all. But I suppose that will all be out the window as soon as I get that phone call.

Psalms 67:1 May God be gracious to us and bless us and make His face to shine upon us.

Psalms 62:5 For God alone, oh my soul, wait in silence; for my hope is from Him.

Journal - New Appointment

2011-06-09T20:11:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note. Today the Kearney Eye Institute called to set up an appointment to get my measurements taken. I’m scheduled to go in Monday morning at 10:00 AM.

Journal - Phone Call Follow-Ups

2011-06-06T20:49:00.002-05:00

Okay, so it was last Wednesday when I got those phone calls from the Dr.’s office. There have been a couple of minor developments since then so here’s a quick update before I forget.
I had asked Elinore last week whether Dr. Feilmeier was planning to do both transplant and cataract surgeries at the same time. Elinore wasn’t sure and said she would check with the doctor. She called back the very next day and said that he is indeed planning to do both at the same time. That’s fine with me as long as there are no additional or increased risks involved. Getting both at the same time means, if everything goes well, I’ll be able to see much sooner, rather than having one surgery then having to wait a couple of months for the other. When I had my transplant back in 2004, I had excellent vision the very next day when the bandage came off, even though I had read that the vision would come in slowly as the new cornea healed. I’m not sure if cataract surgery requires a lot of recovery time or not, I’ll have to read up on that.
Then today I got a call from another lady at the doctor’s office, I think her name was Megan. Megan was calling to confirm, finally, that they did indeed get the ultrasound results from my visit to Dr. Halgren back in October. That’s good news because everything else was kind of on hold until that got resolved. Megan also told me that the next step will be to get some measurements taken of my eye. I’m not sure what this entails exactly, but the measurements are needed to determine the strength of the lens I will need. When I say lens, I’m talking about the actual lens of the eye, not the cornea or a contact or anything like that. The lens is inside the eye, and it’s where cataracts form. My lens will be removed and replaced with a new one. Unlike the cornea, the lens can be replaced with an artificial one. Megan said the measurements can be taken in Kearney and that someone should be calling me to schedule an appointment.
That’s all the news for now. Stay tuned.

Romans 2:7 to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life;

Romans 5:3-5 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Journal - Surgery Discussions

2011-06-01T21:02:00.000-05:00

Today, I got a couple of phone calls from the doctor’s office in Omaha.
The first call was from Denise who is in the billing office. I had spoken to her a couple of weeks ago about how I would pay for my surgery. Medicare only pays 80%, and Denise said that would leave me with about $3000 to cover, with $1500 being due up front. She called today just to confirm that I was aware of how much money I would need to come up with, although I’m thinking that this time she said $1000 was due up front. Anyway, I told her that I was aware.
The second call came a few minutes later. This one was from Elinore who is the transplant coordinator. There are a lot of different things that need to happen before surgery, and Elinor’s job is to make sure they all happen. Elinore told me a lot about how the process works, some of which I knew from my transplant seven years ago, and some of which I didn’t.
She said that once the doctor is informed that there is a cornea available, they basically have five days to get it in my eye, and a lot has to happen in those five days. The cornea is shipped to the doctor in Omaha. The doctor sends it to a lab in Denver to be tested; a lot of tests have to be performed on the cornea to make sure it is healthy. Then the cornea goes back to Omaha for the surgery. Elinore also told me that there’s always the possibility that the cornea will not pass all the tests, in which case the surgery has to be called off until another cornea is available, something I had to learn the hard way seven years ago. I asked her why they can’t just wait until the cornea is cleared before they notify me, and she said it’s because the time-frame is so short. As soon as they know there is a cornea, they go ahead and schedule the surgery to make sure the necessary staff and facilities will be available. They also will notify me at that time to make sure I’m available. If they waited until the cornea was tested and cleared, there just wouldn’t be enough time to pull everything together.
Back on May 9th, when I saw Dr. Feilmeier in Kearney, he had told me they would probably do my cataract surgery first, and then the cornea later. Since Elinore was telling me all about the transplant and hadn’t mentioned the cataract, I asked her about that. I think that caught her by surprise a little bit, but she looked at the doctor’s notes and said it looked like he was planning to do both at the same time. She admitted that the notes were not perfectly clear, however, so she said she would check on that and let me know. I always thought it would make sense to do both since the only way to get to the cataract is through the cornea anyway, but when I asked the doctor about that in May, he said the cataract is handled through a small incision on the outer edge of the cornea, rather than removing the cornea completely. That was an interesting bit of information. It would be nice to get both things done at the same time, but I suppose the more things they mess with, the more chance there is of complications. Well, I’m willing to trust the doctor’s judgement on that.
I asked Elinore if the surgery would be in the morning and she said there was really no way to tell. I was wondering because if it’s early, we’ll probably have to go to Omaha the day before. I know we’ll have to spend the night the day of the surgery, because I have to go back the next day for a follow-up. After that, my follow-ups can be in Kearney unless the doctor sees something he doesn’t like. They have a doctor in this area every two weeks so it just depends on if he’s comfortable letting me go that long.
And that’s about it. Elinore is sending me maps and information. She said that sometime before surgery I’ll have to get a physical, but they’ll let me know when it’s time for that. Not a bad idea since I haven’t had one for about 20 years. Oh, she also told me that there’s a hotel near the surgical center that gives a discounted rate to surgery patients, although at $45 a night the rate didn’t sound that special to me. Still, it would be nice to be close and not have to do a lot of driving around in the city. Hey, if the surgery goes well, maybe I can drive us home! Just kidding Mom, I knew that would get a rise out of you. I don’t even have a license.
Well, I think that’s about it. It’s starting to sound like this might actually happen. That’s a little scary for a lot of reasons.

Luke 11:34-35 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. ESV

Proverbs 20:12 The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord hath made even both of them. KJV

Journal - May Events

2011-05-21T20:55:00.001-05:00

It occurred to me the other day that the last week or so has been rather eventful for my family.
On Saturday the 14th, we had a graduation. Elliott is the youngest son of my sister’s husband, and it was his high school graduation. Joni, Adam, and I didn’t go to the graduation ceremony at the school, but went over to Bobbi an Mike’s house later in the afternoon for the reception. Mike had cooked up some pork on his new smoker and it was delicious. There was also lots of salads and plenty of cake. Aunt LeeDel came down from Sioux Falls and it was nice to visit with her a little. Uncle Butch was planning to come as well, but he broke his ankle last week and couldn’t make it.
Monday the 16th was the 25th wedding anniversary of my brother and his wife. That’s a pretty amazing accomplishment. Hard to believe I was just a freshman in high school when they got married. The 16th also marks an anniversary for Joni and I, as that was the day we met, eight years ago.
May 20th was my sister’s birthday. I’m not sure but I think she’s 39 this year, it’s so hard to keep track. Also on that day, the state track meet began in Omaha, in which my niece Kylie competed. Mom and Bobbi drove there to watch her, and from what I heard, they all got rained on.
It seems like there was something else I was going to mention, but I can’t remember now. Memorial weekend usually marks the time when Mom’s three siblings all come to visit for a few days. This year, they decided to put it off to a later time when Uncle Butch will be more mobile. I’ll be looking forward to that.

Psalms 145:3-4 Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.

Colossians 3:14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Memories - Grandpa Pete

2011-05-13T14:21:00.000-05:00

As I have mentioned before, I was lucky enough in my youth to have not only all four of my grandparents, but also two of my great-grandparents, nearby. Grandpa Pete was one of these latter, husband of great-grandma Gladys of whom I have already written. Of the six grandparents that I knew in my lifetime, Grandpa Pete was probably the least familiar to me. Our paths just didn’t cross as much as with the other grandparents. But I do have a few memories to share, so let us begin.
First of all, Grandpa Pete’s full name was Albert Henry Brandt. Why did we call him Grandpa Pete? I have no idea. When I was very small, our farm was quite busy, with Grandpa Pete, Grandpa Meril Dean, and Dad all active in the family business. In every tractor, every pickup, and every house, there was a cb radio so the men could keep in touch, and the women could reach them if they needed to. Grandpa Pete’s cb handle was “Pistol Pete”, I remember that name on the back window of his orange and white chevy pickup in stick-on letters. I’m guessing Pistol Pete was a nickname he had picked up somewhere, and that’s probably why we called him Grandpa Pete. That is, however, still largely a mystery to me.
When I think of Grandpa Pete, the first thing that always comes to mind is horses. Grandpa Pete loved horses. When I was still very small, he had a couple of horses on the farm, but nobody ever rode them as far as I know. I got the impression they were rather old. I can’t remember their names, but I’m thinking one of them might have been Pepper.
Loving horses as he did, Grandpa Pete enjoyed going to the races, probably at Fonner Park over in Grand Island since I think that is the closest track to here. One of the favorite photos that I have in my possession is of Grandpa Pete, along with his brother Adolph, sister Eva, family friend Demps Clark, and a few other people I do not know. They are all standing in front of a horse at the racetrack, the horse having won a race that day. The caption on the photo says the horse belonged to Aunt Eva. I guess I like the photo so much because I have very few pictures of Grandpa, and this one is rather old, showing a much younger Albert Brandt than the one I knew.
Grandpa Pete was, of course, a farmer, from a long line of farmers that ended with my dad. I have a newspaper clipping from 1950, announcing that Albert Brandt had purchased some land north of Gibbon. That would undoubtedly be the farm that I grew up on. I vaguely remember a story about Grandpa finding a $5 gold piece in one of his corn fields, butI don’t really remember where I heard that.
I think the only other thing that I personally remember about Grandpa Pete, was that he was always burning stuff. HaHa! Back in the day, farmers would burn off the stalks and “trash” from a field that had recently been harvested. Grandpa also liked to burn the road ditches, when the weeds got tall and were dry from lack of rain. I don’t think he was a pyromaniac, I guess he just liked things to look neat and tidy instead of ragged and weedy. They have a lot of laws and regulations about burning now-a-days so I don’t know if farmer’s still do that, but you could always count on Grandpa Pete to burn something up.
Since I don’t really remember a lot about Grandpa, I decided to ask my brother, Kevin, what he remembered. I figured Kevin probably knew him better than the rest of us since he, Dad, and Grandpa Pete all lived together for a while. Here’s what Kevin had to say:

I've given it a lot of thought and there's really only a few things that really stood out in my mind about him. It sure did bring back some memories though, both good and bad.
Well, things he liked was coffee, Grandma Gladys' sugar cookies, watermelon and he loved steak but he couldn't chew it so he gnawed on it for a while then spit it out. Also he had a thing for pickled pigs feet. He liked to watch Matlock and loved baseball. He always wore a blue long sleeve button up shirt with overalls. His hair was always cut short, crew cut, and wore his hat with the bill turned just to the side.
You already know that he liked the horse races and he took me a few times.
We would often just get in his pickup and go driving around the country looking at stuff and he always let me drive. He taught me how to skin pheasant and rabbits.
I don't really remember any thing that he said a lot other than "god dammit Kevin", but I guess that was all the grown ups.

Those are some pretty cool memories, and I didn’t know any of those things about Grandpa, although I do remember the blue work shirts and overalls since Kevin mentioned it. I think that’s pretty neat that he liked Grandma Gladys’ sugar cookies so much; didn’t we all! That’s also a little sad since he outlived his wife by three years or so.
Kevin also mentioned to me that Pete is a nickname for Albert and that’s why he went by that name, something else I did not know.
Albert Henry (Pete) Brandt was born on December 22, 1897, in Surprise, Nebraska. He married Gladys Opal Brogan on August 6, 1920, and died on July 15, 1985, in Kearney, Nebraska. He now rests in Riverside Cemetery in Gibbon, Nebraska, beside his wife, parents, son, and grandson.

Proverbs 12:11 Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

James 5:7 Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains.

Journal - Another Doctor Visit

2011-05-11T11:37:00.000-05:00

On Monday, I had an appointment with Dr. Feilmeier (pronounced file-myer) at the Kearney Eye Institute. Dr. Feilmeier’s office is actually in Omaha, but he comes to Kearney once a month since there aren’t a lot of cornea specialists around here. Joni and I arrived in time for the 10:30am appointment.
At about noon, we finally got to see the doctor. He took a quick look at my eyes through the microscope, check the pressure, and did all the basic things that happen during any visit to the eye doctor. Then we talked about surgery for a few minutes, and some of the risks involved. He told me that any surgery I get would be done in Omaha, and probably the first couple of follow-ups, but anything after that could probably be handled in Kearney. I already knew that, but he did tell me a couple of things I didn’t know.
First, he said they would probably do cataract surgery first, then the cornea transplant at another time, rather than doing both at the same time like I thought. I assumed that since they have to go through the cornea to get to the cataract, they would just go ahead and do the transplant at the same time. Instead, he told me that the cataract is handled through a small incision on the outer edge of the cornea, rather than removing the cornea completely.
Secondly, I learned that one of Dr. Feilmeier’s associates also visits this area once a month, at an office in Grand Island. The two doctors come on a rotating schedule so that one of them is here every two weeks. That made me feel a little better because I was worried about only having a doctor here once a month in case there are problems after surgery.
All in all, it was a good visit. A positive visit as you might say. I was only with Dr. Feilmeier for about 15 minutes, but already I liked him better than Dr. Halgren in Omaha. He was just better at explaining things and letting me know how everything would be handled. He said he would go ahead and put me on the transplant list since there is about a two month wait. In the meantime, he will be gathering my records from Dallas and Omaha. If he decides that any further tests need to be done, they’ll contact me for an appointment, otherwise the next time I hear from them will be when they’re ready to schedule surgery.
Oh, there was one other thing he mentioned. When we were talking about surgery, I asked if I could have a bionic eye, knowing full well there is no such thing. What he mentioned was a type of prosthetic cornea that they sometimes use now in patients that have had multiple rejections. He didn’t go into great detail, but it has something to do with a natural cornea being layered with a plastic lens. I’ll have to look into that and see if I can learn more.
Anyway, I’m scheduled to see Dr. Feilmeier again on August 11, but I may very well hear from his office sometime before that if he decides we can go ahead with surgery. Keep me in your prayers!

2 Peter 3:8-9 But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. ESV

Journal - Audiobook Heaven Prospering

2011-03-31T10:52:00.000-05:00

`Audiobook Heaven continues to grow and prosper. In January, I averaged about 40 hits per day, and in February the average was about 42. March isn’t quite over yet, but I think it’s safe to say the average hits will be over 60. It’s been a pretty phenomenal month. My record for one day was 79 hits on a day back in January. In March, that record was broken 5 different times, including three days that went over 90 hits. The new record is 97. I’m continueing to get lots of new audiobooks in the mail. I just got three books from AudioGo, including a couple of Doctor Who books that I’ve really been looking forward to. I have a new L Ron Hubbard book here from Galaxy Press, and another one on the way. I also have a book coming from someone I just met. I got a press release from Audible.com on Monday that told about a new audiobook that’s going on sale. It sounded like a good book, and the narrator’s contact information was included in the release, so I emailed him and asked for a review copy. He emailed me back pretty quickly and said “Sure!” Joe Bevilacqua has been doing audio work for 40 years, mostly in radio from what I can tell. He’s done a bunch of shows on NPR and is just beginning to release them on CD. Joe told me that he has 45 audio productions coming out this year, and asked if he could send me copies of them. I had to tell him that honestly I might not be able to get through that many, but he said he would send a few and we will go from there. In addition, it’s almost time to put in another order to Blackstone Audio. I’ve been getting 6 books a month from them, but I think I’ll have to cut back to 4 in April because of all the other things I’ve been getting. I also made contact with another publisher this week, MacMillan Audio. I looked through their catalog and they have a lot of good audiobooks. MacMillan has some pretty specific guidelines for requesting review copies. They emailed me the procedure, which is no guarantee that they’ll send me any books, but I take it as a good sign. I’ll request a couple of books and see what happens. I’ve been giving some semi-serious thought to trying to find someone to contribute reviews to Audiobook Heaven on a regular or semi-regular basis. I’m not really sure how to work that out though. I can’t pay anyone of course, but I can offer free audiobooks, kind of like the deal I have with Susan Dunman. I think the hardest part would be finding someone that I’m comfortable with and that I can trust. Just something I’ve been tossing around a little. So that’s what’s going on at Audiobook-Heaven. Can’t wait to see what April brings!

Journal - Things Moving Forward

2011-03-29T14:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I think I’ve got my Medicare all taken care of. My coverage actually began on March 1 and I really didn’t have to do anything as far as the medical coverage goes. I did, however, have to pick out a prescription plan. In fact, I’ve spent most of this month getting that prescription coverage lined up; applying for the coverage, then applying for additional assistance to help pay for it. Then I had to pick which plan I wanted from a list that Medicare provided. That involved making a few phone calls and asking some questions. You choose a plan mainly based on what pharmacies are available to you, but also by what meds you take, different plans cover different medicines. I was able to find a plan that covered the pharmacy I currently use, and that covered the prescriptions I currently use. Then I had to call Medicare to let them know which plan I was going with. It’s all official now, I have my prescription card, and my prescription coverage begins April 1. I’ll be able to get prescriptions for $6.30, and generics for $2.50. I know Medicare has its drawbacks, but that’s the best prescription coverage I’ve ever had. In addition to that, I’ve also been trying to get an appointment with an eye doctor. I had pretty much decided I was going to go with Eye Specialists of Nebraska in Hastings. I’ve heard some good things about them and when I looked them up online I discovered that Dr. Welch, whom I have also Heard a lot of good things about, was part of that practice. I called them up last week to see if I could get an appointment, but it didn’t work out. The receptionist, Barb, answered the phone, and I first asked if they accepted Medicare. Barb said they did, but the tone in her voice told me she wasn’t very happy about it. I’m sorry to say that there are health care professionals around that don’t think much of people on Medicaid or Medicare, and Barb is one of them. After she told me they do accept Medicare, the phone went dead. I called back right away and said, “I’m sorry I think I got cut off.” To which she replied, “Can I help you?” Anyway, Barb told me that Dr. Welch was the only doctor in the office now, I don’t know what happened to all the others. Also, I thought Dr. Welch was a cornea specialist, but he’s really a retina specialist which doesn’t help me. That was for the best, I couldn’t have handled dealing with Barb on a regular basis. So this week I called the Kearney Eye Institute. They have a cornea specialist that comes from Omaha once a month. The receptionist, who didn’t seem to have a problem with Medicare, told me I would need a referral from another doctor, so I called Dr. Halgren’s office in Omaha and asked if they could send my records. Halgren’s office called later and said they had done it, so this morning I called Kearney Eye Institute, and they said the records had been received. Then we made an appointment. Since Dr. Feilmeier (pronounced file-meyer) only comes to Kearney once a month, I couldn’t get an appointment until May 9. That’s okay, this is worth waiting for. So I’m all set. Maybe it will work out this time, and maybe it won’t. All I can do is make appointments and pray. The rest is up to God. Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow;, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. NIV

Dream Diary - Grandpa's War

2011-03-25T14:33:00.000-05:00

I guess it’s been a while since I had a dream that seemed significant to me, or one that I could remember anyway. Last night, however, I had one that is really sticking with me.
It started out in a house that is unfamiliar to me. In the house was myself, Mom, Dad, Grandma Brandt, and I think my sister was there too. I don’t know whose house it was, but I think someone was getting ready to move out. It seemed like there was a lot of clutter around, and there was also a carpet steamer. The steamer belonged to Dad in this dream, and I was thinking how handy it would be to have one, so I asked him how much it had cost. In typical Dad fashion, he said, “Those of us who work for a living pay attention to how much things cost.” I said something to him, but I can’t remember exactly what. Something like “Okay, that’s good.” Then I went outside through the front door.
The front stoop of this house was a concrete landing of six or seven steps. Grandpa Meril Dean was sitting on one of the lower steps talking on a cell phone, something he never did in life because they hadn’t been developed yet. Grandpa’s hound dog, Barney, was sitting about three steps up from him, so I sat down next to the dog and began to pet him. I got the impression that Grandpa was talking to an old friend, reminiscing about the war. In reality, Grandpa did serve with the Marines in World War II.
After a minute or two, Grandpa hung up the phone, and he said to me, “Do you know what happened at Hondu?” “Hondu” is exactly what he said, and to my knowledge this is not a real place, but in the dream I understood that he was referring to a WWII battle. I felt a moment of regret at not knowing what had happened there, and I think I considered lying to him so as not to seem ignorant, but in the end I answered, “Not exactly.”
So he began telling me the story of what he had experienced at Hondu. I don’t really remember the details, but definitely remember the way he told the story. He was very animated, going through the actions and doing sound effects and everything. At one point he actually pulled a handgun out from somewhere to show me how he had drawn a bead on the enemy. For one crazy moment I was afraid that someone would come out the front door, and Grandpa, caught up in the moment, would accidentally pull the trigger. That didn’t happen though. That kind of animation was nothing like Grandpa in real life, but his old familiar gruffness was still very much present. During his story, he also mentioned Tarawa, which I think is a real place, one of those Pacific islands where the Japanese fought so fiercely against our Marines. After that, my dream started going off on some crazy tangent that I don’t really remember, and I woke up pretty soon after that.
Grandpa died in 1992, and since then I can’t tell you how many times I have wished that I had talked to Grandpa about the war and got him to tell me some stories. It is one of my biggest regrets. In a way, I got to experience that a little bit through this dream. When I woke up, the first thought that popped into my head was, “That was an awesome dream, God. Thank you.”

Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. NIV

Journal - Catching Up

2011-03-15T20:33:00.001-05:00

Well, I guess I haven’t written for a while. The passing of time continues to befuddle me. Let me see if I can recall what’s been going on.
There isn’t much to report on Audiobook Heaven. After the flurry of activity during the first six weeks of the year, things have settled down a bit. That’s okay, I like some excitement now and then, but we always need that time to recharge the batteries. I continue to receive audiobooks from Blackstone, typically six books per month. I got a couple of L Ron Hubbard books from Galaxy Press last month, and just received two more today, although one of them is a repeat. I’ll have to contact them and see if I should send that one back. Last week I got my first two books from HighBridge Audio. The only new thing I have to report is my latest discovery, Graphic Audio. One of the books I got from Susan Dunman was from that publisher, and I had never heard of them before. I looked them up in Google and took a look at their website. They specialize in creating full cast audio productions, complete with sound effects and music, of comic book graphic novels. Can you imagine how excited I was about that? I contacted them, and they responded right away saying that they would send me some review copies. I didn’t get to pick out what I wanted, but I was pretty happy to get anything from them. Hopefully they’ll keep sending me stuff.
My Medicare became effective on March 1. I’ve spent the first half of the month getting information and making my choices for part D prescription coverage. I have part A for hospitalization; that part is free. Part B for doctor visits carries a monthly premium of $115, and it looks like there is also a yearly deductible of about $162. On part D, I qualified for extra assistance so there’s no premium or deductible. My scripts will be $6.30 for brand name, and $2.50 for generic. That ended up being better than I expected. My prescription coverage begins April 1, so I’ll be looking for a doctor over the next week or so and will try to make an appointment for sometime in April.
I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this in my blog or not, but for the last 3 or 4 months, God has been trying to get me to play my saxophone at church. I’ve been dragging my feet as usual. I’m not very good at stepping out of my comfort zone. This began right before Christmas and I thought I might play some Christmas music, but that kind of fell through. It was pretty short notice, only one week before Christmas so there wasn’t time to get anything set up. Before I could play, I had to meet with the music director, Kent. Well, after that I let a couple of months pass, then I finally approached Kent again about it. We met at the church on March 4 and I played for him. He sounds like he’s okay with me playing at church, but we haven’t set anything up yet. The ball is in his court, though, I’m just waiting for him to say when.
Speaking of church, on February 27 we had our first service in the new sanctuary. When we first went to this church about a year and a half ago, they were just announcing plans to build a bigger sanctuary onto the church, and it’s finally done. The new sanctuary has theater-style seating for a little over 900 people. I’m looking forward to seeing it. I’m not sure how many our old sanctuary could seat.
For the last several days, Charles Stanley has been doing a series of sermons about guilt, and it’s got me thinking about some things. It seems clear that God wouldn’t want us to feel guilt for sins that He has forgiven us for. Guilt is, after all, a negative emotion, and God doesn’t typically deal in negative emotions. But it sort of seems like a little guilt might be a good thing. In the complete absence of guilt, are we not more likely to repeat our sins of the past? I’ll hav to do some thinking on that.
It’s now been about three days since the disastrous earthquake in Japan. A monstrous 8.9 on the Richter. It sounds like they are stil struggling to contain the nuclear power plants. 8.9 makes this the fourth most powerful earthquake in recorded history.
Okay, I guess that’s about it. See you next time.

Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. NIV

Revelation 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door an knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in with him and dine with him, and he with me. NKJV

Journal - Blessings

2011-02-15T17:13:00.000-06:00

God just continues to shower blessings on us! On Saturday, we had a nice visit from Mom and Brenna. They brought out some Valentine cookies that they made that afternoon. We enjoyed the visit and the cookies, and I think Sassie made a new best friend. On Tuesday night, we are going up to Kearney High School for Brenna’s swing choir program, and she also has an orchestra concert later this month. I’m looking forward to that.
Audiobook-Heaven continues to be showered with blessings as well. Last week I received six new audiobooks from Blackstone, and 2 from Susan Dunman. I also made a couple of new contacts. I emailed AudioGo, formerly known as BBC Audiobooks America, and they agreed to send me some audiobooks. I picked out three books and just received them yesterday. I was also contacted by an author, who wanted to know if I would review the audio version of his book. I’ve never heard of this author before, but it’s pretty cool that he went looking for a reviewer and found me. He sent me a link and I downloaded his book. I started listening to that one today, but I had to write back to him and tell him I couldn’t do it. The language was pretty strong.
But wait, there’s more! Also today, I received the books from Galaxy Press. It was about three weeks ago that they mailed them, so I was beginning to think they had changed their minds, but here they are. Galaxy Press, if you remember, is creating audio versions of some of L Ron Hubbard’s older works. I’ve really been looking forward to those. Did you know that L Ron Hubbard was born in Nebraska?
Wait, wait, there’s still more! Also today, I got a response from another publisher that I’ve been emailing, HighBridge Audio. They have also agreed to send me audiobooks. That won’t be quite like the Blackstone deal. With Blackstone, I can pretty much pick anything I want out of their extensive catalog, but with HighBridge, I can only pick from the periodic press releases that they email out. Still a good deal, though, and very exciting.
Business is booming, as you might say. If I had any money I would probably hire an assistant or something. God has been so good to me, and I just can’t wait to see what happens next.
In other news, I’ve finally made the decision to play my sax at church sometime. I have felt God urging me to do this for quite a while now, but as usual I have been dragging my feet. I had a hard time deciding what to play. I couldn’t find karaoke versions of the first couple of songs that came to mind. So I decided to keep it simple and just play Amazing Grace. I found a nice accompaniment track at Amazon.com and downloaded it, and have been working on that for about a week now. I also emailed the music director at our church and we’re trying to nail down a time when I can come in and have a little audition. It’s a busy time for him because they are just beginning to set up the audio-video-lighting in our new sanctuary, which is nearing completion. We may have to wait until that’s all done, but I’m determined. God has been so good to me and it’s about time I started giving something back. I don’t have much money to give, but I can sure use the talent that God gave me to contribute something.
Umm, what else? It’s only a couple more weeks until my Medicare becomes effective. Starting in March they’ll be deducting $115 from my social security to pay for that. That will make it even harder to cover the bills each month, but I have to trust that God will take care of it. He’s never let me down before. Speaking of which, our church really came through for us again and paid our propane bill. Actually they paid our last two. Our energy assistance from the state was drastically cut this year. Last year we got about $1100, but this year it was only $200. They said there were a lot more applicants this year.

1 Peter 2:1-3 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. NIV

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. NKJV

Do It For HIM

2011-01-26T00:12:00.000-06:00

This morning I was sitting at the computer, posting a book review over at Audiobook Heaven and checking my email. For about three weeks now, I’ve been exchanging emails with someone at Simon & Schuster to see if they would send me some audiobooks that I could review. The message I got this morning made it pretty clear that the answer was going to be no. They didn’t actually say no, but just keep putting me off, which is a lot worse than a flat rejection I can tell you.
I signed off the computer feeling a little bummed about that, and all the while this nagging little suspicion was gnawing away at the back of my mind. You know that feeling you get sometimes, like something isn’t quite right, or you’ve forgotten to do something? I’ve had it for a couple of days now. Well, over the last couple of years, I’ve noticed that sometimes that feeling means I really did forget something, but sometimes it means that God is trying to get through to me, and I haven’t been paying attention.
I went into the bedroom to listen to my current audiobook, but before I put my headphones on I just sat for a minute and asked God, “Are you trying to tell me something?” I sat quietly for a few minutes and nothing much really came to mind, so I put my headphones on and listened for a while.
A couple of hours later, I got back on the computer, and I had an email from another publishing company, Galaxy Press, whom I’ve never heard of, asking if I would like to review some of their books. Galaxy Press is putting some of L Ron Hubbard’s older works on audio, and that’s what they want to send me so I can review them.
Now, was all that just a coincidence? I’ve already mentioned that I don’t believe in coincidence. Rather, I think maybe God wanted a little acknowledgement. He has been very generous to me lately, arranging for me to get free audiobooks from Susan Dunman, Blackstone Audio, Last Word Audio and possibly from Hachette, although I haven’t got those yet. Maybe God just wanted to make sure I wasn’t forgetting who the architect is here, before blessing me even further.
In a way, I guess you could say that writing audiobook reviews has kind of become my job, even though I don’t get paid for it. I don’t get any money, that is. As Uncle Butch pointed out to me recently, I get paid in audiobooks. Call it what you will, this is where God has led me, just as He leads each of us to one task or another. The mistake I have always made in the past, and perhaps the mistake I’ve been making lately, is not allowing God into a particular area of my life, especially my job. Maybe that’s why I’ve never been very successful at any of the many jobs I’ve had. I have thanked God for blessing me with audiobooks, but maybe sometimes He wants a little more. Thanking God silently in our prayers is good, vital even, but how much better to tell the whole world how He has blessed us?
During one of his sermons a while back, Pastor Mike told us about a woman he met at a restaurant. The woman was an employee, charged with wiping down tables and preparing them for the next guest, a job many people might look down upon. As she cleared the table beside Mike, they struck up a conversation and she said, “I’m just doing this for the Lord.” Another Pastor we had back in Dallas once said that if you don’t take care of what you have, you shouldn’t expect God to bless you with something better, or something more. He was talking about material possessions, but I think that applies to our jobs as well. If you constantly grumble and complain about your job, God may not be so willing to give you a better one.
The biblical reference that jumps to mind here is the parable of the talents, which I’m sure many of you are familiar with. I won’t type out the whole thing here, but you can read it in Matthew 25, verses 14 to 30, or in Luke 19, verses 12 to 28.
It’s as simple as this: if we want success in every facet of our lives, home life, work life, church life, social life, etcetera, then we need to allow God in all those areas. It doesn’t matter if you’re the pastor of a church, or a school teacher, or a farmer, or a janitor, or an audiobook reviewer, be cheerful and productive with what God has given you. You may not think your job is very important, but He gave it to you for a reason, and if you let Him rule that part of your life, there’s just no telling what He might send your way next.

Matthew 25:21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ NIV

Ecclesiastes 2:24 A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God. NIV

Journal - What a Great Day!

2011-01-11T20:42:00.002-06:00

Wow! I didn’t know so many good things could happen in one day! God has just showered us with blessings today and I hardly know where to begin.
I guess I’ll start with Sassie. She got up today! Remember how she was just lying on the back porch all day and all night, and hardly moving at all? Well, when I got up this morning, she was lying in the hallway that goes back to the porch. After I brushed my teeth and all that, I coaxed her into the kitchen with a boiled egg. We’ve been just taking food back to her on the porch, but I thought since she had moved on her own, I would see how far she was willing to go. She came into the kitchen and ate the egg, then I decided to try one of her treats. They’re those hard crunchy bones, and of course she hasn’t been able to eat anything that needed much chewing. She was very careful and hesitant at first, but she eventually crunched the thing up and ate it.
After that I tried to coax her into the living room. Again, she was very hesitant at first, she kind of sat in the doorway between kitchen and living room for a little bit, but she finally came all the way in and lay down by the computer where Joni was sitting. After that she stayed in the house all day, lying around in her usual places. She was eating better, and drinking more water, and generally seemed in better spirits. When I had lunch today, she sat and whined for food for the first time since her accident. Joni took her out in the snow, which Sassie has always loved, and she wagged her tail and seemed happy. Sassie, I mean, not Joni. I could scarcely believe the turnaround from her condition of yesterday. I asked for a miracle, and I believe we got one.
Sassie is not 100% yet, she has trouble going up steps. She gets her front paws up, but has trouble getting her hindquarters up. Maybe she’s just sore still, but I guess she may have some lasting damage too. We’ll have to wait and see. I guess God does look after animals. I’m reminded of a line from the movie, “The Stand.” “All things serve the will of God, even big dumb dogs.”

Well, that made my day pretty awesome, but it gets even better. Today I got an email from an audiobook publisher, asking if I would like to review some of their books. That’s right, a publisher contacted ME! This is a brand new publisher that I’ve never heard of. Last Word Audio published their first book last August, and has only two books published, with a third on the way, but I think it’s awesome that when they went looking for a reviewer, they found me. I felt really honored. So anyway, this guy is going to be sending me a couple of books to review, and they don’t sound bad.
I’ve been wondering a lot lately if this whole audiobook thing is really what God wants me to be spending my time on. I truly have to believe that He is telling me to go for it. Too many great things have happened in such a short time for me to believe otherwise. I’ll take this thing as far as I can, which is pretty far with God pulling the strings, and if I get my sight back someday I’ll try to become an audiobook narrator. I’m already networking, making contacts with some publishers, so who knows where it could lead.

And to top off this really great day, our neighbor, Brett, came through this evening with a bobcat and cleared our driveway. We got quite a lot of snow over the weekend, and we were afraid that we might not be able to get out for a while, but God stepped in again and got our driveway cleaned. When Brett was out there, Sassie watched from the window and tried to bark at him, but all she could manage was kind of a little “huff!” Seeing her take interest in her surroundings again was an excellent way to top off this wonderful day.

Acts 16:31 Believe on the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household. NIV

Joshua 1:7 “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. NIV

Journal - Eye Doctors, Audiobooks, and Sick Puppies

2011-01-10T20:27:00.001-06:00

I can’t exactly remember what I said the last time I talked about the eye doctor and such. I had an appointment in Omaha on January 5th, but I cancelled that one several weeks ago. That whole thing was just not feeling good to me. On March 1, I will become eligible for Medicare so I’m just going to wait until then before I do anything else. Two more months doesn’t seem like very long to wait. Hard to believe it’s been two years since I was declared legally blind. That happened back in October of 2008, but I didn’t start receiving disability payments from social security until March of 2009, so that’s when my two years began. You have to be disabled for two years before you can be eligible for Medicare. With Medicare I think I’ll have more freedom to go where I want, instead of letting someone else pick the doctor. So that’s where we stand on that.

Audiobook-Heaven is still humming right along. I finally got a response from another publisher. Someone from Hachette (ha-shet’) Book Group responded to one of my inquiries and said they would be willing to send me some audiobooks for review. On Friday I requested three books, and today Megan responded and said she would send them. I’ll have lots of audiobooks to keep me occupied I think.

I don’t really know what to think about Sassie. She’s just so listless since her accident last Tuesday. For the last several days, she has taken to lying on the back porch where it’s cold. She just lays there all day and all night and never comes into the house, except maybe just to poke her head in while we’re eating. Joni did some reading online and read that when dogs are in pain they seek out confined areas, and they also seek out cold places. That explains the porch. Of course, it’s pretty hard to tell just how much pain she is in. We’re still giving her soft foods, but she just isn’t very interested in eating. We always have to coax her to get her to eat anything, and she’s not drinking much water either. I feel so helpless and just don’t know what to do for her. I’ve been praying very hard for God to heal her, but I honestly don’t know how much God is willing to intervene for an animal. He created them too, didn’t He? I guess that’s all I can do, keep praying and hope for a miracle.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. NIV

Journal - Lucky Dog

2011-01-05T20:35:00.001-06:00

Our dog’s name is Sassie, and she’s half Doberman, half Australian shepherd. I got her from the animal shelter in Dallas. I remember the day well.
I had left work early that day and driven over to the shelter to see what they had. They actually had quite a lot, but I fell in love with Sassie right away, although there was a little black lab named Bentley that made me think a bit. They had these little “get acquainted” rooms at the shelter, where you could go in with a dog. There were a few toys in there to play with. The room Sassie and I went into had a tennis ball in it and she loved it, although she could barely fit her mouth around it at the time. She was only ten weeks old. The “get acquainted” room was fun, but completely unnecessary: I already knew I wanted to take her home. I filled out the papers and off we went.
Sassie didn’t like the ride in the car very much. I had the same Ford Explorer that we still own today, and she crawled up under the rear seat so all you could see was her little tail poking out. On the way home I stopped at Walmart to get her a few things: food and water bowls, and a few toys. When I got home, I had to open the rear door and literally pull her out from under the seat because she wouldn’t budge. That was when I discovered she had thrown up. I couldn’t be mad at her though, she was so pitiful. I carried her up to the house and delivered my Valentine’s day surprise. “Happy Valentine’s Day honey, I got you a vomit-covered dog!”
Almost seven years have passed since that day, hard to believe as that is. Sassie turned out to be a lot hairier than I expected, and she sheds almost all the time, but we love her a lot and she has been an important part of our family. Tennis balls remained her favorite toy for several years; she eventually got big enough to not only fit them in her mouth, but chew them up into little pieces.
I’m going on about my dog because we had a bit of a scare on Tuesday. Sassie got hit by a car out on the road, although we didn’t find that out until a little bit later. She had been outside roaming the farm, and when she came in she was bleeding around her nose and mouth and panting very hard, like she does when she’s excited. We thought she had been bitten by something, there are skunks and raccoons around here, and Joni has seen foxes too. That scared me because I thought she would probably get rabies or something.
We only had to wonder for a few minutes though because a couple of guys pulled up into the yard in their truck and told us what happened. The driver said there was just no way he could have stopped, which is completely understandable. Sassie goes a bit nuts when a certain type of vehicle goes by, not cars but trucks, and especially trucks with trailers like this one had. Anyway, he said when he looked in the rear view mirror she was just lying in the road. After a minute she got up and started walking in circles, and then apparently she collected herself and came up to the house. I was so appreciative of the guy for coming up to tell us what happened. He said he came up to see if she needed to be put down. It sounds a little weird to say so, but I thought it was nice of him to offer to do the job. Sassie seemed to be pretty much okay though, and she even licked the guy’s hand when he petted her.
After a while, it became clear that Sassie wasn’t as okay as we thought. Her back and ribs and legs all seemed normal and in working order, but the side of her face swelled up some, and it was obvious that it hurt her to work her jaw. It was also obvious that she was terrified. She just paced the house, still panting hard, and sometimes she would try to crawl up underneath the desk to hide, which she has never done before.
After a couple of hours she started to calm down, though. Joni made an ice pack, and as she held it in her hand, Sassie just laid her little face on it and sat there for quite a while. When Joni put the ice pack on the floor, she laid down by it and put her face on it and just laid there for a long time.
The bleeding had stopped without any trouble, she just had some scrapes around her muzzle, but we were kind of wondering if she would be able to eat at all. Joni had given her a piece of bread, but she just couldn’t manage it. I know she likes boiled eggs so I boiled some and cut one up for her. She gobbled the little pieces from my hand without much trouble, and we were very relieved.
After the egg, she went back to the piece of bread which was still on the kitchen floor, but she just couldn’t bite it up, so we tore it up and soaked it in milk for her and she slurped it right down. Joni gave her another piece of bread in milk, and then some bread soaked in beef broth. She took it all and looked for more. It did my heart good to see that she had a good appetite and could take some food. Sassie spent the whole night beside our bed, which she never does. She usually just flops in the living room.
Today Sassie isn’t moving around very much. I can only imagine how sore she must be. If you’ve ever been in a car accident, you know how sore your whole body can be the next day, even if you weren’t injured. I gave her another egg this morning, and more bread in broth. She was reluctant at first, but I was able to coax her into eating. Other than that, she pretty much just lay in one spot all day resting. Until we started getting ready for supper, that is. She came out to the kitchen and watched the food preparation very intently, almost like her old self. After a little coaxing she ate some more bread in broth, and then another egg, which she had been unwilling to take this afternoon. I offered her a couple of tater tots dipped in gravy and she took those with no trouble, then another piece of bread broken up and dipped in gravy. She was hungry!
I feel so bad for my puppy. She’s my baby and I hate knowing she’s hurt. I really think she’ll be okay though. It’s just sad that she’s moping around when she’s usually so frisky and playful, even at the age of seven. She’s been given a second chance, and I hope she remembers this lesson for a long time. I told Sassie she should become an advocate for other dogs, and start a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of chasing moving cars. She may not feel up to that for a while, and in the meantime, we’ll just baby her, even more than we usually do.

Journal - New Audiobooks

2010-12-31T10:28:00.001-06:00

Wednesday turned out to be a pretty great day! I got two new audiobooks in the mail from Susan so I can review them for SF Site. Then just a few minutes after Adam brought in the mail, the UPS truck drove up and delivered five audiobooks from Blackstone Audio. Yes, they finally came! Last time Blackstone sent me some books, UPS lost them, so I was pretty happy to get these. The shipment included three books from my favorite science fiction author, Ben Bova. Can’t wait to dig into those.
Well, on top of all that excitement, I finally got a nibble from another publisher. I’ve continued sending out requests to various publishers, trying to get them to send me books to review, and my third request to Simon & Schuster Audio finally got a response. They haven’t promised me anything yet, but the person who responded, who is only filling in as it turns out, said she would check into it and see what they could do. That would be awesome if I can get books from them, but hey, I was pretty happy just getting a response.
Now, that’s all pretty exciting, but I’m still facing a little bit of a dilemma. Not so much a dilemma I guess, but just something I’ve been thinking about. I keep wondering if this is really how God wants me spending a majority of my time. On the one hand, I worry that maybe all this is taking my attention away from Him. On the other hand, some really neat things have been happening in that area, and I sort of think they wouldn’t be happening if God was against it. Maybe this is the beginning of something big that God has planned for me. That would be cool. Well, I’ll keep praying about it, and see where God leads me.

Happy New Year!

Psalms 30:5 For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime.

Journal - Another Christmas in the Bag

2010-12-30T11:09:00.001-06:00

Well, another Christmas has come and gone. I just don’t know where the time gets to; the older I get, the faster the years go by. I had a really nice Christmas season though. Last year, Christmas kind of depressed me but not so much this year.
On Christmas Eve, Joni, Adam, and I wen to the candlelight service at our church in Kearney. I always liked candlelight services, they’re so beautiful, and I was a little surprised to find that not being able to see the candles didn’t bother me so much. It was a nice service; scripture readings and songs about Jesus’ birth. It was only about an hour long and I kind of wished it could have been a little longer. After that, we stopped at Burger King for supper, arare treat for us. We wanted Runza but they weren’t open, and the line at McDonald’s was huge.
On Christmas morning, I was awakened bright an early to open presents, then our whole family gathered at Brad’s house. He and Cindy put on a grandfeast with turkey and ham and all the good things that go with them. After dinner, we had our gift exchange and sat around talking for a while. Then we just came home and relaxed. Joni and I ended the evening listening to “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I downloaded the DVS version of the film, which is basically the audio track with a narrator describing the scenes in between lines of dialogue. That one was narrated by President George Bush Sr, an he actually did a good job of it.
Aunt LeeDel came down from SiouxFalls on the Monday after Christmas. On Tuesday she came out to hear my Christmas music, and Mom and Bobbi listened a second time. I’m glad I got to play again, I enjoy it a lot. I’m beginning to appreciate being able to use the gift God gave me to bring joy to others, instead of just enjoying it myself. Just one more lesson that God is teaching me through my blindness. Before I went blind, I didn’t really play very much.
So we had a good Christmas. I remember last year we got snowed in on Christmas day and couldn’t go anywhere. I’m glad that didn’t happen again.
I hope that you, reader, had a nice Christmas with your family as well, and I wish you all the best in the New Year.

Luke 2:15-20 When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. ESV

Journal - Audiobook Heaven Update

2010-12-24T10:47:00.001-06:00

Okay, more exciting news about Audiobook Heaven! I’ve been listening to the audiobooks that Susan from Audiobook Jukebox and SF Site sent me. SF Site is updated twice a month with new book reviews. It works kind of like a magazine, but since it’s on the internet it’s called an e-zine. I had written reviews for two of the books Susan sent me in the first part of December and sent them off to her. When the mid-December issue of SF Site was published, I was a little surprised, and a lot pleased, to see that they had used both of them. I reviewed “The Golden Apples of the Sun” by Ray Bradbury, and “Hull Zero Three” by Greg Bear, and they can both be found there now. I sent Susan a third review just a few days ago so maybe it will show up in the early January issue. In the meantime, I’ve also requested two more books from Susan.
In other news, I’ve been exchanging emails during the last week with my contact at Blackstone Audio. I hadn’t heard from her for a while so I was asking about the audiobooks she was sending. She said they had gone out by UPS on December 6, and when they tracked it, it showed that the package was delivered on the 10th. Unfortunately, I never got them. Good old UPS. I hope whoever got those books enjoys them. I was pretty disappointed, ofcourse, not only because I had been looking forward to getting them, but also because I was afraid Blackstone wouldn’t want to bother sending me any more after the first bunch got lost. My fears proved to be groundless, though. My contact, Tanya, was very gracious and said she would send them again. She even said that in addition to the three books I had requested, she was sending me two more. One of the books I requested was “Mars” by Ben Bova, and Tanya also threw in the other two books in the series, “Return to Mars” and Mars Life.” I can’t tell you how happy that made me! I received her email on Wednesday saying that she had sent them out, and I should get them next Wednesday, the 29th. I was a little disappointed that she had sent them UPS again, but I suppose that can’t be helped. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed next Wednesday as I wait for the UPS truck to come around.
In case I don’t post again before Christmas, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. Safe travels to those of you who might be traveling for the holiday.

Luke 2:10-12 Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” NKJV

Journal - Christmas Party

2010-12-22T21:04:00.000-06:00

On Saturday the 18th, Joni and I had our Christmas party here at the house. We had a great time with lots of good food and good music.
We had a pretty big crowd. Brad and Cindy were here with two of their kids, DJ and Taylor. Bobbi and Mike came with all four of their kids, Brian, Elliot, Brandon, and Kylie. Mom was here too of course, along with the three of us. Fourteen people in all, which was four more than we had last year. It was great having so many people here. A lot of times I feel kind of put out with so many people around, but it doesn’t seem to bother me as much here in my own home. The kids got a little rowdy, but I loved every minute of it.
For supper, we had sloppy joe’s. Not very fancy, but very simple for a large crowd, and something that everyone likes. To go with that, Joni had picked up buckets of potato salad and macaroni salad at Walmart. Also Mom brought a veggie tray, a necessity for any gathering, Brad brought a crock-pot full of his famous baked beans, and Bobbi brought a cherry dessert that was simply scrumptious. The highlight of the evening was when Brandon dropped a whole sloppy joe on the kitchen floor. Haha! That made our dog, Sassie, happy. We had her locked up in the basement and she seemed to calm down after she got Brandon’s sandwich. It seemed like a ton of food, but we had surprisingly few leftovers. That was nice because last year we had a lot leftover and Joni and I were eating chicken fajitas for about a week after.
After supper and a quick clean-up, it was time for me to get out my sax. I was nervous, but not nearly as nervous as I was last year. The songs all went reasonably well, my only major screw-up was on the very last song, “Let it Snow.” I think because it was my last song, I let my guard down and I messed up on a part that I never really had any trouble with in my rehearsals. My toughest song this year was “Sleigh Ride” and that one went pretty well. My favorite song to play was “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and I was very happy with how that one turned out. The big hit of the night seemed to be “Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song)”. I kind of expected that, it’s really a beautiful song.
After that we sat around and talked for a while, and then it was over. I was kind of sad after everyone had gone home. I looked forward to the evening for several weeks, and then it was over so fast. I just sat for a while listening to Christmas music and trying to hang on to the warm feeling of having my family around me. That happened last year too, and the melancholy persisted into the new year, but I seemed to rebound a lot better this year. Aunt LeeDel is supposed to come down from Sioux Falls the week after Christmas, if the weather holds up, and I asked Mom if they would like to run out while she’s here so I can play for her. So I think we’re going to do that next Tuesday.
Anyway, we had a really great time, and I think everyone else did too. I can’t wait to do it again next year!
Oh, I almost forgot! It snowed Saturday morning and afternoon before everyone came. It was a nice gentle snow, without any wind, and it was just enough to cover the ground without making it difficult to drive in. That was the perfect touch, it just doesn’t feel like Christmas without snow.

Isaiah 7:14 Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. NKJV

Matthew 1:21 She will bring fortha son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins. NKJV

Coming Home

2010-12-22T01:01:00.000-06:00

I guess you may have noticed that I haven’t been writing much lately. There are a number of reasons for that. Partly it’s because I’ve been spending my time on other things. A lot of my time has been going toward Audiobook Heaven, writing reviews and contacting lots of people to get new books. I’ll probably be writing another update on that pretty soon as there have been a few developments. Also, I’ve been spending about an hour a day practicing Christmas music on my sax. That comes out of my daily computer time because I use it to play the karaoke music. We had our Christmas party last Saturday, so I need to post something about that too.
I’ve also just been spending less time on the computer. I used to stay up late almost every night, working at the computer, and that was when I did most of my writing, when the house is all quiet. But lately, I’ve actually been sleeping: going to bed, falling asleep pretty quickly, getting up at about the same time every morning. I was kind of missing my late nights of quiet solitude, but I have to admit I’ve been enjoying the regular sleep habits too. Tonight I’m up late because we’re having furnace problems and I’m babysitting. This evening the furnace wouldn’t come on, then shortly after we went to bed it came on but wouldn’t shut off. I kept laying there waiting for it to shut off and I realized I wasn’t going to be able to sleep. It’s probably been on for close to an hour now and still running.
Anyway, those are my excuses for not writing, but they’re not very good ones. The main reason I stopped writing was because I’ve been going through a lot of stuff in my head. And yes, you guessed it, most of it has to do with my blindness.
This fall, I made a couple of trips to a doctor in Omaha, which I have already written about. I got some bad news, which I have also written about. I was pretty mad at God about that for a while, which I don’t think I mentioned before. I ended up canceling my third appointment that was supposed to be in November.
I gotta tell you though, that whole thing really threw me for a loop. On the one hand, I was disappointed about the news I got about my left eye being unrepairable. On the other hand, I was totally confused because I really felt like my waiting had paid off and it was time to get my sight back, but then it started feeling like it wasn’t time after all. On the third hand, I was upset because people were pressuring me to go to the doctor and get my eyes fixed, as if I were taking my car to the shop for repairs. Damn it, I didn’t know I was going to say that, but there it is. Would you call that a Freudian slip? On the fourth hand, there was lion lady promising this and promising that, handing out assurances like sour little lemon drops.
Okay, take a deep breath. Sorry, I got kind of negative there. How many hands do I have anyway?
Well, what I came in here to say is that I’m mostly over all that, even if it doesn’t sound like it. At least I’m not mad at God anymore. When all that was going on, I felt very distant from God, like the connection I had begun to forge with Him was slipping away. Of course, I know that God was just as close to me then as He has always been, I just had too many other things clouding my judgment.
The furnace finally turned off. Thank you God!
I wrote a while back that I was afraid getting my sight back might interfere with my relationship with God. A couple of months ago, just thinking about getting my sight back did that very thing. I want my sight back very much, but I am clearly not ready for it yet, and God is clearly not ready for it yet either. I’m finally beginning to recover and I’m in no hurry to repeat that fiasco. But here’s the thing: God uses every situation we face to guide and teach us.
What was my lesson this time? Simply this: God knows that we are going to stumble now and then. Shoot, He even knows that sometimes we will fall flat on our faces. But no matter what, He will always welcome us back with open arms, no questions asked.
I was listening to Charles Stanley on the radio last week, a habit I had lost for a while. Charles had a guest pastor which turned out to be his son, Andy. Andy’s message was about the prodigal son. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this story, but God’s timing was, as always, impeccable. I had finally tuned in to hear Doctor Stanley again, after not listening for a few weeks, and I heard exactly what I needed to hear.
So that’s about it. I’m going to try writing more often again. I was kind of missing it, and I have a lot I want to write about. See you soon, okay?

Luke 15: 20-24 So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'

Journal - Free Audiobooks

2010-12-04T10:18:00.002-06:00

Okay, here’s some more of the good news about Audiobook Heaven.

I already talked about Susan. She’s the person behind the website Audiobook Jukebox, and also the review editor for the website SFSite.com. She had asked me if I would be interested in submitting some reviews for SFSite and I said “Duh!” Well, I didn’t exactly say that, but you get my meaning. She told me about her list of books I could choose from and I was all happy about getting some free audiobooks. Since Susan is the editor of an audiobook review site, publisher’s send her the audiobooks for free since it’s good advertising for the publisher. Susan, in turn, sends the books out to her reviewers, of which there are about 12 including me.

As I was discussing all this with Susan, it occurred to me that hey, I run a legitimate audiobook review site of my own, why can’t publisher’s send free audiobooks to me? I looked around the web a little bit and found that this is a fairly common practice. Publisher’s like to send out review copies to reviewers at newspapers, magazines, websites, and yes, even little bloggers like me. So I started contacting some publishers. I’ve been reviewing for over a year so I know several of them. I looked up their contact information on the internet, and sent email inquiries to about half a dozen publishing companies to see if they would be willing to send me review copies. Of course, I provided them with links to my blog so they could check it out if they wanted to.

About eight days went by and I was beginning to despair, but then I got a bite! Someone from Blackstone Audio sent me an email saying that they were interested. She asked me how many audiobooks I could comfortably handle per month. The answer to that is between 15 and 20, but I didn’t want to seem greedy, so I said three. She had also asked me to go ahead and pick out some books from their website, which I did last Monday. Several more days went by, but on Friday she wrote back and said she had two audiobooks ready to send to me. The third one I picked is apparently still in production and not available yet so she asked me to make another selection, which I also did. Her only requirement is that when I review one of their books, I include a link to the product page at Blackstone for that book, and send her a link to the review I write, which is no problem at all.

This is really exciting! I haven’t heard back from any of the other publishers I contacted, but I’ll be getting audiobooks from Susan, and from Blackstone Audio, so that’s pretty awesome. Oh, the really exciting part is that Blackstone carries my favorite science fiction author, Ben Bova. I’ve been listening to audiobooks for about three years now and have never found a single one by Ben Bova, so I was really happy about that.

My career as an audiobook reviewer is really taking off! Now if I could just get someone to pay me! For now I’ll be content just to get somefree audiobooks. This will make a much wider selection available to me than what I’ve been able to find at the library.

Here’s the bible verse I got in my email yesterday:

1 Timothy 4:12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

Today is my 40th birthday, but apparently God thinks I’m still young, so that’s good enough for me.

Journal - SFSite.com

2010-11-29T14:39:00.000-06:00

So where was I? Oh yeah, putting my links on Audiobook Jukebox. Okay, I spent a few days putting my links on Audiobook Jukebox, I had 100 book reviews, so I put up ten links a day for ten days. After three or four days of that, the lady from Jukebox, her name is Susan, emailed me again with another opportunity. She told me that she is also the review editor for a science fiction audiobook review website called SFSite.com, and asked if I would be interested in writing some reviews for them.

She told me that SFSite gets about 250,000 hits per month, and I figure even if she’s exaggerating, that’s still a much bigger audience than I get at Audiobook Heaven. Any review I write for SFSite will have a link back to my own blog, which could send a lot of traffic my way. Susan said I would retain the copyright to any review I write, and I can still post the reviews on my own blog, even if they are published on SFSite.

That sounds like a pretty good deal already, but here’s the best part. I get free audiobooks! Susan has a web page with a list of science fiction audiobooks on it. I can pick any book off the list and she will send it to me in the mail. This is especially exciting because, since I went blind almost two years ago, I’ve had a hard time getting my hands on science fiction audiobooks. Libraries carry a few, but they usually stick to books that will appeal to more people. Science fiction has been my passion since I read my first Jules Verne back in the third grade, so this is pretty exciting to me. Oh, and I get to keep the audiobooks, too.

So anyway, Susan told me to start out with four books, so I went to her book list and picked out the four I wanted. They got here last Saturday, but I haven’t started one yet, I’m listening to John Grisham’s "The Firm" and I want to finish it first.

Isn’t that exciting?! There’s no guarantee that my reviews will be accepted, but it will be fun giving it a try. I kind of feel like a minor league player who has been called up to the majors. I don’t get paid anything, but I get the free books, and if one of my reviews is accepted, it could mean a lot of exposure for Audiobook Heaven.

Believe it or not, there’s even more exciting news on this topic, but I’m going to save that for later. See you soon!

John 9:4 As long as it is day, we must do the works of Him who sent me. Night is coming when no one can work. NIV

Journal - Audiobook Jukebox

2010-11-19T23:51:00.001-06:00

Hey kids, I wanted to share something kind of exciting that happened last week. Or maybe it first started a couple of weeks ago, I’m not sure. Anyway, I received a comment on one of my audiobook reviews over at Audiobook Heaven from someone I didn’t know, which hardly ever happens. In the comment, there was a link to a website called Audiobook Jukebox. Now, usually when someone posts a link in a comment to your blog, it is spammers who are just trying to get traffic to their site, and usually those sites are not the type that respectable internet surfers like to visit. I always promptly delete those from my blog, and even though this one didn’t seem as bad as others I have seen, I deleted it anyway because I just don’t like having other people’s links there.

Well, about a week later, I got an email from that same person, and the email said about the same thing the comment said so I decided to check it out. Oh, I should mention that my email address is visible in my Blogger profile to anyone who cares to go looking for it, so there was nothing underhanded at work there. I visited Audiobook Jukebox, and it seemed perfectly legitimate to me so I asked this person for more information.

Audiobook Jukebox is a fairly new blog, started about three months ago, I think. The person who contacted me is one of the founders of the site, and their basic goal is to create a central gathering place for audiobook enthusiasts. People who write audiobook reviews, like myself, can put links on Audiobook Jukebox that lead back to the reviews on our own sites. In other words, the reviews stay on my site, but Audiobook Jukebox will have links to them that people can click on. It’s kind of a win/win situation. People who like to read audiobook reviews can find a great wealth of them at Audiobook Jukebox, maybe even multiple reviews of the same audiobook, and those of us who write the reviews can get greater exposure, thereby increasing traffic to our reviews. Since I began putting my links there, my hits have gone from about 10 per day, to around 40 per day, which makes me very happy.

So that’s been pretty exciting. I just posted my 100th audiobook review, and I have links to 70 of them on Audiobook Jukebox so far.

This story may get even better! I got another email from this person on Friday, asking if I would be interested in another opportunity that she has to offer. I won’t reveal any details yet, I want to check it out first, but it sounds pretty cool.

This has been a nice little ray of sunshine for me, when things have been looking rather dark (no pun intended). This is kind of interesting, actually, because I was sort of talking to God Friday evening, and I said something like, “God, I’m trying to do what you want, but you gotta give me something to work with here.” It’s not usually a good idea to be demanding things from God, but in my own defense, I was really doingmore pleading than demanding. Anyway, it was only a few minutes after that when I checked my email and found out about this new opportunity, the one I’m not revealing yet. I sure hope this is coming from God, and not somewhere else, but I asked God to slam the door on it if it’s not from Him, so we’ll see what happens.

More on this later.

Acts 20:24 I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace. NIV

Lyric - Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)

2010-11-12T11:41:00.000-06:00

Breath of Heaven, Mary’s Song
Written and performed by
Amy Grant

I have traveled
Many moonless nights.
Cold and weary,
With a babe inside.
And I wonder what I’ve done.
Holy Father, you have come
And chosen me now
To carry Your Son.

I am waiting
In a silent prayer.
I am frightened
By the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone.
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven hold me together,
Be forever with me, breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven lighten my darkness,
Pour over me Your holiness, for You are holy.
Breath of heaven,
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder,
As you watch my face,
If a wiser one
Should have had my place?
But I offer all I am,
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven hold me together,
Be forever with me, breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven lighten my darkness,
Pour over me Your holiness, for You are holy.
Breath of heaven,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.

Gosh that’s a beautiful song, and I imagine these thoughts are probably very similar to what Mary was thinking. God placed a very big task on her shoulders, and she carried it out even though she must have felt very frightened and alone at times.

At some point in our lives, God asks each of us to carry out some difficult task. I wonder how many of us would drop everything, like Mary did, and carry out our task knowing that we would become outcasts. How many of us would say, “I don’t understand, Lord, but I offer all I am, for the mercy of Your plan.” I don’t think I would score very highly in this category. I try, but I still let my own wants get in the way of what God wants me to do. Boy, what if Mary had let her own feelings get in the way of what God wanted her to do. How many miracles are we missing out on today, because of our own selfishness? Not a very pleasant thought. But hey, it’s something we can all work on, right?

Journal - Christmas!

2010-11-11T10:08:00.001-06:00

Okay, now that I got that unpleasantness off my chest, maybe I can write about something nicer.

November is here already! Last year at this time, we already had a lot of snow on the ground, and it stayed there all winter. This year, we have had the most beautiful fall. Just two days ago it was almost 80 degrees. Today was a bit colder, and it sounds like winter is finally on its way, but I sure can’t complain about the fall we’ve had here in Nebraska.

Now that November is here, that means my favorite time of year is right around the corner. Christmas! I just couldn’t help myself, I started practicing some Christmas music on November 2. Joni and I will probably have the family over sometime in December, like we did last year, and I want to play my sax again. I’ve already downloaded three or four new songs and have been trying to decide what to play this year.

I have a really challenging version of “Let It Snow”. It’s a nice jazzy version in the style of Michael Buble. That’s pronounced boo-blay, not bubble. I actually got that song last year but I ended up not using it. I also have a nice rendition of “Silver Bells” in the style of sax player Sam Levine. I wasn’t sure about that one, but after I played it, I liked it a lot. I really want to try playing “Sleigh Ride” this year, but that song is extremely difficult because it’s very fast, and it changes keys a lot. That one will take a lot of work. I also came across a very beautiful song called “Breath of Heaven, Mary’s Song.” That was written and performed by Amy Grant, one of my favorite Christmas artists. It’s one of those rare songs that has beautiful music, and beautiful words. I think I’ll post the lyrics here tomorrow. I also got a copy of Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas Is You”, another challenging song that moves along quickly.

So I have my work cut out for me, but as always, I am very excited about it. I have always enjoyed playing Christmas music more than any other kind. I’ve been practicing in the afternoons, while Joni does her cleaning. She has already begun her nook and cranny holiday cleaning of the house. Now we just need to decide what to feed everyone. I was thinking of getting several boxes of cereal and having kind of a breakfast cereal buffet. I wonder if everyone would mind that. We’ll have to think about that.

Journal - Recap

2010-11-10T11:57:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I already talked about how I met Lion Lady at the dentist’s office that day, was that in July, or was it August? Anyway we got to talking and she said that the Lions would pay for my surgery. I said that was great but I was really more concerned with all the doctor visits before and after the surgery. She said the Lions would pay for that too. I thought that over for a few days and then I called her up and said “Let’s do it!” So she gave me the contact info for the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha, and I called and made an appointment for September 20.

Meanwhile, Lion Lady was researching my case and learning about my goofy Medicaid and all that. She learned that if I had some kind of insurance policy, even if it was just a cancer policy or something, with a monthly premium of $277 or so, that I would qualify for no-cost Medicaid. So she called me and said the Lions could get me a policy and pay the premium for six months or so and then all my medical expenses would be covered for that period of time. I told her that was a great idea. Soon after that, I heard from Lion Lady again. She said she had approached her group with my case and they had offered a one-time payment of $125 toward my doctor bills. That all happened before my first trip to Omaha on September 20. Lion Lady said she would keep working on it, so I went ahead and made the trip with the $125 they had given me, which ended up being about one-tenth of the total cost for that visit.

I can’t remember the exact chain of events after that, but here’s the gist of it. Lion Lady called to tell me that her group had agreed to pay $350 toward my deductible for one month, and that the national Lions group would match that, for a total of $700 which would almost cover my deductible for one month. The next time I talked to her, she didn’t sound like she understood my situation at all. She said the Lions were going to pay $1400, and that they would apply that to whichever month I had the most expense. I tried to explain that my out-of-pocket expense would never be more than $788, because that’s what my deductible is, but she didn’t seem to understand that. And she talked about $1400 as if we had spoken of it before. It was a very confusing conversation. Anyway, sometime during all this, I had my second appointment in Omaha on October 13. I think that last conversation took place shortly after that appointment.

That was the last time I spoke with Lion Lady, but apparently she told my mom that the Lions were going to pay for my surgery, but no doctor bills at all. That’s kind of silly because the surgery won’t cost me any more than the doctor visits.

So to summarize, here’s what I have heard:

1. The Lions will pay for your surgery and all your doctor visits.
2. The Lions will get you an insurance policy and all your medical expenses will be covered.
3. The Lions will pay $125 and that’s it.
4. The Lions will pay $700 toward one month’s deductible.
5. The Lions will pay $1400 toward whichever month you have the most expense.
6. The Lions will pay for surgery, but no doctor visits.

I’m pretty frustrated. I was supposed to go back to Omaha today, November 10, for my third visit, but I cancelled the appointment. The only reason I went to Omaha was because the Lions told me to. Since they’re not paying for it, I figure I may as well get this done closer to home, in Kearney or Hastings. I’m also debating on whether or not I should just wait until April when I will be eligible for Medicare. I don’t know if the Medicare will be any better than Medicaid, but it can’t be any worse.

Part of me wishes I had never run into Lion Lady at the dentist’s office that day. I was waiting patiently, and everything was fine. Now everything feels all screwed up again. Another part of me, or maybe it’s the same part, is angry at God. Sometimes I feel like I have been completely abandoned, even though the other part of me knows that isn’t true. It sort of feels like I am right back at square one.

Oh well, the sun will continue to rise each morning (probably), my body will continue to draw breath each day (supposedly), and the earth will keep spinning on its axis (presumeably). Maybe on one of those days that are most likely coming, something good will happen.

Unanswered Prayers

2010-10-12T10:40:00.000-05:00

Unanswered Prayers
By Garth Brooks

Just the other night a hometown football game My wife and I ran into my old high school flame And as I introduced them the past came back to me And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be She was the one that I'd wanted for all times And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then I'd never ask for anything again Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams And I could tell that time had changed me Inn her eyes too it seemed We tried to talk about the old days There wasn't much we could recall I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all And as she walked away and I looked at my wife And then and there I thanked the good Lord For the gifts in my life Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

I get so frustrated sometimes when I pray and pray for something, and it seems like God just isn’t listening. I keep forgetting that God isn’t always going to give me everything I want, as if He were a white-bearded Santa Claus. No, we can have all the faith in the world, but God will still only give us the things we need, or things that we will use wisely and not take for granted. Sometimes I just need a little reminder. This time, the reminder came through Pastor Mike when he quoted a few lines from this song which, not being a fan of country music, I have never heard before.

Pastor Mike’s sermon last Sunday was about answered, and unanswered, prayer and this song fit in very nicely. I should mention here that I almost missed the message entirely. My mind was wandering during the sermon, as it sometimes does, but I caught the reference to the song. Today, I remembered the song and decided to look it up. God knows that a song will always capture, and hold, my attention where other devices may not, so I guess that’s why He had Pastor Mike slip this one into his sermon.

James 4:3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

We always ask for God to change our circumstances, when actually God uses our circumstances to change us.
Joyce Meyer

Journal - What Do Doctors Know Anyway?

2010-09-21T12:21:00.003-05:00

Hi gang. I’ve already written to some of you, and if I have, this will largely be a recap of what you already know.

On Monday, Joni, Adam, and I traveled to Omaha for my visit to the doctor. I saw Doctor Halgren who is a cornea specialist associated with the University of Nebraska Medical Center. We left home at 10 o’clock, and arrived just in time for my 2 o’clock appointment, allowing for a lunch stop in York. I’m sorry to say that the news I got was not so great.

In my left eye, the eye I had a cornea transplant on back in 2003, the prospects do not look good at all. I was not surprised to hear him say that the transplanted cornea is breaking down. That thing has been through the wringer. Also, I already knew there was a significant cataract in that eye, so that was no surprise either. The bad news started with the retina. The doctor said there are signs that the retina has become detached. Since the retina is behind the cataract, he won’t know for sure until I get an ultrasound, but he thinks it could be bad. He said if the detachment is severe enough, he would probably not be inclined to do any work on that eye at all because it just wouldn’t be worth it. Also, the pressure in the left eye is extremely low. As you may know, our eyes are filled with fluid. There is an organ in there that is constantly producing new fluid, and also a drainage system to let the old fluid out. For the eye to remain healthy, there has to be a certain degree of balance between fluid in, and fluid out. Normal eye pressure is between 10 and 20, I don’t know what the unit of measurement is called. My pressure today was 5. Doc says that could mean that the eye is simply shutting down. At the time, I didn’t think to ask what happens when an eye shuts down, but I guess it can’t be anything good. Anyway, Halgren said that all of these complications since my transplant are not out of the ordinary for someone with eczema and allergies. I’m a little surprised that Doctor Hargrave back in Dallas never mentioned that.

In my right eye he said I need a transplant, of course I already knew that. He also said there is a significant cataract in that eye which I didn’t know, but didn’t surprise me that much. Pressure on that eye was 9, which is low, but not alarmingly so. He said that if I get a transplant in the right eye, I may very well experience the same complications I had with the left, and he said the odds of any success there are about 50/50.

So that’s where it stands. I’m scheduled to go back next Wednesday for the ultrasound, but about halfway home I realized that I have a dentist appointment that day. I think I’ll keep the dentist appointment. Maybe I’ll reschedule the ultrasound, and maybe I won’t. I honestly don’t know right now. Well, that’s not entirely true. I will most likely go ahead with it, but it probably won’t be right away. I still need to find out what the Lions are going to do anyway.

I suppose I should be depressed about all this, but I really don’t feel too bad. When it’s all said and done, I don’t think this really changes anything. It was in God’s hands before, and it is still in His hands now. Is a bad prognosis from a doctor going to influence the will of God? Of course not. Doctors are smart people, but they are just that, people, and I think doctors tend to be a bit near-sighted anyway, if you know what I mean. There is still hope. As long as I live and breathe, there will be hope.

1 Peter 4:12-13 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. NIV

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. NKJV

When you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.
--Victor Hugo

News - Huskies Husked!

2010-09-19T20:38:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, September 18, the Nebraska Cornhuskers traveled to Seattle, Washington to take on the Washington Huskies for their third game of the season. Nebraska entered the contest with a number 8 ranking, down two spots after a questionable performance against Idaho last week.

The big questions facing the Cornhuskers this week were: 1) could they clean up their game after a sloppy performance last week where they committed four turnovers, and over a hundred yards in penalties, and 2) how would freshman quarterback Taylor Martinez perform in his first away game, facing a very large and potentially hostile crowd.

Both questions were answered very favorably. Far from being intimidated, Taylor Martinez completed 7 of 11 passes for 150 yards, and also rushed for 137 yards including three touchdown scampers. Martinez was one of three Huskers to rush for more than 100 yards, the other two being Roy Hellu and Rex Burkhead. As a whole, the offense played a much cleaner game, losing only 1 of 2 fumbles, as opposed to last week’s 3 of 8. Both fumbles were committed by backup quarterback Cody Green. The penalty situation was much improved as well, only 6 I think, and one of those was a delay of game, committed intentionally to give the kicker a little more room to work..

Nebraska exploded in the opening minutes of the game, scoring on a long run by Taylor Martinez. Then it was the Blackshirt defense’s turn to show off a little, intercepting Washington quarterback Jake Locker’s first pass, and returning it for a touchdown. Four minutes into the game, Nebraska was up 14 to 0. The rest of the first half was much the same, with Nebraska and Washington each scoring two more touchdowns. The halftime score was: Nebraska 28, Washington 14.

The beginning of the second half saw another scoring explosion. Taylor Martinez scored another long touchdown run on the very first play of the second half. Washington answered right back with two long plays and a touchdown of their own. Nebraska’s next possession took them all the way down the field in only four plays, making the score 42 to 21. The rest of the game was largely uneventful, Nebraska scored twice more, while Washington never saw the endzone again. The final score was: Nebraska 56, Washington 21.

Husker fans everywhere gave a big sigh of relief at the end of this game, after finally seeing their team really dominate on both sides of the ball. Most impressive to mewas the performance of Nebraska’s defense against a team who reputedly has one of the best quarterbacks in the nation. Washington QB Jake Locker is expected to be picked very high in next year’s NFL draft, but against the Blackshirts he completed only 4 of 20 passes for 71 yards, and was picked off twice. Voters across the country were apparently impressed as well. The updated poll for this week shows Nebraska back up to the number 6 spot, having leapfrogged over Texas and Oklahoma.

It was great to see Nebraska play so well, but in all honesty, it is still too soon to tell if the Huskers are ready for the big time, as they have not yet faced a ranked opponent. Next week’s game against South Dakota will be our last non-conference matchup before we begin facing some tougher opponents in the Big 12.

News - Hope for Keratoconus Patients

2010-09-18T09:24:00.001-05:00

For the last 10 years, researchers have been studying a relatively new procedure for the treatment and possible prevention of keratoconus. Collagen Cross-Linking, or CXL, can strengthen weakened corneas, and prevent further deterioration which can lead to keratoconus.

Our corneas, the clear, outer lens of the eye which is responsible for focusing light into the eye, are made up of multiple layers of a protein called collagen. In between the layers of collagen are cross links which add strength to the cornea, like the support beams of a building. For largely unknown reasons, these cross links sometimes begin to break down, causing the cornea to become thinner and weaker. When this happens, the cornea may begin to bulge outward, causing a deterioration in vision. This condition is called keratoconus.

In the early stages of keratoconus, simple corrective lenses can often correct vision, but as the condition progresses, special contac lenses may be required, and in severe cases a cornea transplant may be necessary. In a 10 year study of CXL, researchers found that the procedure stopped further deterioration of the cornea in 95% of cases, and actually improved visionn 60-80% of the time.

The CXL procedure is very simple. The patient receives an eye drop containing the vitamin B2, or Riboflavin, and then simply lays back and looks into an ultraviolet light for about 30 minutes. The UV light is a very mild dose, less than you might get on an afternoon walk, and is what activates the riboflavin, which in turn adds new cross links to the cornea, making it stronger and preventing further vision loss. This is all done in the doctor’s office on an out-patient basis.

CXL is not a cure for keratoconus, but when applied in the early stages it can stop the progression of the condition before it reaches a critical stage. CXL can be performed on virtually anyone over the age of twelve, and can even be performed on patients who have already had transplants, if the transplanted cornea begins to develop keratoconus. In rare cases where the CXL is not effective, a cornea transplant can still be performed. The CXL procedure can be repeated if necessary, but research indicates that a single treatment may have permanent results, unlike transplants wich typically last 10 to 20 years.

This is exciting news for the future of keratoconus patients. Modern medical science is doing some pretty amazing things, and I can’t wait to see what they come up with next.

Special thanks to Joni for bringing this to my attention.

HALT

2010-09-17T10:19:00.001-05:00

When I was in the tenth grade, my American History teacher was Mister Priebe (pronounced pree’ bee). As part of our coursework, we had to learn all of the presidents in order. Six of the presidents are Tyler, Polk, Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce, Buchanan. To help us remember those six presidents, Mister Priebe gave us a simple word association technique. He told us to imagine Tyler poking Taylor, and Fillmore piercing Buchanan. He even made little hand gestures to indicate poking and piercing.

That was almost 25 years ago, and I remember very few of the presidents now, but I’ll never forget Tyler, Polk, Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce, Buchanan. Word association can be a powerful memory aid. Mister Priebe knew that, and thanks to him, it’s a lesson I learned at an early age. I often try to come up with little word association gimmicks to help me remember things.

I wanted to share with you today, another word association that I learned recently. This one comes from Charles Stanley, who I frequently listen to on the radio. Doctor Stanley has been talking a lot lately about satan’s attacks against us: how and when these attacks come, and what we can do about it.

In one sermon, Stanley identified four moments in our lives when we are most vulnerable and susceptible to the wiles of our enemy. The four dangerous times for us are when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. During these moments of weakness, satan will invariably mount an attack against us, and this is when we have to HALT. Before doing or saying something we would not normally do or say, we have to stop and re-focus our attention on God.

As an example from scripture, Doctor Stanley presented the story of Jesus fasting in the wilderness for 40 days. After 40 days, we can be sure that Jesus was feeling hungry, lonely, and tired, and lo and behold, up pops the devil to tempt him.

I’ve been trying to implement this into my own life since I first heard about it, and have found that it really helps me. When I feel tempted by some particular sin, I try to pinpoint which of the four weaknesses I am suffering from, and then ask God to help me through it. I’ve even found that it can be done proactively, rather than waiting for the attack to come. On Wednesday I was very tired because I hadn’t slept very well the night before, and I was also a little angry over the bad news I had gotten from the Lion’s Club. I was just sitting on the sofa thinking about how tired I was, and I suddenly stopped and thought, “I better be careful today, or satan will get me.” And you know what happened? Nothing! No attacks, and no temptations. I walked into a potentially dangerous situation, but I had my armor on and God carried me through it.

Thank you Charles Stanley for passing this on, and thank you Jesus for showing me how to overcome our enemy!

Matthew 4:1-11 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, He was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. Then the devil took Him to the holy city and had Him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written: He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test. Again, the devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ”All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me.” Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only. Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

News - Success With Synthetic Corneas

2010-09-16T14:08:00.001-05:00

For the first time, doctors in Canada and Sweden have used artificial corneas to restore vision to the blind. In an initial study in Sweden, ten patients were given artificial cornea implants in one eye. After two years, doctors found that the synthetic cornea implants worked at least as well as natural transplants from human donors.

This is significant for a couple of reasons. In the United States, there are more than 42,000 cornea transplants performed every year. While there is little problem getting corneas here in the US, that is not the case in other countries around the world where there are fewer donors. The United States actually exports around 10,000 corneas every year.

In addition, artificial corneas may even prove to be better than natural donated tissue in the long run. Our corneas are made up of multiple layers of collagen. Collagen is a protein that occurs naturally in our bodies, and is often referred to as the glue that holds our bodies together. Collagen is what holds our bones, tendons, muscle, and ligaments together. These new artificial corneas are made from a synthetic collagen which very closely matches the protein in our bodies. In the ten test subjects, doctors found that the cells and nerves of the eye began to grow into the cornea implants, until they very closely resembled a natural, healthy cornea, eventually becoming sensitive to touch, and allowing natural tears to form. For this reason, the risk of infection or rejection is greatly reduced, and no anti-rejection drugs are required.

With the success of this first test, the doctors involved in the study are planning a second test phase involving 25 patients. It may be some time yet before this new technology is available to everyone, but this is exciting news for patients with corneal scarring or keratoconus. No more waiting for a donated cornea, and no more worries of the transplant being rejected. I have experienced both of these worries first-hand, and I can tell you that this is a huge leap forward.

Special thanks to Uncle Butch for alerting me to this story.

Journal - Waiting For A Miracle

2010-09-16T00:22:00.002-05:00

Tuesday night I didn’t sleep very well. Don’t know why, just couldn’t sleep. I went to bed at 12:30 which is about my usual time. When I go to bed, I put on my headphones and listen to an audiobook, or a DVS movie, and I’m usually ready to go to sleep in no time at all. Last night, I put on my headphones and listened to an entire movie, and I still wasn’t sleepy. I started another movie and got most of the way through that one before I finally started to nod off. Even after all that, I still woke up early, about 6:30 I think. Instead of going right back to sleep like I usually would, I felt pretty awake, so I put my headphones back on and finished the movie I started.

I did go back to sleep for a while, but I couldn’t sleep late because I had a 10:00 dentist appointment Wednesday morning. The dentist made all the final preparations on my tooth to get it ready for a crown. The procedures took a full hour and a half. There was very little pain involved, but it was a long time to sit in that chair. Right now I have a temporary crown, and when I go back on the 29th I get the permanent one. That should be a quick and simple visit and then I’ll be done with dentists for a while.

Now I need to back up for a minute. On Tuesday, I got a call from Lion Lady. She had been talking with my social worker about my Medicaid. Social Worker Lady told Lion Lady about how if I had a private insurance plan costing $277 per month, I would qualify for full Medicaid, instead of the useless kind I have now. It took Lion Lady about 10 seconds to figure out that this would be a much more cost effective way to get me seeing again, and back in the work force, something none of the various government agencies have been able to figure out. So Lion Lady called this outfit in Hastings called Fiddler’s to see if they could help me out with that. Lion Lady is very much on the ball. She said that the Lion’s could pay for six months worth of insurance, which would probably get me well on my way. Good plan!

Anyway, when I was talking to Lion Lady about all this, she said to let her know right away how it went with Fiddler’s because she was meeting with her Lion’s Club that very evening to pitch my case. That came as a surprise to me, because I thought this was a done deal and no pitching would be necessary.

Back to Wednesday. When I got home from the dentist, I had two messages on my phone. One was from Fiddler’s, and the other was from Lion Lady wondering if I had heard from Fiddler’s. Before I could do much of anything, my phone rang and it was Lion Lady again. She said her Lion’s group had declined to help me, except for the $125 she had initially pledged toward my appointment next Monday. She said the problem was that her group is in Ravenna, and they don’t like to help people outside of that small town. Lion Lady was very displeased with her group, I could tell by her voice before she came right out and said it. We talked for several more minutes about other options and possibilities. She made it clear that she wasn’t giving up, and would keep fighting for me.

So after that, Joni and I were talking about possibly approaching other Lion’s chapters in the area, when Joni wondered aloud if Minden had a chapter. Duh! I was looking around the Lion’s website a couple of weeks ago, and I remembered seeing Minden on the list. Since we actually live in Minden, we thought that might be a possibility.

Later that afternoon, Lion Lady came out to the house to deliver the $125 check. I think she offered to bring it out instead of us going to pick it up because she felt so bad about what happened. While she was here, I asked about Minden, and she said yup, Minden has a chapter, and in fact, she used to belong to it, and knows several people in the organization. So one hope was dashed, and another kindled.

The upshot is this: I am going forward with my appointment on the 20th. I will go to the doctor and wait for a miracle. God tells us that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, and I believe it. That’s what faith is all about, isn’t it? Just kind of throwing yourself out there with the full expectation that God will carry you through. My period of waiting served its purpose, and now it is time for a leap of faith.

By the way, the other day I asked our church if they could help me with my dental bills. Today, I got an email saying that they would indeed help me out with a large portion of it. That email came today because God wanted me to know that He is still there, watching out for me.

Luke 17:5-6 The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!” He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.

Journal - Plans Coming Together

2010-09-13T14:54:00.002-05:00

Just a quick update on recent events. I finally called Lion Lady Sunday evening to ask for a letter from the Lion’s Club that I could take to the doctor next Monday. She said that was no problem, and she asked me for the doctor’s phone number so she could call and discuss payment.

This morning, Lion Lady called to let me know she had spoken with the doctor’s office. They told her that I would need to pay $125 up front, so Lion Lady told me she would have a check ready for me to take along. She then asked for the phone number of my social worker so she could talk to her about my Medicaid. I also had to call my social worker to tell her it was okay to speak with Lion Lady about my case, which I did as soon as I got off the phone with Lion Lady.

So things are coming together for my first visit to the doctor in Omaha. His name is Doctor Halgren, by the way, and he is a cornea specialist at the University of Nebraska Medical Center.

I was very encouraged to hear from Lion Lady today, and I feel much better knowing that she has personally spoken with the doctor’s office, and my social worker. I’ve really been worrying that I would get to Omaha on Monday, only to find that something got mixed up because I didn’t tell the right person the right thing or something. I’ve been praying and praying for God to ease my mind on these matters, and He came through once again. Now all I have to worry about is flat tires, car trouble, getting lost, and things like that. Hahaha! We humans are funny aren’t we? We can always find something to worry about.

Here’s something Mom emailed me the other day. She said it is from a page in her calendar:
I believe in the sun, even when it is cloudy.
I believe in love, even when I am not feeling it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.

Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. ESV

Isaiah 12:2 Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. NIV

News - Huskers Victorious Over Vandals

2010-09-11T21:19:00.002-05:00

On Saturday, September 11, the Nebraska Cornhuskers took on the Idaho Vandals at Memorial Stadium in Lincoln. Both teams came to this week 2 match-up with one win already under their belts, Nebraska having defeated Western Kentucky, and Idaho with a win over North Dakota.

Idaho was expected to be a tougher opponent for the Huskers than WKU was last week, and in that they did not disappoint. All-in-all, the Vandals scored 17 points, passed for 219 yards, and took away 4 turnovers from Nebraska, 3 fumbles and one interception. This would seem to raise some questions about the strength of Nebraska’s defense, but at the post-game press conference, coach Bo Pelini said he was pleased with the overall performance of his defense, and felt that they had a better understanding of his game-plan than they did last week.

If you look at the numbers a little further, it is clear that coach Bo was right to praise his squad. The Blackshirts gave up only 60 rushing yards, recorded 7 sacks for a total loss of 80 yards, and took away one fumble and 4 interceptions, including two that were returned for touchdowns.

Pelini was not impressed with the play of his offense, however. They did manage to rack up 471 yards of offense, including 360 on the ground, but only came away with 39 points when they clearly should have had much more. The offensive squad fumbled the ball no less than eight times, losing three to the Vandals, and Martinez threw one interception. Nebraska was also called for 10 penalties for a total loss of 110 yards, some of those coming at crucial moments when Nebraska was poised to score. Turnovers and penalties are silly mental errors that occur in every game, but Nebraska had way too many of them today.

The quarterback situation in Nebraska, if there ever was one, seems to have resolved itself with freshman Taylor Martinez in the starting role. Sophomore Cody Green took a few snaps today to spell Martinez, while senior Zach Lee did not play at all. I feel bad for Lee, having to sit on the bench for his senior year, but football is big business, especially in Nebraska, and the coaches have to put their best players on the field. Today, Martinez completed 12 of 17 passes for 106 yards, and rushed for a stunning 156 yards.

At the end of the day, a win is a win, and if you take away the mental errors, the team performed reasonably well. Nebraska was ranked number 6 this week, and I’ll be watching the polls to see if they move into the top 5 before their first road game next week in Seattle, Washington where they will take on the Washington Huskies. That’s right, it will be the Huskers versus the Huskies.

Memories - September 11

2010-09-11T09:27:00.002-05:00

Our lives are made up of memories. Every single person in the world has their own set of experiences, and their own memories. It’s what makes us all unique. Like stars spread across the night sky, some memories are very clear and bright, while others are dim and almost unseen. And then there are those memories that are so bright, they are almost like a moon, blotting out all points of light within their radius. Those are the memories that are so powerful, they can command all of our senses, if only briefly, reminding us of sights and sounds and smells, of one endless moment of time, years, or even decades later.

When I was in high school, one of my history teachers, Mister Standage, was talking about moments like the ones I described above. The example he gave from his own generation was the day President Kennedy was assassinated. Mister Standage said that we could ask just about anyone in our parents generation about that day, and they could tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news.

In my own set of experiences and memories, there are two historical events that I consider to be real “moon” moments. The first was the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger. I’ll never forget that image on the television, the thick, white exhaust trail going up into the sky, then, at the moment of the explosion, splitting off into two separate trails, forming a gigantic letter Y in the sky. The second moment is, as you may have guessed, the disasters of September 11. That is the memory I want to talk about today, on the 9th anniversary of the occasion.

In early July of 2001, my wife and I moved from Kansas City to Dallas. I spent July looking for a new job and finally found one at the beginning of August, although I was not to begin work until August 20. I was just three weeks into my new job at UPS when the towers fell.

We were sitting around at work that morning as usual. I don’t remember the exact time, or even what day of the week it was, was it a Tuesday? News began to filter through the office that something had happened in New York. An airplane had flown into one of the World Trade Center towers. How could that be? Was it a student? Someone taking a flying lesson? My own initial thought was that it must have been a small, single-engine airplane. I don't think it occurred to any of us at that early stage that it could have been a huge passenger jet full of people.

Soon enough, we learned that it had indeed been a passenger jet, and it wasn’t long before more news began to trickle in. A second plane hit the other tower. A third crashed into the Pentagon. Another went down somewhere in Pennsylvania. Of course, by this time, there was no question that this was no mistake. There was such an overall feeling of dread as we waited to see what would happen next. Waited for the next shoe to drop. By the time the two towers in New York City came crashing down, we knew what it was to be afraid. All over the country, people were beginning to panic. The office towers in downtown Dallas were being evacuated, my supervisor’s husband worked in one of them. We assumed it was the same in every major city.

I remember taking a lot of cigarette breaks that day. I kept going out to my car to turn on the radio for a few minutes. All of the local stations had begun non-stop coverage of the event, and there was no music at all. I so clearly remember sitting in my car with the radio on, desperate to learn what was going on. .

The building that I worked in at that time was not far from DFW airport, the main airport in the Dallas, Fort Worth metro. The constant sound of the big jets coming and going had become little more than background noise to us, something barely noticed. Unnoticed, that is, until it was gone. The thing I remember most about that long day, is the eerie silence. There was not a single plane taking off or landing. Every time you stepped out the door you were struck by that oppressive silence. I don’t even have the words to describe how creepy that felt. It was like the whole world was holding its breath, waiting to see what would happen next

Well, I don’t think we got much work done that day. September 11 was probably the most non-productive day the business world had ever seen. Anyone in the office who had a walkman had their headphones glued in, passing on new information as it developed. The rest of us hung on their every word. All I wanted to do was go home and turn on the tv.

When I did finally get home, I turned on the set and couldn’t take my eyes from the ghastly images. An office tower with a gaping hole in the side; a tremendous column of thick black smoke gushing from the wound; tiny figures falling or jumping in an attempt to escape. The devastation of the two towers crashing down, one after the other. It was so unbelievable, more like a movie than real life. That was a hard day for America, and for Americans. I will never forget the silence of that day, or the terrible images on the television.

I’m sorry to say that I was not a Christian on September 11, 2001. If I had been, I would probably have uttered that burning question that was no doubt being echoed all over the country: “Why would God let something like this happen?” I think I have already mentioned this somewhere in my blog before, but Billy Graham’s daughter, Anne Graham-Lotz, was asked that question in an interview shortly after September 11. I don’t remember her exact words, but it was something like “Our nation has been asking God to get out of our government and out of our schools for so long, that God, being the gentleman that He is, has calmly backed off.” That’s a hard truth, but a truth nonetheless. You hear it on the news all the time, prayer outlawed in the schools, the pledge of allegiance banned because it mentions God, people wanting to remove “In God We Trust” from our currency. We can’t expect God to go on protecting us when we, as a nation, have turned our backs on him.

But I digress. My last memory of September 11, concerns David Letterman. I watched Dave faithfully every weeknight for many years, and I’ll never forget his first show following the tragedy.

Dave refused to go on the air the rest of that week, but finally agreed to go on the following week at the behest of New York City mayor, Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani wanted to bring some normalcy back into the world, and knew that getting Dave back on the air would be a big step in that direction.

Dave’s first show was hardly normal, though. He didn’t do an opening monologue at all. He understood that it was no time for telling jokes. His first guest of the night was Dan Rather. Rather was so emotional over what had happened to his city that he could barely speak. There were tears in his eyes and his voice broke frequently. Letterman and Rather didn’t joke with each other, they just talked about what had happened, and began the healing process.

That healing process was a long one for us all, and I sometimes wonder if it isn’t still ongoing. We have moved on with our lives, and we think about September 11 less frequently than we used to, but we can never forget. We are reminded every time we go through airport security, or look at a photo of the New York City skyline, now and forever changed. It is our duty to remember such things. We owe it to the people who died, and preserving their memory is the least we can do.

Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.
--George Santayana, Reason in Common Sense

In every high and stormy gail,
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid rock, we stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
--Keith W Ward, The Solid Rock

Journal - Going to Omaha

2010-09-10T10:35:00.001-05:00

Last Tuesday, Joni and I stopped by Lion Lady’s house in Gibbon to pick up the information she had for me. We sat in her living room for a few minutes and chatted with her and her husband. They’re perfectly nice people. They have a little bischon dog that likes to lick. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the little bischon that I had for several years, Toby. Usually, instead of saying bischon, I just call them Toby-dogs. They’re such affectionate little things. Anyway, we couldn’t stay very long because Adam had a dentist appointment, We had just picked him up from school.

She told me about this low-vision center in Omaha where they send blind or visually impaired people. She said it’s a pretty new facility and the Lion’s paid for almost all of it. From what she told me, it sounds like a place where permanently blind people can get training for their daily lives. That’s not really what I need, and I told her so, but she said this would be the place for me to start. It’s called the Weigel Williamson Low-Vision Center.

Today, Thursday, I called them, and they confirmed that since what I need is surgery, they would not be the ones to help me. They did, however, give me the phone number for the eye clinic which is just a couple of blocks away from their. I discovered that these facilities are both part of the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha. So I called the eye clinic and made an appointment for Monday, September 20. They actually had an opening on the 16th, but that just felt too fast so I asked for a later appointment.

So I’m going to Omaha on the 20th. Omaha is about a three hour drive from here, so I’m not really looking forward to that. Travelling isn’t as much fun when you can’t see the scenery. But this might be the first major step in getting my sight back, and that’s well worth 6 hours in the car.

I’m still scared. I’m scared about having to make a lot of trips to Omaha. I’m scared they’ll tell me my eyes have deteriorated and there’s nothing they can do. I’m scared that money will get in the way somehow, as it so often does. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is totally out of my hands and that God will take care of it. If my first visit or two go smoothly, that will help ease my mind a lot, so I’m looking forward to having that part out of the way.

Oh, I almost forgot, I have to call Lion Lady again, too. I have to get a letter from her explaining that the Lion’s Club will be picking up the tab. I better go do that before I forget.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” NIV

Psalms 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? NKJv

Journal - Football Season

2010-09-09T11:46:00.000-05:00

It came, it finally came! For nine months I’ve waited for football season to begin, and it’s finally here. The college football season officially opened last Thursday, but Saturday, September 4 marked the season opener for the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Anticipation was particularly high this year because the pre-season polls showed Nebraska in the top ten for the first time in 9 years. Nebraska’s opponent for the season opener was the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky University.

There were two major questions facing the Huskers this year. First, would there be any improvement to last year’s impotent offense. I think the answer to that is a great big yes! In a surprising move, coach Bo Pelini started freshman quarterback, Taylor Martinez. Is Martinez any good? You betcha. Taylor rushed for more than 100 yards, including three touchdown runs. He seemed pretty solid throwing the ball too, completing a good percentage of his passes. Some of Martinez’s success should be credited to the offensive line which protected him well, also an improvement over last year. Last year’s backup quarterback, Cody Green, saw a fair amount of game-time, but last year’s starter, Zack Lee, didn’t come in until just 6 minutes were left in the game. Nebraska’s two main running backs, Roy Hellu, and Rex Burkhead, both had good success running the ball. Overall, I would say the offense looks very promising.

The second question facing the Huskers was: would the defense be as dominant as they were last year without superstar Ndamukong Suh (pronounced endomican sue), who was drafted by the Detroit Lions earlier this year. I’m still undecided on that one. The defense didn’t dominate Western Kentucky as much as I thought they would, giving up 10 points, and very nearly giving up another touchdown. That would have been another score for WKU, but the runner fumbled the ball just before he crossed the goal line, and Nebraska recovered. I felt it was a shaky start for the defense, but it’s only the first game of the season, and they have plenty of time to work out the bugs before they start facing ranked opponents.

The final score was: Nebraska 49, Western Kentucky 10. This week’s updated polls show Nebraska moving from number eight, up to number six. There will definitely be some things for the team to work on this week, but it was a good start to the football season.

Next week’s opponent is the Idaho Vandals. The reports I’ve read show Idaho to be a stronger opponent than WKU, but Nebraska is still a 28 point favorite. Game time is Saturday, September 11, at 11:30 am CST. See you there!

Ecclesiastes 9:10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

Joshua 1:7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.

Journal - Peaches

2010-09-08T14:39:00.002-05:00

On Friday, Bobbi called me and said their peach tree was overflowing with peaches and asked if we wanted to come pick some. So we did that Saturday morning. We came home with about 5 dozen, although they were small because the tree made so many. I decided to try canning them, which I have never done before. We’ve been saving glass jars for recycling, and I always wondered if they could be re-used for canning. I mean like pickle jars, or spaghetti sauce and things like that. I asked Mom, and she said they probably wouldn’t work, but you know me, I had to try it anyway. So after we got home with the peaches, I tried an alfredo sauce jar. I cleaned and sliced 10 peaches which turned out to be just enough for the pint-sized jar. These peaches, by the way, are incredibly sweet and juicy. I heated the sliced peaches on the stove and then Joni put them in the jar piping hot. After a couple of hours, the lid popped and the jar was sealed! It looked like my experiment was going to work.

That evening, I decided to do another jar. I cleaned up 10 more peaches and put them in a jar, but that jar never sealed so I had to put them in the refridgerator. Later on, Joni and I decided that the peaches hadn’t been as hot that time, and that’s why the jar didn’t seal properly.

So, Sunday after lunch, I tried some more. I cleaned up the rest of the peaches, about 30 this time. We made sure to get the peaches very hot before spooning them into jars, but alas, none of them sealed. My experiment was a failure. I did some reading online, and some people say that they use commercial jars all the time. Of course, there are other people that say you shouldn’t do that. For me, it only worked on one jar out of five.

So we had a lot of peaches that needed to be used right away before they went bad. I found a recipe for peach cobbler on the internet, and Joni made some Monday after supper. The recipe used two whole jars of peaches, the jars were smaller than I realized, only about two cups in each. The cobbler turned out pretty good, although it was not the best I’ve ever had. The dough was kind of plain. We still have three more jars of peaches, though, so we can experiment with more recipes. I also found a recipe for turnovers and I thought I might try that. All in all, it was kind of fun. It gave me something to do for a couple of days. And Bobbi and Mike’s tree probably still has peaches on it, so maybe we’ll go get some more.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

2 Corinthians 9:6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

News - Big 10 Conference Alignment

2010-09-01T20:54:00.000-05:00

Today, ESPN reported that the Big 10 conference alignment has been announced. College football fans know, of course, that Nebraska will be leaving the Big 12 conference after the end of the 2010 season, and will be joining the Big 10 conference beginning with the 2011 season. That will make a total of twelve teams in the Big 10, which means they must divide into two divisions, just as the old Big 12 conference is currently divided into North and South divisions.

The two divisions of the Big 10 conference will not be divided up geographically as the Big 12 was, however, so the divisions will probably not have names like North and South. It remains to be seen what kind of names the divisions are given.

So here’s the split: In one division will be Ohio State, Penn State, Illinois, Indiana, Wisconsin, and Purdue. In the other division will be Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Northwestern, Iowa, and Nebraska. The alignment is important because the teams that are in the same division will definitely play each other every year, but will not necessarily play all of the teams in the opposing division each year.

Big 10 officials knew that it would be difficult to come up with an alignment that would please everyone. In particular, Ohio State and Michigan have a long-standing rivalry that is in jeopardy now that the two schools are in separate divisions. It was reported, however, that efforts would be made to keep the rivalry alive.

As a Husker fan, it will be interesting, over the next several years, to see who Nebraska’s new rivals will be. Personally, I’m hoping for a Nebraska, Michigan rivalry. Michigan hasn’t had a good team for a few years now, but they will undoubtedly regain national attention again sooner or later. Also, Husker fans will undoubtedly remember the 1997 season in which Nebraska had to share the national championship with Michigan. I was also curious about playing Ohio State. Ohio State has been one of the top teams in the nation for several years and I wondered how Nebraska would match up against them. The two schools will be in different divisions so we may or may not play each other, but if both teams win their respective divisions, they could play each other for the Big 10 conference championship, which would make for a very exciting game. If Nebraska continues to improve as they have in recent years, we may indeed see such a match-up late next season.

Speaking of Nebraska’s improvement, many experts are predicting that the Huskers will have a good season this year, their last in the Big 12. Pre-season polls are showing Nebraska ranked number 7 or number 8. One ESPN analyst has even predicted that Nebraska may go all the way to the national championship this year, although it’s a bit early to be thinking that far ahead. We won’t have to wonder much longer, the football season begins in just three days when Nebraska will take on Western Kentucky on September 4, at 6pm.

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

Luke 1:37 For nothing will be impossible with God.

Journal - Some Lessons

2010-08-30T00:06:00.000-05:00

So we went to church this morning. When we got there, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to turn it off, as I always do before we go inside. Except that when I pushed the button, the phone turned on instead of off, and the low battery sound started chiming. I realized that my phone had gone dead and turned off at some point. The last time I had used it was Friday when Lion lady’s husband called me to say that his wife would call me sometime. I thought, “Great, she probably tried to call and my phone was dead.” I couldn’t check for messages right then because there wasn’t enough battery power left.

When we got inside and took our seats, Pastor Brian, one of the associate pastors, came over to talk to us. Pastor Brian always makes it a point to talk to us and ask for any updates on my situation. I told him that I had called Lion lady a couple of times but hadn’t heard back from her. I didn’t tell him that I let my phone go completely dead, though. He said that he would pray for God to urge Lion lady to respond in some way.

When we got home from church, I plugged my phone in right away to charge the battery. While it was plugged in, I went ahead and checked for messages but there was nothing; she still hadn’t called. I let the phone charge for a while, then unplugged it and set it back on the desk where I keep it.

It was only an hour or two later when my phone rang. It was the Lion lady. Lion lady does, by the way, have a name, but I’m not entirely sure if it would be appropriate to name her here. Anyway, she said that her husband had had back surgery and just came home from the hospital on Friday. I thought it was odd that he was the one who had called on Friday. She also said her grandson had been in the hospital. I felt bad because I had some unkind thoughts about her during the last week. I guess that is God’s way of reminding me not to be so quick to judge. Anyway, Lion lady said she had a packet of information for me and I could stop by and pick it up anytime. We’ll be in Gibbon on Tuesday for Adam’s dentist appointment so I said we would stop by Tuesday afternoon.

So what did I learn today? Letm e see: don’t be too quick to judge others. That’s been a little bit of a problem for me during the last couple of years. I get so caught up in feeling sorry for myself, that I sometimes forget that other people have problems too. God has to slap me upside the head sometimes and remind me of that. I also got a nice little reminder of the power of prayer. Pastor Brian said he would pray for a response, and by golly I got one, just a few hours later.

As I am writing this, another thought occurs to me as well. I’ve been praying for a response from Lion lady all week, but it was not until I shared my concern with someone else, and got that person praying as well, that God made something happen. I’ve heard Doctor Stanley talk about this on the radio. It is so important for others to pray for us, as it is important for us to pray for them. Prayer is a powerful thing, but when many members of Christ’s body come together toward a common purpose, that’s when miracles begin to happen.

And once again, God has used my blog to help me understand some things. I sat down here simply to report on what happened today, but in doing so, I now see that there was a lot more going on beneath the surface that I might have missed. Writing things down has proven to be a pretty good way to organize my thoughts.

James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Journal - The Plot Thickens

2010-08-27T20:14:00.001-05:00

Okay, so we went to Brad’s house in Axtell today. The wheels have never made any noise at all since Joni cleaned them off with the hose yesterday, and they were perfectly quiet all the way to Axtell today. Brad went ahead and pulled off the front wheels to look at the brake pads and he said they look fine. Wow, what a relief! I’ve been wondering about my brakes anyway because it’s been 6 or 7 years since I had any brake work done on the truck and I didn’t really know how long pads are supposed to last. Anyway, that’s a big load off my mind.

Well, right in the middle of that last paragraph, my phone rang. It was the Lion lady’s husband returning my call from last Saturday. He had no idea who I was, just asked me if I was trying to get in touch with his wife. I reminded him that I’m the blind guy who’s been trying to reach her and then he remembered. He said she would call me but he didn’t know when, maybe tonight or tomorrow. Not quite the response I was looking for, but I’m glad someone finally called back. I haven’t yet received any response to my email from yesterday.

Oh, while we were at Brad’s, DJ stopped by. DJ is Brad’s daughter, my niece, and she’s just starting her second year at the University in Kearney. Every time I’ve seen DJ over the last year, she’s been trying to get a cell phone that she likes and that does all the things she wants it to. Today, she had a new one but she still wasn’t very happy with it. She’s funny. I like DJ though, she’s a good girl. And she plays the saxophone so that makes her pretty cool in my book. Also, Brad said that his oldest son, Daniel, got a job at the Baldwin’s factory in Kearney. Good news for Daniel because I’m sure that will pay better than Burker King where he was working before. Brad’s youngest son Taylor is in eighth grade this year and is playing quarterback on the football team like last year. Maybe Taylor will play for the Huskers some day, that would be awesome.

So the week ended on a high note. I sure needed that, it was a rough week. Once again, God has shown me that all my doubts and worries were for nothing. I thought I was going to end up with a huge repair bill for the truck, and it turned out to be fine. Okay God, I get it, you don’t have to rub my nose in it!

Hebrews 13:1-2 Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing, some people have entertained angels without knowing it.

Journal - The Lion Sleeps Tonight

2010-08-26T21:19:00.001-05:00

Well, I’m overdue for an update, so here goes.

I called the lady from the Lion’s Club last Saturday. I had called her a couple of weeks before that and left a message with her husband. She called me back two days later and left me a message, then I called her and left another message. That was it for about a week until I finally called her again last Saturday. She never has called me back so now I’m starting to wonder what that was all about. Maybe she’s away on vacation or something. I debated for a few days about how much I wanted to try and force the issue, but I finally decided I do want to push it. Today I searched the internet and found an email address for the Lion’s Club in Kearney. I sent an email with a brief explanation of my situation and asked if they could help me. I didn’t mention my attempts to contact this other lady, just told them I was trying to get help paying for eye surgery. She might be with the Lion’s in Kearney for all I know, I thought Gibbon had its own chapter but the Lion’s website didn’t show one. So we’ll see if anything comes of that. If nobody answers my email, there’s also a phone number I can try.

On Wednesday I had a dentist appointment. I saw the dentist at the beginning of the month and got three teeth pulled, two wisdom teeth and a molar; this time he started working on my fourth bad tooth which is closer to the front. He did a root canal. I was a little worried about that, I’ve never had one before and everyone always talks about how horrible they are. I found it to be much less of a bother than the extractions, I’ve had very little pain. After the root canal, he filled the tooth with a temporary filling. A little while after we got home, I ate something and the filling popped right out so I had to go back and get another one. My next appointment is September 15 when he will make the final preparations and measurements for a crown. Then I’ll have one more visit to have the crown put in. What a tremendous relief it will be to have that all done. My teeth have been bothering me a lot for a long, long time. I think I’ve mentioned that I even have bad dreams about them sometimes.

On the way home from our second trip to the dentist, we heard kind of a popping sound and one of the wheels on my truck started grinding and squealing very loudly. Our hearts sank because we were already trying to figure out how we were going to pay for this dental work. The sound was like a wheel after the brake pad is completely gone and the brakes are just grinding on metal. We were only about a mile from home when it happened so we drove on home. The noise went away completely but started to come back gradually. Joni said there was a lot of mud caked around the inside of the wheel so it might just be that. Today she took the hose and cleaned it off and the noise is gone. I asked Brad if he could take a look anyway, just in case, I know how expensive brake work can get if you don’t take care of it right away. So we’re going to Brad’s tomorrow. Actually, I asked Brad what was the best place in Kearney to have it looked at, and he said he would do it. My big brother is a pretty good guy. He sure has helped us out a lot over the last year and a half.

So let’s see: Lion’s, dentist, car, I think that’s about it. It’s been a rough week. I was pretty depressed all week about the Lion lady not returning my calls, but I made a decision about that today and feel better. Also, the truck may not be as bad as I first thought so I’m feeling better about that too.

Oh, I don’t know if I ever mentioned my visit to the doctor earlier this month. My sinuses have been kind of bad so I wanted to see what we could do about that. She recommended a nasal spray called Nasocort. I used Nasonex for several years and it worked well for me, and the doctor said Nasocort is pretty much the same thing. She sent in some paperwork for me to see if I can get it for free from the pharmaceutical company through their assistance program. I’ve been getting all my asthma medicine free for several months now and Nasocort is made by the same company so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. In the meantime, the doctor gave me several free samples.

So that’s about it. See you next time!

Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Letting Go

2010-08-16T11:34:00.001-05:00

When I was a kid, I used to love reading about animals. Everything about animals: what they ate, where they lived, everything. I had a subscription to a magazine called “Ranger Rick.” “Ranger Rick” was a kid’s magazine that was all about animals and the environment. Grandma Howard got me the subscription for Christmas one year, and she renewed it every Christmas until I finally outgrew it. Okay, maybe a year or two after I outgrew it. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of something so comfortable and familiar. I also had another magazine called “Zoobooks.” “Zoobooks” was much more detailed and scientific. Each month, they focused on one particular animal and told you absolutely everything about that animal.

I can’t remember which magazine it was, probably Zoobooks, but I remember reading about a particular type of monkey one time. It told about a method that hunters or poachers would use to catch the monkeys alive. The hunters would hollow out a small opening in the face of a large boulder or something similar. At the end of this narrow opening, they would carve out a slightly larger opening and then put food in it that the monkeys liked to eat. You see, the opening was barely large enough for the monkey to slip his hand in, but when he clenched his fist around the food, his hand no longer fit and he was stuck there. Even as the hunters approach the monkey, he was so unwilling to let go of the food that he allowed himself to be captured.

How alike we are to those monkeys. We are so unwilling to let go of the things we have, that we often miss out on something even better, maybe even our own salvation. Just like those monkeys, we cling so tightly to our possessions that we become trapped by them. And just like those hunters, our enemy, the devil, knows of our weakness, and knows how to use it against us.

I am probably more guilty of this than most. I don’t have a lot, but I really like the things I have. My home theater system, my magic-motion clock, my computer, my comic books, not to mention the things that once belonged to my grandparents or great-grandparents. Those things are all so important to me and I would be devastated to lose any of them, even though I know that God doesn’t want us to cling to the materials of this world.

This is a lesson that God has placed on my heart and mind very clearly recently. Pastor Mike has delivered, I think, three different sermons now regarding this topic in various forms, and whenever I “randomly” browse through the bible, the topic seems to come up. It seems there is something that God wants me to give up, and I confess that I have been dragging my feet and not looking very closely at the matter. It’s never easy letting go of things. Then yesterday at church, Pastor Mike’s sermon was about following God’s will all the way, not just doing the things that come easily, but also the things that are hard.

This is going to take some thought and prayer, like almost everything else, and I want to make sure I’m clear on it. I got seriously dissed by someone close to me last week and it’s left my head in kind of a mess. Also, I have this thing with the Lion’s Club hanging over me and I’m still not sure what I want to do about that. Where do you draw the line between rushing into something, and doing more damage by taking too long?

Well, one thing that I’ve learned is that no matter how badly I screw something up, God will always be there to help me pick up the pieces. There is comfort in that, at least.

1 Peter 2:15 For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.

1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

I Hope

2010-08-11T11:24:00.000-05:00

Well, I called the lady from the Lion’s Club on Monday morning. Her husband took a message and said she would probably call me later in the day, but I never heard from her. She did call, however, on Tuesday evening. I had just stepped out of the shower so I let my voicemail take the call. When I called her back at around seven, I got her answering machine. So, we’re having a little trouble connecting, but that’s okay, it will happen when it happens.

Try as I might, I just can’t stop myself getting my hopes up. I tell myself not to expect too much, that it’s too soon to get excited, that every time I get my hopes up, I end up disappointed. That’s kind of silly when you think about it, for what is life without hope? There’s an old saying you may have heard that goes something like this: man can live for about 40 days without food, about 3 days without water, about 8 minutes without air, but not one second without hope. It hurts to get our hopes up only to have them dashed again and again, but imagine a life with no hope at all.

The more I think about this, the more I think about all the things I can’t wait to see again. Of course, I am anxious to see the faces of my friends and family. And my own face as well. I’ve been blind for a little over a year now, and legally blind for some time before that. It’s been a long time since I got a clear look at myself. I wonder how much I’ve changed. I’m anxious to see the people I have met more recently too, the ones I didn’t know before I went blind. I have mental pictures of them which I’m sure are completely wrong. It will be like meeting a radio dj in person, they never look the way you thought they would.

I want to see the house I live in. I was almost completely blind when we moved here. I want to see my old hometown which I haven’t seen since 2007 when we drove up from Dallas for Grandma Howard’s funeral. I want to see Gibbon’s new school, and I want to see the old one again before they tear it down. I want to see my mom’s new house. I want to look up at the night sky and see the stars. I lived in the city for so many years where all you can see is a handful of the brightest ones. Now I live in the country and I know there is a perfect blanket of stars up there, if only I could see them. I want to see my Christmas tree and houses decorated with colored lights.

It’s been more than two years since I drove a car and I can’t wait to do that again. I want to watch a football game. I take that back, I want to watch LOTS of football games. I want to play Star Wars Battlefront 2 on PS2. I want to play Roller Coaster Tycoon and Railroad Tycoon and Transportation Tycoon on my pc. I want to get out my digital camera and take pictures again.

In one of my recent posts, I mentioned a movie called “Shawshank Redemption” by Stephen King. One of the main themes of that film is hope, and how it never dies even at the worst times of our lives. Main character Andy DuFresne summed it up when he said, “Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” Red’s hope was eventually rekindled by his association with Andy who never lost his. At the end of the movie, Red is finally released from prison after a thirty year stay, and as he is riding a bus to meet his old friend Andy, he thinks these lines:

”I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.
I hope I can make it across the border.
I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.
I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.
I hope.

A man at the beginning of a journey whose conclusion is uncertain. That’s me, all right. But I have hope, so no matter how uncertain the conclusion is, in my heart I know one thing; God’s not going to let me down. He carried me this far, and I know He will still be there at journey’s end.
Job 11:18 You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.

Micah 7:7 But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.

Journal - Job Market

2010-08-05T17:34:00.000-05:00

I’m still thinking about that lady from the Lion’s Club. One of my fears is that I’ll get my sight back and my social security will be cut off and then I won’t be able to find a job. Part of me was sort of hoping the job market would pick up a little before that happened.

Today, I called the SSA in Grand Island to ask how quickly my benefits would stop if I was no longer disabled. The guy I spoke to said my benefits would continue for nine months. Actually, what he said was that if I go back to work, any month in which I earn more than $720 counts as one month and if I earn less than that, the month doesn’t count. After the ninth month that I earn more than $720 then my benefits will stop. That kind of makes it sound like I can keep getting disability benefits forever as long as I don’t go to work. It sounds a little screwy and I don’t know whether to believe him or not. I’ve gotten so much mis-information and truth slanting over the last two years that it’s getting pretty hard for me to believe what people say. If he had told me that my benefits would stop exactly one minute after my surgery was complete, I would have believed that.

I am reminded once again that I need to keep my faith with God, and not on human beings. Only God can carry me through this, and no one else. I feel very fortunate that there are a few people here on Earth that I can count on to help God’s plan along, but ultimately He is the focal point.

Probably what I will do is make a couple more calls to SSA and try to confirm what I was told today. When it’s all said and done, this won’t be a deciding factor, but it would be nice to avoid a nasty surprise later on.

On an unrelated matter, my mouth is feeling pretty good today. I had quite a bit of soreness when I woke up this morning, but I took some Ibuprofen like the dentist said and I’ve felt fine ever since. Still taking it easy though, I’ve only eaten raviolis and mashed potatoes today. And Pepsi of course. I can’t wait to brush my teeth again, yuck!

1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Journal - The Dentist

2010-08-05T10:30:00.001-05:00

Well, I had my dentist appointment on Wednesday. I had three bad teeth that needed to be pulled. I had been in to see him back in June and got some x-rays, so he already knew exactly what needed to be done. When I got there, I told him he could go ahead and do all three if he wanted to. I didn’t really think he would since they were on both sides of my mouth, but he just said “Okay, let’s do it!” I’m not sure I like how eager he was. He did a good job, though, and got all three of them in no time at all.

The whole thing cost $415, which was a bit less than I had expected. It’s a lot of money, but it’s always nice when something costs less than you expected. I have one more tooth that needs to be taken care of, but it’s closer to the front so I really want to get it crowned instead of extracted. That will be much more expensive so I’ll have to think about that. Once my mouth heals up it’s going to feel so good to have those teeth gone. They’ve been hurting for a long time.

After we got home, I laid down for a while and then Joni made me some mashed potatoes. I didn’t feel like messing with gravy so I just threw some cheese on them. Yummy!

Then, in the evening, the school bus driver stopped by. Adam is starting school in a couple of weeks and the bus driver said she likes to go around and meet everyone beforehand. I already know her, she goes to Mom’s church, but Joni and Adam had only met her once before.

So it was a pretty good day. I asked God for something good and He delivered; I got my teeth taken care of with no hassle, and it cost less than I expected. It seems like everything has been such a chore lately, and it was nice to get something done without a lot of run-around. Now if I can just find a job where I could make $415 an hour, I’ll be set!

1 Timothy 4:4-5 For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.

1 John 5:14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

Our Savior at Work

2010-08-03T21:21:00.000-05:00

So on Tuesday, Adam had a dentist appointment. I normally don’t ride along for his doctor or dentist appointments, but this time I did because I wanted to stop in and see the doctor, whose office is right next door. I have a dentist appointment of my own on Wednesday, but the doctor isn’t open on Wednesday. The only option really left open to me was to ride along to Adam’s appointment and then visit the doctor afterward.

So we got to the dentist and no more than got sat down in the waiting area when this lady came over and started talking to us. She said she was from the Lion’s Club and that they do lots of things to help blind people. I guess she just happened to notice that I had dark glasses and a white cane. Anyway, she asked if I was interested in a seeing-eye dog. She said they have a training facility in Michigan where they send people for that. I explained that I wasn’t permanently blind, that I just needed surgery to be able to see again. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. I said that I was concerned about all the doctor visits before and after the surgery. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. She asked if I had applied for Medicaid and I said I had Medicaid but there was an $800 deductible every month. She said the Lion’s Club can help with that. All very interesting. She told me to think about it and left her business card. Incidentally, she was there selling peaches. She said the Lion’s sell lugs of peaches to raise money. She just happened to go to the dentist’s office to sell peaches right at the same time we came in for an appointment.

Does this sound like a slam-dunk to you? I’m not so sure. I think this represents a very real possibility of getting my sight back and to tell you the truth, that scares me. I’ve learned a lot since I went blind; a lot about God, and a lot about myself. I’m living a better life now, not perfect by any means, but better than I used to. By better, I mean closer to God. What if I get my sight back, and I start sliding back into the person I used to be? I’d rather stay blind than have that happen. What happened today seems like a pretty clear message from God, maybe He thinks I’m ready. I don’t feel ready, but do we ever?

I was listening to a movie the other day, “Shawshank Redemption.” It’s been a favorite of mine for several years, but something about it really struck me this time. In case you’re not familiar with it, I’ll tell you that it’s a prison movie where the characters are all serving life sentences or something similar. There’s a portion of the movie where they are talking about how prisoners can become institutionalized. They spend twenty or thirty or forty years in prison until it’s really all they know. They know the routines, they have friends, they know where everything is and they know what they’re supposed to do. The outside world can be so scary to them that they will commit another crime just so they can go back to prison. Anyway, I began to wonder if that is happening to me. I’ve built a new life around my blindness. I know where everything is and I know what to do. The outside world seems a little scary.

Well, I have too many feelings to sort out right now. This will require some thought and prayer. I’ve waited all this time, I guess there’s no reason to rush into anything.

By the way, I didn’t get to see the doctor, she didn’t come in today.

Amos 4:13 He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals His thoughts to man, He who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth--the LORD God Almighty is His name.

Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Useful Tools

2010-07-08T10:35:00.001-05:00

Whew! I was getting worried there. As I mentioned in my last post, I realized that my blog had strayed from the purpose that God intended for it. Upon that realization, I promised to get things back on track and start writing the things that God wanted me to write again. For the last several days since then, I’ve been waiting for God to tell me what to write about. For several days I waited, and I was beginning to worry. But today, He finally put something on my heart..

I received an email from Uncle Butch a couple of days ago in which he was talking about Nebraska joining the Big 10 conference. I wrote about that quite a bit while it was happening a month or two ago and Uncle Butch was sharing his views on the subject. It was while I was thinking about my response to him that God flicked on the little light bulb that floats over my head. What, you don't have one?

In regards to the big move for Nebraska, I was totally against it. Not because I felt it would be a bad move for the University of Nebraska, but simply because I don't like it when things change. Even changes for the better are difficult for me because I just don't like change. In my life, I have spent years at lousy jobs that I hated simply because it was easier to stay than to go to the trouble of finding a new job. It's part of my obsessive/compulsive nature.

I like routine. This sounds dumb to a lot of people, but I like waking up each morning knowing exactly what I’m going to do that day, and when I’m going to do it. When I went blind, it took me months and months to develop a new routine around my blindness, but I did it. It’s something that I really struggle with.

I struggle with it because I know that God doesn’t want us to be so rigid in our lives. I really feel that the more flexible we are, the more useful we will be to Him. I mean, let’s face it, a can-opener is useful, but only when you want to open a can. But if you had a combination can-opener, bottle opener, glass-cutter, hack-saw, jack-hammer, how much more useful would that be? That’s a bad analogy because really the jack-hammer attachment would serve all of those purposes, but you get the point, right?

It’s pretty natural to resist change in our lives, to remain in our daily routines. I resisted the notion of Nebraska being a Big 10 school, but now that it’s a done deal I can see that it’s probably a better deal. If someone had asked me if I wanted to be blind I would have resisted very strenuously, but I have to admit that I am a better person because of it. Turns out God knew what He was doing after all.

I’m going to try to be more flexible from now on. I think it’s okay to have a routine, as long as I don't get so caught up in it that I miss out on some new opportunity that God has for me. I’ve probably missed out on lots of things for that very reason, but God never gives up on us does He? He’ll just hold onto those good things until we are ready for them, and that's a pretty comforting thought.

Genesis 12:1-2 The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.

Mark 1:17-18 "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed Him.

Back to Basics

2010-06-25T10:39:00.002-05:00

Sigh.

I guess it’s time for us to sit down and have a serious talk. Now now, don’t put such a sour look on your face. And don’t worry, you didn't do anything wrong, this is about me. If it was about you, it would be in your blog, right?

For several weeks now, I’ve been feeling kind of out of sorts. It’s a feeling like something is out of place and I haven't quite been able to put my finger on it. I suppose everyone has times like that. Or is it just me?

In one of his sermons that I listened to on the radio a while back, Charles Stanley talked about those feelings we sometimes get. Like something is missing or out of place. Doctor Stanley said that those are the times when God is trying to get our attention, and we just aren’t listening. We start to get that odd feeling because we have temporarily lost that connection with God. He went on to suggest that in times like those, we need to stop and talk to God; ask Him what it is He is trying to say. So that’s what I did. For the last couple of weeks I have been thinking and praying about this, and I think I am finally beginning to understand what God has been trying to say.

What it all boils down to, is that I have lost my focus. Or rather, I have been focusing on the wrong things. Sometime around the beginning of April, I went through a big ordeal with my audio book review blog, “Audio Book Heaven." I revamped the whole thing, added some neat things, and made the whole blog a lot nicer than it was. For the entire month, it consumed almost every bit of my computer time. Even my posts here on "Drums In The Deep" were all about what I was doing to "Audio BookHeaven." I kind of forgot to pay attention to God.

The sad thing is, I even realized it was happening. I just kept telling myself, “I’ll start talking about God again as soon as I’m done with this.” But then something else came up, and then something else. It finally got to a point where I just didn’t know how to get back. I had lost my connection to God, and I never realized how much I had come to depend on it.

Then one day, I received a very clear message from God, something that He wanted me to do. Instead of just doing it, I kind of hemmed and hawed around for a bit. I stalled for time by saying things like, “God, is this really what you want me to do?” and "God, you need to give me some more details." and so on and so on. The idea persisted and so I finally sat down to do it, only to find out that God had gotten someone else to do it instead. I let God down and what an awful feeling that is. Talk about a humbling experience.

So, having been properly God-slapped, it’s time to get back to basics. Back on track. Keep my chin up and get back in the saddle. Pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. No school like the old school. I’m going to try to do better. Those other things I’ve been writing about lately belong in my blog too. I don’t think God minds having them in here as long as I remember what’s important.

There, that wasn’t so bad was it? I’m glad we had this little talk. I’m starting to feel better already.

Deuteronomy 13:4 It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.

Matthew 7:21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

Journal - Basement

2010-06-22T14:51:00.001-05:00

So we’ve been working hard trying to get the basement cleaned up. It’s a nice basement, lots of space down there and it's divided into rooms very similar to the upstairs. With some carpet on the floor, it would make a very nice living area. Except that it’s very damp.

The basement doesn’t leak at all. We’ve had some pretty heavy rains, and the last month in particular has been very wet, but we haven't had any leaks at all. I guess it’s just the shower down there that makes it so damp. The moisture doesn't have anywhere to go so it just hangs around in the air. All that moisture makes it hard to control the mold.

We’ve spent the last three days scrubbing the walls and floors with bleach to get rid of the mold. Yesterday I did half of the big main room, and today I did the other half. Walmart had some dehumidifiers today when Joni went to do the weekly shopping, so she picked one up. It’s down there right now working, so hopefully that will take care of our problem.

Jeremiah 32:27 "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Journal - Father's Day

2010-06-21T23:27:00.003-05:00

So yesterday was Father’s day. I hope all you Fathers out there had a great day.

My day was pretty good.. Before we left for church, Adam gave me a t-shirt that he bought with his own money. It’s a black shirt with all of the Marvel Comics superheroes on it. I was an avid collector of comic books for quite a few years so the t-shirt is pretty awesome.

After church we stopped by Walmart to look at dehumidifiers. We really need one for the basement, it’s so damp down there and keeps getting moldy. Walmart was all out of them. The lady said a lot of people have been buying them lately but they had some more coming in on a truck later in the day. Joni will have to look again when she does the shopping on Tuesday.

After Walmart, we stopped and picked up some lunch at Taco John’s. I hadn’t had Taco John's since coming back to Nebraska last year and I've really been wanting to. Since it was my choice yesterday, that's what I picked. We brought the food home and ate here.

After we ate, we drove into Gibbon to Mom’s house to borrow a mop bucket. We needed that for the basement which we are giving a thorough cleaning. We sat around Mom's for a while talking about the house she’s buying. This will be the first house she’s owned so she’s pretty excited about it. The rest of the family is pretty excited too.

It was about three o’clock when we got home from Mom’s and just as we were walking in the door my phone rang. It was Brenna calling to say happy Father’s day. I have to admit, I didn't think she would, although I was secretly hoping for an email or aFacebook message. A phone call was even better.

After that, I had to get to work on the basement. Saturday I had pulled everything out of the storage room down there. So Yesterday I scrubbed the walls and floor with bleach. Joni did some research and found out that bleach or vinegar are the best things for mold, and I sure didn’t want the whole basement smelling like vinegar. I couldn’t put the stuff back in the room afterward because the floor wouldn't dry. I ended up letting it sit overnight. Joni says it's dry today so everything can go back in there now. Then it will be time to tackle the main room which is pretty big.

After all that, I took a shower and relaxed for a while. Then I played my sax. I haven't done that for several weeks and it sure felt good.

Shortly before we went to bed, it looked like it was going to storm, but we only heard a few distant rumbles of thunder and then it cleared up. During the night we ended up getting two storms. The first was small, but the second one, at around four-thirty, was pretty loud. I still have some light perception in one eye so I can see the lightning flashes. It was going like a strobe light. The thunder was very loud and the wind came up pretty hard. I think I heard a little bit of hail too but not bad. I was pretty tired, though, and I fell asleep even though the storm was pretty loud. I like thunderstorms at night, just like blizzards, but I can do without the wind.

Psalms 103:13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

News - Nebraska in the Big 10

2010-06-12T17:30:00.002-05:00

Now that the University of Nebraska in Lincoln is officially a part of the Big 10 conference, I thought it was high-time I started learning who my football team is going to be competing against beginning in the 2011 season. To be honest with you, I’m not a huge fan of college football, except where the Cornhuskers are concerned. I am familiar with the Big 12 schools only because those are the teams Nebraska has been playing against all my life. Before all this began, I don't think I could have named one school from the Big 10. But all that is going to change next year, so here is a list of Nebraska’s new opponents:

Iowa:
Iowa Hawkeyes; University of Iowa; Iowa City

Illinois:
Fighting Illini; University of Illinois, Champaign
Northwestern Wildcats; Northwestern University; Evanston
Chicago Maroons; University of Chicago; Chicago

Indiana:
Indiana Hoosiers; Indiana University; Bloomington
Purdue Boilermakers; Purdue University; West Lafayette

Michigan:
Michigan Wolverines; University of Michigan; Ann Arbor
Michigan State Spartans; Michigan State University; East Lansing

Minnesota:
Minnesota Golden Gophers; University of Minnesota; Minneapolis

Wisconsin:
Wisconsin Badgers; University of Wisconsin; Madison

Ohio:
Ohio State Buckeyes; Ohio State University; Columbus

Pennsylvania:
Penn State Nittany Lions; Pennsylvania State University; State College

Nebraska:
Nebraska Cornhuskers; University of Nebraska; Lincoln

Now, I know that Nebraska is the twelfth school in the Big 10, but as you can see from the list above, there are thirteen schools. There’s something here that I haven’t quite figured out yet and it has something to do with that University of Chicago. I’m thinking that school doesn’t play football because I've never heard of them before. I'll have to look into this further.

So that’s the Big 10 conference as it stands right now. It is very likely that the Big 10 will grab up a few more schools before they are done expanding, all the signs point toward a final total of sixteen schools. I know that Missouri is one possibility that has been discussed, and also Notre Dame. We'll just have to wait and see. Now that last Friday's critical mass has come and gone, further changes will probably take longer to come into focus. Nebraska’s decision would have come several months later if the Big 12 hadn't demanded an answer right away.

Football is the only sport I really care about so that is naturally what I focus on the most, but in all fairness I should mention that Nebraska's move to the Big 10 will benefit other sports as well. In his statement on Friday, Tom Osborne mentioned that the Big 10 will offer more competition for other sports. Osborne went on to explain that in the Big 12, only two schools compete in gymnastics, but in the Big 10 there are seven. He referenced similar examples for golf, wrestling, and swimming, just to name a few. This should provide better experiences for students who participate in those sports.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!