Journal - Recap

Okay, so I already talked about how I met Lion Lady at the dentist’s office that day, was that in July, or was it August? Anyway we got to talking and she said that the Lions would pay for my surgery. I said that was great but I was really more concerned with all the doctor visits before and after the surgery. She said the Lions would pay for that too. I thought that over for a few days and then I called her up and said “Let’s do it!” So she gave me the contact info for the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha, and I called and made an appointment for September 20.

Meanwhile, Lion Lady was researching my case and learning about my goofy Medicaid and all that. She learned that if I had some kind of insurance policy, even if it was just a cancer policy or something, with a monthly premium of $277 or so, that I would qualify for no-cost Medicaid. So she called me and said the Lions could get me a policy and pay the premium for six months or so and then all my medical expenses would be covered for that period of time. I told her that was a great idea. Soon after that, I heard from Lion Lady again. She said she had approached her group with my case and they had offered a one-time payment of $125 toward my doctor bills. That all happened before my first trip to Omaha on September 20. Lion Lady said she would keep working on it, so I went ahead and made the trip with the $125 they had given me, which ended up being about one-tenth of the total cost for that visit.

I can’t remember the exact chain of events after that, but here’s the gist of it. Lion Lady called to tell me that her group had agreed to pay $350 toward my deductible for one month, and that the national Lions group would match that, for a total of $700 which would almost cover my deductible for one month. The next time I talked to her, she didn’t sound like she understood my situation at all. She said the Lions were going to pay $1400, and that they would apply that to whichever month I had the most expense. I tried to explain that my out-of-pocket expense would never be more than $788, because that’s what my deductible is, but she didn’t seem to understand that. And she talked about $1400 as if we had spoken of it before. It was a very confusing conversation. Anyway, sometime during all this, I had my second appointment in Omaha on October 13. I think that last conversation took place shortly after that appointment.

That was the last time I spoke with Lion Lady, but apparently she told my mom that the Lions were going to pay for my surgery, but no doctor bills at all. That’s kind of silly because the surgery won’t cost me any more than the doctor visits.

So to summarize, here’s what I have heard:

1. The Lions will pay for your surgery and all your doctor visits.
2. The Lions will get you an insurance policy and all your medical expenses will be covered.
3. The Lions will pay $125 and that’s it.
4. The Lions will pay $700 toward one month’s deductible.
5. The Lions will pay $1400 toward whichever month you have the most expense.
6. The Lions will pay for surgery, but no doctor visits.

I’m pretty frustrated. I was supposed to go back to Omaha today, November 10, for my third visit, but I cancelled the appointment. The only reason I went to Omaha was because the Lions told me to. Since they’re not paying for it, I figure I may as well get this done closer to home, in Kearney or Hastings. I’m also debating on whether or not I should just wait until April when I will be eligible for Medicare. I don’t know if the Medicare will be any better than Medicaid, but it can’t be any worse.

Part of me wishes I had never run into Lion Lady at the dentist’s office that day. I was waiting patiently, and everything was fine. Now everything feels all screwed up again. Another part of me, or maybe it’s the same part, is angry at God. Sometimes I feel like I have been completely abandoned, even though the other part of me knows that isn’t true. It sort of feels like I am right back at square one.

Oh well, the sun will continue to rise each morning (probably), my body will continue to draw breath each day (supposedly), and the earth will keep spinning on its axis (presumeably). Maybe on one of those days that are most likely coming, something good will happen.

Journal - What Do Doctors Know Anyway?

Hi gang. I’ve already written to some of you, and if I have, this will largely be a recap of what you already know.

On Monday, Joni, Adam, and I traveled to Omaha for my visit to the doctor. I saw Doctor Halgren who is a cornea specialist associated with the University of Nebraska Medical Center. We left home at 10 o’clock, and arrived just in time for my 2 o’clock appointment, allowing for a lunch stop in York. I’m sorry to say that the news I got was not so great.

In my left eye, the eye I had a cornea transplant on back in 2003, the prospects do not look good at all. I was not surprised to hear him say that the transplanted cornea is breaking down. That thing has been through the wringer. Also, I already knew there was a significant cataract in that eye, so that was no surprise either. The bad news started with the retina. The doctor said there are signs that the retina has become detached. Since the retina is behind the cataract, he won’t know for sure until I get an ultrasound, but he thinks it could be bad. He said if the detachment is severe enough, he would probably not be inclined to do any work on that eye at all because it just wouldn’t be worth it. Also, the pressure in the left eye is extremely low. As you may know, our eyes are filled with fluid. There is an organ in there that is constantly producing new fluid, and also a drainage system to let the old fluid out. For the eye to remain healthy, there has to be a certain degree of balance between fluid in, and fluid out. Normal eye pressure is between 10 and 20, I don’t know what the unit of measurement is called. My pressure today was 5. Doc says that could mean that the eye is simply shutting down. At the time, I didn’t think to ask what happens when an eye shuts down, but I guess it can’t be anything good. Anyway, Halgren said that all of these complications since my transplant are not out of the ordinary for someone with eczema and allergies. I’m a little surprised that Doctor Hargrave back in Dallas never mentioned that.

In my right eye he said I need a transplant, of course I already knew that. He also said there is a significant cataract in that eye which I didn’t know, but didn’t surprise me that much. Pressure on that eye was 9, which is low, but not alarmingly so. He said that if I get a transplant in the right eye, I may very well experience the same complications I had with the left, and he said the odds of any success there are about 50/50.

So that’s where it stands. I’m scheduled to go back next Wednesday for the ultrasound, but about halfway home I realized that I have a dentist appointment that day. I think I’ll keep the dentist appointment. Maybe I’ll reschedule the ultrasound, and maybe I won’t. I honestly don’t know right now. Well, that’s not entirely true. I will most likely go ahead with it, but it probably won’t be right away. I still need to find out what the Lions are going to do anyway.

I suppose I should be depressed about all this, but I really don’t feel too bad. When it’s all said and done, I don’t think this really changes anything. It was in God’s hands before, and it is still in His hands now. Is a bad prognosis from a doctor going to influence the will of God? Of course not. Doctors are smart people, but they are just that, people, and I think doctors tend to be a bit near-sighted anyway, if you know what I mean. There is still hope. As long as I live and breathe, there will be hope.

1 Peter 4:12-13 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. NIV

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. NKJV

When you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.
--Victor Hugo

Journal - Plans Coming Together

Just a quick update on recent events. I finally called Lion Lady Sunday evening to ask for a letter from the Lion’s Club that I could take to the doctor next Monday. She said that was no problem, and she asked me for the doctor’s phone number so she could call and discuss payment.

This morning, Lion Lady called to let me know she had spoken with the doctor’s office. They told her that I would need to pay $125 up front, so Lion Lady told me she would have a check ready for me to take along. She then asked for the phone number of my social worker so she could talk to her about my Medicaid. I also had to call my social worker to tell her it was okay to speak with Lion Lady about my case, which I did as soon as I got off the phone with Lion Lady.

So things are coming together for my first visit to the doctor in Omaha. His name is Doctor Halgren, by the way, and he is a cornea specialist at the University of Nebraska Medical Center.

I was very encouraged to hear from Lion Lady today, and I feel much better knowing that she has personally spoken with the doctor’s office, and my social worker. I’ve really been worrying that I would get to Omaha on Monday, only to find that something got mixed up because I didn’t tell the right person the right thing or something. I’ve been praying and praying for God to ease my mind on these matters, and He came through once again. Now all I have to worry about is flat tires, car trouble, getting lost, and things like that. Hahaha! We humans are funny aren’t we? We can always find something to worry about.

Here’s something Mom emailed me the other day. She said it is from a page in her calendar:
I believe in the sun, even when it is cloudy.
I believe in love, even when I am not feeling it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.

Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. ESV

Isaiah 12:2 Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. NIV

Journal - Going to Omaha

Last Tuesday, Joni and I stopped by Lion Lady’s house in Gibbon to pick up the information she had for me. We sat in her living room for a few minutes and chatted with her and her husband. They’re perfectly nice people. They have a little bischon dog that likes to lick. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the little bischon that I had for several years, Toby. Usually, instead of saying bischon, I just call them Toby-dogs. They’re such affectionate little things. Anyway, we couldn’t stay very long because Adam had a dentist appointment, We had just picked him up from school.

She told me about this low-vision center in Omaha where they send blind or visually impaired people. She said it’s a pretty new facility and the Lion’s paid for almost all of it. From what she told me, it sounds like a place where permanently blind people can get training for their daily lives. That’s not really what I need, and I told her so, but she said this would be the place for me to start. It’s called the Weigel Williamson Low-Vision Center.

Today, Thursday, I called them, and they confirmed that since what I need is surgery, they would not be the ones to help me. They did, however, give me the phone number for the eye clinic which is just a couple of blocks away from their. I discovered that these facilities are both part of the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha. So I called the eye clinic and made an appointment for Monday, September 20. They actually had an opening on the 16th, but that just felt too fast so I asked for a later appointment.

So I’m going to Omaha on the 20th. Omaha is about a three hour drive from here, so I’m not really looking forward to that. Travelling isn’t as much fun when you can’t see the scenery. But this might be the first major step in getting my sight back, and that’s well worth 6 hours in the car.

I’m still scared. I’m scared about having to make a lot of trips to Omaha. I’m scared they’ll tell me my eyes have deteriorated and there’s nothing they can do. I’m scared that money will get in the way somehow, as it so often does. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is totally out of my hands and that God will take care of it. If my first visit or two go smoothly, that will help ease my mind a lot, so I’m looking forward to having that part out of the way.

Oh, I almost forgot, I have to call Lion Lady again, too. I have to get a letter from her explaining that the Lion’s Club will be picking up the tab. I better go do that before I forget.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” NIV

Psalms 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? NKJv