Just a quick update on recent events. I finally called Lion Lady Sunday evening to ask for a letter from the Lion’s Club that I could take to the doctor next Monday. She said that was no problem, and she asked me for the doctor’s phone number so she could call and discuss payment.
This morning, Lion Lady called to let me know she had spoken with the doctor’s office. They told her that I would need to pay $125 up front, so Lion Lady told me she would have a check ready for me to take along. She then asked for the phone number of my social worker so she could talk to her about my Medicaid. I also had to call my social worker to tell her it was okay to speak with Lion Lady about my case, which I did as soon as I got off the phone with Lion Lady.
So things are coming together for my first visit to the doctor in Omaha. His name is Doctor Halgren, by the way, and he is a cornea specialist at the University of Nebraska Medical Center.
I was very encouraged to hear from Lion Lady today, and I feel much better knowing that she has personally spoken with the doctor’s office, and my social worker. I’ve really been worrying that I would get to Omaha on Monday, only to find that something got mixed up because I didn’t tell the right person the right thing or something. I’ve been praying and praying for God to ease my mind on these matters, and He came through once again. Now all I have to worry about is flat tires, car trouble, getting lost, and things like that. Hahaha! We humans are funny aren’t we? We can always find something to worry about.
Here’s something Mom emailed me the other day. She said it is from a page in her calendar:
I believe in the sun, even when it is cloudy.
I believe in love, even when I am not feeling it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.
Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. ESV
Isaiah 12:2 Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. NIV
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Journal - Going to Omaha
Last Tuesday, Joni and I stopped by Lion Lady’s house in Gibbon to pick up the information she had for me. We sat in her living room for a few minutes and chatted with her and her husband. They’re perfectly nice people. They have a little bischon dog that likes to lick. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the little bischon that I had for several years, Toby. Usually, instead of saying bischon, I just call them Toby-dogs. They’re such affectionate little things. Anyway, we couldn’t stay very long because Adam had a dentist appointment, We had just picked him up from school.
She told me about this low-vision center in Omaha where they send blind or visually impaired people. She said it’s a pretty new facility and the Lion’s paid for almost all of it. From what she told me, it sounds like a place where permanently blind people can get training for their daily lives. That’s not really what I need, and I told her so, but she said this would be the place for me to start. It’s called the Weigel Williamson Low-Vision Center.
Today, Thursday, I called them, and they confirmed that since what I need is surgery, they would not be the ones to help me. They did, however, give me the phone number for the eye clinic which is just a couple of blocks away from their. I discovered that these facilities are both part of the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha. So I called the eye clinic and made an appointment for Monday, September 20. They actually had an opening on the 16th, but that just felt too fast so I asked for a later appointment.
So I’m going to Omaha on the 20th. Omaha is about a three hour drive from here, so I’m not really looking forward to that. Travelling isn’t as much fun when you can’t see the scenery. But this might be the first major step in getting my sight back, and that’s well worth 6 hours in the car.
I’m still scared. I’m scared about having to make a lot of trips to Omaha. I’m scared they’ll tell me my eyes have deteriorated and there’s nothing they can do. I’m scared that money will get in the way somehow, as it so often does. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is totally out of my hands and that God will take care of it. If my first visit or two go smoothly, that will help ease my mind a lot, so I’m looking forward to having that part out of the way.
Oh, I almost forgot, I have to call Lion Lady again, too. I have to get a letter from her explaining that the Lion’s Club will be picking up the tab. I better go do that before I forget.
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” NIV
Psalms 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? NKJv
She told me about this low-vision center in Omaha where they send blind or visually impaired people. She said it’s a pretty new facility and the Lion’s paid for almost all of it. From what she told me, it sounds like a place where permanently blind people can get training for their daily lives. That’s not really what I need, and I told her so, but she said this would be the place for me to start. It’s called the Weigel Williamson Low-Vision Center.
Today, Thursday, I called them, and they confirmed that since what I need is surgery, they would not be the ones to help me. They did, however, give me the phone number for the eye clinic which is just a couple of blocks away from their. I discovered that these facilities are both part of the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha. So I called the eye clinic and made an appointment for Monday, September 20. They actually had an opening on the 16th, but that just felt too fast so I asked for a later appointment.
So I’m going to Omaha on the 20th. Omaha is about a three hour drive from here, so I’m not really looking forward to that. Travelling isn’t as much fun when you can’t see the scenery. But this might be the first major step in getting my sight back, and that’s well worth 6 hours in the car.
I’m still scared. I’m scared about having to make a lot of trips to Omaha. I’m scared they’ll tell me my eyes have deteriorated and there’s nothing they can do. I’m scared that money will get in the way somehow, as it so often does. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is totally out of my hands and that God will take care of it. If my first visit or two go smoothly, that will help ease my mind a lot, so I’m looking forward to having that part out of the way.
Oh, I almost forgot, I have to call Lion Lady again, too. I have to get a letter from her explaining that the Lion’s Club will be picking up the tab. I better go do that before I forget.
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” NIV
Psalms 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? NKJv
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Our Savior at Work
So on Tuesday, Adam had a dentist appointment. I normally don’t ride along for his doctor or dentist appointments, but this time I did because I wanted to stop in and see the doctor, whose office is right next door. I have a dentist appointment of my own on Wednesday, but the doctor isn’t open on Wednesday. The only option really left open to me was to ride along to Adam’s appointment and then visit the doctor afterward.
So we got to the dentist and no more than got sat down in the waiting area when this lady came over and started talking to us. She said she was from the Lion’s Club and that they do lots of things to help blind people. I guess she just happened to notice that I had dark glasses and a white cane. Anyway, she asked if I was interested in a seeing-eye dog. She said they have a training facility in Michigan where they send people for that. I explained that I wasn’t permanently blind, that I just needed surgery to be able to see again. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. I said that I was concerned about all the doctor visits before and after the surgery. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. She asked if I had applied for Medicaid and I said I had Medicaid but there was an $800 deductible every month. She said the Lion’s Club can help with that. All very interesting. She told me to think about it and left her business card. Incidentally, she was there selling peaches. She said the Lion’s sell lugs of peaches to raise money. She just happened to go to the dentist’s office to sell peaches right at the same time we came in for an appointment.
Does this sound like a slam-dunk to you? I’m not so sure. I think this represents a very real possibility of getting my sight back and to tell you the truth, that scares me. I’ve learned a lot since I went blind; a lot about God, and a lot about myself. I’m living a better life now, not perfect by any means, but better than I used to. By better, I mean closer to God. What if I get my sight back, and I start sliding back into the person I used to be? I’d rather stay blind than have that happen. What happened today seems like a pretty clear message from God, maybe He thinks I’m ready. I don’t feel ready, but do we ever?
I was listening to a movie the other day, “Shawshank Redemption.” It’s been a favorite of mine for several years, but something about it really struck me this time. In case you’re not familiar with it, I’ll tell you that it’s a prison movie where the characters are all serving life sentences or something similar. There’s a portion of the movie where they are talking about how prisoners can become institutionalized. They spend twenty or thirty or forty years in prison until it’s really all they know. They know the routines, they have friends, they know where everything is and they know what they’re supposed to do. The outside world can be so scary to them that they will commit another crime just so they can go back to prison. Anyway, I began to wonder if that is happening to me. I’ve built a new life around my blindness. I know where everything is and I know what to do. The outside world seems a little scary.
Well, I have too many feelings to sort out right now. This will require some thought and prayer. I’ve waited all this time, I guess there’s no reason to rush into anything.
By the way, I didn’t get to see the doctor, she didn’t come in today.
Amos 4:13 He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals His thoughts to man, He who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth--the LORD God Almighty is His name.
Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
So we got to the dentist and no more than got sat down in the waiting area when this lady came over and started talking to us. She said she was from the Lion’s Club and that they do lots of things to help blind people. I guess she just happened to notice that I had dark glasses and a white cane. Anyway, she asked if I was interested in a seeing-eye dog. She said they have a training facility in Michigan where they send people for that. I explained that I wasn’t permanently blind, that I just needed surgery to be able to see again. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. I said that I was concerned about all the doctor visits before and after the surgery. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. She asked if I had applied for Medicaid and I said I had Medicaid but there was an $800 deductible every month. She said the Lion’s Club can help with that. All very interesting. She told me to think about it and left her business card. Incidentally, she was there selling peaches. She said the Lion’s sell lugs of peaches to raise money. She just happened to go to the dentist’s office to sell peaches right at the same time we came in for an appointment.
Does this sound like a slam-dunk to you? I’m not so sure. I think this represents a very real possibility of getting my sight back and to tell you the truth, that scares me. I’ve learned a lot since I went blind; a lot about God, and a lot about myself. I’m living a better life now, not perfect by any means, but better than I used to. By better, I mean closer to God. What if I get my sight back, and I start sliding back into the person I used to be? I’d rather stay blind than have that happen. What happened today seems like a pretty clear message from God, maybe He thinks I’m ready. I don’t feel ready, but do we ever?
I was listening to a movie the other day, “Shawshank Redemption.” It’s been a favorite of mine for several years, but something about it really struck me this time. In case you’re not familiar with it, I’ll tell you that it’s a prison movie where the characters are all serving life sentences or something similar. There’s a portion of the movie where they are talking about how prisoners can become institutionalized. They spend twenty or thirty or forty years in prison until it’s really all they know. They know the routines, they have friends, they know where everything is and they know what they’re supposed to do. The outside world can be so scary to them that they will commit another crime just so they can go back to prison. Anyway, I began to wonder if that is happening to me. I’ve built a new life around my blindness. I know where everything is and I know what to do. The outside world seems a little scary.
Well, I have too many feelings to sort out right now. This will require some thought and prayer. I’ve waited all this time, I guess there’s no reason to rush into anything.
By the way, I didn’t get to see the doctor, she didn’t come in today.
Amos 4:13 He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals His thoughts to man, He who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth--the LORD God Almighty is His name.
Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Journal - Blind School
Well, I’ve been sitting here for about half an hour now, fiddling around, trying to think of what I want to write about today. I just have so many things going around in my head right now that I can’t seem to pin anything down. So I guess I’ll try to talk about that, okay? Okay.
Yesterday, I met with the technology person from the Nebraska Commission for the Blind. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to use her real name here, so I’ll call her Persephone. Persephone is the one who got me started on the JAWS software a few weeks ago. She installed the demo version for me and showed me some of the basic commands. I’ve always been a quick study on the computer so I’ve been able to pick up quite a bit on my own since then. Yesterday she showed me a couple of neat tricks though that will really help me navigate web pages.
She also brought a Victor Stream to show me. The Victor Stream is a device created especially for the blind. You can load audiobooks onto it and listen to them, but you can also put ebooks on it and it will read them to you using it’s own voice. AND it has a built in recorder so you can record notes for yourself, or if you’re a student you could record classes. The thing that makes it great for the blind is that it speaks whenever you press a button so you know what you did. Way cool device, but expensive.
Well, after showing me the VS, Persephone started pitching me on this blind school that they have in Lincoln. This wasn’t the first time they’ve mentioned it to me, but it’s the first time I’ve felt pressured to do it. I have so many different feelings about this that I can hardly see them individually.
If I knew I was going to be blind for the rest of my life I guessthis would be a no-brainer. I would definitely want to do this. But my blindness is temporary, so how much time do I want to spend learning to be blind? That’s a hard one. Maybe this would be a good experience for me even if I don’t use the skills I learn for very long.
I know the NCB only has so much money to spend, and they would much rather spend it on people who will try to further their education or get back into the workplace. This is perfectly logical, even if it’s a bit unfair. Frankly, I don’t really know where I’m headed right now. Since I went blind I have felt like I’m in limbo. Just waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting around.
Then there’s my family to think of. Lincoln is about a two hour drive from where we live now. Persephone said the school can take as long as 9 months to complete. My family can visit anytime, but gas isn’t exactly cheap these days. And speaking of expenses, how much will I be responsible for? I know the commission will help with that, but do they cover everything?
And I would have to live there alone. Persephone said they have apartments for the students and you have to live there alone. I haven’t spent a single day alone since I went blind and frankly the idea scares the heck out of me. I know there would be people to call on if I needed something, but it takes time to build up trust in a complete stranger.
And on top of all that, what does God want me to do? Does He want me to learn how to be blind? Does He care one way or the other? Well, I know He cares, but is this something that would be important to Him? He is probably trying to give me an answer on this right now, but sometimes I have a hard time quieting my mind enough to hear Him.
Sigh. It seems I will never learn. God has shown me again and again that all my fears and worries are pointless because He will take care of everything. But I just keep right on worrying about things. Well, I’m only human after all.
On Thursday there’s another lady from the commission coming out to the house and I imagine we will talk about this some more. Maybe it will be a little clearer after that.
You know, I’m really starting to like this blogging thing. I’m finding that writing things down is a good way to sort things out when they get all jumbled up in my head. Was it a coincidence that I got JAWS and started doing this? Nope!
Thanks for reading, see you next time!
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.f
Yesterday, I met with the technology person from the Nebraska Commission for the Blind. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to use her real name here, so I’ll call her Persephone. Persephone is the one who got me started on the JAWS software a few weeks ago. She installed the demo version for me and showed me some of the basic commands. I’ve always been a quick study on the computer so I’ve been able to pick up quite a bit on my own since then. Yesterday she showed me a couple of neat tricks though that will really help me navigate web pages.
She also brought a Victor Stream to show me. The Victor Stream is a device created especially for the blind. You can load audiobooks onto it and listen to them, but you can also put ebooks on it and it will read them to you using it’s own voice. AND it has a built in recorder so you can record notes for yourself, or if you’re a student you could record classes. The thing that makes it great for the blind is that it speaks whenever you press a button so you know what you did. Way cool device, but expensive.
Well, after showing me the VS, Persephone started pitching me on this blind school that they have in Lincoln. This wasn’t the first time they’ve mentioned it to me, but it’s the first time I’ve felt pressured to do it. I have so many different feelings about this that I can hardly see them individually.
If I knew I was going to be blind for the rest of my life I guessthis would be a no-brainer. I would definitely want to do this. But my blindness is temporary, so how much time do I want to spend learning to be blind? That’s a hard one. Maybe this would be a good experience for me even if I don’t use the skills I learn for very long.
I know the NCB only has so much money to spend, and they would much rather spend it on people who will try to further their education or get back into the workplace. This is perfectly logical, even if it’s a bit unfair. Frankly, I don’t really know where I’m headed right now. Since I went blind I have felt like I’m in limbo. Just waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting around.
Then there’s my family to think of. Lincoln is about a two hour drive from where we live now. Persephone said the school can take as long as 9 months to complete. My family can visit anytime, but gas isn’t exactly cheap these days. And speaking of expenses, how much will I be responsible for? I know the commission will help with that, but do they cover everything?
And I would have to live there alone. Persephone said they have apartments for the students and you have to live there alone. I haven’t spent a single day alone since I went blind and frankly the idea scares the heck out of me. I know there would be people to call on if I needed something, but it takes time to build up trust in a complete stranger.
And on top of all that, what does God want me to do? Does He want me to learn how to be blind? Does He care one way or the other? Well, I know He cares, but is this something that would be important to Him? He is probably trying to give me an answer on this right now, but sometimes I have a hard time quieting my mind enough to hear Him.
Sigh. It seems I will never learn. God has shown me again and again that all my fears and worries are pointless because He will take care of everything. But I just keep right on worrying about things. Well, I’m only human after all.
On Thursday there’s another lady from the commission coming out to the house and I imagine we will talk about this some more. Maybe it will be a little clearer after that.
You know, I’m really starting to like this blogging thing. I’m finding that writing things down is a good way to sort things out when they get all jumbled up in my head. Was it a coincidence that I got JAWS and started doing this? Nope!
Thanks for reading, see you next time!
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.f
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Astri's Story
**Note for screen-readers: My reader is not pronouncing Astri correctly. The spelling is A,S,T,R,I. The emphasis is on the first syllable, and the second syllable is pronounced tree, not try.
Greetings, and welcome to Drums In The Deep. You’ve come at a good time because I’m about to describe one of the most important periods of my life. A truly defining moment if ever there was one. This is Astri’s story…
Astri’s story begins in late 2003. Joni, Adam, and I had been living together for about half a year and we were struggling pretty hard. Struggling financially as we always have, but also struggling to adapt to our new lives as a family. It was October of that year that Joni discovered she was pregnant.
Now, I won’t try to describe Joni’s thoughts or feelings here because that is her story to tell, but I can give you my own perspective. I was scared. The thought of having a baby was exciting, but mostly it was scary.
First of all, what would my family think? Joni and I were not married and I worried that they would not approve. Also, how on earth were we going to afford a baby? We were barely paying the bills as it was. And would I be a good father? I already had a six year old daughter back in Nebraska that I had only seen a couple of times.
As you can see, I was really hung up on things like universal approval and money and failure. Well, without God in my life these are the kinds of things that consumed me. These are the things I thought were important. It’s sad to think about those days.
In spite of all my fear and worry, I gradually got used to the idea of having a baby. We talked about names. Joni liked the name Steven for a boy, go figure. I liked the name Astri for a girl. I was big into genealogy at the time and the nameAstri appeared several times in a Norwegian branch of my family.
Okay, fast forward to April 2004. It was a Monday and I had gone to work as usual. At around 9 or 10 that morning Joni called me and said, “I need to go to the hospital”. Oh boy, not good. Astri was not due until June. I raced home as fast as I could to pick up Joni and Adam and off we went. Adam is, and was, home-schooled if you’re wondering why he was home. The hospital was only about a mile away so that was good.
They took Joni in right away to make her comfortable while Adam and I went off to fill out paperwork. But we were all together again in time for the ultrasound. The doctor confirmed what we were already beginning to suspect. Astri was no longer living.
After that, they put Joni in a delivery room. All that was left to do was wait. They said the baby would come out naturally. They were going to make Adam wait outside when it was time but I think God had other plans. Joni gave birth very quickly and sooner than was expected. The three of us were alone in the room when it happened. Maybe you’re thinking that wasn’t a good place for an 8 year old to be, but I’m glad he can look back on that experience and say, “I was there”.
Astri Celia Brandt was born on April 26, 2004. She would have been 5 this year and starting school. She was with us for such a short time, and yet she will be with us forever. I love you Astri, and I miss you.
Mark 10:14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased and said unto them; Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God.f
Greetings, and welcome to Drums In The Deep. You’ve come at a good time because I’m about to describe one of the most important periods of my life. A truly defining moment if ever there was one. This is Astri’s story…
Astri’s story begins in late 2003. Joni, Adam, and I had been living together for about half a year and we were struggling pretty hard. Struggling financially as we always have, but also struggling to adapt to our new lives as a family. It was October of that year that Joni discovered she was pregnant.
Now, I won’t try to describe Joni’s thoughts or feelings here because that is her story to tell, but I can give you my own perspective. I was scared. The thought of having a baby was exciting, but mostly it was scary.
First of all, what would my family think? Joni and I were not married and I worried that they would not approve. Also, how on earth were we going to afford a baby? We were barely paying the bills as it was. And would I be a good father? I already had a six year old daughter back in Nebraska that I had only seen a couple of times.
As you can see, I was really hung up on things like universal approval and money and failure. Well, without God in my life these are the kinds of things that consumed me. These are the things I thought were important. It’s sad to think about those days.
In spite of all my fear and worry, I gradually got used to the idea of having a baby. We talked about names. Joni liked the name Steven for a boy, go figure. I liked the name Astri for a girl. I was big into genealogy at the time and the nameAstri appeared several times in a Norwegian branch of my family.
Okay, fast forward to April 2004. It was a Monday and I had gone to work as usual. At around 9 or 10 that morning Joni called me and said, “I need to go to the hospital”. Oh boy, not good. Astri was not due until June. I raced home as fast as I could to pick up Joni and Adam and off we went. Adam is, and was, home-schooled if you’re wondering why he was home. The hospital was only about a mile away so that was good.
They took Joni in right away to make her comfortable while Adam and I went off to fill out paperwork. But we were all together again in time for the ultrasound. The doctor confirmed what we were already beginning to suspect. Astri was no longer living.
After that, they put Joni in a delivery room. All that was left to do was wait. They said the baby would come out naturally. They were going to make Adam wait outside when it was time but I think God had other plans. Joni gave birth very quickly and sooner than was expected. The three of us were alone in the room when it happened. Maybe you’re thinking that wasn’t a good place for an 8 year old to be, but I’m glad he can look back on that experience and say, “I was there”.
Astri Celia Brandt was born on April 26, 2004. She would have been 5 this year and starting school. She was with us for such a short time, and yet she will be with us forever. I love you Astri, and I miss you.
Mark 10:14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased and said unto them; Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God.f
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)