I haven’t recorded a dream here for quite a while. I was just thinking the other day that it seems like I don’t remember my dreams as well as I did while I was blind. But I had one last night that is sticking with me, so here goes.
I was going to a Nebraska football game with some friends. The only friend I remember specifically was Brent Richardson. Jon Nutter may have been there but I’m not sure. I think there were some friends of Brent’s that I didn’t know that well, classmates of his from school. We were walking through the stadium, which was a lot like a tremendously huge shopping mall with large hallways and shops lining the sides and lots of people walking or milling about.
Here the dream skips and I’m on the sideline of the football field watching the game. All the people I was with are gone. There is a progression of events here that I don’t fully remember but it goes something like this: During the game I caught a ball that was thrown to a Nebraska receiver but went out of bounds. I tossed the ball to the player it was intended for. Later in the game that same player scored a touchdown and he tossed me the scoring ball so I could hang on to it for him until after the game, which I did. After the game, I went with that player into a kind of lounge area where the players were hanging around after showering and changing.
Here’s where things get weird. Two or three of the players, not including “my” player, had removed my right shoe and sock and were rubbing something like baby lotion on my foot and kind of laughing among themselves about it. I have no idea why they were doing it, or why I let them, but by the time I wanted them to stop I felt powerless to do so, them being big muscular football players and all. I finally asked them what the stuff was, and the answer I got was “Tane Acetate”. I got the impression it was something they had learned about in one of their college science classes. I asked, “What does it do?” One of them pointed down at my foot and when I looked I was horrified to see that I had several extra toes growing, a couple growing right out the side of my foot below the pinky toe. They had played a trick on me, and a pretty mean one. I felt pretty stupid for thinking I had made some new friends. I asked how long it took for the stuff to wear off, and they indicated that my foot would never be right again. Without another word I collected my sock and shoe and limped away. I knew the shoe wouldn’t fit over my newly deformed foot so I just carried it.
Then the dream turned into something very familiar. I was back in the mall-like stadium area looking for the way out. The place was nothing but one hallway after another, all looking vaguely the same. I’ve had lots of dreams like this, a few of which I’ve documented here in my blog.. The place was so huge and I couldn’t just find any old doorway out, it had to be the one to where my car was parked. I tried to remember which shops we had passed on the way in but I hadn’t been paying that much attention and could remember only a few details. One of those details was a comic book store by the way, also a recurring theme in my dreams.
So I wandered. At one point I thought I had made it into the stands overlooking the football field and might be able to retrace my steps from there, but when I got to the railing and looked down to the field I saw that it was actually a swimming pool and some kind of swimming or diving competition was under way. At another time, I found a door that went out to the street. I looked out and knew it wasn’t the right way, and I was scared to go out fearing that the door would lock behind me. Even though I was lost I felt better being lost inside rather than out. There were lots of people around but I knew it would do no good to ask for help because I had no idea what area my car was parked in, I would only recognize it if I saw it myself. Through all this I still had my shoe off and the extra toes gradually receded, although one of my natural toes disappeared as well.
So I guess you might say that was a bad dream. I actually felt myself begin to wake up and I immediately thought “Good, wake up and get out of here!” which is exactly what happened.
Showing posts with label lost. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lost. Show all posts
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Dream Diary - Lost in the Parking Lot
Thursday night, I had another dream of being lost. At the beginning of the dream, I had just bought a new car. It was kind of a smallish, green car, similar to the 1997 Grand Am I used to own, but not quite.
I was driving my new car along a highway and started into a bend in the road. I was going too fast and the car began to skid. I was trying to steer out of the skid, but then the dream jumped forward.
Evidently I didn’t crash, because next I was at work. One of my supervisors from UPS was there, and a couple of other people I worked with but we were in something like a classroom with my supervisor at the teacher's desk. I don't remember very much of that part, but then it was time to go home.
I had parked my new car in a parking lot a few blocks away from work and here’s where the trouble began.
I got to the parking lot and started looking for my car, but I couldn’t find it. There were quite a few smallish green cars in the lot, but none of them were mine. On one side of the lot was something like an apartment building, and on the other side of that was more parking area. I went over there to look around and was disturbed to see that this lot looked very much like the other one. Well, that lot was connected to another one, and so on, and so on. All the lots looked the same, and they all had smallish green cars.
At one point, I ran into a guy I used to work with. I was happy because I thought he might help me, even though I didn’t know him very well. We started talking, but then he went over and started talking to some other people and forgot about me.
I spent some more time looking, and then ran into some other people I knew. It was a couple of my high school classmates, Craig Shiers, and his cousin Matt Shiers. I thought for sure they would help me, but again, they went off with some other people and left me there.
At one point, I pulled out my cell phone, thinking the battery would probably be dead. I was surprised to find it had a full charge and a strong signal, but I never used it. I couldn’t think of anyone to call who might be able to help me. I considered calling the police and reporting the car stolen, then just waiting for them to find it and call me back. I didn't though. The car was new and had no license plates, and I thought they probably wouldn't be able to find it because of that. There was also a brief moment when I didn't think I would be able to use the phone because I was blind, even though I could see perfectly well. The old blindness always seems to seep into my dreams.
So I just wandered from parking lot to parking lot, looking for my new car. Sometimes the neighborhoods seemed a little rough, with seedy looking characters lurking about. This frightened me, but they never bothered me.
Well, like I said before, I frequently have dreams where I feel lost and alone. This was just another variation on the theme. I wonder what the new car was about. Getting a new car and almost crashing it, then losing it. Two bad dreams in one week, yuck.
Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
I was driving my new car along a highway and started into a bend in the road. I was going too fast and the car began to skid. I was trying to steer out of the skid, but then the dream jumped forward.
Evidently I didn’t crash, because next I was at work. One of my supervisors from UPS was there, and a couple of other people I worked with but we were in something like a classroom with my supervisor at the teacher's desk. I don't remember very much of that part, but then it was time to go home.
I had parked my new car in a parking lot a few blocks away from work and here’s where the trouble began.
I got to the parking lot and started looking for my car, but I couldn’t find it. There were quite a few smallish green cars in the lot, but none of them were mine. On one side of the lot was something like an apartment building, and on the other side of that was more parking area. I went over there to look around and was disturbed to see that this lot looked very much like the other one. Well, that lot was connected to another one, and so on, and so on. All the lots looked the same, and they all had smallish green cars.
At one point, I ran into a guy I used to work with. I was happy because I thought he might help me, even though I didn’t know him very well. We started talking, but then he went over and started talking to some other people and forgot about me.
I spent some more time looking, and then ran into some other people I knew. It was a couple of my high school classmates, Craig Shiers, and his cousin Matt Shiers. I thought for sure they would help me, but again, they went off with some other people and left me there.
At one point, I pulled out my cell phone, thinking the battery would probably be dead. I was surprised to find it had a full charge and a strong signal, but I never used it. I couldn’t think of anyone to call who might be able to help me. I considered calling the police and reporting the car stolen, then just waiting for them to find it and call me back. I didn't though. The car was new and had no license plates, and I thought they probably wouldn't be able to find it because of that. There was also a brief moment when I didn't think I would be able to use the phone because I was blind, even though I could see perfectly well. The old blindness always seems to seep into my dreams.
So I just wandered from parking lot to parking lot, looking for my new car. Sometimes the neighborhoods seemed a little rough, with seedy looking characters lurking about. This frightened me, but they never bothered me.
Well, like I said before, I frequently have dreams where I feel lost and alone. This was just another variation on the theme. I wonder what the new car was about. Getting a new car and almost crashing it, then losing it. Two bad dreams in one week, yuck.
Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Dream Diary - Lost at the Pool
I had a really terrible night’s sleep last night. We went to bed at our regular time and I put on my headphones to listen to my audio book as usual. After a little while, however, my back started hurting. That happens to me once in a while. My back never seems to bother me during the day, just when I'm laying in bed. I got up to take some aspirin, but after I took them I remembered that the generic aspirin we get has caffeine in it. My back stopped hurting but I was wide awake after that.
I lay there for what seemed like a couple of hours listening to my book when I started to feel hungry. So I got up again and ate some Town House crackers, my favorite late night snack.
With my hunger taken care of I went back to bed. By then my back was starting to hurt again, but I didn’t want to take any more aspirin so I just lay there trying to decide if I should just get up. Pretty soon, Joni started to stir and she got up. I thought she was just going to the bathroom or something, but when I checked the time it was a little after six o’clock. That surprised me because I thought it was only about two or maybe three at the latest. Evidently I did sleep for a couple of hours without even realizing it. Also I took my headphones off at some point although I don’t remember that either. After Joni got up I put them back on. I started backing up my book to see where I had left off and sure enough I had missed a couple of hours. I decided to put the radio on then and I dozed until about nine o’clock.
In the hours between six and nine I dreamed about the swimming pool in Gibbon. The pool was different, though. It had a different shape and the surroundings were all different too. It was all surrounded by a tall chain link fence, though, just like in real life. I was trying to leave the pool but I couldn’t find my way out of the fence. I think the only way out of the fence was through the pool house where the showers are, but the building was like a maze inside and I just couldn’t get out. I could see my car through the fence, it was the red Probe I drove years and years ago, but I just couldn't get there.
The rest of the dream is mostly faded away. I have a vague impression that I did finally reach my car, but it turned out to be the wrong car. Like, I had thought it was mine, but it turned out not to be.
I think I mentioned this before, but I seem to have a lot of dreams where I am lost. No surprise there, I do kind of feel lost a lot of the time.
Well, anyway, I didn’t feel groggy and miserable today like I thought I would so that’s good. I didn’t work out today, though. I didn't have that much energy and I was afraid it would aggravate my back. I should sleep good tonight, I’ve never had back pain two nights in a row before.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
I lay there for what seemed like a couple of hours listening to my book when I started to feel hungry. So I got up again and ate some Town House crackers, my favorite late night snack.
With my hunger taken care of I went back to bed. By then my back was starting to hurt again, but I didn’t want to take any more aspirin so I just lay there trying to decide if I should just get up. Pretty soon, Joni started to stir and she got up. I thought she was just going to the bathroom or something, but when I checked the time it was a little after six o’clock. That surprised me because I thought it was only about two or maybe three at the latest. Evidently I did sleep for a couple of hours without even realizing it. Also I took my headphones off at some point although I don’t remember that either. After Joni got up I put them back on. I started backing up my book to see where I had left off and sure enough I had missed a couple of hours. I decided to put the radio on then and I dozed until about nine o’clock.
In the hours between six and nine I dreamed about the swimming pool in Gibbon. The pool was different, though. It had a different shape and the surroundings were all different too. It was all surrounded by a tall chain link fence, though, just like in real life. I was trying to leave the pool but I couldn’t find my way out of the fence. I think the only way out of the fence was through the pool house where the showers are, but the building was like a maze inside and I just couldn’t get out. I could see my car through the fence, it was the red Probe I drove years and years ago, but I just couldn't get there.
The rest of the dream is mostly faded away. I have a vague impression that I did finally reach my car, but it turned out to be the wrong car. Like, I had thought it was mine, but it turned out not to be.
I think I mentioned this before, but I seem to have a lot of dreams where I am lost. No surprise there, I do kind of feel lost a lot of the time.
Well, anyway, I didn’t feel groggy and miserable today like I thought I would so that’s good. I didn’t work out today, though. I didn't have that much energy and I was afraid it would aggravate my back. I should sleep good tonight, I’ve never had back pain two nights in a row before.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Dream Diary - Showdown
Okay, I have one short little dream fragment that I want to put in the record. This dream didn’t have anything to do with my eyes like the other dreams I have recounted here, but I wanted to put it down anyway. This was Friday night.
In the dream, two men were having a shootout, like in the old west. They were standing, facing each other, when one of the men took a coin out of his pocket and flipped it up into the air. The coin arced high in the air, and as it came down he pulled his gun and fired, shooting his opponent dead. As the dead man fell, the coin hit the ground and it had a perfect hole right through the center of it.
That was such an interesting scene that I had to write it down. I’ve been reading some Louis L'Amour books lately, that's probably where the shootout came from, but I don’t know what that coin was all about. It was like a scene from a movie. I don’t know who the men were, or why they were having a showdown.
The rest of my dreams from that night are mostly forgotten. I remember something about a large building with lots of halls and passages through it, kind of like a weird shopping mall. I was supposed to be working, but I kept getting lost in all the hallways. Time was passing and I wasn’t getting my work done. That sense of being lost somewhere seems to be a fairly common element in my dreams. I’ll have to try and note them as they occur.
That’s it, just wanted to share that.
I dreamed of you. I dreamed you were wandering in the dark, and so was I. We found each other.
-Stephen King, “The Green Mile”
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.
In the dream, two men were having a shootout, like in the old west. They were standing, facing each other, when one of the men took a coin out of his pocket and flipped it up into the air. The coin arced high in the air, and as it came down he pulled his gun and fired, shooting his opponent dead. As the dead man fell, the coin hit the ground and it had a perfect hole right through the center of it.
That was such an interesting scene that I had to write it down. I’ve been reading some Louis L'Amour books lately, that's probably where the shootout came from, but I don’t know what that coin was all about. It was like a scene from a movie. I don’t know who the men were, or why they were having a showdown.
The rest of my dreams from that night are mostly forgotten. I remember something about a large building with lots of halls and passages through it, kind of like a weird shopping mall. I was supposed to be working, but I kept getting lost in all the hallways. Time was passing and I wasn’t getting my work done. That sense of being lost somewhere seems to be a fairly common element in my dreams. I’ll have to try and note them as they occur.
That’s it, just wanted to share that.
I dreamed of you. I dreamed you were wandering in the dark, and so was I. We found each other.
-Stephen King, “The Green Mile”
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Journal - Blind School
Well, I’ve been sitting here for about half an hour now, fiddling around, trying to think of what I want to write about today. I just have so many things going around in my head right now that I can’t seem to pin anything down. So I guess I’ll try to talk about that, okay? Okay.
Yesterday, I met with the technology person from the Nebraska Commission for the Blind. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to use her real name here, so I’ll call her Persephone. Persephone is the one who got me started on the JAWS software a few weeks ago. She installed the demo version for me and showed me some of the basic commands. I’ve always been a quick study on the computer so I’ve been able to pick up quite a bit on my own since then. Yesterday she showed me a couple of neat tricks though that will really help me navigate web pages.
She also brought a Victor Stream to show me. The Victor Stream is a device created especially for the blind. You can load audiobooks onto it and listen to them, but you can also put ebooks on it and it will read them to you using it’s own voice. AND it has a built in recorder so you can record notes for yourself, or if you’re a student you could record classes. The thing that makes it great for the blind is that it speaks whenever you press a button so you know what you did. Way cool device, but expensive.
Well, after showing me the VS, Persephone started pitching me on this blind school that they have in Lincoln. This wasn’t the first time they’ve mentioned it to me, but it’s the first time I’ve felt pressured to do it. I have so many different feelings about this that I can hardly see them individually.
If I knew I was going to be blind for the rest of my life I guessthis would be a no-brainer. I would definitely want to do this. But my blindness is temporary, so how much time do I want to spend learning to be blind? That’s a hard one. Maybe this would be a good experience for me even if I don’t use the skills I learn for very long.
I know the NCB only has so much money to spend, and they would much rather spend it on people who will try to further their education or get back into the workplace. This is perfectly logical, even if it’s a bit unfair. Frankly, I don’t really know where I’m headed right now. Since I went blind I have felt like I’m in limbo. Just waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting around.
Then there’s my family to think of. Lincoln is about a two hour drive from where we live now. Persephone said the school can take as long as 9 months to complete. My family can visit anytime, but gas isn’t exactly cheap these days. And speaking of expenses, how much will I be responsible for? I know the commission will help with that, but do they cover everything?
And I would have to live there alone. Persephone said they have apartments for the students and you have to live there alone. I haven’t spent a single day alone since I went blind and frankly the idea scares the heck out of me. I know there would be people to call on if I needed something, but it takes time to build up trust in a complete stranger.
And on top of all that, what does God want me to do? Does He want me to learn how to be blind? Does He care one way or the other? Well, I know He cares, but is this something that would be important to Him? He is probably trying to give me an answer on this right now, but sometimes I have a hard time quieting my mind enough to hear Him.
Sigh. It seems I will never learn. God has shown me again and again that all my fears and worries are pointless because He will take care of everything. But I just keep right on worrying about things. Well, I’m only human after all.
On Thursday there’s another lady from the commission coming out to the house and I imagine we will talk about this some more. Maybe it will be a little clearer after that.
You know, I’m really starting to like this blogging thing. I’m finding that writing things down is a good way to sort things out when they get all jumbled up in my head. Was it a coincidence that I got JAWS and started doing this? Nope!
Thanks for reading, see you next time!
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.f
Yesterday, I met with the technology person from the Nebraska Commission for the Blind. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to use her real name here, so I’ll call her Persephone. Persephone is the one who got me started on the JAWS software a few weeks ago. She installed the demo version for me and showed me some of the basic commands. I’ve always been a quick study on the computer so I’ve been able to pick up quite a bit on my own since then. Yesterday she showed me a couple of neat tricks though that will really help me navigate web pages.
She also brought a Victor Stream to show me. The Victor Stream is a device created especially for the blind. You can load audiobooks onto it and listen to them, but you can also put ebooks on it and it will read them to you using it’s own voice. AND it has a built in recorder so you can record notes for yourself, or if you’re a student you could record classes. The thing that makes it great for the blind is that it speaks whenever you press a button so you know what you did. Way cool device, but expensive.
Well, after showing me the VS, Persephone started pitching me on this blind school that they have in Lincoln. This wasn’t the first time they’ve mentioned it to me, but it’s the first time I’ve felt pressured to do it. I have so many different feelings about this that I can hardly see them individually.
If I knew I was going to be blind for the rest of my life I guessthis would be a no-brainer. I would definitely want to do this. But my blindness is temporary, so how much time do I want to spend learning to be blind? That’s a hard one. Maybe this would be a good experience for me even if I don’t use the skills I learn for very long.
I know the NCB only has so much money to spend, and they would much rather spend it on people who will try to further their education or get back into the workplace. This is perfectly logical, even if it’s a bit unfair. Frankly, I don’t really know where I’m headed right now. Since I went blind I have felt like I’m in limbo. Just waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting around.
Then there’s my family to think of. Lincoln is about a two hour drive from where we live now. Persephone said the school can take as long as 9 months to complete. My family can visit anytime, but gas isn’t exactly cheap these days. And speaking of expenses, how much will I be responsible for? I know the commission will help with that, but do they cover everything?
And I would have to live there alone. Persephone said they have apartments for the students and you have to live there alone. I haven’t spent a single day alone since I went blind and frankly the idea scares the heck out of me. I know there would be people to call on if I needed something, but it takes time to build up trust in a complete stranger.
And on top of all that, what does God want me to do? Does He want me to learn how to be blind? Does He care one way or the other? Well, I know He cares, but is this something that would be important to Him? He is probably trying to give me an answer on this right now, but sometimes I have a hard time quieting my mind enough to hear Him.
Sigh. It seems I will never learn. God has shown me again and again that all my fears and worries are pointless because He will take care of everything. But I just keep right on worrying about things. Well, I’m only human after all.
On Thursday there’s another lady from the commission coming out to the house and I imagine we will talk about this some more. Maybe it will be a little clearer after that.
You know, I’m really starting to like this blogging thing. I’m finding that writing things down is a good way to sort things out when they get all jumbled up in my head. Was it a coincidence that I got JAWS and started doing this? Nope!
Thanks for reading, see you next time!
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.f
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