Men's Fraternity Week 25

Men’s Fraternity
Week #25 – Letter of Honor/Tribute to Parents



Ephesians 6:2-3
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

• Honor means to prize, to fix a value upon.
• Value means to place worth, importance and usefulness on them.

The action of showing value is appreciation and respect.

Proverbs 6:20
My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching.

Proverbs 23:22
Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.

• Placing a value on who they are, no matter what they might have done or did not do.

I. Two-fold promise that is affected by honoring parents.

1. First Promise – It affects your relationship with the Lord. “That it may go well with you…”

The actions you take toward your parents reflect your heart toward God.

Matthew 15:3-6
He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, “What you would have gained from me is given to God,” he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God.

For Jesus, doing what was wrong in dishonoring your parents could never be linked with what was right in God’s eyes.


2. Second Promise – It affects your own life in a positive way.

Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Proverbs 17:22
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Results of dishonoring life with parents:

Proverbs 30:11-14
There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers. There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth. There are those—how lofty are their eyes, how high their eyelids lift! There are those whose teeth are swords, whose fangs are knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, the needy from among mankind.

II. Practical Tips to Bring Honor

1. Meaningful touch
2. Spoken words of gratitude
3. Give them words of high value
4. Give them a picture of a special future

When parents grow older, they want to know we love them much more than to receive what we can buy them. One parent put it this way: ”Give me a kiss and time for my birthday. That way I don’t have to dust it.”

Personal Application/Exercise

Take the time we have left and write a “I am thankful” letter to your parents by next week.

If your parents are deceased, write a “tribute letter”. When you have your children and grandchildren together read this to them and let them know the qualities you received from your parents.

Men's Fraternity Week 24

Men’s Fraternity
Week #24 – Blessing Letter to Children/Siblings

Introduction: Letter Accountability

• How did you present your letter from last week?
• What kind of reaction did you receive?
• If you did not deliver your letter, tell your group when you plan to deliver it and how you plan to deliver it.

Proverbs 3:27-28
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you.

I. Family blessing hinges on 5 key elements.

1. Meaningful touch

Mark 10:13-16
And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.


2. A spoken message
• The misconception we have is that simply being present communicates blessing.
• We need to be aware how powerful the absence of spoken words can be. (Most common phrase: “I’ll tell them tomorrow.”)
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 10:11
The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.

Proverbs 10:31-32
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off. The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.


3. Attach high value to the one being blessed.
• In the Hebrew the root meaning of blessing is to “bow the knee”.
• It is important that you point out the qualities and character traits not the performance.
4. Picture a special future for the one being blessed.
• Words that picture a special future are like a campfire on a dark night.
• In John 14:2-3 Jesus went to great lengths to assure the insecure disciples that they had a special future with Him.

John 14:2-3
In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.


5. Make an active commitment to fulfill the blessing.

James 2:15-16
If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?


• Mere words of blessing are not enough
• Follow through is key to conveying the truth of the blessing.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.


• The better we know the bent of our child and their unique set of needs the better we will be able to give them their own unique blessing.

Dealing with Children rejecting your godly legacy.

1 Corinthians 3:8
He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor.

• Parenting is about planting and watering.
• Know your purpose and work together
• Reward is based on the work done not based on who your children become.

The greatest legacy you can leave your kids is who you were as a Christ-follower. What your children do with who you were is their choice.

Personal application/exercise:

Take the time we have left and use the fill in the blanks and write your favorite memories of your oldest child or the one that may need this letter most at this time. If you have no children write it to your sibling, friend, or mentor in your life.

Sharing what you wrote: Share which person you wrote and three memories.

Deliver your letter by our next session!

Men's Fraternity Week 23

Men’s Fraternity
Week #23 – Practical Step of Manhood



Introduction:

Malachi 4:6
And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.

Four week focus:

To take action by leaving a godly legacy of faith, hope and love through the art of letter writing.

Our definition of the word “Blessing”: It is the unmerited, undeserved favor of God.

Four Biblical Principles Concerning the Blessings of God

2 Timothy 1:2-3
I am writing to Timothy, my dear son. May God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord give you grace, mercy, and peace. Timothy, I thank God for you – the God I serve with a clear conscience, just as my ancestors did. Night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.

1. We are to ask for the blessings of God.
1. His favor.
2. His power.
3. His protection.
2. We are to recognize the blessings of God.
1. Cultivate a thankful heart.
Psalm 127:3 Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Proverbs 18:22 The man who finds a wife finds treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 1:8-9 My son, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.
3. We are to receive the blessings of God.
Three prerequisites to do this are:
1. Fear and revere God.
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.
2. Trust God.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.

3. Obey God.
1 Peter 1:14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance
• God wants us to give Him [trust Him with] our:
• Time
• Talent
• Treasure [money]
4. We are to give the blessings to others.
Proverbs 11:25 Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.

Exercise: 15 min.
Take the time we have left and use the fill in blanks and write why you are blessed to have your wife as your wife. If you are not married, write this letter to your oldest child, a sibling, mentor, teacher, pastor, etc…

”I am blessed because…

Sharing: 5 min.
I want each of you men to share 3 reasons why you are blessed to have your wife as your wife, or sibling, friend, etc…

Before next week

By next week I want you to set up a time with your wife or whoever you wrote the letter to. If you ave the courage, take that letter and read it out loud. Then pray a prayer of blessing over the moment. See what God does in that moment.

Men's Fraternity Week 21

Men’s Fraternity
Week #21 - Review

Introduction

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

Hebrews 2:1
Therefore we must pay closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.

Discussion:

When your alarm goes off in the morning do you immediately shut it off and get out of bed, or do you hit the snooze button? How many times do you hit the snooze button?

• The effectiveness of the alarm is in direct correlation to how much you don’t want to hear it!
• We are going to review the journey we have taken through the 33 Series and ask ourselves – Have I pushed the snooze button?

I. Man and His Design

1. God’s call to Every Man!

Philippians 2:5-8
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God something to be grasped, [Rejected Passivity] but emptied himself by taking form of servant, being born in likeness of men. [Accepted Responsibility] And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. [Lead Courageously] Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name. Invest Eternally


2. Four Faces of Manhood

Acts 13:36
For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep.


• King - Righteous Energy
Proverbs 20:7
The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!

• Warrior - Courageous Energy
1 Corinthians 9:26-27
So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

• Lover - Relational Energy
1 Thessalonians 2:7-9
But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.

• Friend - Connecting Energy
Proverbs 17:17; 27:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
3. Seasons

Psalms 90:12
So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Transitions between stages of Life.

• Spring: 0-20 - Identity
• Summer: 20’s-30’s - Learning and Growing
• Fall: 40’s-60’s - Influence
• Winter: 60’s-beyond - Sage


4. Man and His Story

Psalms 34:4, 6
I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.

Events and Experiences that have shaped your life!


• Look back to make peace with your wounds.
• Father wound
• Mother wound
• Loneliness wound
• Heart wound
• Dealing and Healing of Wounds.


5. Man and His Traps

Jeremiah 2:13
for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.

Looking deep into our heart idols in our lives and the traps we get entangled in.
• Control idol
• Significance idol
• Comfort idol


6. Answering the Alarm

Ephesians 5:14-16
Therefore it says, ‘Awake, O sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’ Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

The way we are designed by our Creator is that we are built to live for something greater than ourselves. We are wired to outlive our life!
• Discover the Transcendent Cause – Reject passivity.
• Leverage your influence now – Accept responsibility/Lead Courageously.
• Invest for eternity - Make an eternal difference in the lives of those around you!

Discussion:

Why is it difficult for us to hear and respond to the early warning alarms God puts in our lives?

What alarms sounded off in your life through this series?

As we reviewed our 33 Journey of these past weeks, where have you seen yourself pressing the snooze in your life? What do you need to wake up instead of pressing snooze?

Men's Fraternity Week 20

Men’s Fraternity
Week #20 Comfort



Introduction:

John 4:31-35
Meanwhile the disciples were urging him, saying, “Rabbi, eat.” But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you do not know about.” So the disciples said to one another, “Has anyone brought him something to eat?” Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work. Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, then comes the harvest’? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest.

I. Deep Idol of Comfort

• There is a hidden, yet sudden power in comfort!

1. Comfort Idol yearns for privacy, making no demands and will only do for others if it brings stability or relieves stress.


1. Selfishly introspective.
2. Constantly noncommittal.
3. Abhors anything impinging upon personl freedom.


2. Greatest nightmare for those who worship comfort is spontaneity and demands.

II. Comfort Idol’s Traps

1. The Fear of Responsibility.


• Man hides from obligation, believing that real happiness is found apart from responsibility.

2 Thessalonians 3:11
For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busy bodies.

[If we’re idle we begin to meddle, talking about how things could have been done better]


2. Trap of Consumption


• Preoccupation with consumption is a diversion, but it’s not a solution to the stressful messes around us.

Proverbs 25:27-28
It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one’s own glory. A man without self control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

Deuteronomy 31:20
For when I brought them into the land flowing with milk and honey, which I swore to give to their fathers, and they have eaten and are full and grown fat, they will turn to other gods and serve them, and despise me and break my covenant.


• If your “go-to” when times get hard and stressful is to consume, there’s a great chance that what is driving you is a deep comfort idol.


3. Trap of Escapes


• Rather than deal with the harshness of life or feel the pain that is part of life we create an alternate reality of escapes.

2 Peter 2:20
For if after they have escaped the defilements of the world, through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first.


• The real pleasure in life comes not in the pursuit of pleasure but in the fulfillment of responsibility.
• Deep happiness and satisfaction is NOT actually found in pursuing freedom and escape, but it is actually found in the middle of walking with God in the midst of uncomfortable, challenging times.
• ”Sin is what you do when you are not fully satisfied in God.” - John Piper

III. Replacing the Idol of COMFORT

1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you

• ”Humble” - having a teachable spirit and attitude. That is our part!
• ”Proper time He may exalt you” - God will lift us up in His proper time. That’s God’s part!
• Cast anxious moments on Him - Run to God, not to your temporary comforts. That is our part!

1 Peter 5:8-9
Be sober-minded: be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

• Sober-minded…watchful – We must be on high-alert against an enemy who is seeking to gain access to our lives.
• Adversary - the devil functions like a prosecuting attorney in our mind bringing up our failures and messes creating fear.
• Devour - means to drink or lick, the enemy wants to create fear in us so that we turn into a mess of liquid emotions.
• Resist him - Stand! Keep your focus on Christ!
• Brotherhood - the suffering you face, others are facing too! Best have each other’s back!

1 Peter 5:10
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

• Suffering a little while - resilience in the midst of difficulty only lasts a little while. At the moment it feels like forever but compared to eternity it is a little while.
• God’s Grace is sufficient - God is the ________ of all spiritual comfort and help for every ________.
• Restore, confirm, strengthen, establish - That is God’s complete work in our lives.

If we are not fulfilled and secure in God, we will inevitably seek other sources of happiness and security.

Discussion:
Which traps are you most prone to find yourself in during stressful or difficult times: Fear of responsibility, trap of consumption, trap of escapism?

Sometimes we seek the idol of comfort because we lack overarching purpose in life or because of the pain of adversity. Do you agree? How have you seen this in your life?

In what sense can pleasure and comfort be an idol?

What is your “Comfort zone” that you struggle getting out of?

In Psalms 16:7-11, what is the Psalmist’s attitude towards pleasure?

Men's Fraternity Week 19

Men’s Fraternity
Week #19 Significance



Introduction:

• We have talked about daily battles worth fighting, we have talked about who or what we’re giving our life to:
• Who or what we are worshipping.
• Who or what we are letting define us.
• Who or what we are serving.

I. Deep Idol of Significance

Galatians 1:10
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Lie of Significance – if a certain person, a certain social group or colleagues in my profession… If they find me worthy of attention or love, if they acknowledge my value… then I am significant.

[How often do we base our decisions on what others will think of us?]

• Idol of Significance feeds on the opinions of others.
• We care more about what people think than what God thinks.

When people give affirmation or feedback, which is a good thing, but then they become the greatest things when we cross the line of the Significance Idol.

”Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, cleverer, or better looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, clever, or good looking there would be nothing to be proud about.” C.S. Lewis

II. The Traps With the Idol of Significance

• Approval trap.
• Recognition trap.
• Relationship trap.


1. Approval Trap


• In Biblical terms it’s called “The Fear of Man.”
• Driven by fear and becoming overly concerned with disappointing or upsetting people.

[Find significance in your actions, not in the approval you get from them.]

Proverbs 29:25
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.


• Turning to others for what only God can provide is a direct result of accepting Satan’s trap:

Significance = performance + other’s opinions


• The lie of being approved by others to feel good about myself causes me to fear rejection and then conforming our attitudes and actions to the expectations of others.

Acts 20:24
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Key questions to consider:< br />

• Does the thought of disappointing people effect your peace and contentment?
• Do you have a tendency to avoid telling people what you really think?
• Are you hypersensitive to criticism and you either are crushed or you seek to crush the one who said it?

Approval trap is fueled by the “steroid” to prove yourself!


2. Recognition Trap
• The trap is based on pride and hungers for admiration and fame.
• Being recognized can be a good thing, but it becomes toxic when it becomes the greatest thing.
2 Corinthians 10:12
Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.

Recognition trap is often fueled by comparison with other men and the recognition they receive.


• When we regret doing something because we didn’t get the recognition it uncovers our real motives.


3. Relationship Trap
• A man is tempted to feel “less than” if he is not in a relationship or finds himself single again.

1 Corinthians 7:32
The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

Singleness provides a unique opportunity to invest eternally by giving undivided devotion to the Lord.

III. Replacing the Idol of Significance

• The answer to the fear of man is the fear of God.

Luke 12:4-5
I tell you,my friends, do not fear those who kill the body and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I warn you whom to fear, fear him who, after he has killed has authority to cast into hell. Yes I tell you, fear him!

• Know that people’s actions are more about their hearts than about us, so do not take their rejection or mistreatment personal.

Isaiah 51:7-8, 12
Hear me you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults. For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations. – I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass…

• Remember that people are mortals like us, they too are fallible and are going to die someday but God is infallible and eternal.

Understand who has the real power, both now and forever; and let no one define who you are but God!

”It is the most natural thing in the world to be scared, and the clearest evidence of God’s grace at work in our hearts is when we do not get into panics. The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God you fear everything else.” Oswald Chambers

• We were made for more than worrying about what people may think.
• We were born for more than fearing someone’s opinion.
• We were redeemed for more than living with focus on pleasing humans.
• We were saved for more, much more, than this shallow approach to life.
• We were chosen to do the will of God and not the idol of man’s popularity.

I AM TO FEAR NOTHING AND NO ONE BUT GOD!

Fear of man vs. fear of God - There are no other options.

Questions for discussion:

Which of the significance traps is most relevant for you: the approval trap, the recognition trap, or the relationship trap? Discuss.

Living according to the false belief I must be approved by certain others to feel good about myself causes us to fear rejection conforming all of our attitudes and actions to the expectations of others. How are you affected by this belief?

In Acts 20:24 Paul says, But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Discuss what traps Paul had to work through and how he worked through them.

Men's Fraternity Week 18

Men’s Fraternity
Week #18 Control

I. Deep Idol of Control

1. Idol of Control is when I am unwilling to let go of my agenda and let God do His work.
2. When we are feeling powerless or circumstances are overwhelming the enemy proposes the lie that, “we must do something (be in control) or we will be hurt.”
   
   • When I am feeling powerless I no longer turn to God, instead my new idol of control is what I live by to protect myself from feeling powerless.

II. Manifestations of the Control Idol

1. Manifests itself in fear and anxiety.
   
   • Fear and anxiety surface when you might lose influence over something you want, and uncertainty about someone or something.
   
   Matthew 16:22-23
   Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him saying, ‘Far be it from you Lord! This shall never happen to you.’ Jesus said to Peter, ‘Get behind me Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on things of God, but on the things of man.’
   
   Luke 12:25-26
   Which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do a small thing as that why are you anxious about the rest.
   
   
   • Fear shows itself in many ways:
   • I am irritated
   • I am unsatisfied
   • I am restless
   • I am unhappy
   
   
2. Manifests itself in workaholism.
   
   • Having “work” under control gives the illusion and mirage of security.
   
   Matthew 16:26
   What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?
   
   
3. Manifests itself in anger.
   
   • When I cannot control a situation and begin to feel as if I am losing control the result is anger.
   • Look behind anger and you will find fear. Look behind fear and you will find control.
   
   Ecclesiastes 7:9
   Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.
   
   Proverbs 14:29
   Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.
   
   [Important to remember: Sometimes God removes our control to protect us.]

III. Replace Idol of Control Through Relinquishment

1. Greatest stumbling block in growing in our relationship with God is that we no longer can be in control.
2. Definition of Relinquishment: to surrender a possession or right.
3. Jesus is the great example of relinquishing His right to the Father.
   
   John 5:30
   I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.
   
   Luke 22:42
   Father if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless not my will, but yours be done.
   
   If Jesus our Savior exchanged His will for God’s will, then why would we entertain ideas that our self-will is something we are master over?
   
   
4. Relinquishing is a trust issue.


Do we trust God enough to let go of our heart and life - of our self-will and let God have his way in our life?


• Letting go is rarely easy or desirable. It is like a wrestling match – a match of the will, God’s will VS my will.
• If relinquishing is a trust issue, then when an issue of relinquishing arises, the true colors of our heart’s devotion to Him will emerge.


5. Being a follower of Christ is not willing to relinquish my sin only, but my whole way of looking at things.
   
   Galatians 2:20
   I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
   
   
   • ”…it is no longer I who live…” – means, my life is no longer identified as mine – I give up my rights.
   • When we relinquish our will to God, we settle with the truth of His sovereignty and live in peace allowing the outcome of our circumstances to be in the hands of our loving Father.

Discussion:

1. Several manifestations emerge from the deep idol of control: fear, workaholism, and anger. Discuss any of these manifestations that can be a temptation for you.

2. How should the concept of relinquishing (surrender of rights) change our approach towards our Control Idol in our lives?

3. Read Jeremiah 17:5-8. Discuss how this passage relates to what we have seen today.

Men's Fraternity Week 17

Men’s Fraternity
Week #17 XXX

INTRODUCTION

• Pornography has a stranglehold on the American Culture!
• Stats from Lifeway Research and Education Database. (Jan 2013)
  
  
  • $3,075.63 is spent on pornography every second.
  • Most popular weekday for viewing porn is Sunday.
  • Percentage of men age 18-34 that visit porn sites in a given month - 70%
  • Percentage of Christian men who view porn regularly - 70%
  • Percentage of men who say viewing porn is acceptable behavior - 67%

Men of all ages, ethnicities, professions and income levels are willingly infecting their hearts and minds with images that are addictive, destructive, and in some cases, criminal.

Matthew 5:27
Jesus addressed this issue: ”You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’”

1. Sexuality is where we are most vulnerable; we experience the most shame and exhibit the greatest secrecy.
2. In the past you had to go our of your way to acquire pornography, today you have to go out of your way to avoid sexual images.
3. Perceived anonymity and pervasive accessibility has made pornography bigger than ever before.

I. SUSCEPTIBLE BRAINS AND DISCONNECTED HEARTS

a. Susceptible Brains

• God designed our brains to be stimulated visually by the beauty of the female body.

Proverbs 5:15-19
”Drink from the water of your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in love.”

• When a man views pornography, pleasure chemicals are released in his brain in amounts that far exceed normal levels.
• You quickly build up a tolerance to the same old stuff you’ve seen and to get the old high you’ll have to push the boundaries.
• You are not alone. This should strike shame at its root because we are all in the same boat and have the capacity for this stuff.

b. Disconnected Hearts

• Pornography is an outward act indicating a deeper need in us. The deep need is intimacy with God and others.
• A man disconnected from God and others is a man either struggling with or extremely vulnerable to sexual temptation.
• A man connected to God and trustworthy men, you will find a man nobly fighting the battle of lust.

II. ACTIVATING THE NOBLE FIGHT AGAINST LUST

a. We’ve got to ADMIT the sin and pursue ruthless honesty beginning with ourselves and with trustworthy men.

• Breaking the hold comes when we remove our mask and provide opportunity for truth and hope.

Psalm 32:3-5
”When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity, I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.’”

• When we don’t share, our hearts are disconnected, we live life alone and in isolation - turn to pornography to medicate our pain.

b. Identify the broken promises (lies) of pornography.

• To change we have to go beyond the “what” of our sin [I am looking at porn] and get to the “why” [porn promises to meet some need in me].

Matthew 15:19-20
”For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person.”

c. Move from the broken promises of lust to repentance to something better.

2 Corinthians 7:10
”For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”

• Worldly grief – produces death.
  
  • Negative consequences of pornography do not produce change because they lack the ability to affect repentance. Must go beyond saying, “I have sinned.”
• Godly grief produces repentance leading to salvation…
  
  • Repentance is what happens on the inside; it is not an effort to change behavior through a process of steps or muscle training.

Colossians 3:5
”Put to death therefore what is earthly in you, sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness which is idolatry.”

• Repentance involves a change of authority, and adjustment in who rules.

John 8:34, 36
”Truly, truly, I say to you everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin… So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

• We are so powerless to make change that repentance is impossible apart from God’s work.

Jeremiah 13:23
Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard his spots? Then also you can do good who are accustomed to do evil.

Matthew 5:3
”Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

• Repentance is a call for brokenness and a radically inward change toward God.

Psalm 51:17
”The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise.”

Discussion:

Reflect on this statement: “Show me a man disconnected from God, from his wife, and from others and I’ll show you a man either struggling with, or extremely vulnerable to, sexual temptation. But show me a man connected to God, his wife, and trustworthy men and I’ll show you a man who has a chance to fight the noble fight.” What are you experiencing? Discuss.

How does the above relate to Proverbs 18:1 “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”?

Have you known “worldly sorrow” or “Godly sorrow” when dealing with sin? Discuss the difference.

Which of the 3 Deep Idols [control, significance, and comfort] is at the root of your battle with sexual temptation? What false promise can lust use to lure you (i.e. escape, validation, power, acceptance, comfort)?

Share with your group one or two strategic moves that you need to make in order to apply what you have learned in this session.

Men's Fraternity Week 16

Men’s Fraternity
Week #16 Battle Plan Modeled


Pastor Brian likes to begin our sessions with short videos, today he showed this one:



Review

Our “Battle Plan”

• Admit the Struggle.
• Identify the lie.
• Replace with the truth.

1. Jesus’ Example

1. Just like Adam in the Garden of Eden, Jesus was tempted by the great liar himself, satan.

Hebrews 2:18
For because he himself (Jesus) has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. [And because Jesus was human we will suffer when tempted the same way He did.]

• There is a suffering we face when dealing with temptation.
• Jesus can identify with the suffering we face in times of temptation and help us.

Hebrews 4:15-16
We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

• We need to have confidence in the grace and mercy of God to give us the help we need.

2. Jesus’ Model for us.

A. Jesus tempted with the deep idol of comfort

Satan: ”If you are the Son of God command these stones to become loaves of bread.” Matthew 4:3

Lie: Satisfy your needs through your own means.

Jesus: ”Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Matthew 4:4

Replace with Truth: True happiness comes not in immediate gratification but in self-sacrifice to benefit others.

B. Jesus tempted with the deep idol of significance.

Satan: ”If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, ‘He will command His angels concerning you, and on their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.’” Matthew 4:6

Lie: Proving his significance through effort of power and performance.

jesus: ”It is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” Matthew 4:7

Replace with Truth: Understand your place and God’s authority.

C. Jesus tempted with deep idol of control.

Satan: ”All these [kingdoms of the world] I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” Matthew 4:9

Lie: Happiness comes when you are in charge.

Jesus: ”Be gone satan! For it is written, you shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve. Matthew 4:10

Replace with Truth: God is the focus and the only one we serve. [The things we are in charge of end up being in charge of us.]

”Our chief enemy is the lie that says sin will make our future happier. Our chief weapon is the truth that says God will make our future happier. When my thirst for joy and meaning and passion are satisfied by the presence and promises of Christ, the power of sin is broken. We do not yield to the offer of sandwich meat when we smell the steak sizzling on the grill.” John Piper

Discussion:

How do the two passages in Hebrews help you when you are dealing with temptations in your life?

Remember that all idols over-promise and under-deliver. Discuss what idols are out there today that we as men are getting duped by? What are they promising? [Everywhere we look are advertisements promising that if we drive a certain type of car or drink a certain type of beverage etc we will be happier, more successful, more attractive to the opposite sex. Many promises that never deliver.]

Proverbs 28:13 says, ”People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them they will receive mercy.” Discuss amongst yourselves why we want to conceal and why we are reluctant to confess our sins? What is the truth conveyed here?

Ephesians 5:11, 13 says ”Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness but instead expose them… When anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible.” What is the truth that we need to acknowledge here?

1 Corinthians 14:20
Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.

What is the challenge for us when we read this vese?

Men's Fraternity Week 13

Men’s Fraternity
Week #13 Idols

Pastor Brian began our first session of the new year with this video from the Skit Guys.



Exodus 20:3
You shall have no other gods before me.

Psalm 106:36
They served their idols which became a snare to them.

1. Goals for this session:

• Discuss some key realities that are foundational to the traps that a man faces in life.
• Describe a framework for understanding temptations in the life of a man.
• To help get to the root issue. The sin beneath the sin.

Questions for Discussion:
1. Many men live in both shame and guilt while hiding from those around them. Why would men abandon the “abundant life” that is available in Jesus Christ for idols that trap them in bondage? (Some examples of these idols are: workaholism, pornography and other addictions, desperate need for approval, disappointment with life or fear of failure).

2. Why would we ever choose anything other than God’s best for our lives?

2. Key Realities:

a. In order to experience ultimate freedom you must practice ruthless honesty.

2 Samuel 10:11
And he said, “If the Syrians are too strong for me, then you shall help me, but if the Ammonites are too strong for you, then I will come and help you.

[Praying for others is good but you must also be willing to step in and help others in need.]

David White puts it this way: “All of us live in fear of exposure. We don’t want the worst things about us to be made known. We posture and wear masks. We establish elaborate facades and hide behind our good deeds. This refusal to be truly known and exposed keeps us stuck in our sin.”

b. There’s no such thing as a life apart from struggle and temptation.

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.

c. Understand grace.

[Grace can be defined as unmerited favor granted to us by God.]

Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

d. Authentic manhood is primarily about heart change.

• The noble fight against sin and temptation is not just about behavior modification.
• For instance, God doesn’t want us just to stop lying He wants us to love the truth!
• Behavior modification without heart change is dangerous.

3. The Framework of Idolatry

• An idol can be anything, even a good thing. [The idol itself is not necessarily evil. Like guns: guns are not evil, it’s what we do with them.]
• Idolatry is built on a lie. [This will make me feel better, help me achieve my goals, etc.]
• Idols come from legitimate desires that are being expressed in inappropriate ways.
• Idols can be divided into two categories, or what Pastor Tim Keller calls surface idols and deep idols.

Examples of Deep Idols

• Control

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

• Significance

Galatians 1:10
If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men. [This follows closely with my own life verse 2 Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed rightly handling the word of truth.]

• Comfort

Questions for Discussion:
1. The idols that we face are tempting us with relentless intensity throughout life. Which of the idols discussed above is one that is a consistent area of struggle for you? Practice “ruthless honesty” on this one!

[I volunteered that one of my most difficult idols to overcome is money: something that I think and worry about too much and that I have the most difficulty giving over to God. Another man at my table mentioned Control and it was generally agreed upon that some control is probably necessary in most situations but we also have to understand that things will not always go as planned and we need to be flexible.]

2. It has been said that we are only “as unhealthy as our secrets.” Do you agree or disagree with that statement? Why or why not?

[A couple of the men at my table started talking about secrets and were of the opinion that some secrets are better left unsaid as bringing them to light will only cause more harm. I’m not really sure what to think about that. I think it really comes down to trust, if you’re sharing your secrets with someone you truly trust with your heart and soul then that person won’t judge you for it or be hurt by it; they will help you to rise above it.]

3. Share one or more of the idols that you would like others to be praying for your concerning. Then take a few minutes together and pray before heading out for the rest of your day.

Finding Your Purpose

In our second Men’s Fraternity meeting, Pastor Brian challenged each of us to develop a life purpose statement for ourselves and also to choose a life verse from the bible. In our third meeting a couple of days ago Brian asked us if anyone had done that yet. I don’t think anybody raised his hand. Then he asked us if anyone had no idea where to even start in developing a purpose statement. A few of us, including myself, raised our hands. Brian said he suspected that might be the case so he told us he had some handouts for us that might help us with and that we could pick one up after the meeting if we wanted. So on my way out that day I picked one up.

Now, in case you’re not familiar with what a life purpose statement is, as I was not, it is basically a statement that tells people who you are and what you are all about. Businesses always have one but they call it a mission statement. For instance, a mission statement for the United States Post Office might be something like “We will deliver letters and parcels to our customers in a friendly and timely manner.” Nothing in-depth really, just something for them to shoot for as a business; a target to keep their eye on.

Okay, so I took the handout and headed on up to work. I had almost an hour to kill so I just sat in my truck and began reading the handout, ”Finding Your Purpose: How to Know Why You Are Here” by Regi Campbell. In it, Mr. Campbell shares the process by which he came up with his own personal statement and I found it to be very helpful in developing my own.

Most helpful of all was the section in which Regi says to pinpoint your strengths, the things that you are particularly good at, and think about how you can use those things to glorify God. I began to really think about that and I came up with a few things that I can do well. God blessed me with a healthy body and the willingness to work hard when the situation calls for it, and He also gave me a positive mental attitude, and He gave me a good memory. So I began forming my purpose statement around that and came up with this:

I will glorify God by working hard at whatever task He gives me while maintaining a positive attitude and I will remember to give Him the glory in all things.

As Regi Campbell says in his short book, this statement will probably changed and evolve over time but I think it’s a pretty good starting point.

Now, Pastor Brian also encouraged us to choose a life verse from the Bible. A few verses came to mind, verses that have helped me through some difficult times, most especially when I was blind. One was Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Another was Isaiah 30:21 And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. But as I was working on my purpose statement, another verse came to mind. It was a verse I first came across a long time ago when I was involved with the AWANA group at the church in Gibbon and one that God brought my attention to again only recently. It is 2 Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. I think that goes along with my purpose statement pretty well and may even serve to refine it a bit. Not only will I work hard, but I will work with honesty and integrity so that I never need to feel ashamed about the job I have done.

I think this was a good exercise and recommend it to everyone. One of the most common questions we as humans always ask is, “What is my purpose?” As Christians, we know the answer to that questions is “To glorify God.” But sometimes we get a little mixed up on how exactly to do that, or perhaps we don’t quite know where to begin. Developing a purpose statement for yourself can help you figure out where your place is in God’s plan and what you can do to further His Kingdom. We can’t all be preachers or ministers, and we can’t all go on missions to Africa, but we all have abilities that we can use to glorify Him. Work on a purpose statement for yourself, and choose a life verse as well. You don’t have to go around telling everyone what it is, but it might just help you find some focus in your life when you feel yourself drifting.

You can view or print Regi Campbell’s book “Finding Your Purpose” here.

2 Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. ESV

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. ESV

God Seeks Us

Yesterday was the third meeting in our 33-week men’s fraternity group at church. After our first two meetings I typed up our study guides along with whatever notes I made during the session and posted them here on my blog. I don’t have this week’s notes typed up yet although I will probably do that sometime in the next couple of days. Today I wanted to talk about something else.

You see, I didn’t have a very good day. I’m not really sure why, I was just in a bad mood as sometimes happens. I’ve noticed over the years that in my blog I always had a tendency to “skip over” the bad days and only talk about the good ones. I hope you didn’t get the impression that I never have bad days; I am human after all. I think I always did that partly because I really do prefer to focus on the positive and not the negative, but also partly because I, like most humans, try to put up a good front and hide what’s really going on inside. We even talked about that in one of our men’s fraternity meetings, how we hide our true selves from others, and even try to hide from God sometimes. The world that we live in teaches us that men are supposed to be tough and brave and all that. “Cowboy up!” we always say or “Take it like a man!” We are taught that feelings are a sign of weakness. Of course, God’s definition of what a man should be is far different than our own worldly definition.

Anyway, back to my bad day. I got to the church and a couple of the men that I had sort of started to connect with weren’t there yesterday. So right off the bat I was feeling a little disappointed. Then some guy I hadn’t met before sat down at my table and started eating his lunch. Our meetings are from 12 to 1pm so that guys can come on their lunch break and we are encouraged to bring a lunch if we need to, but most of the guys don’t. Anyway I had to sit through most of the hour listening to this guy eat. In case you don’t know this about me, listening to people eat or chew gum is the one thing that absolutely makes me nuts. I had a hard time paying attention to Pastor Brian and I didn’t get all the notes I wanted to. My mood didn’t improve during that hour. Of the five people that were at my table, two left right away because they thought lunches would be provided and they hadn’t brought anything. The other two left before we were quite finished, as some of the men have to be back at work. That left just me. We always have some group discussion at the end and I could have joined another table for that but I just left.

I went straight up to work after that even though I had about an hour to kill. I went up to Walmart and parked and started reading a handout Brian had given us titled “Finding Your Purpose: How to Know Why You Are Here.” That helped me feel a little better but mostly what I needed was just some time alone, which I was fortunate enough to have.

I realize that whole episode at men’s fraternity was an attack from satan. When you start doing things he doesn’t like he will always do his best to deter you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 Well, for that one hour at least, the devil devoured me. Or maybe he just got a nibble that time. Anyway, thanks to our loving God, that doesn’t have to be a permanent situation. God will always seek us out and pull us back in. That’s something else we talked about in a previous men’s fraternity meeting, that even when we try to hide ourselves from God, He will seek us out. It’s comforting to know that even when I’m too ashamed of myself to go to Him, He will come to me right where I am.

Well, that’s about it for today. I’m going to get those notes typed up and posted here soon and I also wanted to talk more about that “Finding Your Purpose” handout and how it helped me to write my purpose statement. Stay tuned.

Luke 19:10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost. ESV

Proverbs 8:17 I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me. ESV

Journal - The Next Step On Our Journey

Well, let me think now. I think I mentioned earlier that we were beginning our search for a new car today to replace my truck that got wrecked last week. I really had my heart set on getting another Explorer if I could manage it since I loved my old one so much. For the last several days I was searching online to see what was available in this area and was pleased to see that there were plenty of Explorers around. I already had it in mind that I would probably not be able to get a newer one than my old ’99 and that I might have to get one with lots of miles on it. Having those things in mind we set out today to visit our first used first lot.

In my online searches I had found a lot in Kearney that had two Explorers, both within my price range and both with lower than expected mileage. I had decided to make that our first stop. We got there and saw the two Explorers right away and both were pretty decent looking. The guy came out and asked what we were looking for and I said “I’m looking for these!” He went inside and brought out the keys and also the keys for a third one that he had on the lot. We drove the first one, a light blue ’98 with a dark blue interior. It was quite good looking but right away I thought that it did not feel very good on the road. It was kind of shaky and didn’t seem to have much power when I stepped on the gas and after a few minutes we started to smell something burning. So we took that one back.

2000 Dodge Durango 4x4

The next one was a green ’99 that was pretty much identical to my old one except for the color. We took it out and it felt much better on the road. It had some defects but nothing major. I was thinking that one would probably do, but I wanted to look further before making a decision. We took that one back and took a look at the third one he had. It was an old ’91 but it only had about 80k miles on it, which is amazing. I was pretty sure I didn’t want one that old regardless of the miles but we took it for a drive anyway. It was in amazingly good condition and we both liked the color too, white over blue. I didn’t get to drive it very far because it was almost out of gas. I was pretty sure I didn’t want that one anyway so we took it back after a short drive.

Durango Rear View

So after our third drive the guy came back out and asked us what we were thinking. I told him what I thought of each one and then asked him if he had any other SUV’s on the lot for around four thousand dollars. Just as I said that we were walking past a beautiful dark blue Dodge Durango and I said “Probably not this one huh?” He took a look at it and said “Yeah we’ve got that one marked at $3,988 and that silver one over there also for $3,988.” I was flabbergasted because it looked like it was probably a lot more expensive. He asked if we’d like to drive it and I said yes. Well, Joni and I got in and I think it was love at first sight for both of us. The color was exactly what I wanted and the interior was a beautiful cream colored leather and there was even some of that fake wood grain stuff on the dashboard. We pulled out of the lot and drove about two blocks and I told Joni “I love this truck.”

Love that fake wood grain!

So we drove for a bit and then took it back. I told the guy that I loved that truck and we spent a few minutes looking it over. It finally came time to talk about money so I told him I could give him $3600 for it. He said “Let’s go inside and see what we can do.” So we went in and he looked at some papers, although honestly I don’t think he was looking very hard, and he said “Yep, we can do that.” We signed the papers, handed over a check and we were off, me in the new truck and Joni in her car.

Journey and Carma

I love this truck! I miss my old truck, but this sure softens the blow. Is it perfect? No. Does it exceed my expectations? You bet. I got it home and spent the afternoon washing and waxing it, as I always like to do when I bring home a new car. Then I got out the camera and started shooting.

So, this is a 2000 Dodge Durango in one of the most beautiful colors of blue I’ve ever seen. It has a lot of miles on it but I think it has a lot left in it too. Everything seems to work, with the possible exception of the cruise control, which felt a little flaky on the way home. This is a truck that really looks, feels, and sounds like a truck. Oh, and it’s a four-wheel-drive, which is something I was really hoping to get. My old Explorer didn’t have that, which was okay back in Dallas, but not so good here in Nebraska. It also has a third seat way in the back, something else the Explorer lacked. Not that I have that many people to carry around mind you. It’s kind of neat though, and of course the seat folds down completely flat to make extra cargo space, which is what I will need more often. I think I mentioned before that Joni likes to name our cars. The old truck she had named Destiny, and our Cougar she named Carma. She has already decided to name the new truck Journey.

Now I will be hoping and praying that this will be a good truck for us. I sort of felt led to this truck, the way I felt led to the Cougar back in August. It wasn’t the truck I was looking for but when I saw it and drove it, it just felt right. And I didn’t run all over tarnation looking at vehicle after vehicle like I had planned either. Once again I am reminded that I can make all the plans I want to, but if God has something else in mind then I better be flexible. It’s a hard thing to follow His will rather than my own, but it always is the better way.

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ESV

Proverbs 3:5-5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. ESV

When Things Come Together

So, I mentioned a few days ago that we bought a new car. Okay, it’s an old car, a 1997 to be exact, but it’s new to us, and aside from moving into a new home, getting a new car is probably one of the more exciting moments in a person’s life. We were especially excited about this one because it’s such a beautiful car and the owner wasn’t asking an unreasonable amount of money for it, as many people do when selling their old car.

Joni and I have been together for 11 years now and we’ve always just had one car, my ’99 Explorer. That wasn’t so bad because for the first few years my job wasn’t far from home, only 7 miles, and I could be home in a few minutes if something came up. Then for the last couple of years that I worked for UPS I couldn’t drive because of my failing eyesight and Joni dropped me off and took the truck back home. Then I didn’t work at all for about 4 years and we had no need for a second car. But last September, when I started working at Walmart, it started to bother me a little going off to work in Kearney and leaving Joni out here on the farm 17 miles away with nothing. But we knew we couldn’t buy another car so we just made do and luckily there were no emergencies.

Working in the Walmart parking lot, I naturally see lots of cars every day, and some of them have for sale signs in their windows. I would typically give them a glance and walk on by. They were always too new and therefore too expensive, or old junkers that their owners thought were worth a lot of money. Up until August 6th, that is.

On that fateful day I walked by another car with a for sale sign in the window. On this particular occasion I actually stopped to look twice because it was a really nice looking car, and on that second look I saw that the owner had put a price of $1600 on the sign. Now, even a price of $500 would have been too much for me, but I thought that $1600 wouldn’t be a great deal to borrow as opposed to four or five thousand. So the wheels started turning in my head.

In my previous post I already talked about how I borrowed the money and had my brother look at the car and everything, so I won’t go into that again. Instead, I wanted to talk a little about the greater forces at play here. Some might call it coincidence, or serendipity, but I prefer to think of it as God at work. One of my favorite bible verses is Jeremiah 29:11 where it says For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. If we put our trust in the Lord, He will always provide for our basic needs but I also believe that, on occasion, He will provide us with something that we want, as long as it doesn’t go against His plans for us.

Now, let me explain a little bit about how my job works. I’m one of those guys that rounds up shopping carts from the parking lot and brings them back up to the store. Our parking lot has 12 rows that you can park in. The parking lot is divided in half and as cart pushers we work one side or the other. In other words, if the owner of this car had parked on the other side of the lot that day, I would never have seen it. Let’s take it a step further. On August 8th, I was working the south side of the lot, covering rows 5, 6, and 7. One of my coworkers was covering 3 and 4 that day, and rows 1 and 2 don’t really get any carts in them. That man had to park in one of those 3 rows for me to see his car. Also, I only worked a 5 hour shift that day, from 2pm to 7pm, so he had to come during that time. And if he had come during my break, I would have missed him. But as things worked out, he and I both were in the right place at the right time.

Before I bought this car, I really wanted my brother to look at it since he used to be a mechanic. No small task that, because he and I both work and we both have odd days off. I had no idea if there would be any way to coordinate our days off so that we could get together on this. But every detail was already worked out in advance. I saw the car on a Tuesday and, as it turned out, my brother and I both had the day off on Thursday. Also, my brother lives in Axtel, a 20 or 25 mile drive from Kearney and I didn’t know if the owner would be okay with me taking it all the way Axtel to get it checked out. But he had no problem with that at all; he was a very kind and friendly man of 70 years.

On the day we went to the man’s house to look at the car, we noticed right away that the $1600 signs had been changed for $1400 ones, another good portent. And after we got back from Axtel and told him we wanted the car, he agreed to take $1300 for it. A savings of $300, which exactly covered the brake work it needed. I got that brake work done on Saturday, by the way, there’s a shop right next to Walmart where I could drop it off and walk over to work. The whole process just worked out very neatly. Call if coincidence if you want, but I know better. The whole thing brings to mind October of 2011, when after years of waiting, everything suddenly came together and I got the surgery that restored my eyesight.

It really is an amazing thing to see God at work like that. I’m sure that, like me, you’ve tried to do things in the past that no matter how hard you tried it just didn’t seem to work out. And then to see how easily God can put something together, it’s just mind-boggling.

Does God care if we have two cars or one? I don’t really know, but this has been a powerful reminder to me of God’s omniscience, omnipresence, and omnipotence. A reminder that we all need from time to time I suppose. And thanks for the car, God, we’ll take good care of it.

Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. ESV

Psalms 139:7-8 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. ESV

Endings and Beginnings

Well, here it is, officially fall already. This summer just seemed to whiz by. Our beautiful flower gardens are now mostly dried up and dead, our one and only watermelon has been picked and consumed. The corn fields are dried up and harvest has begun. The pumpkins are still producing but I know that soon enough they will be gone too. I’m at the end of one of the most enjoyable summers of my life and that’s kind of sad as endings usually are.

Let’s do a little catching up shall we?

On Thursday, September 14, I had my checkup with Dr. Feilmeier in Kearney. It had been two months since I last saw him and things had been going well so I wasn’t expecting much news one way or the other.

The Doctor’s assistant took us in and tested me out on the eye chart and everything as usual. She put up a line on the chart and I read it, then she brought up the next line and I read that, then she put up a third and I read that one too. Then she said, “Great, we’re all done!” I was thinking “Why are we stopping, I wasn’t even struggling yet?” Imagine my surprise when she told me that was the 20/20 line! Back in July I had been testing at about 20/25 with my new glasses. That was much better than I had ever expected to see again and I wasn’t really expecting more than that. I guess God had other ideas! When Dr. Feilmeier came in he was looking at my chart and said, “Are you just showing off now or what?” I could tell he was genuinely happy for me. Happy for himself a bit too I think at having completed such a successful surgery and recovery, but also genuinely happy for me. Joni told him I had my driver’s license and he seemed sincerely happy about that too. “That’s a big step up from that stick you used to carry around isn’t it?” he commented. Then we looked at some pictures of his new baby boy, who was born around the time of my last visit in July, and we were all done. I remember back in 2008 when we had decided to move up here from Dallas and I had been wondering how I would ever find another doctor as wonderful as Dr. Hargrave, who had been taking care of my eyes for about 7 years. God was in control though, and I ended up with one that I like and trust just as much, if not more. I am reminded, once again, of Jeremiah 29:11 which says ”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

So I’m seeing 20/20 now. With that kind of vision it seems like I should be able to read anything with no trouble at all, but I do still struggle with some things. I still can’t read my comic books, for instance, without my magnifying glass. I guess that’s because the fonts are kind of funny and the contrast isn’t very good, often black on blue or purple or something instead of black on white. I don’t have any trouble at the computer unless the font is very small. I can read books and papers pretty well as long as the print isn’t too small and there’s plenty of light. Still, I’m seeing much better than I ever thought I would and you won’t hear any complaints out of me.

Last Thursday, the 20th, I got call from Walmart for a job interview. I had applied there back on August 27. I went in on the 21st for my interview and it went reasonably well. It sounded like they were prepared to offer me a job pending background and drug tests. I had told them I couldn’t drive in the dark and they sounded like they would be willing to work around that. I was there for a little over an hour and then they sent me out to a place on the east edge of Kearney that does their drug screenings for them. The manager at Walmart had told me that the test results would take a couple of days and that I should hear from them this week. Well, first thing this morning they called and asked if I could come in for orientation. The job is mine! My orientation is on Wednesday. Tomorrow I’ll have to run in and get some clothes; more jeans as I have only one decent pair, and some plain navy blue t-shirts. I suppose I’ll also have to get something warm for the winter sometime soon.

This is not a very glamorous job, I’ll be one of those people who gathers up the shopping carts from the parking lot and brings them back up to the store. Also, it pays minimum wage, which may end up being a little less than I’m getting from social security. But if this is where God wants me right now, then this is where I’ll be and I will do the job for God like it says in 1 Corinthians 10:31 ”So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” There is a plus side: I think this will be a nice easy job for me to kind of ease my way back into the work force. And who knows where it will lead. I’m guessing most Walmart employees start out as either cart-pullers or working the checkout. I would much rather be pulling carts than doing checkout. I’ll stick to my old standby here: If you don’t appreciate what God gives you, then you have no reason to expect something more, or something better. If I do this job as well as I can, and do it for God, then perhaps he will give me something better at some point. Matthew 25:21 ”His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much…”

So, I stand here on the brink of the next stage of my life. I’ll admit I’m scared. Endings are often sad, and new beginnings often are scary because you just never know what will happen. The last year of my life has been a happy and comfortable one, recovering from my surgery and enjoying my returned vision. The garden was a lot of fun this summer. Now it’s time to move on to the next thing. God likes to challenge us with new things now and then. That’s what keeps us growing and developing in our relationship with Him. It is my task, and all of ours, to trust in the Lord. Proverbs 3:5-6 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. And really, how could I not trust Him? A year ago I was blind, and now I’m seeing 20/20. Last spring I had a 3-month long infection in my eye that left no damage at all. He has carried me through everything, and I’ve never gone hungry, never had to live on the streets, never really wanted for anything. No one on Earth could do all that for me, only God, my provider, my rock, my salvation. Psalms 118:8-9 ”It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.”

Journal - Surgery Discussions

Today, I got a couple of phone calls from the doctor’s office in Omaha.
The first call was from Denise who is in the billing office. I had spoken to her a couple of weeks ago about how I would pay for my surgery. Medicare only pays 80%, and Denise said that would leave me with about $3000 to cover, with $1500 being due up front. She called today just to confirm that I was aware of how much money I would need to come up with, although I’m thinking that this time she said $1000 was due up front. Anyway, I told her that I was aware.
The second call came a few minutes later. This one was from Elinore who is the transplant coordinator. There are a lot of different things that need to happen before surgery, and Elinor’s job is to make sure they all happen. Elinore told me a lot about how the process works, some of which I knew from my transplant seven years ago, and some of which I didn’t.
She said that once the doctor is informed that there is a cornea available, they basically have five days to get it in my eye, and a lot has to happen in those five days. The cornea is shipped to the doctor in Omaha. The doctor sends it to a lab in Denver to be tested; a lot of tests have to be performed on the cornea to make sure it is healthy. Then the cornea goes back to Omaha for the surgery. Elinore also told me that there’s always the possibility that the cornea will not pass all the tests, in which case the surgery has to be called off until another cornea is available, something I had to learn the hard way seven years ago. I asked her why they can’t just wait until the cornea is cleared before they notify me, and she said it’s because the time-frame is so short. As soon as they know there is a cornea, they go ahead and schedule the surgery to make sure the necessary staff and facilities will be available. They also will notify me at that time to make sure I’m available. If they waited until the cornea was tested and cleared, there just wouldn’t be enough time to pull everything together.
Back on May 9th, when I saw Dr. Feilmeier in Kearney, he had told me they would probably do my cataract surgery first, and then the cornea later. Since Elinore was telling me all about the transplant and hadn’t mentioned the cataract, I asked her about that. I think that caught her by surprise a little bit, but she looked at the doctor’s notes and said it looked like he was planning to do both at the same time. She admitted that the notes were not perfectly clear, however, so she said she would check on that and let me know. I always thought it would make sense to do both since the only way to get to the cataract is through the cornea anyway, but when I asked the doctor about that in May, he said the cataract is handled through a small incision on the outer edge of the cornea, rather than removing the cornea completely. That was an interesting bit of information. It would be nice to get both things done at the same time, but I suppose the more things they mess with, the more chance there is of complications. Well, I’m willing to trust the doctor’s judgement on that.
I asked Elinore if the surgery would be in the morning and she said there was really no way to tell. I was wondering because if it’s early, we’ll probably have to go to Omaha the day before. I know we’ll have to spend the night the day of the surgery, because I have to go back the next day for a follow-up. After that, my follow-ups can be in Kearney unless the doctor sees something he doesn’t like. They have a doctor in this area every two weeks so it just depends on if he’s comfortable letting me go that long.
And that’s about it. Elinore is sending me maps and information. She said that sometime before surgery I’ll have to get a physical, but they’ll let me know when it’s time for that. Not a bad idea since I haven’t had one for about 20 years. Oh, she also told me that there’s a hotel near the surgical center that gives a discounted rate to surgery patients, although at $45 a night the rate didn’t sound that special to me. Still, it would be nice to be close and not have to do a lot of driving around in the city. Hey, if the surgery goes well, maybe I can drive us home! Just kidding Mom, I knew that would get a rise out of you. I don’t even have a license.
Well, I think that’s about it. It’s starting to sound like this might actually happen. That’s a little scary for a lot of reasons.

Luke 11:34-35 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. ESV

Proverbs 20:12 The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord hath made even both of them. KJV

Memories - Grandpa Pete

As I have mentioned before, I was lucky enough in my youth to have not only all four of my grandparents, but also two of my great-grandparents, nearby. Grandpa Pete was one of these latter, husband of great-grandma Gladys of whom I have already written. Of the six grandparents that I knew in my lifetime, Grandpa Pete was probably the least familiar to me. Our paths just didn’t cross as much as with the other grandparents. But I do have a few memories to share, so let us begin.
First of all, Grandpa Pete’s full name was Albert Henry Brandt. Why did we call him Grandpa Pete? I have no idea. When I was very small, our farm was quite busy, with Grandpa Pete, Grandpa Meril Dean, and Dad all active in the family business. In every tractor, every pickup, and every house, there was a cb radio so the men could keep in touch, and the women could reach them if they needed to. Grandpa Pete’s cb handle was “Pistol Pete”, I remember that name on the back window of his orange and white chevy pickup in stick-on letters. I’m guessing Pistol Pete was a nickname he had picked up somewhere, and that’s probably why we called him Grandpa Pete. That is, however, still largely a mystery to me.
When I think of Grandpa Pete, the first thing that always comes to mind is horses. Grandpa Pete loved horses. When I was still very small, he had a couple of horses on the farm, but nobody ever rode them as far as I know. I got the impression they were rather old. I can’t remember their names, but I’m thinking one of them might have been Pepper.
Loving horses as he did, Grandpa Pete enjoyed going to the races, probably at Fonner Park over in Grand Island since I think that is the closest track to here. One of the favorite photos that I have in my possession is of Grandpa Pete, along with his brother Adolph, sister Eva, family friend Demps Clark, and a few other people I do not know. They are all standing in front of a horse at the racetrack, the horse having won a race that day. The caption on the photo says the horse belonged to Aunt Eva. I guess I like the photo so much because I have very few pictures of Grandpa, and this one is rather old, showing a much younger Albert Brandt than the one I knew.
Grandpa Pete was, of course, a farmer, from a long line of farmers that ended with my dad. I have a newspaper clipping from 1950, announcing that Albert Brandt had purchased some land north of Gibbon. That would undoubtedly be the farm that I grew up on. I vaguely remember a story about Grandpa finding a $5 gold piece in one of his corn fields, butI don’t really remember where I heard that.
I think the only other thing that I personally remember about Grandpa Pete, was that he was always burning stuff. HaHa! Back in the day, farmers would burn off the stalks and “trash” from a field that had recently been harvested. Grandpa also liked to burn the road ditches, when the weeds got tall and were dry from lack of rain. I don’t think he was a pyromaniac, I guess he just liked things to look neat and tidy instead of ragged and weedy. They have a lot of laws and regulations about burning now-a-days so I don’t know if farmer’s still do that, but you could always count on Grandpa Pete to burn something up.
Since I don’t really remember a lot about Grandpa, I decided to ask my brother, Kevin, what he remembered. I figured Kevin probably knew him better than the rest of us since he, Dad, and Grandpa Pete all lived together for a while. Here’s what Kevin had to say:

I've given it a lot of thought and there's really only a few things that really stood out in my mind about him. It sure did bring back some memories though, both good and bad.
Well, things he liked was coffee, Grandma Gladys' sugar cookies, watermelon and he loved steak but he couldn't chew it so he gnawed on it for a while then spit it out. Also he had a thing for pickled pigs feet. He liked to watch Matlock and loved baseball. He always wore a blue long sleeve button up shirt with overalls. His hair was always cut short, crew cut, and wore his hat with the bill turned just to the side.
You already know that he liked the horse races and he took me a few times.
We would often just get in his pickup and go driving around the country looking at stuff and he always let me drive. He taught me how to skin pheasant and rabbits.
I don't really remember any thing that he said a lot other than "god dammit Kevin", but I guess that was all the grown ups.

Those are some pretty cool memories, and I didn’t know any of those things about Grandpa, although I do remember the blue work shirts and overalls since Kevin mentioned it. I think that’s pretty neat that he liked Grandma Gladys’ sugar cookies so much; didn’t we all! That’s also a little sad since he outlived his wife by three years or so.
Kevin also mentioned to me that Pete is a nickname for Albert and that’s why he went by that name, something else I did not know.
Albert Henry (Pete) Brandt was born on December 22, 1897, in Surprise, Nebraska. He married Gladys Opal Brogan on August 6, 1920, and died on July 15, 1985, in Kearney, Nebraska. He now rests in Riverside Cemetery in Gibbon, Nebraska, beside his wife, parents, son, and grandson.

Proverbs 12:11 Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

James 5:7 Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains.

Memories - UNO by Candlelight

The audio book I’m currently reading is “Cell” by Stephen King. I came to a part in the story yesterday where one of the characters took out a gas lantern to light his house after a blackout. Reading that triggered a memory of my childhood. It's a small memory, just a snapshot really, but the memory brought a smile to my face so I thought I would put it in my blog.

I don’t remember what year this was, but I know it had to be in the 1970’s. I know that because Dad was there and he left in 1980.

Just like in the story I’m reading, we had a power outage out on the farm. I don’t remember why the power was out, a summer storm maybe. I don’t think it was a winter storm because with no power the house would have gotten cold and I don't remember it being cold.

Anyway, the power was out and Dad had gotten out our green lantern with the red “Coleman” label on the side. It was the same lantern we took to the lake when we went camping. He must have had to go down to the basement to get it I suppose, I don't really remember where our tent and other camping gear was stored.

Dad lit up the lantern and then hung it from the light fixture in the kitchen. Then all six of us sat around the table in our small kitchen and played UNO. Does anybody remember that card game? The lamp was hung right above the table, but the light was dim. I remember how we had trouble telling the blue cards from the green, and laughing every time somebody mixed them up.

I’m so glad I have this memory. I actually don’t have very many memories of our home life when Dad still lived with us. I remember our camping trips to the lake pretty clearly, and I remember that evening when we all sat down together and played cards by lamplight. It seems that my strongest memories are of times when we were all together as a family. I guess that is to be expected. I was only nine when Dad moved out, and it didn’t seem like he was around that much even before that.

Proverbs 1:8 Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Dream Diary - Money and Books

From Wednesday night:

I dreamed I was in Gibbon walking down Labarre Street, which is the main street in Gibbon. I was walking toward the railroad tracks and when I reached Front Street, I turned the corner to the left. There, scattered all over the sidewalk, were piles and piles of coins. It was mostly pennies, but there was some silver mixed in too. I started going through the coins, leaving the pennies, but picking up the quarters, dimes, and nickels.

The longer I picked through the coins, the more I began to find other things.. First, I started noticing coins which appeared to be foreign. They had strange markings on them and some had unusual shapes. I remember one in particular; it was similar to the gold presidential dollars they started minting a few years ago, but had rounded shapes around the edge. It was kind of like a child’s drawing of a flower. Then I started finding what appeared to be bars of gold. They were kind of long and thin.

The dream shifted a little here, and I was inside somewhere, I don’t know where. My friend Bob Johnson was there. I showed him the gold bars and asked him if he thought they were real. He took one and tore the end off of it, then turned it up to his mouth and poured out some kind of powdery candy. I tried one myself and it was a little bit like those old Flav-R-Straws. Or Pixie Sticks. They were called Pixie Sticks when I was a kid. Anyway, the gold bars were fake, like those chocolate coins they always have at Halloween, only with powder inside them.

I continued digging through the pile of coins, only now it was mostly junk instead of coins. I found a long spool with pieces of wire wrapped around it. I thought the wires were guitar strings. Bob plays the guitar, so I gave them to him and asked if he could use them. He unrolled one from the spool and stretched it between his hands. When he pulled on it it broke pretty easily, indicating that they were not really guitar strings.

The dream shifted again slightly. I was in the same place, but the room had become kind of long and narrow. One end of the room had bookshelves on all three walls that went all the way to the ceiling which was quite high. I was looking at some of the books that were high up on one shelf, when all of the books on that wall began to fall. I quickly turned to the shelves that were at my back, and as the books showered down on me I tried to climb up the opposite wall. I was afraid of being buried under all those books and wanted to climb to get above them.

That’s all I remember. Actually that’s quite a bit more than I usually remember of any one dream. Money and books, books and money. Money usually represents greed, and books would seem to represent knowledge, but it was the books that buried me. Or that I feared would bury me. Maybe it means that if I keep reading books and writing book reviews I will make money from them. Or maybe it means if I keep wasting my time on all those books instead of doing what I am supposed to be doing, they will be my doom. Maybe it means nothing at all. I wonder about that part where the gold bars were not what they seemed, and ditto the guitar strings. And it was my friend Bob who revealed both. Interesting.

I think that God tries to speak to us through our dreams sometimes, but I don’t believe all dreams come from Him. How do you tell the difference? Maybe some people can. Maybe it’s just another one of those mysteries that we are not really meant to understand. So many mysteries.

Proverbs 2:10-11 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.

Proverbs 8:10-11 Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.