Well, the excitement of the holidays is subsiding, and just as I expected, I have nothing to write about. Or maybe I just haven’t been in the mood. I’m really not in the mood even now as I sit here typing, but I want the record to show what’s been going on the last few days. This probably won' be very interesting to anyone other than myself, just your basic "did this, saw that" kind of stuff.
We were supposed to go to my brother, Brad’s, house for Christmas, but we got another blizzard on Christmas Eve and got snowed in. That was okay, I kind of like spending Christmas at home. Since we had planned on being at Brad's for dinner, we hadn't bought anything to make a dinner of our own. Luckily, we had the ham and all that other food that the church gave us, so we had a nice ham dinner for Christmas. Okay, I guess luck didn't really have anything to do with it. It was just God looking out for us again. The three of us had a nice day. It's fun being snowed in when you don't have to worry about getting to work and stuff.
On Saturday, we were still snowed in because we live on a farm and there's no one to clean our driveway. We had some pretty big snow drifts. We really wanted to be able to get out on Sunday though, so Joni and I got in the Explorer and basically bashed our way through the drifts until we were out. We drove in and out of the driveway about six times to make sure we had a good path through the snow.
Sunday was Adam’s fourteenth birthday. He had mentioned that he would really like it if Brenna could come over for a while to have cake and ice cream with us. Apparently he likes having a sister. So we went to church Sunday morning, then picked up Brenna and we all had lunch at Runza. If you don’t live in Nebraska, you probably don’t know what Runza is and I pity you. After lunch, we went to Mom’s house for a little while. She made Adam’s favorite, a jello poke cake. Our plan after that was to come back home for more cake and just hang out for a while. We were supposed to meet Brenna's grandparents in Minden at five o'clock so they could take her home. But, well, we got stuck in the driveway as soon as we pulled in. Joni and I dug with the snow shovel for a while, which did absolutely no good because the snow was all packed up under the truck, until finally, one of our neighbors drove by. He saw we were having trouble and stopped to lend a hand. He had a tow chain and had us out of that drift in no time. By then it was time to go drop off Brenna, but she and Adam had a good time. They seem to get along really well with each other. They can just sit and jabber back and forth at each other, then 45 minutes later you come back and they’re still jabbering at each other. Anyway, Adam had a nice birthday, and I had a good day too even though we got stuck. This was the first time I got to spend some time with Brenna without a lot of people around and I discovered that she’s pretty funny. I also found out she has double-jointed thumbs just like me.
There hasn’t been much excitement this week. I have some sore muscles in my shoulders and back from shoveling snow, but I still got on the exercise bike. I haven’t been on it for a couple of weeks and decided it’s time to get back in the habit. Last week, Joni and I filled out that application for the BCBS insurance and mailed it in. This week they called and said they are forwarding it to the underwriters. That’s encouraging in a way because at least they didn’t just reject me offhand the way Aetna did. This morning I had an appointment with an eye doctor that the Commission for the Blind set up for me. There wasn't much point to it, except I found out there’s no infection in my left eye. That kind of surprised me and I was a little encouraged by that. Then we went to Brad’s for lunch. That was our Christmas make-up since everybody was snowed in.
So that’s what’s been going on. It’s the end of the year, and I feel like I should write something deep and meaningful, but it’s just not happening today. I’m not all sad and depressed anymore, like I was at Christmas, I’m just not in the mood to write. It has been an eventful year, I'll say that much. And I’m looking forward to the challenges that the new year will bring. I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I’m still hoping that I’ll be able to see again by next Christmas. If you’re listening, Santa, that’s all I want next year, and don't feel like you have to wait until December to deliver.
To you, faithful reader, I wish nothing but happiness and prosperity for you in the new year, and remember, keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars.
Happy New Year 2010!
Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.
Showing posts with label commission for the blind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label commission for the blind. Show all posts
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
About Brenna
I’ve been completely blind for about five months now, and mostly blind for a couple of years. For the most part, I think I’ve been okay with that. Sure, there are times when I start to feel sorry for myself; times when I feel depressed or angry, but I always remind myself that there are much worse things that can happen to a person than going blind. But last Thursday, being blind really sucked.
I haven’t talked much about Brenna. I guess that's because I'm ashamed of myself. This is a big part of my spiritual growth, though, so I guess it's time.
A while back, I mentioned that shortly after my dad died, I got a girl pregnant and then ran off to the city. Clever how I glossed that over wasn’t it? I ran away because I felt like I had made a pretty huge mistake. I was too selfish and immature to take responsibility for a child, so off I went.
Brenna was born in April of 1997 and I had absolutely nothing to do with her other than paying my child support. Don’t think too highly of me for that, the only reason I paid was because I had to. There was a brief period when Brenna was about 2 years old when I saw her a couple of times, but again, I only did that because I felt like I had to. I knew my family wasn’t very happy with me so I tried to fake it. It was only a couple of visits though, and I gave up on it.
That went on until about a year ago. By then I had finally started listening to God and things began to look a lot different. Notice how I said “I began listening to God.” He had been talking to me all along, urging me to do the right thing, I just wasn’t listening.
So, last year, Brenna and I started exchanging emails. Emails were a good first step for us. Brenna’s mom had told me that Brenna wasn’t ready for phone calls yet, and that was okay with me because personally, I hate talking on the phone. Also, Joni, Adam, and I were still living in Dallas so visits just weren't an option yet.
Do you think that was good enough for God? Nope! In April, we just couldn’t afford to live in the city anymore, so back home to Nebraska we came. Convenient huh? Well, I was still dragging my feet. I was too scared to call Brenna on the phone, and by then my eyesight was far enough gone that I couldn’t use the computer anymore.
So God gave up and threw in the towel. HA HA HA no way! Instead, he had the lady from the Commission for the Blind give me a screen-reader program called JAWS. So the emails started up again, although now it was mostly with Brenna’s mom because Brenna was starting to lose interest in emailing. Kids these days. Long story short, last week I got an email inviting me to a school concert that Brenna was performing in.
When I was in school, I played in the band. I wasn’t much of an athlete or anything, so the band was really all I had. Also, I was pretty good at it and was proud of my accomplishments. But my dad never came to see me play. And now that he's gone, this is what I remember. That was when it really struck home.
Joni and I talked it over. I really wanted to be there, but I knew it would be hard for Joni too, meeting my daughter and my ex-girlfriend all in the same day. She knew it was important to me though, and agreed to take me.
Well, the concert was great! It wasn’t a band concert, but some different choir groups. Granted, I couldn’t pick out Brenna’s voice from the others, and I couldn’t even see her, but it felt good to be there. Mind you, we still hadn’t met, but Joni was able to pick out Brenna because she was running around with a friend who was introducing Brenna to her parents before the concert began.
When the concert was over, we exited the auditorium to see if we could find Brenna. We didn't have to look far, she was right outside the door, waiting for us. I was so nervous and just didn't know what to do, so I tried to shake her hand. She ignored that and gave me a hug. She was much braver than me! And also much taller than I expected! She’s only 12 years old, and already 5’ 6”!
Brenna led us over to where her mom was waiting and we all talked for a few minutes. We didn't stay very long though because I didn't want to totally freak her out. Actually I think I was much more freaked out than she was. Before we left, she gave me another big hug and said that she loved me. I wouldn’t have blamed her for being angry with me and chewing me out, but she was so sweet that it almost broke my heart.
Well, anyway, I never wanted to see so badly as I did that night. I wonder what she looks like. Does she look like me at all? I’ll have to wait to find out. In the meantime all I can do is be there for her as much as I can. I said earlier that I ran away because I felt like I made a mistake. Of course, now I know that my only mistake was running away. I don’t really think I can “make up for it”, but I can try to make things better going forward. With God’s help, I can.
Isaiah 50:7 For the Lord God will help me: therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.
I haven’t talked much about Brenna. I guess that's because I'm ashamed of myself. This is a big part of my spiritual growth, though, so I guess it's time.
A while back, I mentioned that shortly after my dad died, I got a girl pregnant and then ran off to the city. Clever how I glossed that over wasn’t it? I ran away because I felt like I had made a pretty huge mistake. I was too selfish and immature to take responsibility for a child, so off I went.
Brenna was born in April of 1997 and I had absolutely nothing to do with her other than paying my child support. Don’t think too highly of me for that, the only reason I paid was because I had to. There was a brief period when Brenna was about 2 years old when I saw her a couple of times, but again, I only did that because I felt like I had to. I knew my family wasn’t very happy with me so I tried to fake it. It was only a couple of visits though, and I gave up on it.
That went on until about a year ago. By then I had finally started listening to God and things began to look a lot different. Notice how I said “I began listening to God.” He had been talking to me all along, urging me to do the right thing, I just wasn’t listening.
So, last year, Brenna and I started exchanging emails. Emails were a good first step for us. Brenna’s mom had told me that Brenna wasn’t ready for phone calls yet, and that was okay with me because personally, I hate talking on the phone. Also, Joni, Adam, and I were still living in Dallas so visits just weren't an option yet.
Do you think that was good enough for God? Nope! In April, we just couldn’t afford to live in the city anymore, so back home to Nebraska we came. Convenient huh? Well, I was still dragging my feet. I was too scared to call Brenna on the phone, and by then my eyesight was far enough gone that I couldn’t use the computer anymore.
So God gave up and threw in the towel. HA HA HA no way! Instead, he had the lady from the Commission for the Blind give me a screen-reader program called JAWS. So the emails started up again, although now it was mostly with Brenna’s mom because Brenna was starting to lose interest in emailing. Kids these days. Long story short, last week I got an email inviting me to a school concert that Brenna was performing in.
When I was in school, I played in the band. I wasn’t much of an athlete or anything, so the band was really all I had. Also, I was pretty good at it and was proud of my accomplishments. But my dad never came to see me play. And now that he's gone, this is what I remember. That was when it really struck home.
Joni and I talked it over. I really wanted to be there, but I knew it would be hard for Joni too, meeting my daughter and my ex-girlfriend all in the same day. She knew it was important to me though, and agreed to take me.
Well, the concert was great! It wasn’t a band concert, but some different choir groups. Granted, I couldn’t pick out Brenna’s voice from the others, and I couldn’t even see her, but it felt good to be there. Mind you, we still hadn’t met, but Joni was able to pick out Brenna because she was running around with a friend who was introducing Brenna to her parents before the concert began.
When the concert was over, we exited the auditorium to see if we could find Brenna. We didn't have to look far, she was right outside the door, waiting for us. I was so nervous and just didn't know what to do, so I tried to shake her hand. She ignored that and gave me a hug. She was much braver than me! And also much taller than I expected! She’s only 12 years old, and already 5’ 6”!
Brenna led us over to where her mom was waiting and we all talked for a few minutes. We didn't stay very long though because I didn't want to totally freak her out. Actually I think I was much more freaked out than she was. Before we left, she gave me another big hug and said that she loved me. I wouldn’t have blamed her for being angry with me and chewing me out, but she was so sweet that it almost broke my heart.
Well, anyway, I never wanted to see so badly as I did that night. I wonder what she looks like. Does she look like me at all? I’ll have to wait to find out. In the meantime all I can do is be there for her as much as I can. I said earlier that I ran away because I felt like I made a mistake. Of course, now I know that my only mistake was running away. I don’t really think I can “make up for it”, but I can try to make things better going forward. With God’s help, I can.
Isaiah 50:7 For the Lord God will help me: therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Journal - Blind School
Well, I’ve been sitting here for about half an hour now, fiddling around, trying to think of what I want to write about today. I just have so many things going around in my head right now that I can’t seem to pin anything down. So I guess I’ll try to talk about that, okay? Okay.
Yesterday, I met with the technology person from the Nebraska Commission for the Blind. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to use her real name here, so I’ll call her Persephone. Persephone is the one who got me started on the JAWS software a few weeks ago. She installed the demo version for me and showed me some of the basic commands. I’ve always been a quick study on the computer so I’ve been able to pick up quite a bit on my own since then. Yesterday she showed me a couple of neat tricks though that will really help me navigate web pages.
She also brought a Victor Stream to show me. The Victor Stream is a device created especially for the blind. You can load audiobooks onto it and listen to them, but you can also put ebooks on it and it will read them to you using it’s own voice. AND it has a built in recorder so you can record notes for yourself, or if you’re a student you could record classes. The thing that makes it great for the blind is that it speaks whenever you press a button so you know what you did. Way cool device, but expensive.
Well, after showing me the VS, Persephone started pitching me on this blind school that they have in Lincoln. This wasn’t the first time they’ve mentioned it to me, but it’s the first time I’ve felt pressured to do it. I have so many different feelings about this that I can hardly see them individually.
If I knew I was going to be blind for the rest of my life I guessthis would be a no-brainer. I would definitely want to do this. But my blindness is temporary, so how much time do I want to spend learning to be blind? That’s a hard one. Maybe this would be a good experience for me even if I don’t use the skills I learn for very long.
I know the NCB only has so much money to spend, and they would much rather spend it on people who will try to further their education or get back into the workplace. This is perfectly logical, even if it’s a bit unfair. Frankly, I don’t really know where I’m headed right now. Since I went blind I have felt like I’m in limbo. Just waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting around.
Then there’s my family to think of. Lincoln is about a two hour drive from where we live now. Persephone said the school can take as long as 9 months to complete. My family can visit anytime, but gas isn’t exactly cheap these days. And speaking of expenses, how much will I be responsible for? I know the commission will help with that, but do they cover everything?
And I would have to live there alone. Persephone said they have apartments for the students and you have to live there alone. I haven’t spent a single day alone since I went blind and frankly the idea scares the heck out of me. I know there would be people to call on if I needed something, but it takes time to build up trust in a complete stranger.
And on top of all that, what does God want me to do? Does He want me to learn how to be blind? Does He care one way or the other? Well, I know He cares, but is this something that would be important to Him? He is probably trying to give me an answer on this right now, but sometimes I have a hard time quieting my mind enough to hear Him.
Sigh. It seems I will never learn. God has shown me again and again that all my fears and worries are pointless because He will take care of everything. But I just keep right on worrying about things. Well, I’m only human after all.
On Thursday there’s another lady from the commission coming out to the house and I imagine we will talk about this some more. Maybe it will be a little clearer after that.
You know, I’m really starting to like this blogging thing. I’m finding that writing things down is a good way to sort things out when they get all jumbled up in my head. Was it a coincidence that I got JAWS and started doing this? Nope!
Thanks for reading, see you next time!
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.f
Yesterday, I met with the technology person from the Nebraska Commission for the Blind. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to use her real name here, so I’ll call her Persephone. Persephone is the one who got me started on the JAWS software a few weeks ago. She installed the demo version for me and showed me some of the basic commands. I’ve always been a quick study on the computer so I’ve been able to pick up quite a bit on my own since then. Yesterday she showed me a couple of neat tricks though that will really help me navigate web pages.
She also brought a Victor Stream to show me. The Victor Stream is a device created especially for the blind. You can load audiobooks onto it and listen to them, but you can also put ebooks on it and it will read them to you using it’s own voice. AND it has a built in recorder so you can record notes for yourself, or if you’re a student you could record classes. The thing that makes it great for the blind is that it speaks whenever you press a button so you know what you did. Way cool device, but expensive.
Well, after showing me the VS, Persephone started pitching me on this blind school that they have in Lincoln. This wasn’t the first time they’ve mentioned it to me, but it’s the first time I’ve felt pressured to do it. I have so many different feelings about this that I can hardly see them individually.
If I knew I was going to be blind for the rest of my life I guessthis would be a no-brainer. I would definitely want to do this. But my blindness is temporary, so how much time do I want to spend learning to be blind? That’s a hard one. Maybe this would be a good experience for me even if I don’t use the skills I learn for very long.
I know the NCB only has so much money to spend, and they would much rather spend it on people who will try to further their education or get back into the workplace. This is perfectly logical, even if it’s a bit unfair. Frankly, I don’t really know where I’m headed right now. Since I went blind I have felt like I’m in limbo. Just waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting around.
Then there’s my family to think of. Lincoln is about a two hour drive from where we live now. Persephone said the school can take as long as 9 months to complete. My family can visit anytime, but gas isn’t exactly cheap these days. And speaking of expenses, how much will I be responsible for? I know the commission will help with that, but do they cover everything?
And I would have to live there alone. Persephone said they have apartments for the students and you have to live there alone. I haven’t spent a single day alone since I went blind and frankly the idea scares the heck out of me. I know there would be people to call on if I needed something, but it takes time to build up trust in a complete stranger.
And on top of all that, what does God want me to do? Does He want me to learn how to be blind? Does He care one way or the other? Well, I know He cares, but is this something that would be important to Him? He is probably trying to give me an answer on this right now, but sometimes I have a hard time quieting my mind enough to hear Him.
Sigh. It seems I will never learn. God has shown me again and again that all my fears and worries are pointless because He will take care of everything. But I just keep right on worrying about things. Well, I’m only human after all.
On Thursday there’s another lady from the commission coming out to the house and I imagine we will talk about this some more. Maybe it will be a little clearer after that.
You know, I’m really starting to like this blogging thing. I’m finding that writing things down is a good way to sort things out when they get all jumbled up in my head. Was it a coincidence that I got JAWS and started doing this? Nope!
Thanks for reading, see you next time!
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.f
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Welcome
Hello, and welcome to my blog. My name is Steven Brandt, I’m 38 years old, and I am blind. I wasn’t born blind, it’s kind of a recent thing.
The story of how I came to be blind is a long one and I plan to talk about that in future posts, but for now I just wanted to welcome you and explain a little bit about what this blog is all about.
I’ve been feeling the urge to do this for some time now, but I kept putting it off. I kept telling myself it would be too hard seeing as how I’m blind and all. And it is hard believe me. Since I went blind I haven’t been able to use the computer at all, which has been a serious blow to me because I have always loved doing things on the computer. But a few days ago the Commission for the Blind hooked me up with this screen reader software called JAWS which helps blind people use the computer.
So here I am learning how to use the computer again. Basically it’s memorizing a lot of keyboard shortcuts. It’s challenging and frustrating and exciting all at the same time. That’s a lot of emotion to feel all at once but hey, that’s life right? We often find ourselves in situations where we feel overwhelmed. What I’ve learned is that the world doesn’t stop and wait for us to get our heads on straight; it just keeps on a-rolling.
So why am I writing this blog? My goal is to chronicle some of the changes that I’ve been through over the last few years. My hope is that people will find this blog and draw some hope and encouragement from it because I’ll tell you something right now; if you think you’re in a bad situation, it could be a whole lot worse. Take a look around you, there are things to be thankful for everywhere you look. And if you look carefully you may even notice some people who are hurting more than you are.
Oops! I’m starting to get preachy already aren’t I? :-) Well, I think I’ll just leave it right here for now. I hope you’ll come back and read more about my story. Maybe we’ll both learn something. My plan is to post new messages on a weekly basis but we’ll just have to see how it goes huh?
Thanks again for stopping by, you are welcome anytime.
The story of how I came to be blind is a long one and I plan to talk about that in future posts, but for now I just wanted to welcome you and explain a little bit about what this blog is all about.
I’ve been feeling the urge to do this for some time now, but I kept putting it off. I kept telling myself it would be too hard seeing as how I’m blind and all. And it is hard believe me. Since I went blind I haven’t been able to use the computer at all, which has been a serious blow to me because I have always loved doing things on the computer. But a few days ago the Commission for the Blind hooked me up with this screen reader software called JAWS which helps blind people use the computer.
So here I am learning how to use the computer again. Basically it’s memorizing a lot of keyboard shortcuts. It’s challenging and frustrating and exciting all at the same time. That’s a lot of emotion to feel all at once but hey, that’s life right? We often find ourselves in situations where we feel overwhelmed. What I’ve learned is that the world doesn’t stop and wait for us to get our heads on straight; it just keeps on a-rolling.
So why am I writing this blog? My goal is to chronicle some of the changes that I’ve been through over the last few years. My hope is that people will find this blog and draw some hope and encouragement from it because I’ll tell you something right now; if you think you’re in a bad situation, it could be a whole lot worse. Take a look around you, there are things to be thankful for everywhere you look. And if you look carefully you may even notice some people who are hurting more than you are.
Oops! I’m starting to get preachy already aren’t I? :-) Well, I think I’ll just leave it right here for now. I hope you’ll come back and read more about my story. Maybe we’ll both learn something. My plan is to post new messages on a weekly basis but we’ll just have to see how it goes huh?
Thanks again for stopping by, you are welcome anytime.
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