Our lives are made up of memories. Every single person in the world has their own set of experiences, and their own memories. It’s what makes us all unique. Like stars spread across the night sky, some memories are very clear and bright, while others are dim and almost unseen. And then there are those memories that are so bright, they are almost like a moon, blotting out all points of light within their radius. Those are the memories that are so powerful, they can command all of our senses, if only briefly, reminding us of sights and sounds and smells, of one endless moment of time, years, or even decades later.
When I was in high school, one of my history teachers, Mister Standage, was talking about moments like the ones I described above. The example he gave from his own generation was the day President Kennedy was assassinated. Mister Standage said that we could ask just about anyone in our parents generation about that day, and they could tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news.
In my own set of experiences and memories, there are two historical events that I consider to be real “moon” moments. The first was the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger. I’ll never forget that image on the television, the thick, white exhaust trail going up into the sky, then, at the moment of the explosion, splitting off into two separate trails, forming a gigantic letter Y in the sky. The second moment is, as you may have guessed, the disasters of September 11. That is the memory I want to talk about today, on the 9th anniversary of the occasion.
In early July of 2001, my wife and I moved from Kansas City to Dallas. I spent July looking for a new job and finally found one at the beginning of August, although I was not to begin work until August 20. I was just three weeks into my new job at UPS when the towers fell.
We were sitting around at work that morning as usual. I don’t remember the exact time, or even what day of the week it was, was it a Tuesday? News began to filter through the office that something had happened in New York. An airplane had flown into one of the World Trade Center towers. How could that be? Was it a student? Someone taking a flying lesson? My own initial thought was that it must have been a small, single-engine airplane. I don't think it occurred to any of us at that early stage that it could have been a huge passenger jet full of people.
Soon enough, we learned that it had indeed been a passenger jet, and it wasn’t long before more news began to trickle in. A second plane hit the other tower. A third crashed into the Pentagon. Another went down somewhere in Pennsylvania. Of course, by this time, there was no question that this was no mistake. There was such an overall feeling of dread as we waited to see what would happen next. Waited for the next shoe to drop. By the time the two towers in New York City came crashing down, we knew what it was to be afraid. All over the country, people were beginning to panic. The office towers in downtown Dallas were being evacuated, my supervisor’s husband worked in one of them. We assumed it was the same in every major city.
I remember taking a lot of cigarette breaks that day. I kept going out to my car to turn on the radio for a few minutes. All of the local stations had begun non-stop coverage of the event, and there was no music at all. I so clearly remember sitting in my car with the radio on, desperate to learn what was going on. .
The building that I worked in at that time was not far from DFW airport, the main airport in the Dallas, Fort Worth metro. The constant sound of the big jets coming and going had become little more than background noise to us, something barely noticed. Unnoticed, that is, until it was gone. The thing I remember most about that long day, is the eerie silence. There was not a single plane taking off or landing. Every time you stepped out the door you were struck by that oppressive silence. I don’t even have the words to describe how creepy that felt. It was like the whole world was holding its breath, waiting to see what would happen next
Well, I don’t think we got much work done that day. September 11 was probably the most non-productive day the business world had ever seen. Anyone in the office who had a walkman had their headphones glued in, passing on new information as it developed. The rest of us hung on their every word. All I wanted to do was go home and turn on the tv.
When I did finally get home, I turned on the set and couldn’t take my eyes from the ghastly images. An office tower with a gaping hole in the side; a tremendous column of thick black smoke gushing from the wound; tiny figures falling or jumping in an attempt to escape. The devastation of the two towers crashing down, one after the other. It was so unbelievable, more like a movie than real life. That was a hard day for America, and for Americans. I will never forget the silence of that day, or the terrible images on the television.
I’m sorry to say that I was not a Christian on September 11, 2001. If I had been, I would probably have uttered that burning question that was no doubt being echoed all over the country: “Why would God let something like this happen?” I think I have already mentioned this somewhere in my blog before, but Billy Graham’s daughter, Anne Graham-Lotz, was asked that question in an interview shortly after September 11. I don’t remember her exact words, but it was something like “Our nation has been asking God to get out of our government and out of our schools for so long, that God, being the gentleman that He is, has calmly backed off.” That’s a hard truth, but a truth nonetheless. You hear it on the news all the time, prayer outlawed in the schools, the pledge of allegiance banned because it mentions God, people wanting to remove “In God We Trust” from our currency. We can’t expect God to go on protecting us when we, as a nation, have turned our backs on him.
But I digress. My last memory of September 11, concerns David Letterman. I watched Dave faithfully every weeknight for many years, and I’ll never forget his first show following the tragedy.
Dave refused to go on the air the rest of that week, but finally agreed to go on the following week at the behest of New York City mayor, Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani wanted to bring some normalcy back into the world, and knew that getting Dave back on the air would be a big step in that direction.
Dave’s first show was hardly normal, though. He didn’t do an opening monologue at all. He understood that it was no time for telling jokes. His first guest of the night was Dan Rather. Rather was so emotional over what had happened to his city that he could barely speak. There were tears in his eyes and his voice broke frequently. Letterman and Rather didn’t joke with each other, they just talked about what had happened, and began the healing process.
That healing process was a long one for us all, and I sometimes wonder if it isn’t still ongoing. We have moved on with our lives, and we think about September 11 less frequently than we used to, but we can never forget. We are reminded every time we go through airport security, or look at a photo of the New York City skyline, now and forever changed. It is our duty to remember such things. We owe it to the people who died, and preserving their memory is the least we can do.
Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.
--George Santayana, Reason in Common Sense
In every high and stormy gail,
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid rock, we stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
--Keith W Ward, The Solid Rock
Showing posts with label dallas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dallas. Show all posts
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Journal - News, Weather, and Sports
Yesterday, I called my case worker, Cindy, at Health and Human Services with a few questions. First I asked about the new health bill and how that might effect the Medicaid program. She said there have been no changes. Apparently even though President Obama signed the bill, it’s till kind of up in the air as to what will happen. Also, most of the changes that are supposed to be implemented won't take effect until 2014.
Last week, when BCBS denied me they suggested something called CHIPS. I told them I never really liked that show very much. Just kidding, Chips is some kind of insurance program but I thought it was specifically for children. I asked Cindy about it and she said there are two programs called Chips. The one BCBS was talking about is actually handled by BCBS and it’s for people who can’t get insurance. The drawback is that it usually has very high premiums. I was kind of planning on that anyway so I guess I will look into that further and see what happens. Unfortunately, that means I have to contact my arch enemies, BCBS, again.
The third thing I asked about was Medicare. I had heard recently that when you become eligible for Medicare you have to pay a hundred dollars a month for it in the form of a deduction from your social security. That isn’t necessarily true, however. Any amount you have to pay for Medicare is based on your income. She said that my income is below the maximum so I won’t have to pay anything for it. I still have another year before I am eligible, though. I forgot to ask her if that is the same in every state.
Last Thursday, I filled out an application online to renew our food stamps since they are getting ready to run out. They don’t call it food stamps anymore. Now it’s called SNAP. Supplemental Nutritional Aid Program or something like that. Isn’t it funny how we always try to put fancy names on things? I guess the name “food stamps” is kind of outdated, though. These days they give you a debit card and each month they just deposit more credit to your account. We’re getting closer to that cashless society every day. Anyway, since I called Cindy yesterday, she went ahead and went over the application and asked what she needed to ask about that to finalize it. It was all so easy. I can’t help but think how much trouble I had with that same system in Dallas.
The weather is shaping up very nicely here in Nebraska. Our temps have been in the sixties and are starting to push into the seventies now. Unfortunately, spring in Nebraska means wind. I remember when we moved up here at the end of April last year. We had some pretty powerful wind storms in those first few weeks. Those were kind of scary but our house proved to be very strong. It isn’t insulated very well, but it's solid.
I was a little sad last night. If the Huskers had won their basketball game Sunday, they would have been playing Oklahoma last night. I was looking forward to that game, but instead Oklahoma played Kentucky. Oklahoma won, so the last four teams in the tournament are Oklahoma, Connecticut, Baylor, and Stanford. Connecticut is the clear favorite. They are the returning champions and have won every game for the last two years. Maybe Baylor will knock them off in the championship game.
Well, that’s all the updates I have for now. Until next time, keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars. Bonus points to whoever can tell me where that phrase came from.
2 Chronicles 15:7 But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.
Job 11:18 You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
Last week, when BCBS denied me they suggested something called CHIPS. I told them I never really liked that show very much. Just kidding, Chips is some kind of insurance program but I thought it was specifically for children. I asked Cindy about it and she said there are two programs called Chips. The one BCBS was talking about is actually handled by BCBS and it’s for people who can’t get insurance. The drawback is that it usually has very high premiums. I was kind of planning on that anyway so I guess I will look into that further and see what happens. Unfortunately, that means I have to contact my arch enemies, BCBS, again.
The third thing I asked about was Medicare. I had heard recently that when you become eligible for Medicare you have to pay a hundred dollars a month for it in the form of a deduction from your social security. That isn’t necessarily true, however. Any amount you have to pay for Medicare is based on your income. She said that my income is below the maximum so I won’t have to pay anything for it. I still have another year before I am eligible, though. I forgot to ask her if that is the same in every state.
Last Thursday, I filled out an application online to renew our food stamps since they are getting ready to run out. They don’t call it food stamps anymore. Now it’s called SNAP. Supplemental Nutritional Aid Program or something like that. Isn’t it funny how we always try to put fancy names on things? I guess the name “food stamps” is kind of outdated, though. These days they give you a debit card and each month they just deposit more credit to your account. We’re getting closer to that cashless society every day. Anyway, since I called Cindy yesterday, she went ahead and went over the application and asked what she needed to ask about that to finalize it. It was all so easy. I can’t help but think how much trouble I had with that same system in Dallas.
The weather is shaping up very nicely here in Nebraska. Our temps have been in the sixties and are starting to push into the seventies now. Unfortunately, spring in Nebraska means wind. I remember when we moved up here at the end of April last year. We had some pretty powerful wind storms in those first few weeks. Those were kind of scary but our house proved to be very strong. It isn’t insulated very well, but it's solid.
I was a little sad last night. If the Huskers had won their basketball game Sunday, they would have been playing Oklahoma last night. I was looking forward to that game, but instead Oklahoma played Kentucky. Oklahoma won, so the last four teams in the tournament are Oklahoma, Connecticut, Baylor, and Stanford. Connecticut is the clear favorite. They are the returning champions and have won every game for the last two years. Maybe Baylor will knock them off in the championship game.
Well, that’s all the updates I have for now. Until next time, keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars. Bonus points to whoever can tell me where that phrase came from.
2 Chronicles 15:7 But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.
Job 11:18 You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Churches
I thought it might be interesting to discuss the churches that Joni, Adam, and I have been to, and how each one has impacted our lives. I grew up in the Baptist church in my hometown of Gibbon. It was the same church Grandma and Grandpa Howard attended, probably from the time they arrived in Gibbon, and the same church mom and her siblings grew up with. Joni was raised in a Catholic family, although she never fully accepted all of the Catholic customs. It was basically the same for both of us, we grew up with the church, but turned away from it as soon as we were able.
It wasn’t until many years later, when Astri was born, that we decided it was time for us to start going to church again. We were living in Dallas at the time so there were plenty of churches to choose from. Too many really, we had no idea how to choose one. Neither of us was interested in joining a Catholic church. I was interested in Baptist churches, but understood that they would be different than the Baptist church I grew up with. I finally asked Aunt LeeDel for advice since she is “in the know” about some of the different denominations. She recommended the United Church of Christ, so we looked up UCC churches in our area and found one only a few miles from our apartment.
This was in February or maybe March of 2007. I remember the time well because I was on a long medical leave from work because of problems I was having with my eyes. It’s interesting to think about that time because it was so miserable having such poor vision, but what I wouldn't give to have that amount of vision now.
Anyway, we visited the UCC church and we both liked it immediately. It was a very small church which was a big plus for us, and the people were very warm and welcoming. There were potluck dinners once a month and they followed many of the same practices that the old Baptist church followed so I felt very much at home there. After about a year, however, we began to feel like we needed something more. The pastor was not a powerful speaker and his sermons just weren't speaking to us. Also, Adam wasn't getting much out of it. There were not many kids in the church, and hence there was not much of a youth program.
Then, during the summer of 2008, another nearby church, Grace church, began sending a group to our apartment complex every Saturday afternoon. It was a youth outreach program where they would play games and learn bible verses and win prizes. Adam got involved right away and became very enthusiastic about it which was a little surprising because he isn’t the type to get involved in things.
So the summer passed. In September of that year, I lost my job and we definitely felt that God needed to have a stronger presence in our lives. Grace church had a Halloween party for the kids in the community, and we decided to go have a look. We met a few people, most of whom Adam already knew, and really liked the feel of the whole thing. After talking it over, we decided to visit Grace for Sunday worship. Soon after that, we said our good-byes to the UCC church. The UCC church had served an important purpose for us in that it was a comfortable place for us to begin our journey toward Christ. After almost two years there, we were thirsty for more and definitely felt God urging us on to the next step.
Grace church was larger than the UCC, but not intimidatingly so. There are mega-churches in Dallas, large enough to seat my entire hometown and still not be half full. Grace was small enough to have a church family feel to it, but large enough to support an active youth program. Grace had something for all of us, powerful sermons for Joni and me, and a good youth group for Adam. We were attending regularly on Sundays, plus Wednesday evening services and youth meetings, and we even got involved in a bible study group. We felt that we had found a church that we could be happy in for a long time to come. God had other plans for us, however.
And I see that this story is going to be quite a bitlonger than I thought, so I think I will finish this tomorrow. I hope you’ll come back for the rest!
Hebrews 10:25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Romans 12:5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
It wasn’t until many years later, when Astri was born, that we decided it was time for us to start going to church again. We were living in Dallas at the time so there were plenty of churches to choose from. Too many really, we had no idea how to choose one. Neither of us was interested in joining a Catholic church. I was interested in Baptist churches, but understood that they would be different than the Baptist church I grew up with. I finally asked Aunt LeeDel for advice since she is “in the know” about some of the different denominations. She recommended the United Church of Christ, so we looked up UCC churches in our area and found one only a few miles from our apartment.
This was in February or maybe March of 2007. I remember the time well because I was on a long medical leave from work because of problems I was having with my eyes. It’s interesting to think about that time because it was so miserable having such poor vision, but what I wouldn't give to have that amount of vision now.
Anyway, we visited the UCC church and we both liked it immediately. It was a very small church which was a big plus for us, and the people were very warm and welcoming. There were potluck dinners once a month and they followed many of the same practices that the old Baptist church followed so I felt very much at home there. After about a year, however, we began to feel like we needed something more. The pastor was not a powerful speaker and his sermons just weren't speaking to us. Also, Adam wasn't getting much out of it. There were not many kids in the church, and hence there was not much of a youth program.
Then, during the summer of 2008, another nearby church, Grace church, began sending a group to our apartment complex every Saturday afternoon. It was a youth outreach program where they would play games and learn bible verses and win prizes. Adam got involved right away and became very enthusiastic about it which was a little surprising because he isn’t the type to get involved in things.
So the summer passed. In September of that year, I lost my job and we definitely felt that God needed to have a stronger presence in our lives. Grace church had a Halloween party for the kids in the community, and we decided to go have a look. We met a few people, most of whom Adam already knew, and really liked the feel of the whole thing. After talking it over, we decided to visit Grace for Sunday worship. Soon after that, we said our good-byes to the UCC church. The UCC church had served an important purpose for us in that it was a comfortable place for us to begin our journey toward Christ. After almost two years there, we were thirsty for more and definitely felt God urging us on to the next step.
Grace church was larger than the UCC, but not intimidatingly so. There are mega-churches in Dallas, large enough to seat my entire hometown and still not be half full. Grace was small enough to have a church family feel to it, but large enough to support an active youth program. Grace had something for all of us, powerful sermons for Joni and me, and a good youth group for Adam. We were attending regularly on Sundays, plus Wednesday evening services and youth meetings, and we even got involved in a bible study group. We felt that we had found a church that we could be happy in for a long time to come. God had other plans for us, however.
And I see that this story is going to be quite a bitlonger than I thought, so I think I will finish this tomorrow. I hope you’ll come back for the rest!
Hebrews 10:25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Romans 12:5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Dream Diary - Brett Favre
Well, that was a disappointing superbowl, I really wanted the Colts to win. I can be happy for the Saints, though. I don’t think they’ve ever won a superbowl before and they’ve had a good team for three or four years now so they earned it. During the game, they said the superbowl will be in Dallas next year. It kind of makes me wish I was still there, not that I would have gone to the game, but it would be neat to be so close to one.
When I was talking about the superbowl yesterday, I mentioned Brett Favre. That reminded me that I’ve had a couple of dreams lately that he was in. One was just two or three nights ago. In that dream, I was in high school again, and it seems like I was having some trouble with a bully or something like that. I was in what I believe was the school library, talking about my situation with three quote tough guys unquote. They were giving me some advice on how to handle the bully, but I was disappointed because I wanted them to handle him for me. The three tough guys were Brett Favre, another football player that I don’t remember, and Lance Bailey. Lance really did go to my school, he was two years older than me and his family lived right across the road from me when we were kids. That’s all I remember from that dream.
The other dream occurred some time ago. In that one, Brett Favre was a good friend of mine. We were in a football stadium. There was going to be a football game, but the stadium was still mostly empty, just a few people moving about here and there. Brett was showing me around the field. After a bit, he said he had to go get ready for the game, so he left me on the sideline and trotted off to the locker room. That was a pretty awesome dream as I recall.
Dreams are such funny things. Sometimes it seems like they really do hold important clues for us, and sometimes it seems they are just random bits of nonsense. I have a theory about dreams and deja vu, maybe I’ll share it with you sometime.
Deuteronomy 29:29 The secret things belong unto the LORD our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.
When I was talking about the superbowl yesterday, I mentioned Brett Favre. That reminded me that I’ve had a couple of dreams lately that he was in. One was just two or three nights ago. In that dream, I was in high school again, and it seems like I was having some trouble with a bully or something like that. I was in what I believe was the school library, talking about my situation with three quote tough guys unquote. They were giving me some advice on how to handle the bully, but I was disappointed because I wanted them to handle him for me. The three tough guys were Brett Favre, another football player that I don’t remember, and Lance Bailey. Lance really did go to my school, he was two years older than me and his family lived right across the road from me when we were kids. That’s all I remember from that dream.
The other dream occurred some time ago. In that one, Brett Favre was a good friend of mine. We were in a football stadium. There was going to be a football game, but the stadium was still mostly empty, just a few people moving about here and there. Brett was showing me around the field. After a bit, he said he had to go get ready for the game, so he left me on the sideline and trotted off to the locker room. That was a pretty awesome dream as I recall.
Dreams are such funny things. Sometimes it seems like they really do hold important clues for us, and sometimes it seems they are just random bits of nonsense. I have a theory about dreams and deja vu, maybe I’ll share it with you sometime.
Deuteronomy 29:29 The secret things belong unto the LORD our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Memories - Thanksgiving
Well, Thanksgiving is almost here again. What does Thanksgiving make me think of? Food, of course! But more importantly it makes me think of family. As with most families, Thanksgiving for us was about getting together to enjoy good food and good company.
My parents split up when I was 9 and the arrangement we had was Thanksgiving with Dad, Christmas with Mom. I was young enough when this tradition began that it always seemed perfectly natural to me. As a matter of fact, I honestly can’t remember any Thanksgivings before that. I have no idea what we did when my parents were still married.
So we always gathered at Grandma Brandt’s house. She always did all the cooking herself. I don’t think she would have trusted anyone else in her kitchen. Uncle Gary and Aunt Ellen would always come from Des Moines, along with our three cousins Jeff, Greg, and Eric. That was kind of special in itself because Uncle Gary and family only came to visit twice a year.
Those are good memories. The house would smell so good and there would be so many people around. Then after dinner we could go out and show our cousins around the farm. I remember one year we found a lump of some kind of chalky stuff and we used it to write all over an old shed. Then Grandpa Meril Dean saw it and made us clean it off. That was the same Grandpa that got after us for making paths through the corn. What a fuddy-duddy!
Inevitably, there came a year when Grandma said she just couldn’t do all that cooking anymore. I don’t blame her, I know how much work that is, but Thanksgiving just never felt the same after that. Instead of our home-cooked feasts, we started going out for Thanksgiving dinner. And it wasn’t long after that when Uncle Gary stopped coming. His boys were grown and they had gatherings of their own to attend.
We still had our time together with Dad and Grandma and Grandpa though. That tradition held until the mid 90’s. Grandpa died in 1992 and Dad in 1995. And us kids were grown by then too. Brad had a family of his own, and Bobbi had her family out on the east coast. Kevin was who-knows-where by then. That was around the time that I moved away too. It’s a little sad when traditions end and families grow and spread out, but that’s the natural order of things.
After that, our Thanksgivings were catch-as-catch-can. You were never really sure who might show up on any given year. In 2003, Joni and Adam came to live with me and all the sudden I had a family of my own. For the next six years we had quiet gatherings in our little apartment in Dallas. I always missed my family back home, just as Joni missed hers, but I have to admit that I enjoyed the quieter atmosphere and the beginning of a new tradition.
Now here I am back in Nebraska again, and it looks like Thanksgiving this year is going to be something really special. This year marks the first time that my three siblings and I will all be together at the same time since about 1987. I'm only guessing here, but I think Mom is kind of excited about that. I find that I’m a little excited about it too. My daughter, Brenna, will be coming so not only will us four kids be there, but also all of the grandkids; about 10 in all I think. That will be quite a crowd!
That will be on Wednesday since that was the only day we could all get together. On Thanksgiving day, Brad and family go to His mother-in-law’s, and Joni and I have decided to have our traditional quiet gathering here at the house. I find that I am looking forward to both gatherings with equal anticipation.
Traditions are so important in this crazy, ever-changing world we live in. They give us a sense of belonging; something to come home to. I said earlier that it’s sad when traditions end, but maybe they don’t really end. Maybe they just grow and evolve, like our families. The gatherings I am looking forward to this week will involve very different groups of people than the gatherings of my childhood, but it's still family, and it's still Thanksgiving. I will enjoy it while it lasts and look forward to future holidays, whatever shape they may take.
Thanks for reading today. I hope you enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving tradition with your own family this year. And if you don’t have a tradition, it’s never too late to start a new one.
Jeremiah 30:19 And out of them shall proceed thanksgiving and the voice of them that make merry: and I will multiply them, and they shall not be few; I shall also glorify them and they shall not be small.
My parents split up when I was 9 and the arrangement we had was Thanksgiving with Dad, Christmas with Mom. I was young enough when this tradition began that it always seemed perfectly natural to me. As a matter of fact, I honestly can’t remember any Thanksgivings before that. I have no idea what we did when my parents were still married.
So we always gathered at Grandma Brandt’s house. She always did all the cooking herself. I don’t think she would have trusted anyone else in her kitchen. Uncle Gary and Aunt Ellen would always come from Des Moines, along with our three cousins Jeff, Greg, and Eric. That was kind of special in itself because Uncle Gary and family only came to visit twice a year.
Those are good memories. The house would smell so good and there would be so many people around. Then after dinner we could go out and show our cousins around the farm. I remember one year we found a lump of some kind of chalky stuff and we used it to write all over an old shed. Then Grandpa Meril Dean saw it and made us clean it off. That was the same Grandpa that got after us for making paths through the corn. What a fuddy-duddy!
Inevitably, there came a year when Grandma said she just couldn’t do all that cooking anymore. I don’t blame her, I know how much work that is, but Thanksgiving just never felt the same after that. Instead of our home-cooked feasts, we started going out for Thanksgiving dinner. And it wasn’t long after that when Uncle Gary stopped coming. His boys were grown and they had gatherings of their own to attend.
We still had our time together with Dad and Grandma and Grandpa though. That tradition held until the mid 90’s. Grandpa died in 1992 and Dad in 1995. And us kids were grown by then too. Brad had a family of his own, and Bobbi had her family out on the east coast. Kevin was who-knows-where by then. That was around the time that I moved away too. It’s a little sad when traditions end and families grow and spread out, but that’s the natural order of things.
After that, our Thanksgivings were catch-as-catch-can. You were never really sure who might show up on any given year. In 2003, Joni and Adam came to live with me and all the sudden I had a family of my own. For the next six years we had quiet gatherings in our little apartment in Dallas. I always missed my family back home, just as Joni missed hers, but I have to admit that I enjoyed the quieter atmosphere and the beginning of a new tradition.
Now here I am back in Nebraska again, and it looks like Thanksgiving this year is going to be something really special. This year marks the first time that my three siblings and I will all be together at the same time since about 1987. I'm only guessing here, but I think Mom is kind of excited about that. I find that I’m a little excited about it too. My daughter, Brenna, will be coming so not only will us four kids be there, but also all of the grandkids; about 10 in all I think. That will be quite a crowd!
That will be on Wednesday since that was the only day we could all get together. On Thanksgiving day, Brad and family go to His mother-in-law’s, and Joni and I have decided to have our traditional quiet gathering here at the house. I find that I am looking forward to both gatherings with equal anticipation.
Traditions are so important in this crazy, ever-changing world we live in. They give us a sense of belonging; something to come home to. I said earlier that it’s sad when traditions end, but maybe they don’t really end. Maybe they just grow and evolve, like our families. The gatherings I am looking forward to this week will involve very different groups of people than the gatherings of my childhood, but it's still family, and it's still Thanksgiving. I will enjoy it while it lasts and look forward to future holidays, whatever shape they may take.
Thanks for reading today. I hope you enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving tradition with your own family this year. And if you don’t have a tradition, it’s never too late to start a new one.
Jeremiah 30:19 And out of them shall proceed thanksgiving and the voice of them that make merry: and I will multiply them, and they shall not be few; I shall also glorify them and they shall not be small.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
About Brenna
I’ve been completely blind for about five months now, and mostly blind for a couple of years. For the most part, I think I’ve been okay with that. Sure, there are times when I start to feel sorry for myself; times when I feel depressed or angry, but I always remind myself that there are much worse things that can happen to a person than going blind. But last Thursday, being blind really sucked.
I haven’t talked much about Brenna. I guess that's because I'm ashamed of myself. This is a big part of my spiritual growth, though, so I guess it's time.
A while back, I mentioned that shortly after my dad died, I got a girl pregnant and then ran off to the city. Clever how I glossed that over wasn’t it? I ran away because I felt like I had made a pretty huge mistake. I was too selfish and immature to take responsibility for a child, so off I went.
Brenna was born in April of 1997 and I had absolutely nothing to do with her other than paying my child support. Don’t think too highly of me for that, the only reason I paid was because I had to. There was a brief period when Brenna was about 2 years old when I saw her a couple of times, but again, I only did that because I felt like I had to. I knew my family wasn’t very happy with me so I tried to fake it. It was only a couple of visits though, and I gave up on it.
That went on until about a year ago. By then I had finally started listening to God and things began to look a lot different. Notice how I said “I began listening to God.” He had been talking to me all along, urging me to do the right thing, I just wasn’t listening.
So, last year, Brenna and I started exchanging emails. Emails were a good first step for us. Brenna’s mom had told me that Brenna wasn’t ready for phone calls yet, and that was okay with me because personally, I hate talking on the phone. Also, Joni, Adam, and I were still living in Dallas so visits just weren't an option yet.
Do you think that was good enough for God? Nope! In April, we just couldn’t afford to live in the city anymore, so back home to Nebraska we came. Convenient huh? Well, I was still dragging my feet. I was too scared to call Brenna on the phone, and by then my eyesight was far enough gone that I couldn’t use the computer anymore.
So God gave up and threw in the towel. HA HA HA no way! Instead, he had the lady from the Commission for the Blind give me a screen-reader program called JAWS. So the emails started up again, although now it was mostly with Brenna’s mom because Brenna was starting to lose interest in emailing. Kids these days. Long story short, last week I got an email inviting me to a school concert that Brenna was performing in.
When I was in school, I played in the band. I wasn’t much of an athlete or anything, so the band was really all I had. Also, I was pretty good at it and was proud of my accomplishments. But my dad never came to see me play. And now that he's gone, this is what I remember. That was when it really struck home.
Joni and I talked it over. I really wanted to be there, but I knew it would be hard for Joni too, meeting my daughter and my ex-girlfriend all in the same day. She knew it was important to me though, and agreed to take me.
Well, the concert was great! It wasn’t a band concert, but some different choir groups. Granted, I couldn’t pick out Brenna’s voice from the others, and I couldn’t even see her, but it felt good to be there. Mind you, we still hadn’t met, but Joni was able to pick out Brenna because she was running around with a friend who was introducing Brenna to her parents before the concert began.
When the concert was over, we exited the auditorium to see if we could find Brenna. We didn't have to look far, she was right outside the door, waiting for us. I was so nervous and just didn't know what to do, so I tried to shake her hand. She ignored that and gave me a hug. She was much braver than me! And also much taller than I expected! She’s only 12 years old, and already 5’ 6”!
Brenna led us over to where her mom was waiting and we all talked for a few minutes. We didn't stay very long though because I didn't want to totally freak her out. Actually I think I was much more freaked out than she was. Before we left, she gave me another big hug and said that she loved me. I wouldn’t have blamed her for being angry with me and chewing me out, but she was so sweet that it almost broke my heart.
Well, anyway, I never wanted to see so badly as I did that night. I wonder what she looks like. Does she look like me at all? I’ll have to wait to find out. In the meantime all I can do is be there for her as much as I can. I said earlier that I ran away because I felt like I made a mistake. Of course, now I know that my only mistake was running away. I don’t really think I can “make up for it”, but I can try to make things better going forward. With God’s help, I can.
Isaiah 50:7 For the Lord God will help me: therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.
I haven’t talked much about Brenna. I guess that's because I'm ashamed of myself. This is a big part of my spiritual growth, though, so I guess it's time.
A while back, I mentioned that shortly after my dad died, I got a girl pregnant and then ran off to the city. Clever how I glossed that over wasn’t it? I ran away because I felt like I had made a pretty huge mistake. I was too selfish and immature to take responsibility for a child, so off I went.
Brenna was born in April of 1997 and I had absolutely nothing to do with her other than paying my child support. Don’t think too highly of me for that, the only reason I paid was because I had to. There was a brief period when Brenna was about 2 years old when I saw her a couple of times, but again, I only did that because I felt like I had to. I knew my family wasn’t very happy with me so I tried to fake it. It was only a couple of visits though, and I gave up on it.
That went on until about a year ago. By then I had finally started listening to God and things began to look a lot different. Notice how I said “I began listening to God.” He had been talking to me all along, urging me to do the right thing, I just wasn’t listening.
So, last year, Brenna and I started exchanging emails. Emails were a good first step for us. Brenna’s mom had told me that Brenna wasn’t ready for phone calls yet, and that was okay with me because personally, I hate talking on the phone. Also, Joni, Adam, and I were still living in Dallas so visits just weren't an option yet.
Do you think that was good enough for God? Nope! In April, we just couldn’t afford to live in the city anymore, so back home to Nebraska we came. Convenient huh? Well, I was still dragging my feet. I was too scared to call Brenna on the phone, and by then my eyesight was far enough gone that I couldn’t use the computer anymore.
So God gave up and threw in the towel. HA HA HA no way! Instead, he had the lady from the Commission for the Blind give me a screen-reader program called JAWS. So the emails started up again, although now it was mostly with Brenna’s mom because Brenna was starting to lose interest in emailing. Kids these days. Long story short, last week I got an email inviting me to a school concert that Brenna was performing in.
When I was in school, I played in the band. I wasn’t much of an athlete or anything, so the band was really all I had. Also, I was pretty good at it and was proud of my accomplishments. But my dad never came to see me play. And now that he's gone, this is what I remember. That was when it really struck home.
Joni and I talked it over. I really wanted to be there, but I knew it would be hard for Joni too, meeting my daughter and my ex-girlfriend all in the same day. She knew it was important to me though, and agreed to take me.
Well, the concert was great! It wasn’t a band concert, but some different choir groups. Granted, I couldn’t pick out Brenna’s voice from the others, and I couldn’t even see her, but it felt good to be there. Mind you, we still hadn’t met, but Joni was able to pick out Brenna because she was running around with a friend who was introducing Brenna to her parents before the concert began.
When the concert was over, we exited the auditorium to see if we could find Brenna. We didn't have to look far, she was right outside the door, waiting for us. I was so nervous and just didn't know what to do, so I tried to shake her hand. She ignored that and gave me a hug. She was much braver than me! And also much taller than I expected! She’s only 12 years old, and already 5’ 6”!
Brenna led us over to where her mom was waiting and we all talked for a few minutes. We didn't stay very long though because I didn't want to totally freak her out. Actually I think I was much more freaked out than she was. Before we left, she gave me another big hug and said that she loved me. I wouldn’t have blamed her for being angry with me and chewing me out, but she was so sweet that it almost broke my heart.
Well, anyway, I never wanted to see so badly as I did that night. I wonder what she looks like. Does she look like me at all? I’ll have to wait to find out. In the meantime all I can do is be there for her as much as I can. I said earlier that I ran away because I felt like I made a mistake. Of course, now I know that my only mistake was running away. I don’t really think I can “make up for it”, but I can try to make things better going forward. With God’s help, I can.
Isaiah 50:7 For the Lord God will help me: therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Going Blind- Part 2
Let’s see now, where was I? Oh yes I remember; blind in my left eye but still with good vision in the right.
I was divorced by this time and had met Joni although she was still living in Baltimore. The thing that really helped me was knowing that the damage to my eye was not permanent. My cornea was ruined, but corneas can be transplanted. It was a lot of waiting though. My doctor had to make sure the infection was totally healed and would not come back before she would do any surgery.
Now, I want to explain how these transplants work. Once a cornea has been removed from the donor it can only be stored for five days. So the surgery is scheduled a month in advance without really knowing if there will be a cornea available or not. The day before the surgery they call you to let you know if they got one. Unfortunately I didn’t know that. My doctor never explained it and it never even occurred to me to ask.
I was so excited as the day of my surgery approached. I was living in Dallas at this time and Mom was driving all the way down from Nebraska to be there with me. The day before the surgery, they called me and said they did not have a cornea for me. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I had to call Mom and give her the news (she was more than halfway to Texas by then). She decided to turn around and go back so she could save her vacation time for when the surgery really happened. Years later she told me she felt bad about turning back but I totally agreed with her decision.
Anyway that was in January 2003, I think. They went ahead and re-scheduled the surgery for February. I began getting my hopes up all over again even though I tried not to.
The day before my surgery arrived again and this time I was prepared. I wasn’t going to let them surprise me again so I called that morning and asked if they had a cornea for me. They did! I was so excited! Mom was on the road again and I called her right away so she wouldn’t have to worry.
That afternoon the doctor’s office called me back. The cornea didn’t pass all the tests. Tests?? Yep, the cornea has to be tested for HIV and other things. That makes perfect sense but I didn’t know about that at the time. I was beyond crushed. I knew Mom was only a couple of hours away by then and I didn’t have the heart to call her so I just let her drive the rest of the way. The doctor wanted to re-schedule again but I said no. I just couldn’t go through it again.
In May of that year, Joni and Adam came to Dallas to live with me and Joni started talking me into re-scheduling the surgery. I finally relented in October and they scheduled me for November.
This time everything worked out. I got my new cornea on November 7. The doctor said I could take the bandage off the next morning, and when I did I could see! I had almost perfect vision in both eyes again after waiting for two years. Maybe God was just waiting until Joni was with me so I wouldn’t be alone for this. Certainly He was trying to teach me patience.
Well, obviously this is STILL not the end of the story but I will have to leave it here for this week. I warned you that this might take awhile. I hope you’ll come back to hear the rest!
Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
I was divorced by this time and had met Joni although she was still living in Baltimore. The thing that really helped me was knowing that the damage to my eye was not permanent. My cornea was ruined, but corneas can be transplanted. It was a lot of waiting though. My doctor had to make sure the infection was totally healed and would not come back before she would do any surgery.
Now, I want to explain how these transplants work. Once a cornea has been removed from the donor it can only be stored for five days. So the surgery is scheduled a month in advance without really knowing if there will be a cornea available or not. The day before the surgery they call you to let you know if they got one. Unfortunately I didn’t know that. My doctor never explained it and it never even occurred to me to ask.
I was so excited as the day of my surgery approached. I was living in Dallas at this time and Mom was driving all the way down from Nebraska to be there with me. The day before the surgery, they called me and said they did not have a cornea for me. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I had to call Mom and give her the news (she was more than halfway to Texas by then). She decided to turn around and go back so she could save her vacation time for when the surgery really happened. Years later she told me she felt bad about turning back but I totally agreed with her decision.
Anyway that was in January 2003, I think. They went ahead and re-scheduled the surgery for February. I began getting my hopes up all over again even though I tried not to.
The day before my surgery arrived again and this time I was prepared. I wasn’t going to let them surprise me again so I called that morning and asked if they had a cornea for me. They did! I was so excited! Mom was on the road again and I called her right away so she wouldn’t have to worry.
That afternoon the doctor’s office called me back. The cornea didn’t pass all the tests. Tests?? Yep, the cornea has to be tested for HIV and other things. That makes perfect sense but I didn’t know about that at the time. I was beyond crushed. I knew Mom was only a couple of hours away by then and I didn’t have the heart to call her so I just let her drive the rest of the way. The doctor wanted to re-schedule again but I said no. I just couldn’t go through it again.
In May of that year, Joni and Adam came to Dallas to live with me and Joni started talking me into re-scheduling the surgery. I finally relented in October and they scheduled me for November.
This time everything worked out. I got my new cornea on November 7. The doctor said I could take the bandage off the next morning, and when I did I could see! I had almost perfect vision in both eyes again after waiting for two years. Maybe God was just waiting until Joni was with me so I wouldn’t be alone for this. Certainly He was trying to teach me patience.
Well, obviously this is STILL not the end of the story but I will have to leave it here for this week. I warned you that this might take awhile. I hope you’ll come back to hear the rest!
Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Going Blind
Well, I guess it’s about time I talked about my blindness a little bit. I’m almost 39 years old now and the story begins when I was 24, way back in 1995 that was, so this will take a few minutes.
Just a few months before my dad died, I was diagnosed with keratoconus. That’s a condition where the cornea of your eye becomes kind of cone-shaped instead of nice and round like it’s supposed to be. In case you don’t know, the cornea is the clear outer lens of the eye. The concave shape focuses light to the interior of the eye. At the time, I was told that no one really knew what caused keratoconus.
The common fix for keratoconus is hard contact lenses and that’s what they did for me. The hard lens gives the mis-shapen cornea something smooth and round to shape itself onto. The lenses work really well. As soon as they put the lenses in my eyes I had almost perfect vision again, just like that. It was amazing!
My amazement was short-lived though. Pretty soon I started getting infections in my eyes. These were painful but usually healed up quickly with the eye-drops my doctor gave me. The problem was, I just kept getting them.
After a couple of years of this, I finally got an infection so bad that it took almost a whole year to heal. I had just started a new job and so I had no insurance. That meant I had to go to the county hospital in Dallas (where I was living at the time) for treatment. At the county hospital it’s first come first serve which means you have to get there bright and early along with everyone else who’s vying for a spot.
So let me set the scene for you. This was a very bad infection. The eye-drops they gave me were extremely painful, each drop felt like a steel spike going through my eye and right out the back of my head (I may be exaggerating, but not very much I promise). At first, the drops had to be used every half hour day and night. Even with the strong pain medication they gave me, the sharp, shooting pain would take about 15 or 20 minutes to back off a little, then I would have 10 minutes with only a little pain before it was time for another drop.
Since I was new at my job I also had no vacation time so I had to keep working during this period. Half the time I was in serious pain and the other half I was fighting to stay awake because of the lack of sleep and the pain pills which made me drowsy. It wasn’t a fun time. If only I had God in my life during that time! I’m not saying God would have prevented all this from happening, but at least I would have had some hope.
Anyway, after a few days they backed off my eye-drops to every hour during the day and two hours during the night. Then after a couple of weeks I was able to sleep through the night again. After that first month my insurance kicked in and I was able to go to a regular doctor’s office and here’s where God stepped in on my behalf. He led me to a really fantastic doctor who took good care of me for the next seven years.
Well, like I said that infection took almost a year to heal completely and by then the cornea of my left eye was all scarred over so that I couldn’t see through it.
So there I was, blind in one eye. Obviously that’s not the end of the story but I think this post is long enough. I think I’ll pick it up here next time and leave you with this:
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed. We are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not forsaken, cast down but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4: 8-9
Just a few months before my dad died, I was diagnosed with keratoconus. That’s a condition where the cornea of your eye becomes kind of cone-shaped instead of nice and round like it’s supposed to be. In case you don’t know, the cornea is the clear outer lens of the eye. The concave shape focuses light to the interior of the eye. At the time, I was told that no one really knew what caused keratoconus.
The common fix for keratoconus is hard contact lenses and that’s what they did for me. The hard lens gives the mis-shapen cornea something smooth and round to shape itself onto. The lenses work really well. As soon as they put the lenses in my eyes I had almost perfect vision again, just like that. It was amazing!
My amazement was short-lived though. Pretty soon I started getting infections in my eyes. These were painful but usually healed up quickly with the eye-drops my doctor gave me. The problem was, I just kept getting them.
After a couple of years of this, I finally got an infection so bad that it took almost a whole year to heal. I had just started a new job and so I had no insurance. That meant I had to go to the county hospital in Dallas (where I was living at the time) for treatment. At the county hospital it’s first come first serve which means you have to get there bright and early along with everyone else who’s vying for a spot.
So let me set the scene for you. This was a very bad infection. The eye-drops they gave me were extremely painful, each drop felt like a steel spike going through my eye and right out the back of my head (I may be exaggerating, but not very much I promise). At first, the drops had to be used every half hour day and night. Even with the strong pain medication they gave me, the sharp, shooting pain would take about 15 or 20 minutes to back off a little, then I would have 10 minutes with only a little pain before it was time for another drop.
Since I was new at my job I also had no vacation time so I had to keep working during this period. Half the time I was in serious pain and the other half I was fighting to stay awake because of the lack of sleep and the pain pills which made me drowsy. It wasn’t a fun time. If only I had God in my life during that time! I’m not saying God would have prevented all this from happening, but at least I would have had some hope.
Anyway, after a few days they backed off my eye-drops to every hour during the day and two hours during the night. Then after a couple of weeks I was able to sleep through the night again. After that first month my insurance kicked in and I was able to go to a regular doctor’s office and here’s where God stepped in on my behalf. He led me to a really fantastic doctor who took good care of me for the next seven years.
Well, like I said that infection took almost a year to heal completely and by then the cornea of my left eye was all scarred over so that I couldn’t see through it.
So there I was, blind in one eye. Obviously that’s not the end of the story but I think this post is long enough. I think I’ll pick it up here next time and leave you with this:
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed. We are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not forsaken, cast down but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4: 8-9
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)