Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Men's Fraternity Week 5

Men’s Fraternity
Week #5 The Four Faces of Manhood part 2

REVIEW from last week:


1. King (Righteous energy)
2. Warrior (Courageous energy) a man of action, able to identify worthy battles.
3. Lover
4. Friend

  • These four faces bring out the honorable and positive aspects of manhood.
  • To sum up the King Face is to say it is “leading with integrity.”
  • To sum up the Warrior Face is to say it is “leading with courage.”

Pastor Brian asked us what courage is and some answers from the group included “going against the grain” and “standing up for the weak.”

C. The Lover Face, relational energy.

  • The king or warrior face may come naturally to a man but the lover and friend faces are often very unnatural to a man.
  • Many men are crippled because they have never been able to connect deeply with their wives and children.
  • Many men have never learned to navigate their own emotions, heart and feelings. This includes a willingness to be emotionally vulnerable.
  • We are incapable of giving others intimacy and authentic friendship we do not understand ourselves.
  • If a man is incapable of showing affection and care, he will never be the leader God intended for him to be.

1 Thessalonians 2:7-9
7 But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. 9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.

Questions: How do the words “gentle”, “like a nursing mother”, “affectionately desirous of you” fit with the description of the two faces of manhood we talked about last week, the king and warrior? Why does God use these terms when describing Paul’s work among the Thessalonians?

Here, we discussed how difficult it is for men to be gentle and affectionate when it is our nature to want to “fix” things. To illustrate the point, Pastor Brian showed us the following video:

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

  • The Lover face is characterized by tenderness, sensitivity, affection and communication.
  • When the lover face is undeveloped a man can become either critical, withdrawn or dependent.

D. The Friend Face, connecting energy.

  • This face is characterized by loyalty, accountability and encouragement.
  • Most men have a difficult time developing genuine friendships.
  • Genuine friendships provide companions who help carry life’s burdens and celebrate life’s great moments.

Today in my email I received a verse that goes along with this point:
Galatians 6:2
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

  • When this is pushed too far one can become someone who is dependent and contributes little to the friendship.
  • When the friend face is underdeveloped you can become the friendless loner. To have a friend you have to be a friend.
  • This face pursues character-shaping friendships!

Notice the affection Jesus had for His friends, the Disciples:

Luke 22:14-20

And when the hour came, he reclined at table, and the apostles with him. 15 And he said to them, “I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. 16 For I tell you I will not eat it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.” 17 And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he said, “Take this, and divide it among yourselves. 18 For I tell you that from now on I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.” 19 And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” 20 And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.

Jesus at the death of His friend Lazarus:

John 11:28-38

When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” 29 And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. 32 Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. 34 And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” 35 Jesus wept. 36 So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” 37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” 38 Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb.

How do we build these kinds of friendships?

  • They requiretime.
  • They require us to be other centered.

2 Peter 1:5-9
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.

Group Questions:
1. Which of the faces, lover or friend, is the most difficult for you? Were either of these faces modeled for you by your father or by a significant role model in your life? Explain.

2. Are you emotionally engaged at home with your wife and kids? (If this doesn’t apply to you, are you able to connect on a relational and caring level with a person you are dating or have dated?). How will you encourage these important people in your life this week?

3. Read John 15:12-17 and discuss what Jesus means by calling His followers “friends.” Why do you think it is so difficult for men to have genuine life-giving friendships?

John 15:12-17
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

4. Discuss your ability to connect with other men as good friends. Are you devoting the time needed to build soul-level relationships? If not, what needs to change in your life to make this happen?


  1. This line jumped out at me:
    Many men have never learned to navigate their own emotions, heart and feelings. This includes a willingness to be emotionally vulnerable.

    It solidifies what I've known all along, men are wired different than women. We're emotionally charged while men are missing a few wires, or their there, just not connected. ;)

    Which only means that man has within his power the opportunity to connect them and become connected to those he loves in an emotional aspect. :)

    I love you. (My emotions speaking there.) ;)

  2. I hate writing mistakes!

    *they're there! :D