Week #9 Mom
Very Important Note: If you have had a great mom, stop and thank God for her investment in your life and then look around for other men that need a hand up! That’s what men do. Men inspire and encourage others along on the journey to authentic manhood! None of us get a pass on this one!
1 Corinthians 16:13
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love.
- The mother/son relationship is an important part of who you are.
- The way your mom handled your needs as a child has shaped your relationships, your world view, and your self-image.
- Moms are strategically positioned by God to help mold and shape a son.
2. A healthy relationship with Mom requires two significant breaks:
- The first break is physical. [the physical break occurs at birth, literally the “cutting of the cord”.
- The second break is emotional. [the transition from boy to man]
3. What happens when a man does not emotionally separate from his mom?
- He is overly connected to his mom.
- Mom interferes with his marriage or family.
- These men cannot say “no” to their moms.
- These men cannot stand up for themselves.
- These men struggle to have a oneness with their wives.
”Therefore a man should leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
4. The Mother Wound defined:An unhealthy emotional relationship with mom that causes a son to be either threatened by the influence of women later on in life or to over identify and become submissive to the influence of women.
5. The result of the mother wound:A man either becomes a dominant or soft male.
Why does this happen?
- The dominant male has a fear of intimacy and sees all women as a threat to his independence. This man craves control and wrongly dominates the women in his life.
- The soft male becomes passive and submissive toward women and expects his wife to take care of and provide for him.
- Men are not called to be dominant or soft with women. Men are called to love our wives like Christ loved the church! [what the bible calls servant-leaders]
”Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
6. Common characteristics of the mother wound:
- The mother wound is often one of over attention.
- This wound often begins with an absent or distant father. [mother tries to compensate]
- This wound often happens when a man has to learn how to be a man without a significant male in his life.
7. Four types of moms who contribute to a mother wound:
- The unintentional mom. She does not understand the need for a young man to separate with her and enter adulthood as a man.
- The hurting mom. She has lost emotional connection with her husband and makes up for it by over-connecting with her son
- The unwilling-to-release mom. She has a dominant personality and simply likes being in charge.
- The fill-in-the-gap mom. She tries to fill in all the areas left by a dad that is emotionally distant or not physically present.
8. What can we learn from the interaction of Jesus with His mom and brothers?
- Healthy boundaries with family.
Mark 3:20-21, 31-35
”Then He went home and the crowd gathered again, so that they could not even eat. And when His family heard it, they went out to seize Him, for they were saying, ‘He is out of His mind.’…And his mother and His brothers came, and standing outside they sent to Him and called Him. And a crowd was sitting around Him, and they said to Him, your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.’ And He answered them, ‘who are my mother and my brothers?’ And looking about at those who sat around Him, He said, ‘here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”
- Provide for and love His mom.
”Standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, ‘Woman, behold your son.’ Then He said to the disciple, ‘Behold your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.”
- We are called to make a healthy emotional break from our mothers.
- We are also called to honor the position God has given our moms in our lives.
1. How do you feel about your relationship with your mom? What are three words or phrases that sum up your relationship with her today as an adult?
2. Would you say that you have effectively made the emotional break with your mom? Does your mom presently exert an unhealthy influence in your life? Your marriage? What might your wife say to the same questions?
3. Are you able to see a connection to how you relate to your mom and then also to the other women in your life? If so, what is the relation?
4. Was it helpful to see how Jesus interacted with His family and particularly his mother? Noticing that Joseph must have been deceased when Jesus went to the cross, how does the care of Jesus for His mother as a widow impact you?