Men's Fraternity Week 10

Men’s Fraternity
Week #10 Healing

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love.

[Pastor Brian began today’s session by reminding us of our key verse for this series]
Hebrews 2:1
Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.

Over the last few sessions we have discussed the possible wounds that can come as the result of a relationship with your mother or father that was less than what it could have or should have been. Today we are going to take a look at the healing that may need to take place as a result.

When Dealing with Wounds:

1. If wounded by either or both of your parents you must deal with this pain responsibly.

• Remember that no matter your mom or dad’s role in the situation, the burden ultimately falls on you to resolve the situation in your life.
• Be sure to seek the healing only Jesus Christ has to offer.

Romans 12:14-19
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Matthew 4:23
And he went throughout all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction among the people.

Acts 10:38
God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him.

2. If you have been wounded by mom or dad, you must begin the process of forgiveness.

Colossians 3:12-14
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

• Forgiveness is not that you are denying the pain.
• Forgiveness is that you decide no longer to exact punishment on them in any fashion.
• You are not only offering grace to your parents, it is freeing for your own soul.

[Pastor Brian offered the following acronym for the forgiveness process:
Recall – that Jesus forgave you
Empathize – put yourself in the other person’s shoes
Altruistic – remember what it felt like when someone forgave you
Commit – to forgive publicly
Hold – on to forgiveness]

Psalm 118:4-6
Let those who fear the Lord say, “His steadfast love endures forever.” 5 Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. 6 The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?

3. If you’ve been negatively impacted by mom or dad, share your story with trustworthy men.

• Dealing with Wounds is a process and best not to go alone. [deal with the wounds of others with humility and gentleness]

4. If you’re married and have some unresolved issues from your past, you need to be open about them with your wife.

• Be sure she knows that you desire to take responsibility to correct the problem.
• She married you to be with you through the journey of life.

5. You may need to have a direct and respectful conversation with your mom and/or dad if able.

DAD: If you have been wounded by your father and need to have a conversation with him do it with ________ and communicate ________. [didn’t get these filled in]

MOM: If there are unresolved issues with your mom you need to create a strategy to make a clean break from mom and help create a new normal in the way you relate.

Ephesians 4:15-16
Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

If you are a dad…

• It is never too late to close the gap with your son or daughter no matter how old they may be.
• Our children need to hear from us “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” and “You are good at (fill in the blank).
• If you need to reconnect with your children, accept responsibility and lead courageously.

Some closing thoughts…

• Wounding our children to some degree is unavoidable.
• All of us are flawed men with both strengths and weaknesses.
• It is impossible for our children to not be affected by our weaknesses.
• Acknowledge your flaws both to yourself and your children.

Romans 8:26
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

[Slow down your life and think it through.]

Group Questions:
1. Have you released/forgiven your dad and assumed responsibility for your own life? If you could sit down and share your heart with your father, what would you want to say to him?

2. If your father is still living do you need to have a respectful but direct conversation with him? If your mother is still living, do you need to establish some boundaries with her? Discuss.

3. If you’re a dad, what do your children need from you right now? Are there things that you are doing (or not doing) that may cause them to be wounded later in life.