Men's Fraternity Week 11

Men’s Fraternity
Week #11 All Alone Wound

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
[A friend is with you in good times and bad, a brother jumps into the mess with you.]

• This “all-alone” wound is self-inflicted.
• This man lacks character-shaping, deep, heart-level friendships.
• Our Creator made life to be lived in community.
• Isolation is a dangerous place for a man.

Ecclesiastes 4:4
But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Friendships that are essential for the Journey:

1. The encouraging mentor.

• This friendship often occurs in the first half of a man’s life.
• This is someone a man looks up to and who takes special interest in helping him grow.
• This man is genuinely concerned for your growth and success.
• This man is someone you admire and respect.

2. The side-by-side friendship.

• These friendships should occur over the entire course of a man’s life.
• In these friendships there is a spoken or unspoken loyalty.
• In these friendships is the helpful combination of acceptance and truth.

Proverbs 27:6
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
[Beware people who flatter too much.]

Geoffrey Greif, author of the book “Buddy System,” writes:
“Some men remain stuck in an adolescent phase of friendship, one in which they never get beyond the interactions and activities they pursued with friends when they were younger…too often for some men, an emotional regression occurs when they get together, which may be a defense against exploring other ways of relating on a deeper level.”

3. The willing protégé.

• This friend is a step behind you but is eager to learn from you.
• This is a friend that can develop and encourage.
• This friendship often occurs in the second half of a man’s life.
• You never really become a man yourself until you accept responsibility to help another man navigate through life.

Friendships in the Bible:

• An example of the Side-by-Side Friendship is that of David and Jonathan

1 Samuel 18:1
As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

• An example of both the Mentor and Protégé Friendships is that of Paul and Timothy

1 Timothy 1:18-19
This charge I entrust to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, 19 holding faith and a good conscience.

Definition of the “all-alone” wound: “It’s a social, emotional, and spiritual loss caused by the lack of healthy male friendships.

Professor Michael McGill describes male friendships this way: “To say that men have no intimate friends seems on the surface too harsh, and it raises quick objections from most men. But the data indicate that it is not far from the truth. Even the most intimate of male friendships (of which there are very few) rarely approach the depth of disclosure a woman commonly has with many other women. One man in ten has a friend with whom he discusses work, money, marriage; only one in twenty has a friendship where he discloses his feelings about himself.”

Three Consequences of the “all-alone” Wound:

1. If we choose to live life isolated from others we are going to have a warped perspective on life.

Proverbs 14:12
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.

2. If we choose to live life isolated from others there is the potential for careless living and foolish choices.

Proverbs 18:1
Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.

3. If we choose to live life isolated from others you’ll lose a chance for much needed transparency.
[We need close companions to disclose our secrets to so those secrets no longer have power over us.]

What Can We Do to Avoid the “all-alone” Wound?

1. Learn how to be a loyal friend who encourages others.
[To have friends you must be a friend.]

2. Learn how to ask good questions and take a genuine interest in others.

3. Be willing to be vulnerable and transparent and share what’s really going on in your life.

4. Develop these life changing friendships.

Proverbs 13:20
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Group Questions:
1. Do you feel the “all-alone” wound? Explain.

2. Discuss your level of true transparency in your life.

3. What are the next steps that you need to take to initiate deeper friendships in your life?