Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Journal - Blind School

Well, I’ve been sitting here for about half an hour now, fiddling around, trying to think of what I want to write about today. I just have so many things going around in my head right now that I can’t seem to pin anything down. So I guess I’ll try to talk about that, okay? Okay.

Yesterday, I met with the technology person from the Nebraska Commission for the Blind. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to use her real name here, so I’ll call her Persephone. Persephone is the one who got me started on the JAWS software a few weeks ago. She installed the demo version for me and showed me some of the basic commands. I’ve always been a quick study on the computer so I’ve been able to pick up quite a bit on my own since then. Yesterday she showed me a couple of neat tricks though that will really help me navigate web pages.

She also brought a Victor Stream to show me. The Victor Stream is a device created especially for the blind. You can load audiobooks onto it and listen to them, but you can also put ebooks on it and it will read them to you using it’s own voice. AND it has a built in recorder so you can record notes for yourself, or if you’re a student you could record classes. The thing that makes it great for the blind is that it speaks whenever you press a button so you know what you did. Way cool device, but expensive.

Well, after showing me the VS, Persephone started pitching me on this blind school that they have in Lincoln. This wasn’t the first time they’ve mentioned it to me, but it’s the first time I’ve felt pressured to do it. I have so many different feelings about this that I can hardly see them individually.

If I knew I was going to be blind for the rest of my life I guessthis would be a no-brainer. I would definitely want to do this. But my blindness is temporary, so how much time do I want to spend learning to be blind? That’s a hard one. Maybe this would be a good experience for me even if I don’t use the skills I learn for very long.

I know the NCB only has so much money to spend, and they would much rather spend it on people who will try to further their education or get back into the workplace. This is perfectly logical, even if it’s a bit unfair. Frankly, I don’t really know where I’m headed right now. Since I went blind I have felt like I’m in limbo. Just waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting around.

Then there’s my family to think of. Lincoln is about a two hour drive from where we live now. Persephone said the school can take as long as 9 months to complete. My family can visit anytime, but gas isn’t exactly cheap these days. And speaking of expenses, how much will I be responsible for? I know the commission will help with that, but do they cover everything?

And I would have to live there alone. Persephone said they have apartments for the students and you have to live there alone. I haven’t spent a single day alone since I went blind and frankly the idea scares the heck out of me. I know there would be people to call on if I needed something, but it takes time to build up trust in a complete stranger.

And on top of all that, what does God want me to do? Does He want me to learn how to be blind? Does He care one way or the other? Well, I know He cares, but is this something that would be important to Him? He is probably trying to give me an answer on this right now, but sometimes I have a hard time quieting my mind enough to hear Him.

Sigh. It seems I will never learn. God has shown me again and again that all my fears and worries are pointless because He will take care of everything. But I just keep right on worrying about things. Well, I’m only human after all.

On Thursday there’s another lady from the commission coming out to the house and I imagine we will talk about this some more. Maybe it will be a little clearer after that.

You know, I’m really starting to like this blogging thing. I’m finding that writing things down is a good way to sort things out when they get all jumbled up in my head. Was it a coincidence that I got JAWS and started doing this? Nope!

Thanks for reading, see you next time!

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.f


  1. I like it when I can read your thoughts without using my sixth sense to navigate that immense brain of yours. *wink*
    I don't worry about the situation because I know the Lord will/is guiding us to where and what we need to do.
    What do I worry about? Geez, what's for dinner and will you think it is as delicious as the last meal I made. hahahahaha
    I'm wondering though, will the roller coaster ride of emotions ever cease? Not any time soon it seems.
    And F.Y.I.? You will not be going ANYWHERE until after the holidays!
    Patience my love,patience.

  2. oh and one more thing...Writing is therapeutic, I've always known that. *smile*