Friday, December 11, 2009

One Day at a Time

Hi there! It’s funny how things work sometimes isn’t it? You go along for a while with nothing much happening, and then suddenly it seems like everything is happening all at once. Life is just full of ups and downs. We had a pretty busy Thanksgiving holiday, and then there was my birthday, and the week since my birthday has been kind of eventful too.

I definitely want to talk about the last week, but before I do, I really have to talk about something less pleasant. That’s only fair, I really want this blog to be an accurate representation of what’s going on in my life; not just the good, but the bad too.

Joni, Adam, and I have been together for a good six and a half years now. All three of us came from bad, unsuccessful relationships, and thus brought a lot of collective baggage to this relationship. Basically what we have here is three people who feel like maybe they got cheated a little, and now want to get everything they can out of the current situation. As you can imagine, that has presented some serious challenges for us.

If you haven’t already guessed, what I'm leading up to here is that Joni and I had a fight the other day. We’re not the types that do things small, so it was kind of a big one. It was basically the same fight we’ve been having for the last six years, with the same underlying themes; lack of respect and lack of communication.

Generally speaking, I don’t think fights in a relationship are a bad thing. Everyone needs to blow off steam once in a while. It does concern me though, that we keep arguing about the same things over and over again. And that the arguments are becoming more frequent. We get things off our chests and it’s okay for a while, but then it just starts to build up all over again.

So what’s the answer? I just don’t know. I think it’s important to note that while neither of us acted in a very Christian-like manner while we were fighting, we did manage to calm down and remember what’s important. And that is that we both love God.

Maybe that’s the answer. I think we are both closer to God now than at any other time in our lives, so maybe this time will be different. Maybe we needed one last blowout to get the last of the old gunk out once and for all,, and now we can begin building again, with a better foundation this time.

Well, I hope so, and only time will tell. In the meantime, all we can do is pray for God to help us not to dwell on the past, and to trust Him for the future. All we can do is take it one day at a time.

Matthew 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: For the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.


  1. I used to always think that true love meant no more work. Wrong. What I've learned with B in the nearly 3 years that we've been together, is that relationships take constant work, no matter how much love is there. It all sounds so familiar. I go through phases with him where I'm like, what is the solution here? Is there a solution? An easy one? Why do these same problems keep coming back? I don't want to have that talk again. I'm sick of talking about that. Why can't it just be fixed.

    thing is, I don't think it will ever be perfect. I think those issues will always have to be addressed for us, because, like you said, we've both brought huge pasts and a lot of baggage into this relationship. old insecurites will never be completely banished, and we will not always both be spiritually fit at the same times. We haven't taken vows yet, but in my heart I have. I've taken vows with God when it comes to B. I love him in good times and bad, in sickness and health, for richer for poorer. I promise to love him and cherish him even when I want to take all my stuff and move.

    It's hard work, these relationships. But pain is a cornerstone of spiritual lgrowth, and the closer you both stay to God, the more you can survive together.

    I just wanted to say I relate. I sooo relate. But I have faith in you two. And I was a little scared reading this post, afraid you were dropping a bombshell. ;)

  2. To my defense I have to say, speaking of 'collective baggage' I didn't stay in a marital relationship for twenty years because I bail at an argument. I'm in this for the long haul.

    I cannot fathom what you've had to endure over this past year.

    I don't stay out of pity, I don't stay because I have nowhere to go (but in seven degree temperatures and 15 inches of snow, it's pretty hard getting anywhere.) I stay because of love. PERIOD!

    I have love that measures in leaps and bounds and have been known to jump through hoops to be where I need to be. I'm a strong woman who has gotten through the death of not one but TWO children, alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual abuse, and many other things. I'll get through this too.

    Hurdles are a way of learning how to leap higher. all ways.

    I love all ways.

  3. okay, I'm back.

    You know I was thinking...two arguments in six months does not warrant an I-draw-concern-now-rush-me-to-the-marriage counselor. My sister and her hubby argued, at least three times a week....never exceeding more than seven. ;-)
    We're good...we're growing...we're learning.
    Right? Right! :* Fair enough... :P