Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Coming Home

I guess you may have noticed that I haven’t been writing much lately. There are a number of reasons for that. Partly it’s because I’ve been spending my time on other things. A lot of my time has been going toward Audiobook Heaven, writing reviews and contacting lots of people to get new books. I’ll probably be writing another update on that pretty soon as there have been a few developments. Also, I’ve been spending about an hour a day practicing Christmas music on my sax. That comes out of my daily computer time because I use it to play the karaoke music. We had our Christmas party last Saturday, so I need to post something about that too.
I’ve also just been spending less time on the computer. I used to stay up late almost every night, working at the computer, and that was when I did most of my writing, when the house is all quiet. But lately, I’ve actually been sleeping: going to bed, falling asleep pretty quickly, getting up at about the same time every morning. I was kind of missing my late nights of quiet solitude, but I have to admit I’ve been enjoying the regular sleep habits too. Tonight I’m up late because we’re having furnace problems and I’m babysitting. This evening the furnace wouldn’t come on, then shortly after we went to bed it came on but wouldn’t shut off. I kept laying there waiting for it to shut off and I realized I wasn’t going to be able to sleep. It’s probably been on for close to an hour now and still running.
Anyway, those are my excuses for not writing, but they’re not very good ones. The main reason I stopped writing was because I’ve been going through a lot of stuff in my head. And yes, you guessed it, most of it has to do with my blindness.
This fall, I made a couple of trips to a doctor in Omaha, which I have already written about. I got some bad news, which I have also written about. I was pretty mad at God about that for a while, which I don’t think I mentioned before. I ended up canceling my third appointment that was supposed to be in November.
I gotta tell you though, that whole thing really threw me for a loop. On the one hand, I was disappointed about the news I got about my left eye being unrepairable. On the other hand, I was totally confused because I really felt like my waiting had paid off and it was time to get my sight back, but then it started feeling like it wasn’t time after all. On the third hand, I was upset because people were pressuring me to go to the doctor and get my eyes fixed, as if I were taking my car to the shop for repairs. Damn it, I didn’t know I was going to say that, but there it is. Would you call that a Freudian slip? On the fourth hand, there was lion lady promising this and promising that, handing out assurances like sour little lemon drops.
Okay, take a deep breath. Sorry, I got kind of negative there. How many hands do I have anyway?
Well, what I came in here to say is that I’m mostly over all that, even if it doesn’t sound like it. At least I’m not mad at God anymore. When all that was going on, I felt very distant from God, like the connection I had begun to forge with Him was slipping away. Of course, I know that God was just as close to me then as He has always been, I just had too many other things clouding my judgment.
The furnace finally turned off. Thank you God!
I wrote a while back that I was afraid getting my sight back might interfere with my relationship with God. A couple of months ago, just thinking about getting my sight back did that very thing. I want my sight back very much, but I am clearly not ready for it yet, and God is clearly not ready for it yet either. I’m finally beginning to recover and I’m in no hurry to repeat that fiasco. But here’s the thing: God uses every situation we face to guide and teach us.
What was my lesson this time? Simply this: God knows that we are going to stumble now and then. Shoot, He even knows that sometimes we will fall flat on our faces. But no matter what, He will always welcome us back with open arms, no questions asked.
I was listening to Charles Stanley on the radio last week, a habit I had lost for a while. Charles had a guest pastor which turned out to be his son, Andy. Andy’s message was about the prodigal son. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this story, but God’s timing was, as always, impeccable. I had finally tuned in to hear Doctor Stanley again, after not listening for a few weeks, and I heard exactly what I needed to hear.
So that’s about it. I’m going to try writing more often again. I was kind of missing it, and I have a lot I want to write about. See you soon, okay?

Luke 15: 20-24 So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'

1 comment:

  1. Four hands? Wow! Maybe God has given you two extra hands in place of the sight? lol

    A ditty:

    As I sit here patiently waiting
    in my mind I'm silently debating.
    Should I stay or
    should I go
    Only God can really know!

    Cute huh? :)

    Keep the faith babe...

    A song is in my mind...

    I'll stand by you...won't let nobody hurt you..I'll stand by you!

    Oh you get my meaning!