Well, I called the lady from the Lion’s Club on Monday morning. Her husband took a message and said she would probably call me later in the day, but I never heard from her. She did call, however, on Tuesday evening. I had just stepped out of the shower so I let my voicemail take the call. When I called her back at around seven, I got her answering machine. So, we’re having a little trouble connecting, but that’s okay, it will happen when it happens.
Try as I might, I just can’t stop myself getting my hopes up. I tell myself not to expect too much, that it’s too soon to get excited, that every time I get my hopes up, I end up disappointed. That’s kind of silly when you think about it, for what is life without hope? There’s an old saying you may have heard that goes something like this: man can live for about 40 days without food, about 3 days without water, about 8 minutes without air, but not one second without hope. It hurts to get our hopes up only to have them dashed again and again, but imagine a life with no hope at all.
The more I think about this, the more I think about all the things I can’t wait to see again. Of course, I am anxious to see the faces of my friends and family. And my own face as well. I’ve been blind for a little over a year now, and legally blind for some time before that. It’s been a long time since I got a clear look at myself. I wonder how much I’ve changed. I’m anxious to see the people I have met more recently too, the ones I didn’t know before I went blind. I have mental pictures of them which I’m sure are completely wrong. It will be like meeting a radio dj in person, they never look the way you thought they would.
I want to see the house I live in. I was almost completely blind when we moved here. I want to see my old hometown which I haven’t seen since 2007 when we drove up from Dallas for Grandma Howard’s funeral. I want to see Gibbon’s new school, and I want to see the old one again before they tear it down. I want to see my mom’s new house. I want to look up at the night sky and see the stars. I lived in the city for so many years where all you can see is a handful of the brightest ones. Now I live in the country and I know there is a perfect blanket of stars up there, if only I could see them. I want to see my Christmas tree and houses decorated with colored lights.
It’s been more than two years since I drove a car and I can’t wait to do that again. I want to watch a football game. I take that back, I want to watch LOTS of football games. I want to play Star Wars Battlefront 2 on PS2. I want to play Roller Coaster Tycoon and Railroad Tycoon and Transportation Tycoon on my pc. I want to get out my digital camera and take pictures again.
In one of my recent posts, I mentioned a movie called “Shawshank Redemption” by Stephen King. One of the main themes of that film is hope, and how it never dies even at the worst times of our lives. Main character Andy DuFresne summed it up when he said, “Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” Red’s hope was eventually rekindled by his association with Andy who never lost his. At the end of the movie, Red is finally released from prison after a thirty year stay, and as he is riding a bus to meet his old friend Andy, he thinks these lines:
”I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.
I hope I can make it across the border.
I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.
I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.
I hope.
A man at the beginning of a journey whose conclusion is uncertain. That’s me, all right. But I have hope, so no matter how uncertain the conclusion is, in my heart I know one thing; God’s not going to let me down. He carried me this far, and I know He will still be there at journey’s end.
Job 11:18 You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
Micah 7:7 But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.
Showing posts with label shawshank redemption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shawshank redemption. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Our Savior at Work
So on Tuesday, Adam had a dentist appointment. I normally don’t ride along for his doctor or dentist appointments, but this time I did because I wanted to stop in and see the doctor, whose office is right next door. I have a dentist appointment of my own on Wednesday, but the doctor isn’t open on Wednesday. The only option really left open to me was to ride along to Adam’s appointment and then visit the doctor afterward.
So we got to the dentist and no more than got sat down in the waiting area when this lady came over and started talking to us. She said she was from the Lion’s Club and that they do lots of things to help blind people. I guess she just happened to notice that I had dark glasses and a white cane. Anyway, she asked if I was interested in a seeing-eye dog. She said they have a training facility in Michigan where they send people for that. I explained that I wasn’t permanently blind, that I just needed surgery to be able to see again. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. I said that I was concerned about all the doctor visits before and after the surgery. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. She asked if I had applied for Medicaid and I said I had Medicaid but there was an $800 deductible every month. She said the Lion’s Club can help with that. All very interesting. She told me to think about it and left her business card. Incidentally, she was there selling peaches. She said the Lion’s sell lugs of peaches to raise money. She just happened to go to the dentist’s office to sell peaches right at the same time we came in for an appointment.
Does this sound like a slam-dunk to you? I’m not so sure. I think this represents a very real possibility of getting my sight back and to tell you the truth, that scares me. I’ve learned a lot since I went blind; a lot about God, and a lot about myself. I’m living a better life now, not perfect by any means, but better than I used to. By better, I mean closer to God. What if I get my sight back, and I start sliding back into the person I used to be? I’d rather stay blind than have that happen. What happened today seems like a pretty clear message from God, maybe He thinks I’m ready. I don’t feel ready, but do we ever?
I was listening to a movie the other day, “Shawshank Redemption.” It’s been a favorite of mine for several years, but something about it really struck me this time. In case you’re not familiar with it, I’ll tell you that it’s a prison movie where the characters are all serving life sentences or something similar. There’s a portion of the movie where they are talking about how prisoners can become institutionalized. They spend twenty or thirty or forty years in prison until it’s really all they know. They know the routines, they have friends, they know where everything is and they know what they’re supposed to do. The outside world can be so scary to them that they will commit another crime just so they can go back to prison. Anyway, I began to wonder if that is happening to me. I’ve built a new life around my blindness. I know where everything is and I know what to do. The outside world seems a little scary.
Well, I have too many feelings to sort out right now. This will require some thought and prayer. I’ve waited all this time, I guess there’s no reason to rush into anything.
By the way, I didn’t get to see the doctor, she didn’t come in today.
Amos 4:13 He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals His thoughts to man, He who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth--the LORD God Almighty is His name.
Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
So we got to the dentist and no more than got sat down in the waiting area when this lady came over and started talking to us. She said she was from the Lion’s Club and that they do lots of things to help blind people. I guess she just happened to notice that I had dark glasses and a white cane. Anyway, she asked if I was interested in a seeing-eye dog. She said they have a training facility in Michigan where they send people for that. I explained that I wasn’t permanently blind, that I just needed surgery to be able to see again. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. I said that I was concerned about all the doctor visits before and after the surgery. She said the Lion’s Club can pay for that. She asked if I had applied for Medicaid and I said I had Medicaid but there was an $800 deductible every month. She said the Lion’s Club can help with that. All very interesting. She told me to think about it and left her business card. Incidentally, she was there selling peaches. She said the Lion’s sell lugs of peaches to raise money. She just happened to go to the dentist’s office to sell peaches right at the same time we came in for an appointment.
Does this sound like a slam-dunk to you? I’m not so sure. I think this represents a very real possibility of getting my sight back and to tell you the truth, that scares me. I’ve learned a lot since I went blind; a lot about God, and a lot about myself. I’m living a better life now, not perfect by any means, but better than I used to. By better, I mean closer to God. What if I get my sight back, and I start sliding back into the person I used to be? I’d rather stay blind than have that happen. What happened today seems like a pretty clear message from God, maybe He thinks I’m ready. I don’t feel ready, but do we ever?
I was listening to a movie the other day, “Shawshank Redemption.” It’s been a favorite of mine for several years, but something about it really struck me this time. In case you’re not familiar with it, I’ll tell you that it’s a prison movie where the characters are all serving life sentences or something similar. There’s a portion of the movie where they are talking about how prisoners can become institutionalized. They spend twenty or thirty or forty years in prison until it’s really all they know. They know the routines, they have friends, they know where everything is and they know what they’re supposed to do. The outside world can be so scary to them that they will commit another crime just so they can go back to prison. Anyway, I began to wonder if that is happening to me. I’ve built a new life around my blindness. I know where everything is and I know what to do. The outside world seems a little scary.
Well, I have too many feelings to sort out right now. This will require some thought and prayer. I’ve waited all this time, I guess there’s no reason to rush into anything.
By the way, I didn’t get to see the doctor, she didn’t come in today.
Amos 4:13 He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals His thoughts to man, He who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth--the LORD God Almighty is His name.
Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
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