Men's Fraternity Week 19

Men’s Fraternity
Week #19 Significance



Introduction:

• We have talked about daily battles worth fighting, we have talked about who or what we’re giving our life to:
• Who or what we are worshipping.
• Who or what we are letting define us.
• Who or what we are serving.

I. Deep Idol of Significance

Galatians 1:10
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Lie of Significance – if a certain person, a certain social group or colleagues in my profession… If they find me worthy of attention or love, if they acknowledge my value… then I am significant.

[How often do we base our decisions on what others will think of us?]

• Idol of Significance feeds on the opinions of others.
• We care more about what people think than what God thinks.

When people give affirmation or feedback, which is a good thing, but then they become the greatest things when we cross the line of the Significance Idol.

”Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, cleverer, or better looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, clever, or good looking there would be nothing to be proud about.” C.S. Lewis

II. The Traps With the Idol of Significance

• Approval trap.
• Recognition trap.
• Relationship trap.


1. Approval Trap


• In Biblical terms it’s called “The Fear of Man.”
• Driven by fear and becoming overly concerned with disappointing or upsetting people.

[Find significance in your actions, not in the approval you get from them.]

Proverbs 29:25
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.


• Turning to others for what only God can provide is a direct result of accepting Satan’s trap:

Significance = performance + other’s opinions


• The lie of being approved by others to feel good about myself causes me to fear rejection and then conforming our attitudes and actions to the expectations of others.

Acts 20:24
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Key questions to consider:< br />

• Does the thought of disappointing people effect your peace and contentment?
• Do you have a tendency to avoid telling people what you really think?
• Are you hypersensitive to criticism and you either are crushed or you seek to crush the one who said it?

Approval trap is fueled by the “steroid” to prove yourself!


2. Recognition Trap
• The trap is based on pride and hungers for admiration and fame.
• Being recognized can be a good thing, but it becomes toxic when it becomes the greatest thing.
2 Corinthians 10:12
Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.

Recognition trap is often fueled by comparison with other men and the recognition they receive.


• When we regret doing something because we didn’t get the recognition it uncovers our real motives.


3. Relationship Trap
• A man is tempted to feel “less than” if he is not in a relationship or finds himself single again.

1 Corinthians 7:32
The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

Singleness provides a unique opportunity to invest eternally by giving undivided devotion to the Lord.

III. Replacing the Idol of Significance

• The answer to the fear of man is the fear of God.

Luke 12:4-5
I tell you,my friends, do not fear those who kill the body and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I warn you whom to fear, fear him who, after he has killed has authority to cast into hell. Yes I tell you, fear him!

• Know that people’s actions are more about their hearts than about us, so do not take their rejection or mistreatment personal.

Isaiah 51:7-8, 12
Hear me you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults. For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations. – I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass…

• Remember that people are mortals like us, they too are fallible and are going to die someday but God is infallible and eternal.

Understand who has the real power, both now and forever; and let no one define who you are but God!

”It is the most natural thing in the world to be scared, and the clearest evidence of God’s grace at work in our hearts is when we do not get into panics. The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God you fear everything else.” Oswald Chambers

• We were made for more than worrying about what people may think.
• We were born for more than fearing someone’s opinion.
• We were redeemed for more than living with focus on pleasing humans.
• We were saved for more, much more, than this shallow approach to life.
• We were chosen to do the will of God and not the idol of man’s popularity.

I AM TO FEAR NOTHING AND NO ONE BUT GOD!

Fear of man vs. fear of God - There are no other options.

Questions for discussion:

Which of the significance traps is most relevant for you: the approval trap, the recognition trap, or the relationship trap? Discuss.

Living according to the false belief I must be approved by certain others to feel good about myself causes us to fear rejection conforming all of our attitudes and actions to the expectations of others. How are you affected by this belief?

In Acts 20:24 Paul says, But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Discuss what traps Paul had to work through and how he worked through them.

Journal - Starting the Garden

So today we had a pretty good day. I had the day off so we decided to run a few errands and it was a beautiful, warm, sunny day for it.

First we had to go to the bank in Gibbon to take care of a little business. While we were in there, Mom just happened to stop in on some business as well. She was working so she couldn’t stay long and we had more stops to make as well so we only had a brief visit.

From there we headed to Kearney. First we needed to drop off our aluminum cans at the scrap-yard. Aluminum is going for sixty cents a pound right now, which is a pretty decent price. We always save ours up and had about 8 large garbage bags full so it was definitely time to get those up there.

After the scrap-yard, we stopped at the post office to mail off a package to Joni’s mom. Just a little something Joni wanted to send her for Mother’s Day.

Then it was off to Hastings. No, not the town of Hastings, the store in Kearney that sells books, music, movies, games, electronics, and other neat stuff. Hastings not only sells stuff, but they also buy used items so I’ve been taking up some of my old books and CD’s and movies and also some of those audiobooks that have been piling up in the basement and trading them in for store credit. When I have enough credit I’m finally going to get a new TV. Hastings has exactly the one I want, a 32-inch LG widescreen. I’ve been making several trips to Hastings and after my visit today I only need another $40 of credit to get that TV. And I’ll have it in plenty of time for football season!

From Hastings we went on up to the mall where Joni wanted to look around the garden center they’ve set up out in the parking lot. We had already gone to Walmart’s garden center last week and got a few things to start our garden with, but we had both been wanting to check out the mall to see what they had. Well, let me tell you, the garden center at the mall beat Walmart’s garden section hands down. The mall has a huge selection of everything you could want: every kind of flower I’ve ever heard of and many that I hadn’t, more varieties of tomatoes and pepper than I knew existed, and all kinds of herbs. They even had eggplant! Who eats eggplant? Well, we had a lot of fun looking around and picked out several items. Joni got some flowers including some really beautiful pansies, and we picked out two different kinds of tomatoes, and we got some green pepper and jalapeno pepper plants. Everything came in little trays of four plants each and were $2.19. Not bad at all. I think we spent about $28.00 or thereabouts. Oh, I almost forgot, I got a strawberry plant! Can’t wait for those to grow! So Joni used her garden money left over from last week and we put in a little of our aluminum money.

By then we were both ready to head home. We stopped by Long John Silver’s to pick up some lunch, using more of our aluminum money, and went on home and ate. We love Long John’s but don’t eat there very often as it’s a little more pricey than other fast food places. Kind of a rare treat.

After we ate we changed clothes and headed out to the garden to do some planting. But I’ll have more about that later.

Isaiah 58:11 And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. ESV

Journal - A Couple of Things

A couple of weeks ago at work the topic of peacocks came up. An odd subject yes, but when you spend many many hours with the same people a pretty wide variety of discussions can arise. One of my fellow cart-pushers is Lyle and, like me, Lyle grew up on a farm. We had actually been talking about snakes when he mentioned that his folks had kept peacocks and guineas on their farm. This piqued my interest because Grandpa Pete and Grandma Gladys had peacocks on their place when I was a young boy, and while I never thought much about it back then, I have since wondered why they had them. I asked Lyle if peacocks ate snakes and he said he wasn’t sure but he thought that snakes didn’t like the sound peacocks make and thus stayed away.

From there, the conversation turned to other topics but the peacocks have been in the back of my mind ever since and today I finally got around to doing a little reading up on them. Peacocks, or Peafowl, are the largest members of the pheasant and turkey family. They originally came from the middle-east, primarily India where they are the national bird. They were brought to this part of the world and were something of a status symbol for the wealthy but eventually became more commonplace. According to what I read, they do indeed eat snakes as well as many types of bugs and are often kept on farms or ranches for that very purpose. Isn’t it interest that 30 years after the peacocks disappeared I finally found out why Grandma and Grandpa had them. I say “disappeared” because I don’t really remember what happened to them. It seems like after Grandma died in ’82 I just don’t remember them being around anymore. It just goes to show, you learn something every day.

In other news, I finally made an appointment to go to Omaha and get my fake eye. That will be on April 2. I had assumed this would take at least two trips to Omaha, one to get measured or whatever it is they do, and then another to have the finished eye inserted. However, I found out that this guy does it all in one day. I’ll see the doctor in the morning, he’ll make the eye right there that day in about 3 hours, then we’ll go back later on so he can put it in. I’m sure we can find something to do in Omaha for 3 hours while we wait. I keep calling this an eye but, as I may have mentioned before, it’s really no more than a lens or a covering. I have an eye-shaped implant in right now and that will stay. Since my surgery the implant has been covered by a clear lens, something like a very thick and hard contact lens. That lens will be removed, it just pops out like a contact, and will be replaced by a similar lens that will painted to match my good eye. Since the implant is attached to my own muscles, it moves with my good eye and so the prosthesis will move with it giving it what I am told will be a very natural look. Anyway it will be good to finally have that done.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. ESV

Isaiah 25:1 O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure. ESV

Island Earth - The Microphone

It was about one year ago that I first wrote in my blog about my desire to become an audiobook narrator. I made a couple of blog posts about my concept for Island Earth Audio and outlined my first basic steps of finding material to narrate, finding a recording program for the computer, and getting a microphone. Well, at the time, my project hit a roadblock as good recording microphones were rather expensive and I just didn’t have the money for one. I ended up putting the whole thing on the back burner for a while.

However, last week I got to looking at microphones again at Amazon.com and came across something that looked pretty good. What I found was a Samson Go Mic Compact USB Microphone. It had some excellent reviews from other people who had bought and used it and several people said that it was good for recording voice and even music. Best of all it only cost about $35, much better than the $100 I thought I would need to spend for a good microphone. I decided to give it a try. I ordered the microphone and it arrived yesterday.

As you can see, the Samson is very compact. It’s attached to a clip so you can attach it to something, but the clip is also heavy enough to serve as a base, which will stand on any flat surface. It plugs into the computer via the included USB cord and also has a little jack on the side to plug in headphones so you can hear exactly what it’s picking up while you record. One way I typically judge electronic devices is by how heavy they feel. Some things feel very light and flimsy in your hand and that usually, although not always, indicates that it’s cheap and not very good. The Samson has a nice heavy and solid feel to it, which makes me think it’s a decent piece of equipment. In addition, the microphone came with a CD program for creating recordings so I can try that out as well and see if it will do what I want it to do. I haven’t installed the software yet or tried out the microphone but I’m anxious to do so.

I guess my next step is to find the quietest possible place in the house where I can make some recordings. This will almost certainly have to be in the basement. Our basement primarily consists of one large room with a couple of smaller rooms off to one side. One of these smaller rooms has carpet in it and I think that will be my best bet. What I’ll need to do is try to clear out a corner of the room and maybe hang some blankets or something around it to create some sound-dampening partitions. Then I can sit in there with Joni’s laptop and, hopefully, create some recordings.

So my project is moving forward again after a long wait. It will take a lot of trial and error as I learn how to use the microphone and the software, and most of all it will just take time. I’m okay with that; God taught me patience through my blindness and it’s a lesson I think I have learned well. This will be a fun project. Wish me luck!

Isaiah 40:31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. ESV

James 5:7-8 Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. ESV

Journal - Recovery

Well, the days since my surgery have passed by in a blur so I hope I can remember all the pertinent details.

The day after surgery, Wednesday the 12th, I woke up pretty early, about 6 or 6:30. You’d think I would have slept in. Well they had given me a pretty strong pain killer, one that I’ve used before for painful eye infections, and it has an odd effect on me. They make me very drowsy but at the same time I don’t really sleep very well. So anyway I got up early and ate a pop-tart, which settled on my stomach pretty well after the nausea of the previous day. I messed around at the computer for a couple of hours and then was ready to go back to bed. I slept for two hours, got up for two hours, then back to bed for two more hours. Other than that I don’t really remember much about that day. Joni ran to Kearney to pick up some eye drops that I needed for my left eye and I got those started.

Thursday was uneventful as far as I can remember. My stomach was getting back to normal but I was still kind of drowsy and listless from the pain pills. I think that was the last day I needed any pills though, it wasn’t hurting much. I managed a shower but couldn’t put my head under since I was still bandaged up.

Friday it was back to Omaha for my follow-up appointment with Dr. Feilmeier. He removed the bandage from my eye, which felt really good. It was a tight pressure bandage with a thing wrapped clear around my head to help hold it in place. He took a quick look and said everything looked as it should. It was a quick visit and we were on our way home. I was supposed to call my boss and let her know when I might be returning to work but I didn’t. I was still undecided as to what to do about that. The doctor said I could go back as soon as I felt up to it and I really didn’t know when that might be. That evening I showered and was able to wash my face and hair. That felt pretty good too.

Saturday and Sunday were bad days. I felt really depressed and just didn’t want to do anything. I tried working on a couple of audiobook reviews I needed to do but that didn’t go well. I watched parts of a couple of football games on Sunday but neither one was very interesting. It was just a bad couple of days. I think I spent most of those days playing a game on the computer since that was the only thing I could find that would occupy my mind for a while. I put on the Sunday night football game and that was a good one; a pretty exciting game. I started feeling kind of normal again during that.

By Monday I was feeling better but I don’t really remember what I did that day. Oh, I finally called my boss and told her I would try a short day on Thursday. I told her I couldn’t work Friday because I had to see the doctor again but if Thursday went okay and the doctor didn’t see any problems on Friday then I would resume a normal schedule on Saturday.

On Tuesday the 25th I woke up feeling really good and I had a pretty productive day. Joni and I went to Kearney and did some final Christmas shopping. After we got home I finished those two book reviews I had been working on and wrapped some Christmas presents. We have a couple of windows that leak pretty bad in the winter so I got those washed up and taped up the seams like we always do in the winter.

Wednesday was even better. This was the day we were supposed to get our big blizzard. I woke up that morning with an itch to clean house. We made a quick trip into Kearney to pick up a few cleaning supplies. I think we got back home at about 11:30 and the snow was just beginning to fall in earnest. We had picked up lunch in Kearney and brought it home so after we ate I started working. I washed dishes and straightened up the kitchen and then vacuumed. After that I broke out the Clorox wipes we had picked up in Kearney and disinfected the house. We’ve had an unusual amount of colds and sickness so far this season so I really wanted to try and stem those a bit. I wiped doorknobs and light switches and faucets and handles and knobs and buttons and surfaces in the kitchen and bathroom. It felt good to do that. I think a cleaning ritual like that can wipe away sickness from your mind as much as from your house. All that time it was snowing like crazy and school had let out so Adam was home early. By Wednesday evening I was already having second thoughts about going back to work the next day and had all but decided that in the morning I would just call in.

Thursday morning there was a lot of snow on the ground but I saw that the plows had already cleared the roads so I figured I didn’t have a very good excuse to stay home. Getting out of the driveway was a little rough, but from there on it was okay. The parking lot at Walmart was a real mess as I had supposed it would be and it was a hard day. Lugging those shopping carts around is hard enough, but dragging them through the snow is much worse. The cart machine we use can normally push 20 carts at a time, but in the snowy mess we were only getting 6 or 7 on each trip. Even then it kept getting stuck and I would have to pull and pull on it to keep it going. In the meantime, every time I managed to get some carts out of one of the racks in the parking lot I was scooping out the snow and chipping the ice away to make the next trip a little easier. Luckily it was a relatively slow day or we wouldn’t have had enough shopping carts. All of the reserves sit outside and were buried in snow. I worked from 10am to 3pm that day and I was definitely ready to go home. I’m glad I went though because one guy called in leaving only three of us. With three we could get by on a normal weekday, but it was such slow work in the snow we were having a hard time keeping up.

Which brings us to today, Friday. I saw Dr. Feilmeier at 11am this morning and he said everything looked fine and we made an appointment for one month. On the eye chart today I breezed right on down to the 20/20 line with no trouble and got 2 out of 5 letters on 20/15. Oh, we had called ahead of time to make sure Dr. Feilmeier made the trip from Omaha and obviously he did. He said the interstate between York and Grand Island was very bad and traffic was crawling though at 15 or 20 mph. I had noticed on Thursday when I went to work that the interstate was closed, and it was still closed when I went home. So I’m going to enjoy the rest of my day off and tomorrow will be back at work. Hopefully the parking lot will be in better shape by then.

Job 1:21 And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” ESV

Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

Journal - Surgery

Okay so I had my pre-op physical with no trouble. These pre-ops are really not much of a physical at all. All he did today was check my ears, nose, and throat, take my blood pressure and that was about it. Last time there was also blood work but I guess that was not required this time. The Dr.’s office in Omaha faxed them some instructions on what was needed. Oh, my weight today was 174! I bet it’s been twenty years since my weight was that low. I weighed in at 190 to 195 for a long time. Pushing those shopping carts around is doing me some good.

Anyway, I was a little rushed earlier so there were a few things I didn’t get to go over.

The surgery I’m having is called an Enucleation. You can look that up online if you’re curious. I read about it and what they do is kind of gross. Basically the eye is removed and replaced with an implant. The implant will be attached to my eye muscles so that the fake eye will move and track with my good eye. I’m told that once the prosthesis, which comes later, is inserted it will be hard to tell that it’s not a natural eye. There’s another type of removal surgery called Evisceration where they take out the muscles and everything so I guess this one is better.

When the doctor first dropped this on me I cried, but now that the surgery is scheduled and some plans have been made I’m feeling a little better about the whole thing. I suppose I’ll feel even better tomorrow afternoon once it’s all done.

So let’s see…surgery is at 1pm tomorrow. We have to be there at 12:30 so I can have a little time to talk to the doctor. Oh, I didn’t mention that, did I? Dr. Feilmeier will not be doing this surgery, it will be one of his associates, a Dr. Kathleen Hodges or something like that. I’ve never met her. I wish Dr. Feilmeier could do it but I understand that this is not his specialty. Anyway, I expressed a desire to meet with the doctor before the surgery so that’s why we need to be there a little early. Dr. Feilmeier told me that he can handle my follow-ups.

We don’t have to stay over in Omaha for this one; it’s an afternoon surgery and the first follow-up appointment won’t be until Friday, which we’ll have to drive to Omaha again for. If all is well up to that point my next visit will be with Dr. Feilmeier when he comes to Kearney next Thursday.

I can’t eat anything after midnight tonight. By the time we leave the surgery center it will be at least 3pm. I guess I’ll be pretty hungry by then. Last time my surgery was early in the morning so that wasn’t so bad.

After I got the news this morning I called my boss at Walmart to explain the situation. I told her about surgery tomorrow and that I will most likely not be able to work at all this week and beyond that I don’t really know what to expect. I was very frank with her and told her that I would understand if they needed to hire someone else and get them working. I am, after all, only a temporary employee for now and we’re getting into the busy season here. She told me that they had just been talking about this earlier (since I have already missed a couple of days for trips to Omaha) and they had decided that they think I’m a good employee and will be willing to work with me on this. Pretty good news seeing as how I’ve only been there a little over two months.

I said before that I am a thinker and planner and I suppose that’s my lesson for today since I have apparently not learned it yet. We can think and plan and fret and worry until the cows come home but it’s all for nothing. God will do the thinking and planning for us and, if we are wise, we won’t have to fret and worry at all. I have to keep reminding myself that He can see the whole picture while I only see a little bit of it.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. I’ll probably be writing more this week since I’ll have a lot of free time on my hands. Good thing too because I need to catch up on my audiobook reviews.

Keep the Faith, good people, and keep us in your prayers.

Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. ESV

Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. ESV

Journal - More Eye Trouble

So on Monday I had a short shift at Walmart, 10am to 3pm. When I woke up that morning my eye was still sore and there was a noticeable spot almost directly on the center of the eye. Also there was a lot of redness around the eye. If you recall from my last post this was my left eye, the one I can’t see out of. Throughout my five hour shift that day my eye started hurting more and more and by the time I got off at 3:00 it was hurting quite a lot. While driving home I had to put on my sunglasses because the light was bothering me, something I haven’t had to do in a long time. My left eye has no light perception at all, but even when one eye is blind the eyes kind of work and react to things together.

As soon as I got home I took some Aleve for the pain and called Dr. Feilmeier’s office in Omaha. They scheduled me for an appointment for the next day, Tuesday.

On Tuesday, Dr. Feilmeier confirmed my suspicion that the eye was infected. He also confirmed what I already knew, that this was a particularly aggressive infection, having come on and advanced so quickly. I’ve had lots of eye infections but this one did come on rather suddenly. He put me on Trifluridine drops, which are specifically for the herpetic infection that I typically get and also Zymaxid, which is a more general type of antibiotic. He said he wanted to see me again on Saturday. Thinking this was an odd day for an appointment I questioned him and he said he was on call that day and would be seeing patients in the morning. Apparently his office keeps someone on call every weekend and it happened to be his turn. He also mentioned the possibility of coming in for surgery sometime to have my useless left eye removed completely. I didn’t like the sound of that very much but agreed to give it some thought, although frankly I wasn’t thinking about it very seriously and was more focused on getting this infection taken care of. Obviously this infection posed no direct threat to my vision but there is always the possibility of an infection moving from one eye to the other.

Wednesday I was off again, which was good. I had another short shift on Thursday and a long one on Friday. As we get nearer to Christmas business is picking up at Walmart so even the typically slow weekdays are getting kind of busy. I was still taking Aleve regularly during this time to keep the pain under control and so wasn’t really feeling it much.

On Saturday it was back to Omaha. Dr. Feilmeier said the infection was no better and maybe even worse. Since it wasn’t responding to the eye drops he took cultures of it. At this time he told me that we should get that surgery done as soon as possible, preferably early the following week. That really floored me as I had really thought I would have plenty of time to think that over and get my mind wrapped around it. It makes a lot of sense to have that eye removed; it will never see again and it will probably just sit there and cause me problems for as long as I have it. Also getting it removed and having a prosthesis put in would improve my appearance a lot although I’ve never been much bothered by that. It makes a lot of sense logically but still it bothered me a lot that I would be losing a part of myself. There was still a small part of me that was hoping for some medical breakthrough that would allow them to fix that eye someday. A longshot I know, but there it is. Having the eye removed sounded very final to me.

Well, that decision was taken out of my hands. This infection was very serious and Dr. Feilmeier was afraid it would go completely through the cornea and get inside the eye, which would cause even more serious complications. It needed to be done, and it needed to be done quickly. He said someone would get in touch with me early the following week to schedule the surgery.

Sunday I worked 12 to 5 and it was bitterly cold and windy. I did okay though. I had my overalls and a sweatshirt and coat. I wore my boots with thermal socks, kept my hood up to protect my ears, and had a neck warmer that I can pull up over my mouth and nose. My hands got a little cold, I may need better gloves for days like that, and by about 4pm my toes were getting cold, but I made it through. Oh, I also had some hot cider in a new thermos that I had bought just for the occasion. That helped a lot.

Today, Monday, I am off again and sure enough, they called at about 9:30am. I had been thinking they would want to schedule me later in the week, maybe Thursday or Friday, but no, they want me in on Tuesday, tomorrow. Wow. Completely discombobulated once again I asked if it could be later in the week and the nurse said she would check on it and call me back.

I took a few minutes to talk to Joni about it, and my mom, and to calm myself down. After that I figured it was pointless to fight the inevitable and we may as well get it over with. I’m as ready to do it as I will ever be, I only put the nurse off because I needed a little time. This has all happened so suddenly and I’ve never been very spontaneous. I like to think and plan.

Not much later, Dr. Feilmeier called me personally to urge me to get this done quickly. I told him I was okay with it, I had just needed a little time to think and talk with people. So it’s on for tomorrow at 1pm.

This afternoon I have to go to Kearney and get another pre-op physical. I called the Doctor and they can get me in at 2:30. In fact, I need to go get ready for that so I’ll sign off for now and hopefully write a little more later.

Psalms 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. ESV

Isaiah 12:2 “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” ESV

Journal - Snow and Rain

Last Friday I went to work at 10am prepared for a day in the cold. I had on my new jacket with a lighter jacket under it, my new gloves, and I wore my boots for the first time. I wasn’t sure how my feet would like the boots so I took along my shoes just in case. I don’t remember the temp but I’m pretty sure it was still in the 30’s when I arrived and never made it out of the 40’s all day.

I felt cold when I started out but it didn’t take me long to warm up. I hadn’t even been there an hour before I took off my inner jacket. At around 11:30 it started snowing but it was just tiny little flakes. After a while the snow turned to a very light rain. My jacket kept me perfectly warm, in fact maybe too warm, as I got pretty sweaty as I worked. It also kept me dry from the rain. My gloves got pretty wet from handling the wet shopping carts but it never soaked through and my hands stayed warm and dry; also a little sweaty though. I ended up wearing my boots the whole day and they felt pretty good on my feet so no problems there either. Also they never seemed to get wet at all so maybe that spray stuff works okay, although as I said the rain was very light. All in all it was a pretty good day and I only had to work until 3:30.

On gameday Saturday I had another 8 to 5 shift and it was cold again so I dressed the same. Just as on Friday, I had to take off my inner jacket after about an hour. I was a little distressed when my right leg started hurting quite a bit after I had only been there for an hour. The next seven hours were looking mighty long, but I went inside and got a bottle of Aleve and took one at about 9:30 and that seemed to tide me over. I ended up taking another one at around 3 that afternoon. But with God’s help I made it through the day. My hands were fine in my gloves and my feet were still feeling pretty good with the boots.

On Sunday we made it to church in the morning. I just barely had enough time to rush home and wolf down a sandwich that Joni made for me while I was changing and then I was back out the door again for a 12 to 5 shift. It wasn’t quite as cold this day so I didn’t bother with the second jacket and I wore my shoes again. I had got to thinking the night before that even though the boots felt okay on my feet maybe the extra weight was what finally got to my legs on Saturday. That may be the case because I felt pretty good all day Sunday. Also on Saturday night I finally broke down and put some Icy-Hot on my calves. Joni had been trying to get me to do that but I’m always so wary of putting stuff on my skin. It turned out to be okay though and maybe that also helped my legs feel better Sunday while I worked.

And today was my day off. We had a nice relaxing day and my legs are feeling pretty good. On Tuesday and Wednesday I have my first back-to-back 8-hour shifts so I’m hoping things go okay. Tomorrow I’m supposed to work 10 to 7 but I may have to leave a little before 7 so I can get home before it gets too dark. The scheduler and the other cart-pushers all know about that so that won’t be a problem if I need to leave early

Through all of this I’m spending a lot more time in the car of course. I always keep the radio tuned to MyBridge Radio on 99.9, which is a contemporary Christian station. I’ve found that to be a nice little pick-me-up before and after work, something to help me keep my focus on God. It’s music and uplifting stories and things like that and on Sundays they air a sermon from our very own Pastor Mike at E-free Church that I can listen to as I drive to work.

Isaiah 26:3-4 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. ESV

Colossians 3:1-2 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. ESV

Journal - On the Job

So last Wednesday I had orientation at Walmart. Me and two other new hires started at 1:30 pm and we basically spent four-and-a-half hours filling out papers, touring the store, getting talks from various managers and learning about the company history. We were there until 6pm. The other two are overnight stockers so I’ll probably never see them again. That was my official start day and I’ll get paid for that time.

I had Thursday off because it takes a couple of days for them to get all our information in the computers and get us activated.

On Friday I had a full 8 to 5 shift. This whole day was spent in the training room completing a whole bunch of training modules on the computer. I didn’t count but I think there must have been about 20 modules which took anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes each. This was all general training on things like safety and customer service that all employees have to complete. Each module had a short quiz at the end that had to be passed with at least an 80%. I passed each one the first time through except for the very last one I did. I had to take that one twice because by then I was tired and had a hard time focusing. But I got them all done in a day.

Saturday was my first day actually working. One of the managers took me outside and introduced me to the cart pusher that would train me. When I interviewed for the job I had asked if there was enough work as a cart pusher to keep a person busy all day, thinking that there might be a lot of downtime when you would have to find other things to do. She assured me that cart pushing was a full time job, and on Saturday I learned that she was right.

At slower times there are two cart pushers on duty, one covering each side of the parking lot. Saturdays are busy, and yesterday was a game day making it doubly busy. During busy times like that there are actually two pushers on each side and since I was only training there were actually five of us working and we were busy trying to keep up with it. It’s pretty amazing how quickly those carts can pile up.

So anyway, I learned how to gather carts by hand with a rope that allows you to handle 10 carts at a time, and I also learned how to use the mule, which can handle 20 at a time. A mule is a battery powered cart pusher that pushes a row of carts from behind. You can operate it by remote so that you can stand at the front of the row to steer them. That thing is pretty cool and fun to use.

By lunchtime my feet were already feeling sore. I’m just not used to being on my feet that much. Also my hands were starting to feel a little raw. The mule saves a ton of work but it’s still a pretty physical job. You have to stack the carts on and then unstack them, plus with a full load of carts you really have to throw your weight into them to steer the thing. On my lunch break I picked up a pair of those fingerless weight-lifting gloves that a lot of the cart-pushers wear, and also some cushioned inserts for my shoes. I had intended the inserts to go in my boots, which I will be wearing through the winter, but I decided to try them in my shoes for now.

Well, it was a pretty long day. I worked an 8 to 5 shift and by quitting time my feet and legs were really hurting. Also my face and neck were sunburned.

I got home in plenty of time to eat supper and then settle down for a nice Husker game. It turned out to be quite an exciting game! Nebraska was down 20 to 3 early on and I have to admit I thought it was going to get ugly. But in the second half Nebraska rallied and ended up winning 30 to 27. Wow, that was a great game! I wish they would play every game like they did in the second half of this one. Next week will be a real challenge with Ohio State, who is looking pretty good this year. Periodically throughout the game I was getting up and stretching my legs and by the end of the game I was feeling almost normal again.

Today we decided not to go to church. I really didn’t want my job to interfere with that and I told them I couldn’t work Sunday mornings, which they didn’t seem to have any problem with. Once I get acclimated to the job I don’t think it will be a problem. I got up this morning feeling pretty much normal again. My feet and legs felt good and my sunburn had faded. I only had to work 12 to 5 so that was good. Another 8-hour shift might have been bad. It was much less busy today and there was actually time to take a short breather in between cart runs. I wore shorts instead of jeans and stayed much cooler, plus I wore a hat to keep the sun off my face. I also took a jug of water so I didn’t have to keep running in to the store to use the drinking fountain. It was a much better day. By 5 my feet and calves were getting sore again but not near as bad as yesterday. The inserts I put in my shoes helped a lot and the gloves keep my hands from getting sore.

Tomorrow I am off so it will be good to relax and rest up for my next shift. On Tuesday I have another short day and then a full day on Wednesday. I should be ready to go again by then. This job is going to get me in shape, that’s for sure. Today I got a lot of advice on how to dress for rainy and/or cold days so I’ll need to do a little shopping before long.

So my first two days on the job were hard, but good. I could grow to like this job I think; we’re left alone in the parking lot for the most part and the work is not complicated. And no office politics, which will be nice.

The fact that God prepared me for this job is not lost on me. Without keeping toned up with the exercise bike these last few years I don’t think I would have lasted out the day on Saturday. And a summer of yard work and gardening put some color on my skin so that my sunburn didn’t bother much at all. God knows I don’t like cold weather so maybe we’ll have a mild winter? Huh God? Huh? Well, we’ll see about that. Whatever comes my way I know that I can face it with God on my side.

Isaiah 12:2 “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” ESV

Luke 12:22-23 And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. ESV

Journal - A Double Dose of Doctors

Yesterday, Thursday, I had two eye appointments, one with Dr. Vaughan and one with Dr. Feilmeier.

First was Dr. Vaughan at 11:00am. I saw Dr. Vaughan last month in hopes of getting some eyeglasses. On that visit, however, he said my eye, while healing very nicely, was still too unstable to really get good numbers for a prescription. At that time my best possible vision with glasses was around 20/30, very good indeed. Well, let me tell you, on yesterday’s visit I got all the way down to 20/30 on the eye chart, with no correction at all. I was simply amazed. I knew my eye was getting better all the time but I had no idea it was that good. Dr. Vaughan ran me through the tests and said that with glasses I could get up to 20/25. My eye is still very unstable though, as shown by the big change since last month. He said that before giving me a prescription he would really like to have one more set of numbers, making it three in all, so that he could kind of average them together. He recommended one more visit in a week at which time he would go ahead and make out a prescription for me. Aside from that, he said that my eye, and my vision, are amazingly good for someone who had a transplant not so long ago.

My visit with Dr. Vaughan took less than an hour so I thought we would have a long wait to see Dr. Feilmeier, but his assistant took us back almost right away once we were done with Dr. Vaughan. It was only a little after twelve and my appointment wasn’t supposed to be until 12:40.

Dr. Feilmeier came in with his eyes on my chart and said, “I don’t believe these readings, you must have cheated.” He’s quite the kidder. He looked at my eye and was very pleased with everything. He removed one more suture that was loose and assured me that “we are definitely back on track.” Dr. Vaughan has mentioned that I had a pretty severe astigmatism so Dr. Feilmeier sent me over for a topography on my eye. When he got the results he said that I did have a pronounced cone but that was probably due to the sutures. So he removed two more sutures and said that should help quite a bit with that. He also said he might remove a few more next month.

So it was another good visit with the doctors. I still can’t believe I’m seeing 20/30! And it sounds like I’ll finally be getting some glasses next week. Well, my appointment is next week and then the glasses probably take a few days after that. Then I’ll be off to get my driver’s license, something I’ve been looking forward to since my surgery.

Isaiah 30:18 Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him. ESV

Psalms 25:5 Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. ESV

Journal - Good News From The Doctor

Today I had my appointment with Dr. Feilmeier in Kearney. I had a morning appointment this time instead of afternoon. I was glad of that because by afternoon he’s always really behind schedule and we have a long wait. Today my appointment was at 10am and we were only in the office for about an hour altogether.

The first sign of good news came during my routine reading of the eye chart. I was still at 20/70 unaided, but on the pinhole I got a partial on the 20/30 line, my best reading since surgery. I didn’t get the whole line, and it was tough, but I got two letters so that was good.

The doctor came in and looked at my eye and before he even got to the microscope he remarked that my eye looked very white and healthy today. My eye does sometimes take on a kind of yellowish hue so that was a good sign. At the microscope he had nothing but good reports. He actually used the word “amazed” once or twice, and he also said, “We were aggressive and we won.” He went on to say that I was his “good” patient of the day, the one he would talk about on the way home to Omaha. Doc is pretty good at hiding his feelings, but I think he was pleased with what he saw today. He did find another loose suture, which he removed. I asked if it was normal for those to loosen over time and he said it definitely is.

As far as my meds, he is having me continue the Zymaxid and Natacyn drops for one more week and then stop them completely. He discontinued my Doxycycline pills and cut back my Acyclovir pills from 5 a day to 2 a day. He gave me a schedule to taper off the Prednisone pills over the next few weeks, but I’m already on a pretty light dose so I might just stop those. So after one more week I’ll have 2 Pred-forte drops a day, and 2 Acyclovir pills a day and that’s it.

I already have an appointment to see Dr. Halsted in Grand Island again in two weeks, and we made an appointment to see Dr. Feilmeier the next time he’s in Kearney next month. He said after that we can probably drop back to every month or two. Since I did so well on the eye chart today, I also made an appointment to see Dr. Vaughn at the Kearney Eye Institute for another eyeglass exam. That will be next Wednesday the 16th. The last time he examined me, the best we could do was 20/50 but it should be better than that now.

So then we came home, having had our fill of good news for the day. I went out and did the watering while Joni did some mowing. Yesterday I dug up some more of the garden and planted six mounds of cucumbers so it’s getting to be quite a bit of watering each day. I sure wish we could get some rain. Everything is looking pretty healthy though except for the mint that I transplanted to the west side of the patio. Most of those look like they’re going to die. Mint plants grow pretty well; they spread out a lot and come back each year, but I’m finding out that they don’t transplant very well. It’s a good thing we have lots of it.

Psalms 30:2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. ESV

Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. ESV

Have a Great Day!

Special thanks to Joni for sharing this!

Isaiah 55:1 “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. ESV

Luke 12:22-23 And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. ESV

Journal - To The Doctor

Thursday was cold and rainy; no good for working outside. That was okay because I had my doctor appointment in Kearney at 2:30 anyway. I worked at the computer until noon as usual then went to the basement to see if I could get anything done before it was time to go to the doctor.

I cleared some space in the main room down there so I could unroll that carpet and see how it would fit. It was just a few inches too long to go across the room, so with Joni’s help I got it cut down to the proper size and laid it down. It fits from wall to wall the short way across the room and is about 5 feet short the long way, which is more coverage than we had with the smaller piece down there. We put the smaller piece in the area right at the bottom of the stairs and it fit pretty well there. So a good portion of the basement has carpet now. And with all the bags and boxes of recyclables out of there the basement is generally looking pretty good.

We cleaned up a bit and then it was time to head to Kearney to see the doctor and run a few errands. First I wanted to go by the post office to send off an audiobook to last month’s winner at Audiobook-Heaven. I thought I knew where the post office was but found out I didn’t know after all. We drove around the area a bit but couldn’t find it.

I also needed to stop at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription so we did that next. While there, we asked the lady where the post office was and she told us. I was just a few blocks off as it turned out.

By then it was time for my appointment with Dr. Feilmeier. We arrived at the Kearney Eye Institute a few minutes early for my appointment. Unfortunately we had to wait a little over an hour to see the doctor. We hardly ever have to wait when we see him in Omaha, but on his once-a-month visit to Kearney he’s always busy. I guess that was the case on this day even though there was hardly anybody there when we arrived. Anyway we finally saw him and he reported that my eye was still largely unchanged. He said it was amazing how stable this thing has been. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. It’s not getting any worse anyway. The second set of cultures were still not showing anything but he’s thinking at this point that the infection is fungal in nature. So he increased my Natymycin drops to six-a-day and decreased the Pred-forte to twice-a-day. He said he wants to continue to see me once a week but that I could probably see his associate Dr. Halsted when he visits Grand Island. They both operate out of Midwest Eye Care in Omaha and while Dr. Feilmeier comes to Kearney once a month, Dr. Halsted visits Grand Island once a month. They rotate so that one of them is in the area every two weeks. So next week we’ll be going to Omaha, but the following week will be to Grand Island.

We left the Institute and headed up to the mal where there’s a recycling drop-off. We had scoped out the area a few days before and found all the bins for plastic, glass, cardboard, paper, aluminum, and steel cans. We dropped off our plastic and glass and headed home. We decided to skip the post office since we were at the doctor’s office so long.

And today was a day of rest. It was sunny out but very windy and I really didn’t feel like doing much anyway. Tomorrow is supposed to be very stormy so I don’t suppose I’ll get anything done then either. That’s okay, it feels like we’ve been doing an awful lot of running and with yard and basement work in between I’m ready for a break.

Isaiah 12:2 “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” ESV

Isaiah 40:28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. ESV

Journal - Fire and Rain

After working in and around the house on Monday, Joni and I took Tuesday to relax and rest in anticipation of our next trip to Omaha on Wednesday.

Wednesday morning was gray and rainy as we left at our usual time of about 7:15am. We drove in the rain until somewhere around Grand Island and the rest of the trip was cloudy but dry.

There wasn’t much news from the doctor that day. He said the spot in my eye was unchanged or maybe a little bit improved. His assistant called the lab to see if there were any results from the previous week’s cultures, but still nothing. He said I could stop using the Vancomycin and Viroptic drops. I was glad about that because that only left me with three different drops to use, and the two he discontinued were the most irritating of the lot. I’m now just using Natymycin, Pred-forte, and Zymaxid four times a day each. It was a quick visit and we were back on the road. Somewhere around Grand Island we found the rain again right where we had left it. The trip home was uneventful and we arrived at about 3:30pm, making pretty good time. During this trip, Joni and I finished an audiobook called “The Probability of Miracles” that we had been listening to in the car, and also go through a short play called “End Days”. Both were very good and you can find the reviews coming up soon at Audiobook-Heaven (wink).

The real excitement came later that evening. Joni and I stepped out the back door with Sassie for her last trip outside before bed. As we were waiting for Sassie to do her business we heard a pretty loud WOOMP sound. It sounded like a pretty big fire going up and we looked around to see what had happened. We have a neighbor just to the north of us and in his windows we saw the flames. It only took a moment to realize, however, that his house was not burning, the flames were actually being reflected in the glass from somewhere to our south. We went out toward the road and sure enough, there was a huge fire blazing about a quarter of a mile up the road although we couldn’t tell exactly what was burning. There is a house down there and a lot of woods. The fire looked to be near where we thought the house was but we just couldn’t tell.

I ran into the house for my phone and called 911 as quick as I could. I remembered a house fire we had witnessed not too far from here about a year and a half ago and remembered how long it took the fire department to get there, being several miles from the nearest town. I had a little trouble with 911. My call went through to Buffalo County emergency services but when I gave my address the lady had to transfer me to Kearney County. When Kearney County picked up I gave the information again and she said she would have to transfer me to Buffalo County. I started to tell her I had just spoken to them but the Buffalo County lady was still on the line. They discussed it for a minute deciding whose territory it was and finally decided to send units from Gibbon and Minden.

That taken care of, Joni and I hopped in the truck and drove down to the fire to see if any help was needed. As we approached, we saw a car crossing the road from the fire to the house on the other side so we pulled in behind it. I asked if everything was okay over there and he said yes, the guy was just burning his brush pile. At ten o’clock at night, apparently with a large amount of gasoline or something. Well it had rained a bit that day so I guess his brush pile was all wet. The man I was talking to said he had heard my call on the scanner and I suppose he went over there to warn the guy. I got the impression that they knew each other and that my call was probably not appreciated.

So we went on back home. 10 or 15 minutes later a police car came down the road, lights and siren blazing. A few minutes after that the fire trucks began to arrive from Gibbon. There were maybe 4 or 5 in all plus an ambulance. Minden never did arrive and I assume they were called off. Even though it was a false alarm of sorts, the trucks were up there for about 45 minutes before they started pulling away again. I don’t know if they waited for it to go down or if they put it out or what. I hope nobody got in trouble for any illegal burning or something, but I don’t feel sorry for calling. For all we knew that could have been his house blazing down there.

And that was our exciting day. Omaha seemed like something from a dream after all that. It was kind of a scary deal but God was watching over and everything turned out okay.

Psalms 3:3 But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. ESV

Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." ESV

Journal - Flat Tire

Last Thursday we were off to Omaha again for my next visit to the eye doctor. It had been a week since our last trip so we were feeling fairly rested and hopeful for a good report.

The day started off very, very foggy. We left at about 7:15am and had thick fog but it only lasted until around Grand Island, thirty minutes into our trip. Then it began to lift and the rest of the day was cloudy and cool.

We got to the doctor’s at about 10:45, just in time for my appointment. They took us in pretty fast so we didn’t have to wait around. The doctor took a look and said that the infection appears to be healing a little but it’s obviously not responding as quickly as he or I would like. He decided to take some more cultures. He’s already treating my eye for just about every possible problem, something that is called “throwing the kitchen sink at it” in medical jargon, but he just wanted to make sure we hadn’t missed anything. Unfortunately, one of the culture kits wasn’t present in the office at the time and someone had to go get one from one of the other offices he keeps hours in. That meant a wait of about an hour.

We had already eaten breakfast on the way there so we waited at the office, watching tv in the waiting area. I’m a little ashamed to say it but I started getting kind of grumpy as soon as Doc said we would have to wait. And as the hour passed my mood grew worse and worse. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, I just kept thinking how our long trip just got an hour longer.

Anyway, at 12:30 they called us back in and Doc took the cultures. If you’re unfamiliar with this process, as many of you are I suppose, this involves a numbing drop on the eye and then a physical rubbing or scraping over the infected spot with a tool called a spatula. Picture someone scraping your eye with a hamburger flipper. No, it’s not that bad, the spatula is small, about the size of an artist’s small paintbrush. He repeats the process four or five times to get multiple samples to send to the lab, then an iodine drop goes in to make sure the eye is disinfected. I don’t feel it at all, but after the numbing drop wears off my eye is pretty sore and irritated the rest of the day. That didn’t take very long and then we were on our way home.

The trip home was fine up until about 20 miles east of York when we got a flat. We heard a loud noise coming from the rear of the car and Joni got us pulled over right away but of course the tire was already completely shredded. Not much you can do about that at 70 miles per hour. We got out and I put the spare on, about another 30 minutes of delay. Friendly reminder here folks, if you see a car in the break-down lane changing a tire, please pull over into the passing lane. The spare felt a little low and that caused me a few moments of disquiet, but it got us the remaining 20 miles into York where we stopped and filled it up proper. Another friendly note, the Shell station at York has free air, something you hardly ever see these days. Tire taken care of, we filled up the gas tank and grabbed a bite to eat. Then we crossed our fingers that the spare would get us the remaining hour of our journey home, which it did with no problem at all.

So our long day ended. With the day behind me I finally had time to stop and reflect on things a little bit; put things in perspective. I can think of about a hundred different things that could have made that day so much worse. A flat spare, no spare, a broken jack, an accident during the tire change, I could go on and on. God delivered us from all of that. As I thought about that I started feeling pretty bad about my sour mood over the hour wait at the doctor. God is always pretty good about helping us keep things in perspective. What an awesome God He is!

Isaiah 64:8 "But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter;
we are all the work of your hand." ESV

Isaiah 40:28 "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable." ESV

Island Earth - The Concept

Long before God gave me my sight back, I began thinking that it would be pretty cool to become an audiobook narrator. Those of you who know me are already familiar with my experiences with audiobooks and how enjoyment I got from them. If you don’t know me, go and check out my other blog Audiobook-Heaven. The more I listened to audiobooks, the more I began to think that would be a pretty awesome career. Getting paid to read books, can you imagine? Okay, I know there’s a lot more to it than just reading a book, but it still sounds cool. I kept telling myself that if (when) I ever got my sight back I would give it a try, if not as a career then at least for fun.

Well, today marks the beginning of what I hope will become my next great adventure. This is the day that I stop thinking, and start doing. The concept is basically to find stories to narrate, and then narrate them.

Finding the stories is not as difficult as you might think. There’s this thing called Project Gutenberg. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s this great project that gathers together stories and books that are no longer under copyright and makes them freely available to anyone in the form of ebooks that can be downloaded from their website. Many of the stories are older ones where the author has died and none of his family kept up the copyrights on his work, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s just work that an author decided it wasn’t worth keeping a copyright on, perhaps something that didn’t sell very well.

At any rate, the stories have no copyrights so anyone can use them for pretty much anything they want. Their terms and conditions are clearly spelled out and there are almost no restrictions at all. I learned about this from one of my audiobook contacts who does something very similar to what I’m considering. So that’s where the stories come from.

Step two is prepping the book. I’ll begin by reading the story all the way through as I would normally read it. This will be done on the computer of course where I can enlarge the text because my eyesight is still a little rough. Then I’ll go through the story a second time, this time making a list of the characters and highlighting each character’s dialogue in a different color so I’ll be able to tell at a glance exactly who is speaking. I’ll also make some basic notes like ANGRY so I’ll know I need to use an angry voice or something like that. Finally, I’ll mark break points. The whole story won’t be recorded in one take so I’ll need to mark the breaks where I can stop and rest. That way when I make a mistake I don’t have to redo the whole thing, only a small part of it. I can do all this in Microsoft Word, but I’m going to look around and see if there’s something that might be tailored a little more for this specific kind of work. I’ll ask some of the narrators that hang out at Audiobook Community.

Then will come the actual recording, and this is the part that worries me. I don’t have a recording studio in my home so I’ll probably have a hard time getting good quality recordings. I’m going to try it in our basement. One of the rooms down there is carpeted so I think that will be my best shot. I need to decide what recording software to use, another question for the narrators, and also get a decent microphone. From there it will be pure trial and error; getting used to reading out loud, familiarizing myself with the software, figuring out ways to block out the background noise, and all that stuff.

The finished product, assuming there ever is any, will go onto the internet for people to download and listen to. I won’t try to charge for it of course, not at first anyway. If it catches on at some point, then who knows. Right now the idea is to get my voice out there where people can hear it. Eventually, it might fall upon the right pair of ears, or when I become more comfortable with it I can make a demo disk to send to the audiobook publishers.

Right now I’m thinking that this will be a separate venture from Audiobook-Heaven, so I’ll probably create a new blog specifically for it. I already decided a long time ago to call it Island Earth Audio. Why Island Earth? I dunno, I just think it sounds neat. Also, there’s an old song called “This Island Earth” that I’ve always liked a lot. I think that’s where the idea came from originally. There’s also an old black and white sci-fi movie with that same title although I’ve never seen it. The logo will be a cartoony looking palm tree beside a cartoony looking planet earth.

So that’s the concept. I’m hoping it will turn into something special, but if it doesn’t I think I’ll have fun doing it anyway. And really, it all comes down to God in the end. If this is what he wants me to do then it will catch on, and if it’s not then it won’t. I’ll be praying about it and asking God for direction. And if you feel like sending up a little prayer for it as well, then all the better.

John 9:31 We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him. ESV

Isaiah 30:21 And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. ESV

Journal - Progressing Nicely

On Thursday, December 8, I had my monthly follow-up with Dr. Feilmeier at the Kearney Eye Institute. My eye has been looking and feeling great so I was expecting another good report. On this visit, I was particularly looking forward to seeing the Institutes ophthalmologist, Dr. Von (or Vaughn or Vaughan, I’m not sure about the spelling). During my November visit with Dr. Feilmeier, I asked him when we could start thinking about eyeglasses, expecting him to say “after 6 months” or something. To my surprise, he said we could go ahead anytime, as long as I understood that the cornea is still healing, and the prescription I get will probably need to be changed after about 6 months. So anyway, we made an appointment with Dr. Von; to see him on the same day I would next see Dr. Feilmeier: December 8th. I had Dr. Von at 10am and Dr. Feilmeier at 11:15.
There was still quite a bit of snow on the ground from last Saturday’s snowfall, but the roads were in pretty good shape. We got to the Institute right on time; just as a few small flakes began to fall.
Dr. Von’s nurse took me through all the usual tests and dilated my eyes. Then Dr. Von came in and took a look at the results. He told me right up front that based on the tests, he wasn’t sure if glasses would help me enough at this point to be worthwhile. The first thing he did was take a look at my cornea through the microscope to see what kind of shape I was in. He remarked several times that the cornea looked great. He said he often sees transplant cases a few months after to refract them for glasses, and he had seen very few that looked as good as mine, especially considering my surgery was only two months ago. He went ahead and refracted me then, and just as he thought, my best vision with glasses was somewhere between 20/50 and 20/70: an improvement to be sure, but perhaps not worth doing yet. He made out the prescription and said we could talk to Dr. Feilmeier about it to see what he thought.
As Dr. Von was looking through the microscope he also mentioned that the transplanted lens, not the cornea but the inner lens where cataracts form, was beginning to cloud up a bit. He said this is not uncommon, in fact it occurs in about 70% of cataract removals. As it turns out, when they remove the cataract, they actually leave an almost microscopically thin layer of membrane from the backside of the lens. This helps the eye respond more favorably to the implanted replacement lens, but they often cloud up a few months after surgery. Dr. Von explained that this is not a problem at all, all they have to do is laser the membrane to punch a small hole through it, but they will typically wait a few more months when the cornea is more fully healed. He explained that part of my blurriness right now is due to my new cornea, but it is also partially the result of that cloudy membrane. I should note that my vision does not seem cloudy at all, but Dr. Von said that’s one reason why glasses won’t me very much right now.
Anyway, then it was on to Dr. Feilmeier. In between doctors we looked out the window and saw that the snow was now falling quite heavily and really beginning to cover things again.
Dr. Feilmeier took a look at my eye, and once again said that it is doing very nicely. By this time I had already pretty much decided not to bother with glasses yet. As we talked with Dr. Feilmeier however, I got the impression that he really wanted me to get some. He finally came right out and said that he liked the idea of glasses just to have something over my eye to reduce the possibility of injury from bumps and the like. I asked about the strength of the prescription and if that was something I might be able to pick up at Walmart or Walgreen’s. He thought that was a good idea and said if I could get some over-the-counter reading glasses with a strength of +4 or +5, that would still give me some improvement. He dialed up a +5 on the eye tester thingy to show me what it would look like and it did help some. He said Walmart or Walgreen’s might not carry anything as strong as a +5, but if I asked, they might be able to special order it. Sounds like a good deal all around: I will get some improvement in my vision, get a little protection for my eye, and only have to spend about $10 or so. So that’s what I’ll do. By the time we left the Institute the snow was really coming down and the streets were completely covered so we decided to just head home and shop for glasses some other time. It was a slow, careful trip home, but we made it safe and sound at about 12 o’clock.
So I was really looking forward to getting the glasses and having almost normal vision, but it didn’t quite work out that way. Am I disappointed? Not even a little bit. My eye is progressing very nicely, and I’m still happy just to be seeing at all. Dr. Feilmeier’s nurse said something that really struck me; she said she wanted to show me to their patients who complain that their vision is only 20/25. She told us about one lady who brought in her daughter, I can’t remember the girl’s age, about 12 or so I think. The woman actually broke down and cried when she found out that her daughter would have to wear glasses. It’s just sad the way our society puts so much pressure on us to be “normal”. The nurse said she wondered how that lady will react when something REALLY happens to her daughter. And that poor girl will probably grow up thinking that her glasses are something to be ashamed of. People spend so much time worrying and complaining about what they don’t have or what they can’t do that they completely forget about all the good things they have.
So that was our exciting trip to Kearney! Dr. Feilmeier’s next trip to Kearney will be on January 12 and I have an 11am appointment.
Until then, do me a favor…spend a few minutes thinking about the good things in your life. Oh, and don’t forget to tell God how glad you are that you have them!

Isaiah 44:3 For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. ESV

John 1:16 And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. ESV

Inspirations - Penn State Woes

Well, the big news this week has been the tragic events that were recently uncovered at Penn State University. I confess that I don’t know all of the details, but what I gathered was that a member of Penn State’s football coaching staff was discovered to have been sexually molesting young boys for a number of years. Other members of the coaching staff were aware of this and either did nothing at all, or didn’t do enough to stop what was going on. One of these was none other than head coach Joe Paterno.
I can only imagine the anger, confusion, and frustration that must have rocked the University, and probably the entire city of State College, as this story unfolded. Of course, the result was a major house cleaning at Penn State, which is still ongoing. It was announced just a few days ago that legendary head coach Joe Paterno, at the age of 84, had also been fired after 45 years as head coach.
Which brings us to Saturday’s football game: Nebraska versus Penn State. All week long there was a lot of speculation about what might happen at the game. Would angry fans be looking to cause trouble? Would angry players be looking to hurt someone? Should the game be called off? One night on the news, there were some Husker fans saying that they were going to the game, but would not wear red in case Penn State fans might want to single someone out. On another newscast, a reporter voiced his opinion that it was good that the game had an early (11am) kickoff so that maybe people would be less likely to drink alcohol before or during the game. The truth is, no one really knew what to expect, but a lot of people were preparing for the worst.
We didn’t have to wait long for those fears to be laid to rest. Several minutes before the scheduled kickoff time, both football teams walked onto the field in Pennsylvania and shook hands. This is traditionally done at the end of a game. After the hand shaking, the players and coaches huddled together and knelt for prayer, led by Nebraska assistant coach Ron Brown. As they all knelt, a large crowd of Penn State alumni, former football players I believe, gathered around in an incredible display of support and solidarity. I don’t have cable TV so I didn’t get to see this, but I listened on the radio and you could have heard a pin drop in that stadium. I never knew 108,000 people could be so quiet.
Even as the game began, the crowd was eerily quiet. Nebraska sideline announcer Lane Grendel commented later in the game that “It was almost as if people didn’t know how they should act.” That seems a very appropriate description to me. Is it okay to cheer and make noise at such a time? Eventually, the crowd decided that indeed it was okay as they began to cheer on their teams, and I think it was the right decision. Even in the face of such tragedy, life must go on.
I can’t think of a more perfect way that this game could have begun: the teams coming together, the prayer, the silence. Could it be any more obvious that the hand of God was at work this day? What an awesome reminder that His love and mercy can overcome any trial, and what a perfect way for Him to reach hundreds of thousands of people with that message. Can I get an Amen?
Well, I hate to see my team lose, but this is one time when I wouldn’t have been too sad to see Nebraska take a loss. I’m not ashamed to admit that a part of me was rooting for Penn State. It wasn’t to be however, Nebraska ended up winning by the narrow margin of 17-14. In the final few minutes of the game, it actually looked like the Nittany Lions just might pull it off. I’m glad they made a good game of it anyway. And I hope the solemnity of the game’s beginning can begin the healing process in Pennsylvania. My prayers will still be with the victims in all this, those poor little boys, and their families. I have to assume that it will take a bit more for their own healing to begin.

Isaiah 30:20 And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. ESV

John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. ESV

Related Links
Read the full transcript of Ron Brown’s pre-game prayer.

TAGS inspirations, god, football, penn state, Isaiah, John

Miracles

If you know me personally, or if you’ve been following my blog lately, then you already know that I was recently the recipient of a miracle. I have a long history of problems with my eyes going all the way back to 1995 when I was diagnosed with keratoconus, a condition of the corneas. I was twenty-four years old at the time and spent the next 14 years dealing with that and other eye problems. Finally, in June of 2009, I was completely blind. I was blind for two and a half years until finally receiving surgery about four weeks ago that restored the vision in my right eye.
Yes, it was a doctor who performed the surgery that gave me my sight back, but I still consider it a miracle because the hand of God was very evident throughout.
During the two-and-a-half years that I was blind, God did a lot of work on me, and there was a lot of work to do. He taught me a lot about patience. Being blind takes a lot of patience; you have to learn new ways to do things like walking and eating and using the computer. More importantly, I learned how to be patient with God; how to wait for Him to do things in His own time, just like it says in Isaiah 30:18:

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him.”

God also taught me a lot about humility. When you’re blind, you have to ask for help. A lot. That’s something I was never very good at; I always like to do things myself, but it is part of God’s will for us to help each other, and to ask each other for help. It strengthens the body of Christ when we are all working together in that way, just like it says in Romans 12:16:

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

And, of course, I learned how important it is to ask God Himself for help.
I could go on and on about all the different things God taught me through my blindness, and maybe one of these days I will, but that’s not really what I came here to talk about today. Today’s topic is miracles.
While I was blind, Joni and I had family and friends literally all across the country praying for us, and who had their churches praying for us. That’s really what it’s all about; the body of Christ coming together for a common purpose, and when that happens—well, that’s when miracles occur. God didn’t restore my sight just to make me happy. No, He did it so that all of those people could witness it; so that everyone could understand what a miracle this was and so that He could be glorified through it. In chapter 9 of the book of John, there’s a story of Jesus healing a blind man. The disciples asked Jesus why the man was blind, was it because of his sin or because of his parents’ sin. In verse 3 of that passage, Jesus tells them:

Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

If God doesn’t receive the glory for my healing, then it was all for nothing. It is now my duty, I believe, to make sure that as many people as possible witness the miracle that has occurred in my life. If you are reading this right now, then God has chosen you to be one of those witnesses. The big question is what are you going to do with that? Are you going to forget about it as soon as you click away from this page? Or are you going to go out into the world and tell somebody what a great and merciful God we serve? I hope it will be the latter. And remember, if you are waiting for a miracle of your own, you need to get as many people as possible involved. Get them praying for you. Ask them for help. Through God’s grace and glory, truly miraculous things can happen.

Dream Diary - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I had a couple of unusual dreams the last two nights, both involving my hair.
On Monday night, I dreamed that my hair was falling out. Not just a little bit, but in large clumps. It was kind of like when Sassie is in full-blown shedding mode and you can’t even touch her without getting a handful of hair. In the dream, I would run my hand through my hair and big clumps would come out.
I used to have dreams about my teeth falling out. For several years I had a lot of trouble with my teeth. Then, about a year ago, I finally got them fixed up; as you may recall I had three pulled and one crowned. Since then I haven’t had any more dreams about my teeth. I don’t know what prompted this dream about my hair though. I’m not having any trouble with that as far as I know.
Then, On Tuesday night, I had a dream about going to the barber. It was an unusual barber shop however, more closely resembling an office setup, a large room with open work stations all around. The whole place was dimly lit, which is common in my dreams now that I think about it. My barber was Ken, who I worked with at UPS.
Anyway, I sat down and Ken shampooed my hair like some barbers do. He didn’t rinse the shampoo out though. He left for a while, leaving me sitting there with soapy hair. I sat there for a long time, with Ken popping up now and again. Through dream logic, I began to understand that Ken didn’t know how to cut hair and he was trying to find someone to show him what to do, but I guess he couldn’t find anyone.
I sat in the chair for a long time until it was time for the place to close and everyone was leaving. I finally rinsed my hair out myself. My friend Jon Nutter showed up. He was trying to reassure me that someone would take care of my hair; he was one of the barbers there. Ken finally showed up again with a man I believe was the owner. He said I would get $3.50 off my next haircut. I wasn’t very happy with that, but that’s about all I remember.
Pretty strange dreams, and unusual that they happened two nights in a row. I don’t really sit around obsessing about my hair like I used to do with my teeth, although I do sometimes wonder what it looks like now. I know my hairline is receding and I wonder how noticeable it is, and I wonder how much gray is starting to show since I last saw it.
Well, I didn’t really care for either of those dreams, so I hope they don’t become a regular thing.

Judges 16:17 And he told her all his heart, and said to her, “A razor has never come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother's womb. If my head is shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any other man.” ESV

Isaiah 55:1 "“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. ESV