Men's Fraternity Week 23

Men’s Fraternity
Week #23 – Practical Step of Manhood



Introduction:

Malachi 4:6
And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.

Four week focus:

To take action by leaving a godly legacy of faith, hope and love through the art of letter writing.

Our definition of the word “Blessing”: It is the unmerited, undeserved favor of God.

Four Biblical Principles Concerning the Blessings of God

2 Timothy 1:2-3
I am writing to Timothy, my dear son. May God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord give you grace, mercy, and peace. Timothy, I thank God for you – the God I serve with a clear conscience, just as my ancestors did. Night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.

1. We are to ask for the blessings of God.
1. His favor.
2. His power.
3. His protection.
2. We are to recognize the blessings of God.
1. Cultivate a thankful heart.
Psalm 127:3 Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Proverbs 18:22 The man who finds a wife finds treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 1:8-9 My son, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.
3. We are to receive the blessings of God.
Three prerequisites to do this are:
1. Fear and revere God.
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.
2. Trust God.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.

3. Obey God.
1 Peter 1:14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance
• God wants us to give Him [trust Him with] our:
• Time
• Talent
• Treasure [money]
4. We are to give the blessings to others.
Proverbs 11:25 Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.

Exercise: 15 min.
Take the time we have left and use the fill in blanks and write why you are blessed to have your wife as your wife. If you are not married, write this letter to your oldest child, a sibling, mentor, teacher, pastor, etc…

”I am blessed because…

Sharing: 5 min.
I want each of you men to share 3 reasons why you are blessed to have your wife as your wife, or sibling, friend, etc…

Before next week

By next week I want you to set up a time with your wife or whoever you wrote the letter to. If you ave the courage, take that letter and read it out loud. Then pray a prayer of blessing over the moment. See what God does in that moment.

Men's Fraternity Week 21

Men’s Fraternity
Week #21 - Review

Introduction

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

Hebrews 2:1
Therefore we must pay closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.

Discussion:

When your alarm goes off in the morning do you immediately shut it off and get out of bed, or do you hit the snooze button? How many times do you hit the snooze button?

• The effectiveness of the alarm is in direct correlation to how much you don’t want to hear it!
• We are going to review the journey we have taken through the 33 Series and ask ourselves – Have I pushed the snooze button?

I. Man and His Design

1. God’s call to Every Man!

Philippians 2:5-8
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God something to be grasped, [Rejected Passivity] but emptied himself by taking form of servant, being born in likeness of men. [Accepted Responsibility] And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. [Lead Courageously] Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name. Invest Eternally


2. Four Faces of Manhood

Acts 13:36
For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep.


• King - Righteous Energy
Proverbs 20:7
The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!

• Warrior - Courageous Energy
1 Corinthians 9:26-27
So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

• Lover - Relational Energy
1 Thessalonians 2:7-9
But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.

• Friend - Connecting Energy
Proverbs 17:17; 27:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
3. Seasons

Psalms 90:12
So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Transitions between stages of Life.

• Spring: 0-20 - Identity
• Summer: 20’s-30’s - Learning and Growing
• Fall: 40’s-60’s - Influence
• Winter: 60’s-beyond - Sage


4. Man and His Story

Psalms 34:4, 6
I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.

Events and Experiences that have shaped your life!


• Look back to make peace with your wounds.
• Father wound
• Mother wound
• Loneliness wound
• Heart wound
• Dealing and Healing of Wounds.


5. Man and His Traps

Jeremiah 2:13
for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.

Looking deep into our heart idols in our lives and the traps we get entangled in.
• Control idol
• Significance idol
• Comfort idol


6. Answering the Alarm

Ephesians 5:14-16
Therefore it says, ‘Awake, O sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’ Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

The way we are designed by our Creator is that we are built to live for something greater than ourselves. We are wired to outlive our life!
• Discover the Transcendent Cause – Reject passivity.
• Leverage your influence now – Accept responsibility/Lead Courageously.
• Invest for eternity - Make an eternal difference in the lives of those around you!

Discussion:

Why is it difficult for us to hear and respond to the early warning alarms God puts in our lives?

What alarms sounded off in your life through this series?

As we reviewed our 33 Journey of these past weeks, where have you seen yourself pressing the snooze in your life? What do you need to wake up instead of pressing snooze?

Men's Fraternity Week 17

Men’s Fraternity
Week #17 XXX

INTRODUCTION

• Pornography has a stranglehold on the American Culture!
• Stats from Lifeway Research and Education Database. (Jan 2013)
  
  
  • $3,075.63 is spent on pornography every second.
  • Most popular weekday for viewing porn is Sunday.
  • Percentage of men age 18-34 that visit porn sites in a given month - 70%
  • Percentage of Christian men who view porn regularly - 70%
  • Percentage of men who say viewing porn is acceptable behavior - 67%

Men of all ages, ethnicities, professions and income levels are willingly infecting their hearts and minds with images that are addictive, destructive, and in some cases, criminal.

Matthew 5:27
Jesus addressed this issue: ”You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’”

1. Sexuality is where we are most vulnerable; we experience the most shame and exhibit the greatest secrecy.
2. In the past you had to go our of your way to acquire pornography, today you have to go out of your way to avoid sexual images.
3. Perceived anonymity and pervasive accessibility has made pornography bigger than ever before.

I. SUSCEPTIBLE BRAINS AND DISCONNECTED HEARTS

a. Susceptible Brains

• God designed our brains to be stimulated visually by the beauty of the female body.

Proverbs 5:15-19
”Drink from the water of your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in love.”

• When a man views pornography, pleasure chemicals are released in his brain in amounts that far exceed normal levels.
• You quickly build up a tolerance to the same old stuff you’ve seen and to get the old high you’ll have to push the boundaries.
• You are not alone. This should strike shame at its root because we are all in the same boat and have the capacity for this stuff.

b. Disconnected Hearts

• Pornography is an outward act indicating a deeper need in us. The deep need is intimacy with God and others.
• A man disconnected from God and others is a man either struggling with or extremely vulnerable to sexual temptation.
• A man connected to God and trustworthy men, you will find a man nobly fighting the battle of lust.

II. ACTIVATING THE NOBLE FIGHT AGAINST LUST

a. We’ve got to ADMIT the sin and pursue ruthless honesty beginning with ourselves and with trustworthy men.

• Breaking the hold comes when we remove our mask and provide opportunity for truth and hope.

Psalm 32:3-5
”When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity, I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.’”

• When we don’t share, our hearts are disconnected, we live life alone and in isolation - turn to pornography to medicate our pain.

b. Identify the broken promises (lies) of pornography.

• To change we have to go beyond the “what” of our sin [I am looking at porn] and get to the “why” [porn promises to meet some need in me].

Matthew 15:19-20
”For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person.”

c. Move from the broken promises of lust to repentance to something better.

2 Corinthians 7:10
”For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”

• Worldly grief – produces death.
  
  • Negative consequences of pornography do not produce change because they lack the ability to affect repentance. Must go beyond saying, “I have sinned.”
• Godly grief produces repentance leading to salvation…
  
  • Repentance is what happens on the inside; it is not an effort to change behavior through a process of steps or muscle training.

Colossians 3:5
”Put to death therefore what is earthly in you, sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness which is idolatry.”

• Repentance involves a change of authority, and adjustment in who rules.

John 8:34, 36
”Truly, truly, I say to you everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin… So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

• We are so powerless to make change that repentance is impossible apart from God’s work.

Jeremiah 13:23
Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard his spots? Then also you can do good who are accustomed to do evil.

Matthew 5:3
”Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

• Repentance is a call for brokenness and a radically inward change toward God.

Psalm 51:17
”The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise.”

Discussion:

Reflect on this statement: “Show me a man disconnected from God, from his wife, and from others and I’ll show you a man either struggling with, or extremely vulnerable to, sexual temptation. But show me a man connected to God, his wife, and trustworthy men and I’ll show you a man who has a chance to fight the noble fight.” What are you experiencing? Discuss.

How does the above relate to Proverbs 18:1 “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”?

Have you known “worldly sorrow” or “Godly sorrow” when dealing with sin? Discuss the difference.

Which of the 3 Deep Idols [control, significance, and comfort] is at the root of your battle with sexual temptation? What false promise can lust use to lure you (i.e. escape, validation, power, acceptance, comfort)?

Share with your group one or two strategic moves that you need to make in order to apply what you have learned in this session.

Men's Fraternity Week 13

Men’s Fraternity
Week #13 Idols

Pastor Brian began our first session of the new year with this video from the Skit Guys.



Exodus 20:3
You shall have no other gods before me.

Psalm 106:36
They served their idols which became a snare to them.

1. Goals for this session:

• Discuss some key realities that are foundational to the traps that a man faces in life.
• Describe a framework for understanding temptations in the life of a man.
• To help get to the root issue. The sin beneath the sin.

Questions for Discussion:
1. Many men live in both shame and guilt while hiding from those around them. Why would men abandon the “abundant life” that is available in Jesus Christ for idols that trap them in bondage? (Some examples of these idols are: workaholism, pornography and other addictions, desperate need for approval, disappointment with life or fear of failure).

2. Why would we ever choose anything other than God’s best for our lives?

2. Key Realities:

a. In order to experience ultimate freedom you must practice ruthless honesty.

2 Samuel 10:11
And he said, “If the Syrians are too strong for me, then you shall help me, but if the Ammonites are too strong for you, then I will come and help you.

[Praying for others is good but you must also be willing to step in and help others in need.]

David White puts it this way: “All of us live in fear of exposure. We don’t want the worst things about us to be made known. We posture and wear masks. We establish elaborate facades and hide behind our good deeds. This refusal to be truly known and exposed keeps us stuck in our sin.”

b. There’s no such thing as a life apart from struggle and temptation.

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.

c. Understand grace.

[Grace can be defined as unmerited favor granted to us by God.]

Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

d. Authentic manhood is primarily about heart change.

• The noble fight against sin and temptation is not just about behavior modification.
• For instance, God doesn’t want us just to stop lying He wants us to love the truth!
• Behavior modification without heart change is dangerous.

3. The Framework of Idolatry

• An idol can be anything, even a good thing. [The idol itself is not necessarily evil. Like guns: guns are not evil, it’s what we do with them.]
• Idolatry is built on a lie. [This will make me feel better, help me achieve my goals, etc.]
• Idols come from legitimate desires that are being expressed in inappropriate ways.
• Idols can be divided into two categories, or what Pastor Tim Keller calls surface idols and deep idols.

Examples of Deep Idols

• Control

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

• Significance

Galatians 1:10
If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men. [This follows closely with my own life verse 2 Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed rightly handling the word of truth.]

• Comfort

Questions for Discussion:
1. The idols that we face are tempting us with relentless intensity throughout life. Which of the idols discussed above is one that is a consistent area of struggle for you? Practice “ruthless honesty” on this one!

[I volunteered that one of my most difficult idols to overcome is money: something that I think and worry about too much and that I have the most difficulty giving over to God. Another man at my table mentioned Control and it was generally agreed upon that some control is probably necessary in most situations but we also have to understand that things will not always go as planned and we need to be flexible.]

2. It has been said that we are only “as unhealthy as our secrets.” Do you agree or disagree with that statement? Why or why not?

[A couple of the men at my table started talking about secrets and were of the opinion that some secrets are better left unsaid as bringing them to light will only cause more harm. I’m not really sure what to think about that. I think it really comes down to trust, if you’re sharing your secrets with someone you truly trust with your heart and soul then that person won’t judge you for it or be hurt by it; they will help you to rise above it.]

3. Share one or more of the idols that you would like others to be praying for your concerning. Then take a few minutes together and pray before heading out for the rest of your day.

Magic of the Corn

Okay, so back in October of 2009 I wrote a little story that I called “Children of the Corn” for my blog. It was just some of my childhood memories of growing up on the farm. I’ve always been rather fond of that little piece. I can’t remember when the idea first struck me to submit it to a magazine to see if they would publish it, but I suppose it’s been in the back of my mind for a long time.

Well, back in January of this year I came across a publication called Country magazine. I can’t remember where I came across that either. Anyway, I thought that sounded like a likely place to publish a story about growing up on the farm, so I looked them up online and found that you could submit things to them via email. So on January 26 I emailed them a copy, not really expecting anything.

Yesterday, August 22, I received a big envelope in the mail with a return address that said “Country.” I opened it up and sure enough, there was a letter informing me that they had accepted my story along with a copy of the issue that it is now published in, the September 2013 issue of Country Extra. I was so excited! I opened up the magazine and found my story on page 47. Granted, what they actually printed is a largely chopped and edited version of what I submitted, but it’s pretty cool seeing my name in there.

Anyway, here’s a scanned copy of page 47 of the September 2013 issue of Country Extra magazine, which features a story called “Magic of the Corn”, story by Steven Brandt, Minden, Nebraska. The photo is not mine, but I kind of like it.

Click here to view my original posting of “Children of the Corn.”



Psalms 13:5-6 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. NIV

Psalms 16:2 I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.” ESV

When Things Come Together

So, I mentioned a few days ago that we bought a new car. Okay, it’s an old car, a 1997 to be exact, but it’s new to us, and aside from moving into a new home, getting a new car is probably one of the more exciting moments in a person’s life. We were especially excited about this one because it’s such a beautiful car and the owner wasn’t asking an unreasonable amount of money for it, as many people do when selling their old car.

Joni and I have been together for 11 years now and we’ve always just had one car, my ’99 Explorer. That wasn’t so bad because for the first few years my job wasn’t far from home, only 7 miles, and I could be home in a few minutes if something came up. Then for the last couple of years that I worked for UPS I couldn’t drive because of my failing eyesight and Joni dropped me off and took the truck back home. Then I didn’t work at all for about 4 years and we had no need for a second car. But last September, when I started working at Walmart, it started to bother me a little going off to work in Kearney and leaving Joni out here on the farm 17 miles away with nothing. But we knew we couldn’t buy another car so we just made do and luckily there were no emergencies.

Working in the Walmart parking lot, I naturally see lots of cars every day, and some of them have for sale signs in their windows. I would typically give them a glance and walk on by. They were always too new and therefore too expensive, or old junkers that their owners thought were worth a lot of money. Up until August 6th, that is.

On that fateful day I walked by another car with a for sale sign in the window. On this particular occasion I actually stopped to look twice because it was a really nice looking car, and on that second look I saw that the owner had put a price of $1600 on the sign. Now, even a price of $500 would have been too much for me, but I thought that $1600 wouldn’t be a great deal to borrow as opposed to four or five thousand. So the wheels started turning in my head.

In my previous post I already talked about how I borrowed the money and had my brother look at the car and everything, so I won’t go into that again. Instead, I wanted to talk a little about the greater forces at play here. Some might call it coincidence, or serendipity, but I prefer to think of it as God at work. One of my favorite bible verses is Jeremiah 29:11 where it says For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. If we put our trust in the Lord, He will always provide for our basic needs but I also believe that, on occasion, He will provide us with something that we want, as long as it doesn’t go against His plans for us.

Now, let me explain a little bit about how my job works. I’m one of those guys that rounds up shopping carts from the parking lot and brings them back up to the store. Our parking lot has 12 rows that you can park in. The parking lot is divided in half and as cart pushers we work one side or the other. In other words, if the owner of this car had parked on the other side of the lot that day, I would never have seen it. Let’s take it a step further. On August 8th, I was working the south side of the lot, covering rows 5, 6, and 7. One of my coworkers was covering 3 and 4 that day, and rows 1 and 2 don’t really get any carts in them. That man had to park in one of those 3 rows for me to see his car. Also, I only worked a 5 hour shift that day, from 2pm to 7pm, so he had to come during that time. And if he had come during my break, I would have missed him. But as things worked out, he and I both were in the right place at the right time.

Before I bought this car, I really wanted my brother to look at it since he used to be a mechanic. No small task that, because he and I both work and we both have odd days off. I had no idea if there would be any way to coordinate our days off so that we could get together on this. But every detail was already worked out in advance. I saw the car on a Tuesday and, as it turned out, my brother and I both had the day off on Thursday. Also, my brother lives in Axtel, a 20 or 25 mile drive from Kearney and I didn’t know if the owner would be okay with me taking it all the way Axtel to get it checked out. But he had no problem with that at all; he was a very kind and friendly man of 70 years.

On the day we went to the man’s house to look at the car, we noticed right away that the $1600 signs had been changed for $1400 ones, another good portent. And after we got back from Axtel and told him we wanted the car, he agreed to take $1300 for it. A savings of $300, which exactly covered the brake work it needed. I got that brake work done on Saturday, by the way, there’s a shop right next to Walmart where I could drop it off and walk over to work. The whole process just worked out very neatly. Call if coincidence if you want, but I know better. The whole thing brings to mind October of 2011, when after years of waiting, everything suddenly came together and I got the surgery that restored my eyesight.

It really is an amazing thing to see God at work like that. I’m sure that, like me, you’ve tried to do things in the past that no matter how hard you tried it just didn’t seem to work out. And then to see how easily God can put something together, it’s just mind-boggling.

Does God care if we have two cars or one? I don’t really know, but this has been a powerful reminder to me of God’s omniscience, omnipresence, and omnipotence. A reminder that we all need from time to time I suppose. And thanks for the car, God, we’ll take good care of it.

Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. ESV

Psalms 139:7-8 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. ESV

Journal - Surgery

Okay so I had my pre-op physical with no trouble. These pre-ops are really not much of a physical at all. All he did today was check my ears, nose, and throat, take my blood pressure and that was about it. Last time there was also blood work but I guess that was not required this time. The Dr.’s office in Omaha faxed them some instructions on what was needed. Oh, my weight today was 174! I bet it’s been twenty years since my weight was that low. I weighed in at 190 to 195 for a long time. Pushing those shopping carts around is doing me some good.

Anyway, I was a little rushed earlier so there were a few things I didn’t get to go over.

The surgery I’m having is called an Enucleation. You can look that up online if you’re curious. I read about it and what they do is kind of gross. Basically the eye is removed and replaced with an implant. The implant will be attached to my eye muscles so that the fake eye will move and track with my good eye. I’m told that once the prosthesis, which comes later, is inserted it will be hard to tell that it’s not a natural eye. There’s another type of removal surgery called Evisceration where they take out the muscles and everything so I guess this one is better.

When the doctor first dropped this on me I cried, but now that the surgery is scheduled and some plans have been made I’m feeling a little better about the whole thing. I suppose I’ll feel even better tomorrow afternoon once it’s all done.

So let’s see…surgery is at 1pm tomorrow. We have to be there at 12:30 so I can have a little time to talk to the doctor. Oh, I didn’t mention that, did I? Dr. Feilmeier will not be doing this surgery, it will be one of his associates, a Dr. Kathleen Hodges or something like that. I’ve never met her. I wish Dr. Feilmeier could do it but I understand that this is not his specialty. Anyway, I expressed a desire to meet with the doctor before the surgery so that’s why we need to be there a little early. Dr. Feilmeier told me that he can handle my follow-ups.

We don’t have to stay over in Omaha for this one; it’s an afternoon surgery and the first follow-up appointment won’t be until Friday, which we’ll have to drive to Omaha again for. If all is well up to that point my next visit will be with Dr. Feilmeier when he comes to Kearney next Thursday.

I can’t eat anything after midnight tonight. By the time we leave the surgery center it will be at least 3pm. I guess I’ll be pretty hungry by then. Last time my surgery was early in the morning so that wasn’t so bad.

After I got the news this morning I called my boss at Walmart to explain the situation. I told her about surgery tomorrow and that I will most likely not be able to work at all this week and beyond that I don’t really know what to expect. I was very frank with her and told her that I would understand if they needed to hire someone else and get them working. I am, after all, only a temporary employee for now and we’re getting into the busy season here. She told me that they had just been talking about this earlier (since I have already missed a couple of days for trips to Omaha) and they had decided that they think I’m a good employee and will be willing to work with me on this. Pretty good news seeing as how I’ve only been there a little over two months.

I said before that I am a thinker and planner and I suppose that’s my lesson for today since I have apparently not learned it yet. We can think and plan and fret and worry until the cows come home but it’s all for nothing. God will do the thinking and planning for us and, if we are wise, we won’t have to fret and worry at all. I have to keep reminding myself that He can see the whole picture while I only see a little bit of it.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. I’ll probably be writing more this week since I’ll have a lot of free time on my hands. Good thing too because I need to catch up on my audiobook reviews.

Keep the Faith, good people, and keep us in your prayers.

Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. ESV

Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. ESV

Journal - More Eye Trouble

So on Monday I had a short shift at Walmart, 10am to 3pm. When I woke up that morning my eye was still sore and there was a noticeable spot almost directly on the center of the eye. Also there was a lot of redness around the eye. If you recall from my last post this was my left eye, the one I can’t see out of. Throughout my five hour shift that day my eye started hurting more and more and by the time I got off at 3:00 it was hurting quite a lot. While driving home I had to put on my sunglasses because the light was bothering me, something I haven’t had to do in a long time. My left eye has no light perception at all, but even when one eye is blind the eyes kind of work and react to things together.

As soon as I got home I took some Aleve for the pain and called Dr. Feilmeier’s office in Omaha. They scheduled me for an appointment for the next day, Tuesday.

On Tuesday, Dr. Feilmeier confirmed my suspicion that the eye was infected. He also confirmed what I already knew, that this was a particularly aggressive infection, having come on and advanced so quickly. I’ve had lots of eye infections but this one did come on rather suddenly. He put me on Trifluridine drops, which are specifically for the herpetic infection that I typically get and also Zymaxid, which is a more general type of antibiotic. He said he wanted to see me again on Saturday. Thinking this was an odd day for an appointment I questioned him and he said he was on call that day and would be seeing patients in the morning. Apparently his office keeps someone on call every weekend and it happened to be his turn. He also mentioned the possibility of coming in for surgery sometime to have my useless left eye removed completely. I didn’t like the sound of that very much but agreed to give it some thought, although frankly I wasn’t thinking about it very seriously and was more focused on getting this infection taken care of. Obviously this infection posed no direct threat to my vision but there is always the possibility of an infection moving from one eye to the other.

Wednesday I was off again, which was good. I had another short shift on Thursday and a long one on Friday. As we get nearer to Christmas business is picking up at Walmart so even the typically slow weekdays are getting kind of busy. I was still taking Aleve regularly during this time to keep the pain under control and so wasn’t really feeling it much.

On Saturday it was back to Omaha. Dr. Feilmeier said the infection was no better and maybe even worse. Since it wasn’t responding to the eye drops he took cultures of it. At this time he told me that we should get that surgery done as soon as possible, preferably early the following week. That really floored me as I had really thought I would have plenty of time to think that over and get my mind wrapped around it. It makes a lot of sense to have that eye removed; it will never see again and it will probably just sit there and cause me problems for as long as I have it. Also getting it removed and having a prosthesis put in would improve my appearance a lot although I’ve never been much bothered by that. It makes a lot of sense logically but still it bothered me a lot that I would be losing a part of myself. There was still a small part of me that was hoping for some medical breakthrough that would allow them to fix that eye someday. A longshot I know, but there it is. Having the eye removed sounded very final to me.

Well, that decision was taken out of my hands. This infection was very serious and Dr. Feilmeier was afraid it would go completely through the cornea and get inside the eye, which would cause even more serious complications. It needed to be done, and it needed to be done quickly. He said someone would get in touch with me early the following week to schedule the surgery.

Sunday I worked 12 to 5 and it was bitterly cold and windy. I did okay though. I had my overalls and a sweatshirt and coat. I wore my boots with thermal socks, kept my hood up to protect my ears, and had a neck warmer that I can pull up over my mouth and nose. My hands got a little cold, I may need better gloves for days like that, and by about 4pm my toes were getting cold, but I made it through. Oh, I also had some hot cider in a new thermos that I had bought just for the occasion. That helped a lot.

Today, Monday, I am off again and sure enough, they called at about 9:30am. I had been thinking they would want to schedule me later in the week, maybe Thursday or Friday, but no, they want me in on Tuesday, tomorrow. Wow. Completely discombobulated once again I asked if it could be later in the week and the nurse said she would check on it and call me back.

I took a few minutes to talk to Joni about it, and my mom, and to calm myself down. After that I figured it was pointless to fight the inevitable and we may as well get it over with. I’m as ready to do it as I will ever be, I only put the nurse off because I needed a little time. This has all happened so suddenly and I’ve never been very spontaneous. I like to think and plan.

Not much later, Dr. Feilmeier called me personally to urge me to get this done quickly. I told him I was okay with it, I had just needed a little time to think and talk with people. So it’s on for tomorrow at 1pm.

This afternoon I have to go to Kearney and get another pre-op physical. I called the Doctor and they can get me in at 2:30. In fact, I need to go get ready for that so I’ll sign off for now and hopefully write a little more later.

Psalms 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. ESV

Isaiah 12:2 “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” ESV

Journal - Cold Weather

So I had my day off on Monday and I was definitely ready for it. As I mentioned previously, my feet and legs were pretty sore after my first few days on the job.

Tuesday I only worked from 10 to 3:30. I wasn’t feeling too bad when I started but by the end of my shift I was getting kind of sore again. I’ve discovered that weekdays at Walmart aren’t all that busy, especially in the morning. That’s nice because at least us cart-pushers get to take a little break in between runs to the parking lot, unlike Saturday when you pretty much have to keep going all the time. The slower pace is good if you’re sore but I can see where those days might drag a little once I get over the soreness.

Then on Wednesday I had another long 8 to 5 shift. The day started out cold so I wore jeans and a jacket but by noon it had warmed up pretty nice so I changed into some shorts that I had taken with me. I think I took my jacket off by 10 or so. Even on a slower day it doesn’t take long to get warmed up. Much of the talk among the cart-pushers this day was about the cold weather that was supposed to be coming in Thursday through the weekend. I was asking everyone what they like to wear for cold and/or rainy weather and got some good advice. Even though the pace was slow that day I was still pretty sore again by the end of my shift. My feet are holding up better but my calves have been really hurting. I can’t tell you how good it always feels when I finally get out to my car and sit down for the drive home.

Thursday I was off but Joni and I needed to go in to do the grocery shopping. I didn’t really feel up to going but I also needed to pick up some cold weather gear. I picked up some warmer socks to wear with my boots and a stocking cap, which I may or may not wear and also some good winter gloves that won’t get all wet if it gets snowy. I got a warm jacket that I hope will be waterproof enough to wear in snow or rain. It’s not as heavy as a winter coat but it’s big enough to wear layers underneath. I think that will be better so I can add or remove layers depending on how each day is. It also has a hood I can pull up to keep the cold wind off my neck and face. I also got some of that water-proofing spray for my hiking boots and I hope that will keep them reasonably dry in the rain or slush. It sounds like most of the guys like to wear winter coveralls for really cold days so I may get some of those at some point. Walmart has them for about $50 so I guess that’s not unreasonable.

Anyway, we finished our shopping and came home and had some lunch. Then I water-proofed my boots with two coats of that spray. It was indeed much colder today, only about 55 degrees as I write this at 3:30 in the afternoon. I should be all set for the weekend though with expected highs in the lower 50’s. Tomorrow I have another short day, 10 to 3:30 and then a long 8 to 5 for gameday Saturday. I hope my legs are feeling better by then; that could be a long day.

All in all I think this is a pretty good job. It’s physical, but not at all stressful like working in a kitchen or an office. We’re pretty much left to ourselves outside with nobody looking over our shoulders all the time and even on a busy day like gameday Saturdays the pace is quick but not hectic. I’ve been told that when it’s rainy or snowy or just plain cold we’re allowed to stay inside the cart bay in between runs to the parking lot. The cart bays are on each side of the building, north and south, and that’s where we bring the cars up from the lot. There’s about a four foot high roll-up door where we push the carts into the building so I guess we can just duck in there to get out of the weather when we need to. That doesn’t sound so bad and in the meantime I sure have enjoyed working out in the warm sunshing. I come home each day with my face all sunburned even though I’ve been wearing my hat. I’ve learned that you can burn a lot faster in an asphalt parking lot than you can in your garden. But like I said before, I spent enough time in the sun this summer so that the burns are always faded by the time I wake up the next morning.

Psalms 90:17 Let the favor[a] of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands! ESV

1 Corinthians 4:12 We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; ESV

Endings and Beginnings

Well, here it is, officially fall already. This summer just seemed to whiz by. Our beautiful flower gardens are now mostly dried up and dead, our one and only watermelon has been picked and consumed. The corn fields are dried up and harvest has begun. The pumpkins are still producing but I know that soon enough they will be gone too. I’m at the end of one of the most enjoyable summers of my life and that’s kind of sad as endings usually are.

Let’s do a little catching up shall we?

On Thursday, September 14, I had my checkup with Dr. Feilmeier in Kearney. It had been two months since I last saw him and things had been going well so I wasn’t expecting much news one way or the other.

The Doctor’s assistant took us in and tested me out on the eye chart and everything as usual. She put up a line on the chart and I read it, then she brought up the next line and I read that, then she put up a third and I read that one too. Then she said, “Great, we’re all done!” I was thinking “Why are we stopping, I wasn’t even struggling yet?” Imagine my surprise when she told me that was the 20/20 line! Back in July I had been testing at about 20/25 with my new glasses. That was much better than I had ever expected to see again and I wasn’t really expecting more than that. I guess God had other ideas! When Dr. Feilmeier came in he was looking at my chart and said, “Are you just showing off now or what?” I could tell he was genuinely happy for me. Happy for himself a bit too I think at having completed such a successful surgery and recovery, but also genuinely happy for me. Joni told him I had my driver’s license and he seemed sincerely happy about that too. “That’s a big step up from that stick you used to carry around isn’t it?” he commented. Then we looked at some pictures of his new baby boy, who was born around the time of my last visit in July, and we were all done. I remember back in 2008 when we had decided to move up here from Dallas and I had been wondering how I would ever find another doctor as wonderful as Dr. Hargrave, who had been taking care of my eyes for about 7 years. God was in control though, and I ended up with one that I like and trust just as much, if not more. I am reminded, once again, of Jeremiah 29:11 which says ”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

So I’m seeing 20/20 now. With that kind of vision it seems like I should be able to read anything with no trouble at all, but I do still struggle with some things. I still can’t read my comic books, for instance, without my magnifying glass. I guess that’s because the fonts are kind of funny and the contrast isn’t very good, often black on blue or purple or something instead of black on white. I don’t have any trouble at the computer unless the font is very small. I can read books and papers pretty well as long as the print isn’t too small and there’s plenty of light. Still, I’m seeing much better than I ever thought I would and you won’t hear any complaints out of me.

Last Thursday, the 20th, I got call from Walmart for a job interview. I had applied there back on August 27. I went in on the 21st for my interview and it went reasonably well. It sounded like they were prepared to offer me a job pending background and drug tests. I had told them I couldn’t drive in the dark and they sounded like they would be willing to work around that. I was there for a little over an hour and then they sent me out to a place on the east edge of Kearney that does their drug screenings for them. The manager at Walmart had told me that the test results would take a couple of days and that I should hear from them this week. Well, first thing this morning they called and asked if I could come in for orientation. The job is mine! My orientation is on Wednesday. Tomorrow I’ll have to run in and get some clothes; more jeans as I have only one decent pair, and some plain navy blue t-shirts. I suppose I’ll also have to get something warm for the winter sometime soon.

This is not a very glamorous job, I’ll be one of those people who gathers up the shopping carts from the parking lot and brings them back up to the store. Also, it pays minimum wage, which may end up being a little less than I’m getting from social security. But if this is where God wants me right now, then this is where I’ll be and I will do the job for God like it says in 1 Corinthians 10:31 ”So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” There is a plus side: I think this will be a nice easy job for me to kind of ease my way back into the work force. And who knows where it will lead. I’m guessing most Walmart employees start out as either cart-pullers or working the checkout. I would much rather be pulling carts than doing checkout. I’ll stick to my old standby here: If you don’t appreciate what God gives you, then you have no reason to expect something more, or something better. If I do this job as well as I can, and do it for God, then perhaps he will give me something better at some point. Matthew 25:21 ”His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much…”

So, I stand here on the brink of the next stage of my life. I’ll admit I’m scared. Endings are often sad, and new beginnings often are scary because you just never know what will happen. The last year of my life has been a happy and comfortable one, recovering from my surgery and enjoying my returned vision. The garden was a lot of fun this summer. Now it’s time to move on to the next thing. God likes to challenge us with new things now and then. That’s what keeps us growing and developing in our relationship with Him. It is my task, and all of ours, to trust in the Lord. Proverbs 3:5-6 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. And really, how could I not trust Him? A year ago I was blind, and now I’m seeing 20/20. Last spring I had a 3-month long infection in my eye that left no damage at all. He has carried me through everything, and I’ve never gone hungry, never had to live on the streets, never really wanted for anything. No one on Earth could do all that for me, only God, my provider, my rock, my salvation. Psalms 118:8-9 ”It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.”

Journal - Good News and Bad News

So last week was our nation’s birthday. Happy Birthday America! We didn’t go anywhere to watch fireworks but we ended up seeing quite a few anyway. Four nights in a row we could see fireworks in Kearney from our back steps. There were usually 3 or 4 different displays going on each night. They were far away of course, but it was neat seeing all those fireworks at one time. On the night of the 4th there were at least 6 different displays going and that was rather spectacular. One of those nights there was a display at a lake community just a few miles up the road from us, just this side of Fort Kearney. It was a good display and close enough so that we could see it pretty well.

It was a good way to pass the week while I waited for my new glasses to come in at the Walmart Vision Center. They finally called me on Friday to let me know that they were in, and we went in on Saturday morning to pick them up. The glasses fit fine and right away I noticed that I could see a lot more detail so I was happy with them and was anxious to get home and really try them out.

The glasses really help at the computer although it didn’t take long to discover that I would still need my magnifying glass in some cases. Sometimes the print is still too small and I also have trouble with odd fonts or with italicized print. I can read print on a piece of paper now as long as it isn’t too small and as long as the lighting is good. I was disappointed about my comic books though. Last week I had pulled out a box of comics and started reading them with the help of my magnifying glass. I was hoping my glasses would be good enough for those but it didn’t turn out that way; I still need the magnifying glass. That’s partly due to the type of font and also partly due to the lack of contrast. Instead of black on white, comics are often black on other pale colors like orange or purple or something. It’s just not quite enough contrast for me.

At any rate, I was mostly excited about getting my driver license. Now that I had my glasses we planned to go into Kearney on Monday to get my license. I had called the DMV in Minden (since we live in Kearney County) previously and found out that I would probably have to take both the written and driving tests. This was because I haven’t had a license for so long; about 3 years. I also found out that I could go to any county office to take the test. That was good because the driving examiner is only in Minden once a week, Kearney County being rather unpopulated. Their day in Minden is Wednesday and I didn’t want to wait that long.

So first thing this morning, Monday, we headed into Kearney. I’ll admit I was kind of nervous. I had been taking practice tests online and while many of the questions are pretty much common sense, just as it was when I was a kid, they also now have a lot of questions about specific fines for things like parking in a handicapped zone or riding with an unsecured child. Those were the questions I was worried about.

Well, we got to the DMV in Kearney at about 9am. I filled out the application form and gave it to the man, and then he had me do the vision test. That’s when I got the bad news. He said that with my vision being what it is, there would most likely be some heavy restrictions on my driving: daylight only, geographic restrictions, and possible maximum speed restriction. My heart kind of sank when I heard that. He also said that I would have to go to Minden for the driving part of the test. I’m not entirely clear on why, but I think it had something to do with the geographic restriction. But he went ahead and gave me the written test and I passed that with no problem. Of the 25 questions on the test, I had already seen most of them on my practice tests so it was good that I did that. The guy had already taken my picture so after the written test I was all done. He gave me a paper to take in to Minden when I go. We had kind of decided to go ahead and go straight over there and get it done, but them I remembered the driving examiner is only there on Wednesday. So that’s what we’ll be doing on Wednesday morning.

I’m pretty disappointed. A speed restriction on my license is no big deal, but daylight only will be hard. And that geographic restriction, he said it will be up to the people in Minden, but I could be restricted to driving within 5 or 10 miles of home. We don’t even live within 10 miles of a town and I think it’s safe to say there are no job openings within 10 miles of my home. Well, I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Nothing is decided yet and like the man said, it will be up to the people in Minden. Please God, let them be merciful.

Romans 8:28 we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ESV

Psalms 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. ESV

Journal - A Double Dose of Doctors

Yesterday, Thursday, I had two eye appointments, one with Dr. Vaughan and one with Dr. Feilmeier.

First was Dr. Vaughan at 11:00am. I saw Dr. Vaughan last month in hopes of getting some eyeglasses. On that visit, however, he said my eye, while healing very nicely, was still too unstable to really get good numbers for a prescription. At that time my best possible vision with glasses was around 20/30, very good indeed. Well, let me tell you, on yesterday’s visit I got all the way down to 20/30 on the eye chart, with no correction at all. I was simply amazed. I knew my eye was getting better all the time but I had no idea it was that good. Dr. Vaughan ran me through the tests and said that with glasses I could get up to 20/25. My eye is still very unstable though, as shown by the big change since last month. He said that before giving me a prescription he would really like to have one more set of numbers, making it three in all, so that he could kind of average them together. He recommended one more visit in a week at which time he would go ahead and make out a prescription for me. Aside from that, he said that my eye, and my vision, are amazingly good for someone who had a transplant not so long ago.

My visit with Dr. Vaughan took less than an hour so I thought we would have a long wait to see Dr. Feilmeier, but his assistant took us back almost right away once we were done with Dr. Vaughan. It was only a little after twelve and my appointment wasn’t supposed to be until 12:40.

Dr. Feilmeier came in with his eyes on my chart and said, “I don’t believe these readings, you must have cheated.” He’s quite the kidder. He looked at my eye and was very pleased with everything. He removed one more suture that was loose and assured me that “we are definitely back on track.” Dr. Vaughan has mentioned that I had a pretty severe astigmatism so Dr. Feilmeier sent me over for a topography on my eye. When he got the results he said that I did have a pronounced cone but that was probably due to the sutures. So he removed two more sutures and said that should help quite a bit with that. He also said he might remove a few more next month.

So it was another good visit with the doctors. I still can’t believe I’m seeing 20/30! And it sounds like I’ll finally be getting some glasses next week. Well, my appointment is next week and then the glasses probably take a few days after that. Then I’ll be off to get my driver’s license, something I’ve been looking forward to since my surgery.

Isaiah 30:18 Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him. ESV

Psalms 25:5 Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. ESV

Journal - Good News From The Doctor

Today I had my appointment with Dr. Feilmeier in Kearney. I had a morning appointment this time instead of afternoon. I was glad of that because by afternoon he’s always really behind schedule and we have a long wait. Today my appointment was at 10am and we were only in the office for about an hour altogether.

The first sign of good news came during my routine reading of the eye chart. I was still at 20/70 unaided, but on the pinhole I got a partial on the 20/30 line, my best reading since surgery. I didn’t get the whole line, and it was tough, but I got two letters so that was good.

The doctor came in and looked at my eye and before he even got to the microscope he remarked that my eye looked very white and healthy today. My eye does sometimes take on a kind of yellowish hue so that was a good sign. At the microscope he had nothing but good reports. He actually used the word “amazed” once or twice, and he also said, “We were aggressive and we won.” He went on to say that I was his “good” patient of the day, the one he would talk about on the way home to Omaha. Doc is pretty good at hiding his feelings, but I think he was pleased with what he saw today. He did find another loose suture, which he removed. I asked if it was normal for those to loosen over time and he said it definitely is.

As far as my meds, he is having me continue the Zymaxid and Natacyn drops for one more week and then stop them completely. He discontinued my Doxycycline pills and cut back my Acyclovir pills from 5 a day to 2 a day. He gave me a schedule to taper off the Prednisone pills over the next few weeks, but I’m already on a pretty light dose so I might just stop those. So after one more week I’ll have 2 Pred-forte drops a day, and 2 Acyclovir pills a day and that’s it.

I already have an appointment to see Dr. Halsted in Grand Island again in two weeks, and we made an appointment to see Dr. Feilmeier the next time he’s in Kearney next month. He said after that we can probably drop back to every month or two. Since I did so well on the eye chart today, I also made an appointment to see Dr. Vaughn at the Kearney Eye Institute for another eyeglass exam. That will be next Wednesday the 16th. The last time he examined me, the best we could do was 20/50 but it should be better than that now.

So then we came home, having had our fill of good news for the day. I went out and did the watering while Joni did some mowing. Yesterday I dug up some more of the garden and planted six mounds of cucumbers so it’s getting to be quite a bit of watering each day. I sure wish we could get some rain. Everything is looking pretty healthy though except for the mint that I transplanted to the west side of the patio. Most of those look like they’re going to die. Mint plants grow pretty well; they spread out a lot and come back each year, but I’m finding out that they don’t transplant very well. It’s a good thing we have lots of it.

Psalms 30:2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. ESV

Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. ESV

Journal - Dr. Halsted

On Thursday we traveled to Grand Island to see Dr. Halsted. Dr. Halsted, if you remember, is an associate of Dr. Feilmeier from Midwest Eye Care in Omaha. Dr. Feilmeier visits Kearney once a month while Dr. Halsted visits Grand Island on a rotating basis so that one of them is in this area every two weeks.

We left home at 11am for my 12:30 appointment at Proffitt Eye Center. As it turns out, that office is just a few blocks away from Central Catholic High School, where we were last week for District Music Contest. We arrived at 12:00.

The office was busy and we had quite a wait. It was about 1:30 before we were taken into an exam room, but from there it was only about 10 minutes before the doctor came in. The report was encouraging.

Two weeks ago my vision tested at 20/200 and pinholed to 20/50. Today I tested at 20/70 while still pinholing to 20/50. The pinhole test is supposed to tell what my best possible vision might be with corrective lenses. The doctor checked me out and said the spot in my eye looks to be healing over nicely. Of course, this is the first time he’s seen me so he didn’t have much to compare to, but I got the feeling he was expecting something worse from what he had heard from Dr. Feilmeier. Aside from the bad spot, he said the rest of my cornea is looking very good and the sutures are secure. He said that this spot may have been a flare-up as a result of the herpetic virus that showed up at around the same time. He didn’t adjust any of my meds because that is Dr. Feilmeier’s place to do, but he would recommend backing off the Natycyn when he spoke with Dr. Feilmeier. All in all, it was a good and encouraging report.

And that was it. We got back home at about 3pm. The day was cloudy and gray and much cooler than the last two so I didn’t mind missing a day of working in the yard. Joni and I needed a break from that anyway as we are both a little sore and tired from our exertions.

Psalms 107:19-20 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them ESV

Exodus 23:25 You shall serve the Lord your God, and he will bless your bread and your water, and I will take sickness away from among you.

Journal - Fire and Rain

After working in and around the house on Monday, Joni and I took Tuesday to relax and rest in anticipation of our next trip to Omaha on Wednesday.

Wednesday morning was gray and rainy as we left at our usual time of about 7:15am. We drove in the rain until somewhere around Grand Island and the rest of the trip was cloudy but dry.

There wasn’t much news from the doctor that day. He said the spot in my eye was unchanged or maybe a little bit improved. His assistant called the lab to see if there were any results from the previous week’s cultures, but still nothing. He said I could stop using the Vancomycin and Viroptic drops. I was glad about that because that only left me with three different drops to use, and the two he discontinued were the most irritating of the lot. I’m now just using Natymycin, Pred-forte, and Zymaxid four times a day each. It was a quick visit and we were back on the road. Somewhere around Grand Island we found the rain again right where we had left it. The trip home was uneventful and we arrived at about 3:30pm, making pretty good time. During this trip, Joni and I finished an audiobook called “The Probability of Miracles” that we had been listening to in the car, and also go through a short play called “End Days”. Both were very good and you can find the reviews coming up soon at Audiobook-Heaven (wink).

The real excitement came later that evening. Joni and I stepped out the back door with Sassie for her last trip outside before bed. As we were waiting for Sassie to do her business we heard a pretty loud WOOMP sound. It sounded like a pretty big fire going up and we looked around to see what had happened. We have a neighbor just to the north of us and in his windows we saw the flames. It only took a moment to realize, however, that his house was not burning, the flames were actually being reflected in the glass from somewhere to our south. We went out toward the road and sure enough, there was a huge fire blazing about a quarter of a mile up the road although we couldn’t tell exactly what was burning. There is a house down there and a lot of woods. The fire looked to be near where we thought the house was but we just couldn’t tell.

I ran into the house for my phone and called 911 as quick as I could. I remembered a house fire we had witnessed not too far from here about a year and a half ago and remembered how long it took the fire department to get there, being several miles from the nearest town. I had a little trouble with 911. My call went through to Buffalo County emergency services but when I gave my address the lady had to transfer me to Kearney County. When Kearney County picked up I gave the information again and she said she would have to transfer me to Buffalo County. I started to tell her I had just spoken to them but the Buffalo County lady was still on the line. They discussed it for a minute deciding whose territory it was and finally decided to send units from Gibbon and Minden.

That taken care of, Joni and I hopped in the truck and drove down to the fire to see if any help was needed. As we approached, we saw a car crossing the road from the fire to the house on the other side so we pulled in behind it. I asked if everything was okay over there and he said yes, the guy was just burning his brush pile. At ten o’clock at night, apparently with a large amount of gasoline or something. Well it had rained a bit that day so I guess his brush pile was all wet. The man I was talking to said he had heard my call on the scanner and I suppose he went over there to warn the guy. I got the impression that they knew each other and that my call was probably not appreciated.

So we went on back home. 10 or 15 minutes later a police car came down the road, lights and siren blazing. A few minutes after that the fire trucks began to arrive from Gibbon. There were maybe 4 or 5 in all plus an ambulance. Minden never did arrive and I assume they were called off. Even though it was a false alarm of sorts, the trucks were up there for about 45 minutes before they started pulling away again. I don’t know if they waited for it to go down or if they put it out or what. I hope nobody got in trouble for any illegal burning or something, but I don’t feel sorry for calling. For all we knew that could have been his house blazing down there.

And that was our exciting day. Omaha seemed like something from a dream after all that. It was kind of a scary deal but God was watching over and everything turned out okay.

Psalms 3:3 But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. ESV

Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." ESV

Journal - Infection

I guess I have a little catching up to do, so here goes.

I had an appointment with Dr. Feilmeier in Kearney on March 8. Two or three days before that I started noticing some things in my eye. I’ve been down the infection road quite a few times and know most of the signs by heart: a little more redness than usual, a little more light sensitivity than usual. So I was pretty sure there was an infection starting up but since I already had an appointment I decided to wait until then and let Doc take a look at it.

On March 8, Doc confirmed my suspicions and said that one of my sutures had loosened and allowed an infection to set in. We are now five months out from surgery and under normal circumstances the sutures would have probably been out by now, but Doc had told me right from the start that he would leave mine in much longer to give the cornea some extra stability while it healed completely. This being because of my history of problems and the fact that I only have one eye, “Driving on the spare.” As Doc so eloquently phrases it,

Doc gave me two new eye drops to use, Zymaxid and Vancomycin. Zymaxid is kind of a general bacterial antibiotic which I had used for a while following surgery. Vancomycin is a bit more potent and is also used to treat bacterial infections. The Zymaxid is common and can be picked up at most any pharmacy but the Vancomycin is a special solution that has to be made to order. The doctor’s assistant called around Kearney and couldn’t find any pharmacist that could make it but finally found one in Holdrege so we had to drive over to Holdrege to pick that one up.

After giving me my instructions Doc said he wanted to see me again the following Monday (as I expected) which meant a trip to Omaha. I further expected that it would take more than just one trip to Omaha but that remained to be seen.

So on Monday the 12th we headed out bright and early for the big city. Not quite bright and early enough though, we got there half an hour late for my appointment and the doctor had already left the office. Dr. Feilmeier keeps hours at three different offices in Omaha, all Midwest Eye Care locations. Two are in Omaha and the other is across the state line in Council Bluffs. The Council Bluffs location is where he had afternoon hours that day so we made arrangements to go over there and see him. Luckily that office is only another 8 miles east of where we were.

We got there with no trouble and Doc took a look at my eye. He said things didn’t look much better but not much worse either. He made some slight adjustments to my regimen of drops and said to come back on Wednesday. I like Dr. Feilmeier a lot, he always seems so apologetic knowing that these are long trips for us, but he is very frank about the need to get things under control as quickly as possible and I agree with him completely on that. He’s a good doctor and it’s clear to me that he really cares about the outcome of all this.

Wednesday morning we left early again and made it on time for my appointment. On this visit Doc told me that in addition to the cold sore virus there was another spot in my eye and he wasn’t really sure what it was. He took some cultures of it to send to the lab to be identified. In the meantime he gave me a prescription for another drop called Viroptic, the generic form being Trifluridine, which I am very familiar with. The infection that I had a lot of trouble with several years ago was a herpes simplex virus. It’s not the sexually transmitted type of herpes, but rather the kind that causes cold sores. Trifluridine is used to combat that type of virus. As was explained to me years ago, there’s no cure for this type of virus, all you can do is try to keep it from flaring up. Since my surgery in October, I’ve been taking a pill called Acyclovir for that very reason. I was taking 400mg twice a day, so on this visit Doc upped it to 800mg five times a day. So by this time I had four kinds of drops and the pills. Doc said he wanted to see me again on Wednesday so we trudged home knowing that we would be back in two days. On our way, we stopped at the University pharmacy to pick up the Trifluridine. That was only a few blocks from the office.

By then Joni’s back was starting to give her some trouble so I made arrangements with Mom so she could drive me on Friday. On this day Doc said that the herpetic virus was completely cleared up, but the other spot was still there, no better and no worse. He called the lab to see if there were any results on the cultures yet, but so far nothing. He said those can take up to two weeks to show anything. By this time he was thinking that this other spot might be fungal so he gave me two more prescriptions: a drop called Natycyn and a pill called Doxycycline, both of which are for fungal infections. That brought the total up to five drops and two pills, the drops being used 6 times a day each. Quite a regimen. We stopped at the pharmacy again to pick those up and then headed back home with another appointment for the following Monday.

On Monday the 19th there was still no change and still no results from the cultures. Doc reduced all my drops to four times a day and sent us home with an appointment for Thursday.

On Tuesday, the doctor’s scheduler called and said he would have an emergency surgery on Thursday morning and that we would have to reschedule. So the appointment got pushed back to Friday at 11 am.

Friday came and still no change and still no culture results. Doc seemed okay with the fact that the spot was not going away because it wasn’t getting any worse either. As far as the cultures went, even though it hadn’t been two weeks yet, he seemed satisfied that this was probably not fungal in nature and said that it may just be an inflammatory reaction due to my allergies and such, this being allergy season. So out came the old prescription pad once again, this time for Prednisone, which I have talked about before. Prednisone reduces inflammation and is very good for clearing up my lungs, sinuses, and skin, although I’ve never had it prescribed for my eyes before. Since everything seemed stable, my next appointment is for Thursday the 29th.

We always stop at York on the way home for a late lunch or early supper, but since Friday was Joni’s 32nd birthday, she wanted to stop at the York Walmart as well to spend some of her birthday money. We dropped off my prescription at the pharmacy and then shopped for a bit. Joni got herself some flowers to plant outside, and she also bought t-shirts and work gloves for Adam and me. Apparently what she really wanted for her birthday was for me and Adam to be comfortable while we work out in the yard.

So that’s where we stand right now. Through all this God has been with us, giving us safe travels, keeping our aging car running beautifully, and providing financial help for all that gas through family and church. I am confident that he has a purpose in al this, maybe just to remind us that He is always in control, a reminder that I seem to need rather frequently. Whatever the case may be, I know that everything is working out according to His plan and that He will take care of everything as He always does.

Psalms 136:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." ESV

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

The Blue Valley Creamery

Several months ago, around the end of September this was, Aunt LeeDel, Uncle Butch, and Uncle Marvin all came for a visit. Aside from getting to spend some time with my family, the highlight of their visit was when Uncle Butch presented me with a very special gift. It was an old, old cream can with a small label plate attached to it. The plate said:

Return to Louis Brandt
Gibbon, Nebr
U.P.
In case of loss notify
Blue Valley Creamery Co.

I should mention here that before I went blind I spent several years researching my family history. Also, Louis Brandt was my great-great-grandfather.

So many questions! Where did this time-traveling cream can come from? How did my mother’s brother end up with such a priceless relic from my father’s family? How old is the cream can really?

Well, I meant to do a little research on this and then present an article here on my blog, but a couple of weeks later I found out I would be getting surgery on my eye pretty soon. The cream can got put on the back burner for a while, but I recently got back to it. My research, such as it is, is complete and here’s what I found out.

The Blue Valley Creamery was founded on May 1, 1900. The headquarters was set up in Chicago with the first creamery popping up in St Joseph, Missouri. Before long, the Blue Valley Creamery had operations going all over the place, primarily in the upper Midwest, but stretching as far east as New York City and, as I discovered later, down to West Virginia and all the way down in Texas. And yes, there was a Blue Valley Creamery right here in Nebraska, just a little bit east of here. A creamery opened for business in Hastings, Nebraska in 1911. Apparently Blue Valley also owned the Topaz Dairy in Hastings. I searched the internet but never found much about the creamery in Hastings, only about Blue Valley in general. The photo here is not the Blue Valley Creamery in Hastings, but one in Louisville, Kentucky, circa 1946.

I did, however, find that Blue Valley Creamery was bought out by Beatrice Creamery Company in 1939. Beatrice was, in turn, acquired by a group of investors who purchased the company and then sold it off piece by piece, the last piece going to ConAgra sometime around 1990.

The cans themselves were owned by the farmers, not the creamery, and were typically shipped by railroad. That makes sense because there’s a very busy stretch of Union Pacific railroad that runs directly from Gibbon to Hastings. Blue Valley Creamery commonly attached labels to the cans bearing delivery instructions as pictured here.

In my internet searches I also came across several other pages mentioning cream cans with this same type of label attached. From the descriptions, and a few pictures, they sound identical to mine except for the name and town of the owner. The ones I found were from Memphis Nebraska, McCracken Kansas, Lavernia Texas, DeValls Bluff Arkansas, Dieterich Illinois, and Alderson West Virginia. I also noticed one other difference: the label on my can has a U.P. on it, which I assume stands for Union Pacific Railroad, while the one from Memphis has BURL, probably Burlington Northern, or maybe they were just Burlington back then. The one from West Virginia has C&O on it, Chesapeake & Ohio. One other has what looks like CXI&P. I couldn’t find a match for that, but I did find a CRI&P, Chicago, Rock Island & Pacific. This was the Arkansas can and the CRI&P did run through Arkansas. The others didn’t mention the railroad identifier.















So as to my questions: Uncle Butch told me that he and my aunt, in the early days of their marriage back in the early 70’s, frequently visited auctions around their home in Crete, Nebraska. He doesn’t remember specifically but assumes that the cream can was probably acquired at one of these. He told me that he brought the cream can around to see if anyone had any interest in it, but at the time no one did. I was born in 1970 and so would have been just a baby. So he took it back to his home where it sat around for about 40 years. My aunt and uncle recently sold their old house, which prompted Uncle Butch to bring it around again, as he did with several other items that he would no longer have room for in the new house. I am now just over 40 years of age and have become very interested in old items like this, especially ones that are from my own family. So in other words, it was pure and simple fate that brought my great-great-grandfather’s cream can to me at a time in my life when I am old enough to appreciate what a priceless heirloom it truly is.

My final question was, “How old is the can really?” Well, let’s see if we can deduce an approximate age. The Blue Valley Creamery in Hastings opened in 1911 and was bought out by Beatrice Creamery in 1939. That gives us a pretty narrow window already assuming that no more labels with Blue Valley Creamery on them were attached to any cans after the buyout.

I came across another interesting bit of Blue Valley history that, I believe, will narrow this window even further. Originally, Blue Valley affixed labels which read “When full ship to Blue Valley Creamery Co.” In 1925, the Federal Trade Commission ruled that these labels were an unfair practice, making it difficult or impossible for farmer’s to ship their milk or cream to a competitor of Blue Valley. Grandpa Louis’ can has the “newer” form of the label, “In case of loss notify Blue Valley Creamery”, so that would place it sometime between 1925 and 1939 when Blue Valley was bought out by Beatrice. This certainly fits great-great-grandpa Louis’ lifespan; he was born in 1863 and died in 1947.

So there you have it. That’s everything I was able to learn about the mysterious cream can. I took an old tooth brush and a little vinegar to polish up the brass name plate a little and it shined up pretty good. I really can’t tell you how happy I am to have it, and it was a lot of fun researching the Blue Valley Creamery as history has become more and more interesting to me. Something else that has become very interesting to me of late is the different ways God works in our lives. For 80 years, God sent that cream can from place to place, only to have it end up here. Maybe He did it to please me, or maybe He did it to remind that He is always in control, even of the little things. I like to think it was a little of both.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ESV

Psalms 139:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." ESV

Stand Up!

I received one of those forwarded chain emails the other day, I’m sure you’re all familiar with these. I usually just delete them without even looking, but this one caught my eye so I read it. It concerns a man named Darrell Scott who spoke before Congress on May 27, 1999. Darrell is the father of Rachel Scott who was murdered at Columbine High School just 5 weeks before. His statement was thus:

“Since the dawn of creation, there has been both good and evil in the hearts of men and women, and we all contain those seeds: We contain the seeds of kindness and we contain the seeds of violence. And the death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joyce Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other 11 children who died, must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.

The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used, neither was it the NCA - the National Club Association - the true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in his heart. In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA, I am not a hunter, I do not even own a gun, I'm not here to represent or to defend the NRA, because I don't believe they are responsible for my daughter's death, therefore I don't believe they need to be defended by me. If I believed that they had anything to do with Rachel's murder, I would be their strongest opponent. I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy, it was a spiritual event which should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies. Much of that blame lies here in this room - much of that blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves.

I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expressed my feelings best, and it was written before I knew that I would be speaking here today, and I'd like to read that:

Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You’ve stripped away our heritage,
You’ve outlawed simple prayer.

Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question “Why?”

You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need.

Men and women are three part beings: we have a body, and we have a soul, and we have a spirit ... And I believe we fail to recognize that third element, that really does need to be recognized by the legislative bodies of this country, that's been ignored for so long. Spiritual influences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries, and we know this is a historic fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We've refused to honor God, and in doing so we opened the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs, politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that continue to erode away our personal and private liberties.

We don't need more restrictive laws. Erik and Dylan would not have been stopped by more gun laws or metal detectors. No amount of laws can stop someone who spends months of planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. Political posturing and restrictive legislation are not the answers. The young people of our nation hold the key, and there is a spiritual awakening that is taking place that will not be squelched. We don't need more religion, we don't need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage, we do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people's basic needs are being ignored. We do need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgement that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God.

When my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he didn't hesitate to pray in school, and I defy any law or politician to deny him that right. I challenge every young person in America and around the world to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School, prayer was brought back to our schools. Don't let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your conscience and denies your God-given right to communicate with Him.

Amen to that. I don’t imagine our Congressmen and women enjoyed hearing that, but it was certainly something that they needed to hear, and something that we all need to hear. It must have taken Mr. Scott a great deal of courage to stand up in front of our nation’s leaders and tell them point blank that they have dropped the ball, but I’m sure he understands that we all must take a share of that blame. Every one of us who sees wrong and turns a blind eye to it; every one of us who does not stand up for what we believe in must share in that blame. If all the Christians of this nation, and of every other nation, would stand up and speak out the way Mr. Scott did, we could change the world.

Darrell Scott didn’t stop with his speech before Congress, he went on to create “Rachel’s Challenge”, an organization devoted to empowering not only young people, but anyone who is willing to start a chain reaction of kindness in their school, business, or community.

Mark 3:24 If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. ESV

Luke 11:23 Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. ESV

Psalms 9:17 The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God. KJV


RELATED READING:
Read the full transcript of Mr. Scott’s statement here.
Visit the Rachel’s Challenge website to find out how you can get involved.
Learn more about Rachel Joy Scott here.

Thought For The Day

Saturday afternoon at the Christmas Eve service, Joni and I were talking to a friend of ours, an older lady, and she was telling us of some of the hardships she had endured in her younger days. She wasn’t complaining or anything like that, we were just having a conversation. Then she said to me, “…but I don’t think I could survive without my sight, you’re a brave person.”
I thanked her for the compliment, but it got me thinking about things. I lost my sight and learned to live with that, as many others do, but what if I lost my family? I think that would be much harder to endure. I’m guessing that all those poor people who take their own lives are the ones who didn’t have the support of loved ones when times got tough. I feel very fortunate to have the strong family that I do, and very fortunate to have such a kind and loving Father in heaven who always knows just exactly what I need, even when I don’t know it myself.

Mark 3:35 For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.” ESV

Psalms 70:5 "But I am poor and needy; hasten to me, O God!
You are my help and my deliverer;
O Lord, do not delay!" ESV

Journal - 40 Days

It’s been 40 days since my surgery; can you believe that? I haven’t been very good about documenting things during this time so I shall try to remedy that right now.
I had a complication just a few days after surgery where the pressure in my eye dropped radically, but we got that sorted out and it’s been full speed ahead ever since. I have noticed my vision improving little by little, and the doctor has confirmed that, as I’ve gotten a little further down the eye chart on each visit. Over the last 40 days, I have gradually switched from my screen reader to my magnifying glass, and am now gradually switching up to no aid at all. That’s right, there are many things I can do on the computer now without even the magnifying glass. I still use it sometimes for print that is especially small, or fonts that are a little too fancy. Right now I am typing in 12 point Times New Roman, and can follow along on the screen without the glass. I’ve picked up this trick of squinting a little and looking through my eyelashes. The lashes sort of act like the pinholes in that thing the doctor uses. I will go over it with the glass probably when I’m done to check for errors.
So what are some things that have changed for me? Well, I can name a few. I find myself looking out the windows a lot, especially the kitchen window. That one looks east and is the only window in the house that you can really walk up to and stand comfortably. Other windows have plants or sinks in front of them. I’m seeing things out that window more and more clearly and am noticing things that are further away. Just a couple of days ago I watched a snow flurry out that window for a few minutes.
I’ve also had one change to my routine that was unexpected. I’ve been getting up earlier in the morning. I used to get up anywhere between 9 and 10, but for the last couple of weeks I’ve been getting up at 8. I just have more to do now, or rather, more that I CAN do. I started with the filing cabinet, as I have already mentioned, then I moved on to the recyclables in the basement, sorting them and getting them ready for a trip to Kearney. Yesterday I worked on the junk drawer in the kitchen. Just little projects around the house that I’ve been waiting a very long time to do, and am taking a great deal of pleasure in now. I’ve also been playing quite a bit of Star Wars: Battlefront II on Adam’s PS2 and that’s been fun too and I think I have too many 2’s and II’s and too’s in this sentence but I’m too lazy to fix them so too bad. I guess you could say that I’m enjoying having my sight back. Was there ever any doubt?
My audiobook listening time has been drastically reduced from 3 or 4 hours a day to 1 or 2. I’m not sure what that will mean for the future of Audiobook Heaven. I would sure like to continue that as I’ve put an awful lot of time and effort into it, but right now I’m finding more interesting things to do and later on, when I finally go back to work, there will be even less time for it. Well, things are kind of mixed up right now as I try to settle into new routines and so forth. Probably after a while things will begin to balance out again.
And that brings me to my latest doctor visit, which was yesterday. I was looking forward to the visit so I could take a crack at the eye chart and see how much I’ve improved since October 26. I was a little surprised, and I admit a little disappointed, that I only tested 20/50 on the pinhole test. Last time I was 20/60 and I thought it would be a lot better this time. I am making good progress though, so that’s okay. The doctor is very pleased with how well things are going. He almost sounds a little surprised when he tells me that everything looks great. Needless to say, it was a very good report. He took me off two of the eye drops I was using, and reduced the third to four times a day. Yes, only four drops a day, when I’ve been putting in 14 every day since surgery. I’m very pleased about that. But sadly, he’s not ready to let me play the sax yet. He’s being extra cautious after that problem with my pressure, and that’s okay. He also said that he wouldn’t take out the sutures until at least 6 months, much longer than normal. I miss my sax, but he can be as cautious as he wants as far as I’m concerned.
I asked him how much longer it would be before I could be fitted with glasses, and he said anytime. That surprised me because I know my eye is still healing and changing. He said it might not be completely stable for 6 months to a year, so this would be as good a time as any to get some glasses, even though I would probably need a new prescription after 6 months or so. My next visit with Dr. Feilmeier is on December 8, so they went ahead and made me an appointment with the glasses person that same day. Glasses at 10am, Feilmeier at 11:15. I’ll have normal vision in time for Christmas and bowl games; pretty good deal. I sure am looking forward to seeing some Christmas lights this year.
So that’s about it. God is doing a perfect job of keeping my eye healthy and infection free. Was there every any doubt? Well, of course there was; I’m only human after all. But God has shown me once again that my fears and worries were all for nothing. Amen!

Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. ESV

Psalms 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. ESV

"I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O Lord." ESV