Okay so I had my pre-op physical with no trouble. These pre-ops are really not much of a physical at all. All he did today was check my ears, nose, and throat, take my blood pressure and that was about it. Last time there was also blood work but I guess that was not required this time. The Dr.’s office in Omaha faxed them some instructions on what was needed. Oh, my weight today was 174! I bet it’s been twenty years since my weight was that low. I weighed in at 190 to 195 for a long time. Pushing those shopping carts around is doing me some good.
Anyway, I was a little rushed earlier so there were a few things I didn’t get to go over.
The surgery I’m having is called an Enucleation. You can look that up online if you’re curious. I read about it and what they do is kind of gross. Basically the eye is removed and replaced with an implant. The implant will be attached to my eye muscles so that the fake eye will move and track with my good eye. I’m told that once the prosthesis, which comes later, is inserted it will be hard to tell that it’s not a natural eye. There’s another type of removal surgery called Evisceration where they take out the muscles and everything so I guess this one is better.
When the doctor first dropped this on me I cried, but now that the surgery is scheduled and some plans have been made I’m feeling a little better about the whole thing. I suppose I’ll feel even better tomorrow afternoon once it’s all done.
So let’s see…surgery is at 1pm tomorrow. We have to be there at 12:30 so I can have a little time to talk to the doctor. Oh, I didn’t mention that, did I? Dr. Feilmeier will not be doing this surgery, it will be one of his associates, a Dr. Kathleen Hodges or something like that. I’ve never met her. I wish Dr. Feilmeier could do it but I understand that this is not his specialty. Anyway, I expressed a desire to meet with the doctor before the surgery so that’s why we need to be there a little early. Dr. Feilmeier told me that he can handle my follow-ups.
We don’t have to stay over in Omaha for this one; it’s an afternoon surgery and the first follow-up appointment won’t be until Friday, which we’ll have to drive to Omaha again for. If all is well up to that point my next visit will be with Dr. Feilmeier when he comes to Kearney next Thursday.
I can’t eat anything after midnight tonight. By the time we leave the surgery center it will be at least 3pm. I guess I’ll be pretty hungry by then. Last time my surgery was early in the morning so that wasn’t so bad.
After I got the news this morning I called my boss at Walmart to explain the situation. I told her about surgery tomorrow and that I will most likely not be able to work at all this week and beyond that I don’t really know what to expect. I was very frank with her and told her that I would understand if they needed to hire someone else and get them working. I am, after all, only a temporary employee for now and we’re getting into the busy season here. She told me that they had just been talking about this earlier (since I have already missed a couple of days for trips to Omaha) and they had decided that they think I’m a good employee and will be willing to work with me on this. Pretty good news seeing as how I’ve only been there a little over two months.
I said before that I am a thinker and planner and I suppose that’s my lesson for today since I have apparently not learned it yet. We can think and plan and fret and worry until the cows come home but it’s all for nothing. God will do the thinking and planning for us and, if we are wise, we won’t have to fret and worry at all. I have to keep reminding myself that He can see the whole picture while I only see a little bit of it.
Well, that’s all I can think of for now. I’ll probably be writing more this week since I’ll have a lot of free time on my hands. Good thing too because I need to catch up on my audiobook reviews.
Keep the Faith, good people, and keep us in your prayers.
Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. ESV
Psalms 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. ESV
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Monday, December 10, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Have a Great Day!
Special thanks to Joni for sharing this!
Isaiah 55:1 “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. ESV
Luke 12:22-23 And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. ESV
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Journal - Flat Tire Continued
So we had the spare tire on the truck, and more trips to Omaha to look forward to. Not a very happy prospect
Well, after we had gotten home that Thursday, Joni and I let our usual people know that we were home safe and filled them in on how the day went. Right away we were offered two new tires for the truck. On Friday morning we received another offer of two tires. And just like that, God took away our worries.
Saturday morning we went up to Walmart to get the new tires. Our friend from church met us there to drop off the money for two of them. We stood and talked for a few minutes while the truck was being worked on and then her son called her and said that she should run us all out to his house. He and his family go to our church as well and had a new house built recently on the old family farm south of Kearney. So we hopped in the car and ran out there for a few minutes. By the time we got back to Walmart the truck was all done with four brand new tires on it.
In overhearing another customer in the tire department that day, I had found out that you can save $2.50 per tire if you take the old ones with you so I did that. Ten dollars is ten dollars after all and we’ve got room for the tires out here at the farm. On Sunday I took the three tires that were still whole and planted them half in the ground along one edge of the area that used to be our garden. No particular reason, I just thought I’d try to do something with them instead of piling them in a shed or something. I think they look kind of neat there. Before I planted them Joni examined them and sure enough one had a nail in it. The nail had probably caught in the tread somewhere and gradually worked its way into the tire as we drove down the interstate. Once the nail let the air out of the tire it didn’t take long for the rim to shred it to pieces.
It’s always tempting to ask why things happen. Why did God let that nail get in our tire? Didn’t we have enough to deal with without that? Of course we know that God’s plans are rarely evident to us. He had His reasons even if I don’t know what they are. Maybe by picking up that nail in my tire I saved a mother traveling cross-country with her children from having to deal with it. There are thousands of possibilities. If I saved someone like that from having a flat then it was worth it.
You always have to look on the bright side of things. If you don’t, the darkness of this world will consume you. There is good in everybody and everything if you just look for it. Sometimes you have to look harder than others, but it’s there. Keep doing that, and pretty soon your whole attitude will begin to change, and then your life will begin to change, and then the lives of those around you will begin to change. It’s a choice each one of us can make, and with God all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ESV
Luke 11:10 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. ESV
Luke 17:5 The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" ESV
Well, after we had gotten home that Thursday, Joni and I let our usual people know that we were home safe and filled them in on how the day went. Right away we were offered two new tires for the truck. On Friday morning we received another offer of two tires. And just like that, God took away our worries.
Saturday morning we went up to Walmart to get the new tires. Our friend from church met us there to drop off the money for two of them. We stood and talked for a few minutes while the truck was being worked on and then her son called her and said that she should run us all out to his house. He and his family go to our church as well and had a new house built recently on the old family farm south of Kearney. So we hopped in the car and ran out there for a few minutes. By the time we got back to Walmart the truck was all done with four brand new tires on it.
In overhearing another customer in the tire department that day, I had found out that you can save $2.50 per tire if you take the old ones with you so I did that. Ten dollars is ten dollars after all and we’ve got room for the tires out here at the farm. On Sunday I took the three tires that were still whole and planted them half in the ground along one edge of the area that used to be our garden. No particular reason, I just thought I’d try to do something with them instead of piling them in a shed or something. I think they look kind of neat there. Before I planted them Joni examined them and sure enough one had a nail in it. The nail had probably caught in the tread somewhere and gradually worked its way into the tire as we drove down the interstate. Once the nail let the air out of the tire it didn’t take long for the rim to shred it to pieces.
It’s always tempting to ask why things happen. Why did God let that nail get in our tire? Didn’t we have enough to deal with without that? Of course we know that God’s plans are rarely evident to us. He had His reasons even if I don’t know what they are. Maybe by picking up that nail in my tire I saved a mother traveling cross-country with her children from having to deal with it. There are thousands of possibilities. If I saved someone like that from having a flat then it was worth it.
You always have to look on the bright side of things. If you don’t, the darkness of this world will consume you. There is good in everybody and everything if you just look for it. Sometimes you have to look harder than others, but it’s there. Keep doing that, and pretty soon your whole attitude will begin to change, and then your life will begin to change, and then the lives of those around you will begin to change. It’s a choice each one of us can make, and with God all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ESV
Luke 11:10 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. ESV
Luke 17:5 The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" ESV
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Journal - Waiting For A Miracle
Tuesday night I didn’t sleep very well. Don’t know why, just couldn’t sleep. I went to bed at 12:30 which is about my usual time. When I go to bed, I put on my headphones and listen to an audiobook, or a DVS movie, and I’m usually ready to go to sleep in no time at all. Last night, I put on my headphones and listened to an entire movie, and I still wasn’t sleepy. I started another movie and got most of the way through that one before I finally started to nod off. Even after all that, I still woke up early, about 6:30 I think. Instead of going right back to sleep like I usually would, I felt pretty awake, so I put my headphones back on and finished the movie I started.
I did go back to sleep for a while, but I couldn’t sleep late because I had a 10:00 dentist appointment Wednesday morning. The dentist made all the final preparations on my tooth to get it ready for a crown. The procedures took a full hour and a half. There was very little pain involved, but it was a long time to sit in that chair. Right now I have a temporary crown, and when I go back on the 29th I get the permanent one. That should be a quick and simple visit and then I’ll be done with dentists for a while.
Now I need to back up for a minute. On Tuesday, I got a call from Lion Lady. She had been talking with my social worker about my Medicaid. Social Worker Lady told Lion Lady about how if I had a private insurance plan costing $277 per month, I would qualify for full Medicaid, instead of the useless kind I have now. It took Lion Lady about 10 seconds to figure out that this would be a much more cost effective way to get me seeing again, and back in the work force, something none of the various government agencies have been able to figure out. So Lion Lady called this outfit in Hastings called Fiddler’s to see if they could help me out with that. Lion Lady is very much on the ball. She said that the Lion’s could pay for six months worth of insurance, which would probably get me well on my way. Good plan!
Anyway, when I was talking to Lion Lady about all this, she said to let her know right away how it went with Fiddler’s because she was meeting with her Lion’s Club that very evening to pitch my case. That came as a surprise to me, because I thought this was a done deal and no pitching would be necessary.
Back to Wednesday. When I got home from the dentist, I had two messages on my phone. One was from Fiddler’s, and the other was from Lion Lady wondering if I had heard from Fiddler’s. Before I could do much of anything, my phone rang and it was Lion Lady again. She said her Lion’s group had declined to help me, except for the $125 she had initially pledged toward my appointment next Monday. She said the problem was that her group is in Ravenna, and they don’t like to help people outside of that small town. Lion Lady was very displeased with her group, I could tell by her voice before she came right out and said it. We talked for several more minutes about other options and possibilities. She made it clear that she wasn’t giving up, and would keep fighting for me.
So after that, Joni and I were talking about possibly approaching other Lion’s chapters in the area, when Joni wondered aloud if Minden had a chapter. Duh! I was looking around the Lion’s website a couple of weeks ago, and I remembered seeing Minden on the list. Since we actually live in Minden, we thought that might be a possibility.
Later that afternoon, Lion Lady came out to the house to deliver the $125 check. I think she offered to bring it out instead of us going to pick it up because she felt so bad about what happened. While she was here, I asked about Minden, and she said yup, Minden has a chapter, and in fact, she used to belong to it, and knows several people in the organization. So one hope was dashed, and another kindled.
The upshot is this: I am going forward with my appointment on the 20th. I will go to the doctor and wait for a miracle. God tells us that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, and I believe it. That’s what faith is all about, isn’t it? Just kind of throwing yourself out there with the full expectation that God will carry you through. My period of waiting served its purpose, and now it is time for a leap of faith.
By the way, the other day I asked our church if they could help me with my dental bills. Today, I got an email saying that they would indeed help me out with a large portion of it. That email came today because God wanted me to know that He is still there, watching out for me.
Luke 17:5-6 The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!” He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.
I did go back to sleep for a while, but I couldn’t sleep late because I had a 10:00 dentist appointment Wednesday morning. The dentist made all the final preparations on my tooth to get it ready for a crown. The procedures took a full hour and a half. There was very little pain involved, but it was a long time to sit in that chair. Right now I have a temporary crown, and when I go back on the 29th I get the permanent one. That should be a quick and simple visit and then I’ll be done with dentists for a while.
Now I need to back up for a minute. On Tuesday, I got a call from Lion Lady. She had been talking with my social worker about my Medicaid. Social Worker Lady told Lion Lady about how if I had a private insurance plan costing $277 per month, I would qualify for full Medicaid, instead of the useless kind I have now. It took Lion Lady about 10 seconds to figure out that this would be a much more cost effective way to get me seeing again, and back in the work force, something none of the various government agencies have been able to figure out. So Lion Lady called this outfit in Hastings called Fiddler’s to see if they could help me out with that. Lion Lady is very much on the ball. She said that the Lion’s could pay for six months worth of insurance, which would probably get me well on my way. Good plan!
Anyway, when I was talking to Lion Lady about all this, she said to let her know right away how it went with Fiddler’s because she was meeting with her Lion’s Club that very evening to pitch my case. That came as a surprise to me, because I thought this was a done deal and no pitching would be necessary.
Back to Wednesday. When I got home from the dentist, I had two messages on my phone. One was from Fiddler’s, and the other was from Lion Lady wondering if I had heard from Fiddler’s. Before I could do much of anything, my phone rang and it was Lion Lady again. She said her Lion’s group had declined to help me, except for the $125 she had initially pledged toward my appointment next Monday. She said the problem was that her group is in Ravenna, and they don’t like to help people outside of that small town. Lion Lady was very displeased with her group, I could tell by her voice before she came right out and said it. We talked for several more minutes about other options and possibilities. She made it clear that she wasn’t giving up, and would keep fighting for me.
So after that, Joni and I were talking about possibly approaching other Lion’s chapters in the area, when Joni wondered aloud if Minden had a chapter. Duh! I was looking around the Lion’s website a couple of weeks ago, and I remembered seeing Minden on the list. Since we actually live in Minden, we thought that might be a possibility.
Later that afternoon, Lion Lady came out to the house to deliver the $125 check. I think she offered to bring it out instead of us going to pick it up because she felt so bad about what happened. While she was here, I asked about Minden, and she said yup, Minden has a chapter, and in fact, she used to belong to it, and knows several people in the organization. So one hope was dashed, and another kindled.
The upshot is this: I am going forward with my appointment on the 20th. I will go to the doctor and wait for a miracle. God tells us that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, and I believe it. That’s what faith is all about, isn’t it? Just kind of throwing yourself out there with the full expectation that God will carry you through. My period of waiting served its purpose, and now it is time for a leap of faith.
By the way, the other day I asked our church if they could help me with my dental bills. Today, I got an email saying that they would indeed help me out with a large portion of it. That email came today because God wanted me to know that He is still there, watching out for me.
Luke 17:5-6 The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!” He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Journal - Job Market
I’m still thinking about that lady from the Lion’s Club. One of my fears is that I’ll get my sight back and my social security will be cut off and then I won’t be able to find a job. Part of me was sort of hoping the job market would pick up a little before that happened.
Today, I called the SSA in Grand Island to ask how quickly my benefits would stop if I was no longer disabled. The guy I spoke to said my benefits would continue for nine months. Actually, what he said was that if I go back to work, any month in which I earn more than $720 counts as one month and if I earn less than that, the month doesn’t count. After the ninth month that I earn more than $720 then my benefits will stop. That kind of makes it sound like I can keep getting disability benefits forever as long as I don’t go to work. It sounds a little screwy and I don’t know whether to believe him or not. I’ve gotten so much mis-information and truth slanting over the last two years that it’s getting pretty hard for me to believe what people say. If he had told me that my benefits would stop exactly one minute after my surgery was complete, I would have believed that.
I am reminded once again that I need to keep my faith with God, and not on human beings. Only God can carry me through this, and no one else. I feel very fortunate that there are a few people here on Earth that I can count on to help God’s plan along, but ultimately He is the focal point.
Probably what I will do is make a couple more calls to SSA and try to confirm what I was told today. When it’s all said and done, this won’t be a deciding factor, but it would be nice to avoid a nasty surprise later on.
On an unrelated matter, my mouth is feeling pretty good today. I had quite a bit of soreness when I woke up this morning, but I took some Ibuprofen like the dentist said and I’ve felt fine ever since. Still taking it easy though, I’ve only eaten raviolis and mashed potatoes today. And Pepsi of course. I can’t wait to brush my teeth again, yuck!
1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Today, I called the SSA in Grand Island to ask how quickly my benefits would stop if I was no longer disabled. The guy I spoke to said my benefits would continue for nine months. Actually, what he said was that if I go back to work, any month in which I earn more than $720 counts as one month and if I earn less than that, the month doesn’t count. After the ninth month that I earn more than $720 then my benefits will stop. That kind of makes it sound like I can keep getting disability benefits forever as long as I don’t go to work. It sounds a little screwy and I don’t know whether to believe him or not. I’ve gotten so much mis-information and truth slanting over the last two years that it’s getting pretty hard for me to believe what people say. If he had told me that my benefits would stop exactly one minute after my surgery was complete, I would have believed that.
I am reminded once again that I need to keep my faith with God, and not on human beings. Only God can carry me through this, and no one else. I feel very fortunate that there are a few people here on Earth that I can count on to help God’s plan along, but ultimately He is the focal point.
Probably what I will do is make a couple more calls to SSA and try to confirm what I was told today. When it’s all said and done, this won’t be a deciding factor, but it would be nice to avoid a nasty surprise later on.
On an unrelated matter, my mouth is feeling pretty good today. I had quite a bit of soreness when I woke up this morning, but I took some Ibuprofen like the dentist said and I’ve felt fine ever since. Still taking it easy though, I’ve only eaten raviolis and mashed potatoes today. And Pepsi of course. I can’t wait to brush my teeth again, yuck!
1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Gift Horses
Here’s something that Uncle Butch emailed to me the other day. I kind of got a kick out of this, and as it turned out, it got me thinking about things and it soon became clear to me why God wanted me to see it.
A man was driving to an important meeting and was running late. He finally pulled into the parking lot only to find that it was completely full. He began to pray, “Please God, please let me find a parking spot!” He continued to pray fervently as he searched the lot, until he rounded a corner and there, right in front of him, was an empty spot. “Never mind God,” he said as he parked his car, “I found one.”
I got a good chuckle out of that, but it’s like Uncle Butch said, it’s a joke, but it’s not really a joke. I guess this would be like me praying for God to restore my sight, and then saying “Never mind God, I got this insurance policy to take care of it.” Maybe God wants me to get an insurance policy and have surgery. I struggled with that concept for a long time. I felt like pursuing an insurance policy was showing a lack of faith in God. And maybe it is. To tell you the truth, I’m still struggling with it. What I finally decided is that there’s no real harm in trying to get the insurance, as long as I remember to keep my faith in God, where it belongs. If God wants me to see again, then I will see again. Getting some insurance so I can have a surgery might be the way God chooses to do it. Who am I to say?
How often does God try to answer our prayers and we don't even realize it? Maybe God prompts a family member to offer us money in a tight spot, and we are too proud to accept. Or maybe He provides an opportunity to get some overtime at work, but we are too lazy, or think we are too busy. Maybe a friend shows an interest in our baseball card collection, but we are too attached to our possessions. God is trying to help us all the time. Sometimes we just don't like His suggestions.
I’m reminded of another story. Hold on, let me see if I can find a copy of it.
Well, I found a copy, but it was really long and wordy so I’m going to paraphrase:
A minister was caught in his church by a flood. He climbed to the roof of the building to escape the rising waters. Soon, one of his parishioners came by in a rowboat.
“Hop in, Pastor, and we’ll get to safety.”
“Go on ahead, my son. The Lord will save me.”
The flood waters continued to rise and soon were all the way up to the roof of the church. A police motorboat came by.
“We’ll throw you a line and get you to safety!”
“No thank you, the Lord will save me when the time is right."
The waters rose higher and higher and the minister was forced to climb up into the church’s bell tower to escape the flood. A coast guard helicopter spotted him.
“Don't panic, we'll lower a basket and lift you out of there!”
“Please help someone else, the Lord promised to protect me if I kept my faith in Him.”
The waters continued to rise and eventually swept the minister away.
The punch line of the story is that the minister went to heaven and askd God, “I kept my faith, why didn’t you save me?”
We’ve all heard the old saying, “Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.” Examining a horse’s teeth can tell you a lot about the age and condition of the horse. It’s a good idea to check if you are buying one, but if someone gives you a horse as a gift, it's better to just be thankful for the gift and not try to judge the gift’s value. I guess the same holds true with God. We don’t know what His plan is, and you just never know when that horse might be a gift from God.
Psalms 34:17-18 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
A man was driving to an important meeting and was running late. He finally pulled into the parking lot only to find that it was completely full. He began to pray, “Please God, please let me find a parking spot!” He continued to pray fervently as he searched the lot, until he rounded a corner and there, right in front of him, was an empty spot. “Never mind God,” he said as he parked his car, “I found one.”
I got a good chuckle out of that, but it’s like Uncle Butch said, it’s a joke, but it’s not really a joke. I guess this would be like me praying for God to restore my sight, and then saying “Never mind God, I got this insurance policy to take care of it.” Maybe God wants me to get an insurance policy and have surgery. I struggled with that concept for a long time. I felt like pursuing an insurance policy was showing a lack of faith in God. And maybe it is. To tell you the truth, I’m still struggling with it. What I finally decided is that there’s no real harm in trying to get the insurance, as long as I remember to keep my faith in God, where it belongs. If God wants me to see again, then I will see again. Getting some insurance so I can have a surgery might be the way God chooses to do it. Who am I to say?
How often does God try to answer our prayers and we don't even realize it? Maybe God prompts a family member to offer us money in a tight spot, and we are too proud to accept. Or maybe He provides an opportunity to get some overtime at work, but we are too lazy, or think we are too busy. Maybe a friend shows an interest in our baseball card collection, but we are too attached to our possessions. God is trying to help us all the time. Sometimes we just don't like His suggestions.
I’m reminded of another story. Hold on, let me see if I can find a copy of it.
Well, I found a copy, but it was really long and wordy so I’m going to paraphrase:
A minister was caught in his church by a flood. He climbed to the roof of the building to escape the rising waters. Soon, one of his parishioners came by in a rowboat.
“Hop in, Pastor, and we’ll get to safety.”
“Go on ahead, my son. The Lord will save me.”
The flood waters continued to rise and soon were all the way up to the roof of the church. A police motorboat came by.
“We’ll throw you a line and get you to safety!”
“No thank you, the Lord will save me when the time is right."
The waters rose higher and higher and the minister was forced to climb up into the church’s bell tower to escape the flood. A coast guard helicopter spotted him.
“Don't panic, we'll lower a basket and lift you out of there!”
“Please help someone else, the Lord promised to protect me if I kept my faith in Him.”
The waters continued to rise and eventually swept the minister away.
The punch line of the story is that the minister went to heaven and askd God, “I kept my faith, why didn’t you save me?”
We’ve all heard the old saying, “Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.” Examining a horse’s teeth can tell you a lot about the age and condition of the horse. It’s a good idea to check if you are buying one, but if someone gives you a horse as a gift, it's better to just be thankful for the gift and not try to judge the gift’s value. I guess the same holds true with God. We don’t know what His plan is, and you just never know when that horse might be a gift from God.
Psalms 34:17-18 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Inspirations - The Three Trees
Here’s an old story that many of you have probably heard before. I've heard it a time or two myself, but had forgotten about it until I came across it on the internet the other day. The author is unknown to the best of my knowledge, and I decided to tell it here in my own words, rather than copy it exactly as I found it. Hope you enjoy it!
***
Once upon a time, there were three trees, standing on a hill in a forest. One day, the three trees were talking with one another about their hopes and dreams for the future.
“I,” began the first tree, “would like to be made into a fine treasure chest someday. I could be covered with intricate carvings and gold fittings and would be worthy of holding the greatest treasure ever known."
The second tree said, “I want to be made into a mighty sailing ship. I could carry kings and queens on long voyages across the seas and everyone would feel safe inside my strong hull."
Finally, the third tree said, “I want to grow to be the tallest and greatest tree in the forest. Everyone will be able to see me standing on the hill. When they look up to me, they will think of God and how close I am reaching to heaven, and I will always be remembered.
The three trees hoped and dreamed for many years, until finally one day, some woodsmen came to the part of the forest where they were standing.
The woodsmen looked at the first tree and said, “This looks like a fine tree. We can sell this tree to the carpenter.” The tree was happy at this because he knew the carpenter would build a fine treasure chest out of his wood.
Then the woodsmen came to the second tree and said, “This looks like a strong tree, we can sell it to the shipyard.” This made the second tree very happy because he knew that soon, he would be a mighty sailing ship.
Finally, the woodsmen came to the third tree and said, “This tree is very tall and straight, we will get much good lumber from it." The third tree was sad because he knew that his dream of being the tallest tree in the forest had ended.
But things did not go as the three trees had hoped. When the first tree got to the carpenter’s shop, instead of becoming a fine treasure chest, he was made into a feed box, and set in a barn for the animals to eat out of. At the shipyard, the second tree was made into a small fishing boat instead of a mighty sailing ship. The third tree was cut into long pieces and stored away in a warehouse, soon to be forgotten. The grand dreams that the three trees had of doing great and wonderful things, had come to an end.
Many years passed before, one starry night, a man and a woman came into the barn where the feedbox stood. The woman gave birth and they wrapped the baby in cloths and laid him in the feedbox. The man wished he could have a fine crib for his son, but this manger would have to do. As kings and wisemen came to see the baby, the tree realized that something special was happening. His dream of holding the greatest treasure ever known had finally come true.
Many more years passed, and the little fishing boat was caught in a sudden storm. The fishermen aboard were very scared,except for one, who was sleeping. The frightened men woke the sleeping one. He rose and held his hands out to the turbulent waters and said "Peace." The sea immediately became calm and the second tree realized that he was indeed carrying the King of kings.
Still more years passed, and the long-forgotten third tree was finally brought out of the warehouse. His pieces were fastened together and he was dragged down a street by a wounded man while crowds of people jeered at them. When they reached the top of a hill, the man was nailed to the tree, lifted into the air, and left to die. The people looked up to the tree and could not help but think of God as they witnessed the crucifixion. From that day on, the third tree was always remembered with great honor.
***
God’s ways are not our ways. We all want to do great and wonderful things with our lives; become successful and be looked up to, but God may have very different plans for us. We will, undoubtedly, do great and wonderful things, if we only trust in Him and follow where He leads. They may not be the kinds of things that bring us fortune and fame. In fact, they almost certainly will not, but they will be great and wonderful in the eyes of God, and what greater reward could there be?
It’s so easy to become discouraged in this world, feeling like we haven't done anything useful with our lives. I am probably more guilty of this than most. Sometimes I look at where I am now and think "Where did it all go wrong?" I always have to stop and remind myself that this is exactly where God wants me. He has his reasons, even if I don’t know what they are. It's so hard sometimes, listening for the whispering voice of God, when the whole world is screaming "Failure!”, but the voice is there. Sometimes it's enough just knowing that it's there, even if I can't quite make out what it's saying.
Well, I hope you enjoyed the story of “The ThreeTrees” as much as I did. Was it an accident that I came across this story at this particular moment in my life? Nope. God was just saving it for a special occasion. He's kind of cool that way, isn't He?
Psalms 37:23-24 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.
Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
***
Once upon a time, there were three trees, standing on a hill in a forest. One day, the three trees were talking with one another about their hopes and dreams for the future.
“I,” began the first tree, “would like to be made into a fine treasure chest someday. I could be covered with intricate carvings and gold fittings and would be worthy of holding the greatest treasure ever known."
The second tree said, “I want to be made into a mighty sailing ship. I could carry kings and queens on long voyages across the seas and everyone would feel safe inside my strong hull."
Finally, the third tree said, “I want to grow to be the tallest and greatest tree in the forest. Everyone will be able to see me standing on the hill. When they look up to me, they will think of God and how close I am reaching to heaven, and I will always be remembered.
The three trees hoped and dreamed for many years, until finally one day, some woodsmen came to the part of the forest where they were standing.
The woodsmen looked at the first tree and said, “This looks like a fine tree. We can sell this tree to the carpenter.” The tree was happy at this because he knew the carpenter would build a fine treasure chest out of his wood.
Then the woodsmen came to the second tree and said, “This looks like a strong tree, we can sell it to the shipyard.” This made the second tree very happy because he knew that soon, he would be a mighty sailing ship.
Finally, the woodsmen came to the third tree and said, “This tree is very tall and straight, we will get much good lumber from it." The third tree was sad because he knew that his dream of being the tallest tree in the forest had ended.
But things did not go as the three trees had hoped. When the first tree got to the carpenter’s shop, instead of becoming a fine treasure chest, he was made into a feed box, and set in a barn for the animals to eat out of. At the shipyard, the second tree was made into a small fishing boat instead of a mighty sailing ship. The third tree was cut into long pieces and stored away in a warehouse, soon to be forgotten. The grand dreams that the three trees had of doing great and wonderful things, had come to an end.
Many years passed before, one starry night, a man and a woman came into the barn where the feedbox stood. The woman gave birth and they wrapped the baby in cloths and laid him in the feedbox. The man wished he could have a fine crib for his son, but this manger would have to do. As kings and wisemen came to see the baby, the tree realized that something special was happening. His dream of holding the greatest treasure ever known had finally come true.
Many more years passed, and the little fishing boat was caught in a sudden storm. The fishermen aboard were very scared,except for one, who was sleeping. The frightened men woke the sleeping one. He rose and held his hands out to the turbulent waters and said "Peace." The sea immediately became calm and the second tree realized that he was indeed carrying the King of kings.
Still more years passed, and the long-forgotten third tree was finally brought out of the warehouse. His pieces were fastened together and he was dragged down a street by a wounded man while crowds of people jeered at them. When they reached the top of a hill, the man was nailed to the tree, lifted into the air, and left to die. The people looked up to the tree and could not help but think of God as they witnessed the crucifixion. From that day on, the third tree was always remembered with great honor.
***
God’s ways are not our ways. We all want to do great and wonderful things with our lives; become successful and be looked up to, but God may have very different plans for us. We will, undoubtedly, do great and wonderful things, if we only trust in Him and follow where He leads. They may not be the kinds of things that bring us fortune and fame. In fact, they almost certainly will not, but they will be great and wonderful in the eyes of God, and what greater reward could there be?
It’s so easy to become discouraged in this world, feeling like we haven't done anything useful with our lives. I am probably more guilty of this than most. Sometimes I look at where I am now and think "Where did it all go wrong?" I always have to stop and remind myself that this is exactly where God wants me. He has his reasons, even if I don’t know what they are. It's so hard sometimes, listening for the whispering voice of God, when the whole world is screaming "Failure!”, but the voice is there. Sometimes it's enough just knowing that it's there, even if I can't quite make out what it's saying.
Well, I hope you enjoyed the story of “The ThreeTrees” as much as I did. Was it an accident that I came across this story at this particular moment in my life? Nope. God was just saving it for a special occasion. He's kind of cool that way, isn't He?
Psalms 37:23-24 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.
Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Helping Myself
So, I recently talked about the old saying “the Lord helps those who help themselves." Like I said, that topic has been on my heart for quite a while now. I guess the reasons for that should be fairly obvious for anyone who has been following my blog, but I’m going to talk about it anyway.
I lost my eyesight very gradually, over a period of several years. In September of 2008 I lost my job. That seemed like a devastating blow at the time, but honestly, I couldn’t have kept it up much longer anyway; I was really struggling with it by then. I immediately started applying to various government agencies, including social security, for assistance.
My social security claim was approved reasonably quickly, and our application for food stamps went through with no problem. In addition to that, the Lord moved several members of my family to help us as well. All of our most basic needs were taken care of.
What I really had trouble with, was getting some type of medical coverage. Like I said, my social security claim was approved pretty fast, but there was still a six month waiting period before benefits would begin. In the meantime, I was receiving SSI, or Supplemental Security Income. While I was on SSI, I automatically qualified for Medicaid. I couldn’t get any surgery done on my eyes at this time, though, because I was still having trouble with infections. When my social security disability payments finally began in March 2009, they cancelled my medicaid with very little notice. I hadn't been aware that was going to happen.
So I started making phone calls. For several weeks, I tried to find out if I could still qualify for Medicaid, all to no avail. I just couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone. I talked to lots of different agencies and all they could tell me was “we don’t handle that.” I did find out that there are lots of different kinds of Medicaid, and that they are all handled by different agencies, but I was never able to find the correct agency for my situation. The only thing I found out for sure, was that I could not get medicare until I had been disabled for two years.
That was all back in Texas, when I lived just north of Dallas. Not a good place to be if you’re down on your luck. There are so many people looking for help, their system has become completely bogged down. I suppose it’s the same in any large city. Anyway, in April, God decided He wanted us in Nebraska. So we packed up our things and, on April 26th, moved North. It was sad to leave my home of the last eight years, and it was scary leaving my eye doctor, who had been caring for my eyes almost that entire time, and who I trusted completely, but I had high hopes of being able to get more help in a less populated area.
We took a couple of weeks to settle into our new home, and then I began making phone calls again. I noticed a difference right away, I could actually reach people on the phone here and get straight answers from them. Unfortunately, the answer was still no. My social security payments, not quite enough to pay our bills, were too high for me to qualify for Medicaid. We did get food stamps though, again with no trouble at all.
Naturally, that was discouraging, but I didn’t get as discouraged as you might think. It was clear to me, that God was telling me to wait. There was really no other conclusion I could draw from this. Take a look at what happened, God provided us with everything we needed. All of our basic necessities, namely food and shelter, came to us very easily. When God decided to bring us to Nebraska, he sent my brother and his family to help us move. He helped Mom find us a great house to live in at a very reasonable cost. A house that has carried us through some very harsh storms, I might add. When we first arrived here, there were boxes of food and an envelope full of money waiting for us, all donated by Mom’s church, the church I had attended as a child. Everything we needed came to us.
I really wanted some medical coverage, though, so I could get surgery, and I would be able to see again. I tried and tried, but it just never worked out. That’s because God wasn’t ready for it to happen yet. He will always provide the things we need, but not necessarily the things we THINK we need. Our needs and God’s needs can be very different sometimes.
I still get impatient sometimes, and try to take matters into my own hands. Sevral months ago, I applied for a private insurance plan from State Farm, only to be denied once again. Too many pre-existing conditions. Even now, as I write this, I have an application in with BCBS and am waiting to hear back from them. If God is ready for this to happen, then they will approve my application. If not, then I will wait. I try to be strong and have patience, but I’m only human and I have my moments of weakness.
“The Lord helps those who help themselves?” Absolutely. I am helping myself by putting my faith in Him and trusting Him to fulfill his promises to me. He never promised to restore my eyesight, but He did promise to take care of me, as long as I have faith, and that’s good enough for me.
Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Mark 9:23-24 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
I lost my eyesight very gradually, over a period of several years. In September of 2008 I lost my job. That seemed like a devastating blow at the time, but honestly, I couldn’t have kept it up much longer anyway; I was really struggling with it by then. I immediately started applying to various government agencies, including social security, for assistance.
My social security claim was approved reasonably quickly, and our application for food stamps went through with no problem. In addition to that, the Lord moved several members of my family to help us as well. All of our most basic needs were taken care of.
What I really had trouble with, was getting some type of medical coverage. Like I said, my social security claim was approved pretty fast, but there was still a six month waiting period before benefits would begin. In the meantime, I was receiving SSI, or Supplemental Security Income. While I was on SSI, I automatically qualified for Medicaid. I couldn’t get any surgery done on my eyes at this time, though, because I was still having trouble with infections. When my social security disability payments finally began in March 2009, they cancelled my medicaid with very little notice. I hadn't been aware that was going to happen.
So I started making phone calls. For several weeks, I tried to find out if I could still qualify for Medicaid, all to no avail. I just couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone. I talked to lots of different agencies and all they could tell me was “we don’t handle that.” I did find out that there are lots of different kinds of Medicaid, and that they are all handled by different agencies, but I was never able to find the correct agency for my situation. The only thing I found out for sure, was that I could not get medicare until I had been disabled for two years.
That was all back in Texas, when I lived just north of Dallas. Not a good place to be if you’re down on your luck. There are so many people looking for help, their system has become completely bogged down. I suppose it’s the same in any large city. Anyway, in April, God decided He wanted us in Nebraska. So we packed up our things and, on April 26th, moved North. It was sad to leave my home of the last eight years, and it was scary leaving my eye doctor, who had been caring for my eyes almost that entire time, and who I trusted completely, but I had high hopes of being able to get more help in a less populated area.
We took a couple of weeks to settle into our new home, and then I began making phone calls again. I noticed a difference right away, I could actually reach people on the phone here and get straight answers from them. Unfortunately, the answer was still no. My social security payments, not quite enough to pay our bills, were too high for me to qualify for Medicaid. We did get food stamps though, again with no trouble at all.
Naturally, that was discouraging, but I didn’t get as discouraged as you might think. It was clear to me, that God was telling me to wait. There was really no other conclusion I could draw from this. Take a look at what happened, God provided us with everything we needed. All of our basic necessities, namely food and shelter, came to us very easily. When God decided to bring us to Nebraska, he sent my brother and his family to help us move. He helped Mom find us a great house to live in at a very reasonable cost. A house that has carried us through some very harsh storms, I might add. When we first arrived here, there were boxes of food and an envelope full of money waiting for us, all donated by Mom’s church, the church I had attended as a child. Everything we needed came to us.
I really wanted some medical coverage, though, so I could get surgery, and I would be able to see again. I tried and tried, but it just never worked out. That’s because God wasn’t ready for it to happen yet. He will always provide the things we need, but not necessarily the things we THINK we need. Our needs and God’s needs can be very different sometimes.
I still get impatient sometimes, and try to take matters into my own hands. Sevral months ago, I applied for a private insurance plan from State Farm, only to be denied once again. Too many pre-existing conditions. Even now, as I write this, I have an application in with BCBS and am waiting to hear back from them. If God is ready for this to happen, then they will approve my application. If not, then I will wait. I try to be strong and have patience, but I’m only human and I have my moments of weakness.
“The Lord helps those who help themselves?” Absolutely. I am helping myself by putting my faith in Him and trusting Him to fulfill his promises to me. He never promised to restore my eyesight, but He did promise to take care of me, as long as I have faith, and that’s good enough for me.
Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Mark 9:23-24 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves
We’ve all heard that old saying, right? But what does it really mean? Does it mean that God will only help us achieve something if we are already beating our brains out trying to achieve it for ourselves? Or maybe He just wants to make sure we’re willing to put forth a little effort before He will help us through those last crucial steps. This topic has been on my heart for quite a while now, and it’s been kind of a tricky one for me.
Let’s start by taking a look at the phrase itself. “The Lord helps those who help themselves” is not found anywhere in the bible. I researched the origin of the saying, and found conflicting information. Some people attribute it to Benjamin Franklin in “Poor Richard’s Almanac” in 1757. Others give credit to a British philosopher, Algernon Sidney, who used the phrase in an article titled “Discourses Concerning Government” in 1698. Further research reveals that Algernon Sidney died in 1683, so who knows if that one is true. Yet another source credits the phrase to one of Aesop’s fables from the 6th century BC. The fable, titled "Hercules and the Waggoner", tells the tale of a man whose wagon became stuck in the mud. The man got down on his knees and prayed to Hercules for help. Hercules promptly told the man to get up and put his shoulder to the wheel because "the gods help those who help themselves.” It seems the phrase actually originated in pagan Greek mythology.
That’s all very interesting as a history lesson, but it doesn’t really help to answer my questions. As a Christian, I naturally understand that I must turn to the scriptures for answers. Here are a few passages I came across:
Exodus 20:9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work.
Psalms 104:23 Man goeth forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening.
Psalms 128:2 For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Proverbs 13:11 Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase.
Hebrews 6:12 That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
That certainly makes it sound like God expects us to work. He sure isn’t advising His people to sit around and do nothing, but in all honesty, I’m not completely convinced that those verses apply directly to the topic at hand. I do like that last one, though. Incidentally, there are more than two hundred verses in the bible that speak of labour. Let’s look a little further:
Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Jeremiah 17:5 Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD.
Psalms 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
Psalms 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.
I recognize a couple of those verses, I’ve used them in my blog before. Those verses make it sound like we’re supposed to trust God and wait on Him. That last one in particular seems very clear to me. Incidentally, there are also lots of verses that talk about waiting on the Lord.
I have read a few articles that I found on this subject and, surprise, surprise, opinions are varied. Some support one theory, and some support the other, and, depending on your interpretation, you can find plenty of scripture to back up either one. So what’s the answer?
Here’s what I know, or maybe I should say here’s what I believe:
I believe God does not want us to be lazy or slothful.
I believe that God does not want us to suffer needlessly.
I believe that God wants us to help others in need.
I believe that God wants us to have patience, and wait for Him to do things in His own time.
I believe that God will provide us with everything we NEED.
I guess what it all boils down to is faith. We must have faith in God to provide for us, and to lead us where He will. I think it’s okay for us to try to achieve results for ourselves, but let’s face it; if God is not ready for it to happen, It’s just not going to happen, no matter what we do. How will we know whether to work at it, or just wait on the Lord? That part, at least, is easy, ask God. If He wants us to do something, He will tell us. If he wants us to be patient and wait for Him to take care of it, He will tell us that too. It’s all about faith and trust.
Well, I’ve done a lot of praying about this, praying for God to instruct me, and praying for Him to open my heart so I can receive His instructions, and this is what I seem to be getting. Of course, I will continue to pray and will wait to see were He leads me next. In the meantime, I will put my trust in the Lord.
I’m going to leave off with some words of wisdom that Pastor Mike shared with me:
“..…Steven, the Lord is your help in time of need. No one knows what you need more than the Lord and He will indeed either give you the grace to stand up under your difficulties or He will remove the difficulty. Our responsibility is to seek the Lord and leave the results totally with Him. If He gives you the opportunity to have some medical procedure done that will allow your eyesight to be restored He will provide for that as well.”
Psalms 121:1-3 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Let’s start by taking a look at the phrase itself. “The Lord helps those who help themselves” is not found anywhere in the bible. I researched the origin of the saying, and found conflicting information. Some people attribute it to Benjamin Franklin in “Poor Richard’s Almanac” in 1757. Others give credit to a British philosopher, Algernon Sidney, who used the phrase in an article titled “Discourses Concerning Government” in 1698. Further research reveals that Algernon Sidney died in 1683, so who knows if that one is true. Yet another source credits the phrase to one of Aesop’s fables from the 6th century BC. The fable, titled "Hercules and the Waggoner", tells the tale of a man whose wagon became stuck in the mud. The man got down on his knees and prayed to Hercules for help. Hercules promptly told the man to get up and put his shoulder to the wheel because "the gods help those who help themselves.” It seems the phrase actually originated in pagan Greek mythology.
That’s all very interesting as a history lesson, but it doesn’t really help to answer my questions. As a Christian, I naturally understand that I must turn to the scriptures for answers. Here are a few passages I came across:
Exodus 20:9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work.
Psalms 104:23 Man goeth forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening.
Psalms 128:2 For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Proverbs 13:11 Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase.
Hebrews 6:12 That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
That certainly makes it sound like God expects us to work. He sure isn’t advising His people to sit around and do nothing, but in all honesty, I’m not completely convinced that those verses apply directly to the topic at hand. I do like that last one, though. Incidentally, there are more than two hundred verses in the bible that speak of labour. Let’s look a little further:
Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Jeremiah 17:5 Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD.
Psalms 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
Psalms 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.
I recognize a couple of those verses, I’ve used them in my blog before. Those verses make it sound like we’re supposed to trust God and wait on Him. That last one in particular seems very clear to me. Incidentally, there are also lots of verses that talk about waiting on the Lord.
I have read a few articles that I found on this subject and, surprise, surprise, opinions are varied. Some support one theory, and some support the other, and, depending on your interpretation, you can find plenty of scripture to back up either one. So what’s the answer?
Here’s what I know, or maybe I should say here’s what I believe:
I believe God does not want us to be lazy or slothful.
I believe that God does not want us to suffer needlessly.
I believe that God wants us to help others in need.
I believe that God wants us to have patience, and wait for Him to do things in His own time.
I believe that God will provide us with everything we NEED.
I guess what it all boils down to is faith. We must have faith in God to provide for us, and to lead us where He will. I think it’s okay for us to try to achieve results for ourselves, but let’s face it; if God is not ready for it to happen, It’s just not going to happen, no matter what we do. How will we know whether to work at it, or just wait on the Lord? That part, at least, is easy, ask God. If He wants us to do something, He will tell us. If he wants us to be patient and wait for Him to take care of it, He will tell us that too. It’s all about faith and trust.
Well, I’ve done a lot of praying about this, praying for God to instruct me, and praying for Him to open my heart so I can receive His instructions, and this is what I seem to be getting. Of course, I will continue to pray and will wait to see were He leads me next. In the meantime, I will put my trust in the Lord.
I’m going to leave off with some words of wisdom that Pastor Mike shared with me:
“..…Steven, the Lord is your help in time of need. No one knows what you need more than the Lord and He will indeed either give you the grace to stand up under your difficulties or He will remove the difficulty. Our responsibility is to seek the Lord and leave the results totally with Him. If He gives you the opportunity to have some medical procedure done that will allow your eyesight to be restored He will provide for that as well.”
Psalms 121:1-3 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Heavy Heart
So here it is, 1 o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. Again. This has been going on for several nights now. I have asthma and it’s been acting up pretty bad lately. It’s harder to breathe lying down so for a few nights I was sleeping in shifts of a couple hours at a time. My asthma has been a little better lately though, and I’ve been able to lie down much better. I still can’t sleep though, ecause I just have too much on my mind.
What’s on my mind? Well, I suppose I should back up a little and explain this properly.
I’ve already talked about some of this. I went blind a while back and have been drawing social security. The payments I’m getting are barely enough to pay our bills, but the government says I’m earning too much to get Medicaid. Medicare is out also because I have to be disabled for two years before I qualify. If I had some kind of medical coverage, I could get my sight back because my problem is correctible by surgery.
Well, my mom kept telling me not to worry about that; that she would come up with the money somehow. I kept turning her down because I truly did not feel like that was what God wanted. It seemed like everytime I was tempted to take matters into my own hands and make something happen, I kept getting the message “wait.”
So, anyway, about three months ago the last of my asthma medicine ran out. I tried really hard to put my trust in God to take care of me, but to tell you the truth I was really scared about what was going to happen. In spite of my fears, when the medicine ran out, I was fine! God totally came through for me! For the next ten weeks or so, life was pretty good. I can't tell you how good it felt to be free of that medicine.
Then a couple of weeks ago, it finally caught up with me. My asthma hasn’t been that bad for about 4 years, when I ended up in the hospital for a week. I had a particularly bad evening a couple of nights ago, and I told Mom Iwas ready to take her up on her offer.
So now I face the prospect of getting some health insurance and possibly getting my sight back. Sounds like a pretty good deal. The problem is that now I’m wondering; is this what God intended, or am I trying to take matters into my own hands again? I really don’t know the answer to that, and that’s what is keeping me up at night, now that my asthma is settling down a little.
I know that God doesn’t want us to suffer. But I also know that sometimes he places challenges before us so that “the works of God should be made manifest,” just like it says in John chapter 9. So I guess the question is; has my disability brought glory to God? That’s kind of what this blog has been all about, but did it reach anyone? In my vanity, I envisioned testifying to thousands of people and converting every one of them to Christ, but of course I know it doesn’t always work that way. This whole thing may have been for one particular person out there; someone who just needed to hear someone talk about God; someone who I may never even know exists. Hmm, I need to read “The 5 People You Meet In Heaven” again.
Well, all I can do is pray about it, and hope that I am doing the right thing. It all comes down to faith. I have to have faith that God will lead me to where He wants me to be. Faith is such a small thing; such a huge thing; the only thing.
John 9:1-3 And as Jesus passed by, He saw a man which was blind from his birth. And His disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
What’s on my mind? Well, I suppose I should back up a little and explain this properly.
I’ve already talked about some of this. I went blind a while back and have been drawing social security. The payments I’m getting are barely enough to pay our bills, but the government says I’m earning too much to get Medicaid. Medicare is out also because I have to be disabled for two years before I qualify. If I had some kind of medical coverage, I could get my sight back because my problem is correctible by surgery.
Well, my mom kept telling me not to worry about that; that she would come up with the money somehow. I kept turning her down because I truly did not feel like that was what God wanted. It seemed like everytime I was tempted to take matters into my own hands and make something happen, I kept getting the message “wait.”
So, anyway, about three months ago the last of my asthma medicine ran out. I tried really hard to put my trust in God to take care of me, but to tell you the truth I was really scared about what was going to happen. In spite of my fears, when the medicine ran out, I was fine! God totally came through for me! For the next ten weeks or so, life was pretty good. I can't tell you how good it felt to be free of that medicine.
Then a couple of weeks ago, it finally caught up with me. My asthma hasn’t been that bad for about 4 years, when I ended up in the hospital for a week. I had a particularly bad evening a couple of nights ago, and I told Mom Iwas ready to take her up on her offer.
So now I face the prospect of getting some health insurance and possibly getting my sight back. Sounds like a pretty good deal. The problem is that now I’m wondering; is this what God intended, or am I trying to take matters into my own hands again? I really don’t know the answer to that, and that’s what is keeping me up at night, now that my asthma is settling down a little.
I know that God doesn’t want us to suffer. But I also know that sometimes he places challenges before us so that “the works of God should be made manifest,” just like it says in John chapter 9. So I guess the question is; has my disability brought glory to God? That’s kind of what this blog has been all about, but did it reach anyone? In my vanity, I envisioned testifying to thousands of people and converting every one of them to Christ, but of course I know it doesn’t always work that way. This whole thing may have been for one particular person out there; someone who just needed to hear someone talk about God; someone who I may never even know exists. Hmm, I need to read “The 5 People You Meet In Heaven” again.
Well, all I can do is pray about it, and hope that I am doing the right thing. It all comes down to faith. I have to have faith that God will lead me to where He wants me to be. Faith is such a small thing; such a huge thing; the only thing.
John 9:1-3 And as Jesus passed by, He saw a man which was blind from his birth. And His disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Going Blind pt 3
Okay, let’s see if I can wrap this up. If you’ve been following along, you’ll remember that last time I had finally gotten my cornea transplant and could see out of both eyes again after two years with only one eye.
So yeah, I was pretty happy about that. My vision was good in both eyes for the next year but after that it was all down hill.
I started getting infections again in my left eye. We would get one infection cleared up and I’d be okay for one or two or six months, but then another one would pop up. In the meantime, my right eye began to deteriorate. The keratoconus gradually progressed to the point where my hard contact lens didn’t really help any more. I couldn’t get surgery though because of the constant infections in my left eye.
My doctor had always said that she wouldn’t do surgery in either eye until both had been healthy for a whole year. After a couple of years she said maybe she would settle for six months. But it never happened, the infections just kept coming.
Over the next four years or so I gradually lost the vision in my right eye. The transplant in my left eye was holding up pretty good even with all the problems but then I started to develop a cataract in that eye.
Sometime during the early months of 2008 it got bad enough that I couldn’t read books anymore. Through it all I think this has been the hardest thing for me. I’ve always been an avid reader. I have since grown to love audio books and I thank God for them all the time, but I still miss reading.
In May of that year I had to give up driving. That was a big chunk of independence lost and was pretty hard to take. In September I lost my job. I couldn’t have done it much longer anyway though, I was really struggling with it. In October I was declared legally blind.
In April 2009 Joni, Adam and I moved up here to Nebraska. We couldn’t afford to live in Dallas on my social security. I had very little vision left by then but God left me just enough to familiarize myself with my new surroundings. In June I finally lost the last little bit remaining.
And now I am just waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting to see what God has planned for me.
I need cataract surgery in my left eye and a cornea transplant in the right. I can’t get either because I have no medical coverage. I’ve been denied again and again. I can’t get Medicaid because I make too much money and I can’t get medicare until I’ve been disabled for two years. Private insurance plans are too expensive and also I have a lot of pre-existing medical problems, not just my eye problems, but also asthma.
But that’s okay because I have God in my life now. He promised to take care of us and I believe Him. That makes the waiting much easier to bear. When God is ready for me to see again, then I will see again. And what a glorious day that will be! I know I still have some things to figure out before that happens though, and I am doing my best to learn them.
I think that’s what this blog is all about. God wanted me to document what’s happening so that lots of people can bear witness. So the sooner you get all your friends to read my blog, the sooner I’ll get my sight back! Ha ha! Just kidding, but that’s what it’s really all about; giving the glory to God. Putting your faith in HIM, not in doctors or surgeries or insurance policies.
So that’s how I became blind. The End…NOT! No, I still have lots of things to share with you so I hope you’ll keep coming back each week. Until next time…
Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the lord than to put confidence in man.
Psalms 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God. I have my trust in the Lord God that I may declare all thy works.
So yeah, I was pretty happy about that. My vision was good in both eyes for the next year but after that it was all down hill.
I started getting infections again in my left eye. We would get one infection cleared up and I’d be okay for one or two or six months, but then another one would pop up. In the meantime, my right eye began to deteriorate. The keratoconus gradually progressed to the point where my hard contact lens didn’t really help any more. I couldn’t get surgery though because of the constant infections in my left eye.
My doctor had always said that she wouldn’t do surgery in either eye until both had been healthy for a whole year. After a couple of years she said maybe she would settle for six months. But it never happened, the infections just kept coming.
Over the next four years or so I gradually lost the vision in my right eye. The transplant in my left eye was holding up pretty good even with all the problems but then I started to develop a cataract in that eye.
Sometime during the early months of 2008 it got bad enough that I couldn’t read books anymore. Through it all I think this has been the hardest thing for me. I’ve always been an avid reader. I have since grown to love audio books and I thank God for them all the time, but I still miss reading.
In May of that year I had to give up driving. That was a big chunk of independence lost and was pretty hard to take. In September I lost my job. I couldn’t have done it much longer anyway though, I was really struggling with it. In October I was declared legally blind.
In April 2009 Joni, Adam and I moved up here to Nebraska. We couldn’t afford to live in Dallas on my social security. I had very little vision left by then but God left me just enough to familiarize myself with my new surroundings. In June I finally lost the last little bit remaining.
And now I am just waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting to see what God has planned for me.
I need cataract surgery in my left eye and a cornea transplant in the right. I can’t get either because I have no medical coverage. I’ve been denied again and again. I can’t get Medicaid because I make too much money and I can’t get medicare until I’ve been disabled for two years. Private insurance plans are too expensive and also I have a lot of pre-existing medical problems, not just my eye problems, but also asthma.
But that’s okay because I have God in my life now. He promised to take care of us and I believe Him. That makes the waiting much easier to bear. When God is ready for me to see again, then I will see again. And what a glorious day that will be! I know I still have some things to figure out before that happens though, and I am doing my best to learn them.
I think that’s what this blog is all about. God wanted me to document what’s happening so that lots of people can bear witness. So the sooner you get all your friends to read my blog, the sooner I’ll get my sight back! Ha ha! Just kidding, but that’s what it’s really all about; giving the glory to God. Putting your faith in HIM, not in doctors or surgeries or insurance policies.
So that’s how I became blind. The End…NOT! No, I still have lots of things to share with you so I hope you’ll keep coming back each week. Until next time…
Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the lord than to put confidence in man.
Psalms 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God. I have my trust in the Lord God that I may declare all thy works.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
More History
Hi! Welcome to Drums In The Deep. If this is your first visit I encourage you to read the older posts below or this one won’t make as much sense.
Last week I talked briefly about the kind of childhood I had. I mentioned that I grew up going to church but none of it really took hold until much later in my life. This week, I thought I would expand on that a little bit.
In high school I had been a pretty good kid. I was an ‘A’ student and got along pretty well with my family. Didn’t hang around with the wrong crowd or anything like that. I earned some scholarships and went off to college with high hopes. But that was when the trouble started.
Since I was now an ‘adult’ and could make my own decisions, I decided to stop going to church. At college, I spent most of my time drinking and partying instead of studying. Inevitably, I flunked out my first year. Not long after that I got in trouble with the law for stealing. Yep, as an adult I was an immediate success.
Then it was discovered that my dad had cancer. That was in April of 1995. My family and I spent the next six months watching him slowly die, and by October he was gone. He was 50 years old and I was 24.
To cap things off, not long after Dad died I got a girl pregnant. It felt like the whole world was crashing down around me. The little amount of faith I had was eroding fast. The world was chipping away at it and I was doing nothing to reinforce it, see?
Well, guess what I did next; I made like an egg and beat it. Just ran away. I ran away from the pain of my father’s death; ran away from all the mistakes I had made and the trouble I had caused.
That seemed like a good plan, but oddly enough running away didn’t make my problems go away. It didn’t stop me from creating new problems either. Soon enough, I met someone and married her, more out of desperation than love I think. Three years later I was divorced.
I’m not trying to impress you with what a hard life I had or anything like that, I’m just setting the scene for you. By this time I had completely convinced myself that God did not exist. I wasn’t just doubting, I was sure of it. Where was the proof after all? Well, eventually God slapped me upside the head and gave me all the proof I needed, but that was still several years away.
So why am I writing all this down? Because I want you to understand how far from God I had fallen. And also to point out again that even though I gave up on Him, He never gave up on me.
Some of you may have read a book by Stephen King called ‘The Stand’. There is one scene in this book that I think of often. Nick and his companions have been drawn to the home of Abigail Fremantle in Hemingford Home, Nebraska by some inexplicable force. Upon their arrival, Nick and Mother Abigail sit down to talk, at which time she explains to him some of the things that are going to happen. When Nick asks how she knows all this, she tells him frankly that it is God’s plan. Nick says, “I don’t believe in God.” Mother Abigail just laughs and says, “It doesn’t matter Nick. He believes in YOU.”
I can’t put it much better than that. And I see that I’ve been rambling on quite long enough for today so I think I’ll stop here for now. Just remember this:
GOD BELIEVES IN YOU!
Last week I talked briefly about the kind of childhood I had. I mentioned that I grew up going to church but none of it really took hold until much later in my life. This week, I thought I would expand on that a little bit.
In high school I had been a pretty good kid. I was an ‘A’ student and got along pretty well with my family. Didn’t hang around with the wrong crowd or anything like that. I earned some scholarships and went off to college with high hopes. But that was when the trouble started.
Since I was now an ‘adult’ and could make my own decisions, I decided to stop going to church. At college, I spent most of my time drinking and partying instead of studying. Inevitably, I flunked out my first year. Not long after that I got in trouble with the law for stealing. Yep, as an adult I was an immediate success.
Then it was discovered that my dad had cancer. That was in April of 1995. My family and I spent the next six months watching him slowly die, and by October he was gone. He was 50 years old and I was 24.
To cap things off, not long after Dad died I got a girl pregnant. It felt like the whole world was crashing down around me. The little amount of faith I had was eroding fast. The world was chipping away at it and I was doing nothing to reinforce it, see?
Well, guess what I did next; I made like an egg and beat it. Just ran away. I ran away from the pain of my father’s death; ran away from all the mistakes I had made and the trouble I had caused.
That seemed like a good plan, but oddly enough running away didn’t make my problems go away. It didn’t stop me from creating new problems either. Soon enough, I met someone and married her, more out of desperation than love I think. Three years later I was divorced.
I’m not trying to impress you with what a hard life I had or anything like that, I’m just setting the scene for you. By this time I had completely convinced myself that God did not exist. I wasn’t just doubting, I was sure of it. Where was the proof after all? Well, eventually God slapped me upside the head and gave me all the proof I needed, but that was still several years away.
So why am I writing all this down? Because I want you to understand how far from God I had fallen. And also to point out again that even though I gave up on Him, He never gave up on me.
Some of you may have read a book by Stephen King called ‘The Stand’. There is one scene in this book that I think of often. Nick and his companions have been drawn to the home of Abigail Fremantle in Hemingford Home, Nebraska by some inexplicable force. Upon their arrival, Nick and Mother Abigail sit down to talk, at which time she explains to him some of the things that are going to happen. When Nick asks how she knows all this, she tells him frankly that it is God’s plan. Nick says, “I don’t believe in God.” Mother Abigail just laughs and says, “It doesn’t matter Nick. He believes in YOU.”
I can’t put it much better than that. And I see that I’ve been rambling on quite long enough for today so I think I’ll stop here for now. Just remember this:
GOD BELIEVES IN YOU!
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