Island Earth - The Microphone

It was about one year ago that I first wrote in my blog about my desire to become an audiobook narrator. I made a couple of blog posts about my concept for Island Earth Audio and outlined my first basic steps of finding material to narrate, finding a recording program for the computer, and getting a microphone. Well, at the time, my project hit a roadblock as good recording microphones were rather expensive and I just didn’t have the money for one. I ended up putting the whole thing on the back burner for a while.

However, last week I got to looking at microphones again at Amazon.com and came across something that looked pretty good. What I found was a Samson Go Mic Compact USB Microphone. It had some excellent reviews from other people who had bought and used it and several people said that it was good for recording voice and even music. Best of all it only cost about $35, much better than the $100 I thought I would need to spend for a good microphone. I decided to give it a try. I ordered the microphone and it arrived yesterday.

As you can see, the Samson is very compact. It’s attached to a clip so you can attach it to something, but the clip is also heavy enough to serve as a base, which will stand on any flat surface. It plugs into the computer via the included USB cord and also has a little jack on the side to plug in headphones so you can hear exactly what it’s picking up while you record. One way I typically judge electronic devices is by how heavy they feel. Some things feel very light and flimsy in your hand and that usually, although not always, indicates that it’s cheap and not very good. The Samson has a nice heavy and solid feel to it, which makes me think it’s a decent piece of equipment. In addition, the microphone came with a CD program for creating recordings so I can try that out as well and see if it will do what I want it to do. I haven’t installed the software yet or tried out the microphone but I’m anxious to do so.

I guess my next step is to find the quietest possible place in the house where I can make some recordings. This will almost certainly have to be in the basement. Our basement primarily consists of one large room with a couple of smaller rooms off to one side. One of these smaller rooms has carpet in it and I think that will be my best bet. What I’ll need to do is try to clear out a corner of the room and maybe hang some blankets or something around it to create some sound-dampening partitions. Then I can sit in there with Joni’s laptop and, hopefully, create some recordings.

So my project is moving forward again after a long wait. It will take a lot of trial and error as I learn how to use the microphone and the software, and most of all it will just take time. I’m okay with that; God taught me patience through my blindness and it’s a lesson I think I have learned well. This will be a fun project. Wish me luck!

Isaiah 40:31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. ESV

James 5:7-8 Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. ESV

Passing the Time

So now the waiting truly begins. It seems that it’s easier to wait for something when you know it’s still a long way off. I really don’t feel very nervous or anxious, but there’s just this feeling in the air, kind of like an approaching storm. Something you sense more than see.
This month marked exactly two years since I went completely blind, and I was just thinking about how those two years have gone by. There were times when it seemed like time would never move again, but of course it did, and now I can’t believe so much has gone by.
I’m reminded of how much God has been with me during this time. Two years is nothing to Him, but He knew it would be a long wait for me. And He was always there with me, helping me along and giving me things to do to help pass the time.
It was way back in 2007 when He introduced me to audiobooks for the first time. God used Uncle Butch to pass that idea along to my mom, and her to pass it along to me. Only God could have come up with such a perfect plan for me. I’ve always loved books and that was just the thing. Of course, I wasn’t completely blind yet at that time, but my eyes were failing and it was getting difficult to read print.
The audiobooks kept me occupied for a while, but the novelty of it did begin to wear off after about two years. In 2009, just a few months after I went completely blind, God gave me the idea to start writing audiobook reviews and publishing them on a blog. Wow, books and computers combined in one project! Does God know me or what? For that one, God brought in the lady from the division for the blind, who loaded a screen reader onto my computer and showed me how to use it. I can’t even guess how many hours I have passed away listening to audiobooks and writing reviews and working on my blog.
Believe it or not, even that began to lose its luster after a year or so. God didn’t leave me hanging though. It was about then that he introduced me to Susan Dunman. Susan asked me if I would be interested in submitting links to my reviews to her site, Audiobook Jukebox. Not long after that, she asked if I would be interested in writing some reviews for another site that she edits, The SF Site. That put a little bit of a new twist on things and kept me going for a few months.
It was through my association with Susan that God planted the idea in my head that I could contact audiobook publishers and ask them to send me free audiobooks for review. That was a great idea because I had already been through most of the audiobooks my library had that interested me. So for the last seven or eight months I’ve been getting lots of great books directly from publishers.
Anyway, God knew just how to keep my mind occupied so I didn’t have to sit around feeling sorry for myself, or wishing the time would go faster. And in the process I’ve met some nice people that I otherwise would have never known. I even met an audiobook producer and narrator from Colorado: after we had known each other for a while, we discovered that we are both native Nebraskans; he grew up in North Platte.
It’s very comforting to know that God is always there looking out for me. Of course, I already knew that from reading the bible, but the message is so much more powerful when you witness it first-hand.

Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. ESV

Romans 8:28 we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ESV

Journal - Measurements

Today I had my appointment at the Kearney Eye Clinic to get my measurements taken. I think I said earlier that the measurements were to determine what kind of lens I would need, but I found out today that was wrong. What they actually did was measure my cornea, and the length of my eye from front to back. Apparently, the eye length has a lot to do with whether you’re near-sighted or far-sighted.
To get the measurements, all I had to do was sit down in front of this machine, put my chin on the chin-rest and look straight ahead. The machine is automatic and computerized. When I say “automatic and computerized”, what I really mean is that it’s very touchy and temperamental. They got a pretty good reading on my right eye, the one that will be operated on, but it couldn’t get a reading on my left eye, which is the one they can’t do anything with. I should mention here that they measure both eyes, even though only one will be operated on, so they can make a comparison which better enables them to make sure the readings are good. In all fairness, that machine probably works perfectly well on normal eyes. My left eye is pretty messed up.
Anyway, after the first machine failed, they tried me out on a different one. I got the impression that it was an older machine and was less computerized. That one works by actually contacting the eye which meant they had to give me some numbing drops. The second machine didn’t work on my left eye either.
Believe it or not, they had a third machine handy that they tried me out on, but that one couldn’t read my left eye either. They finally decided to just go with the measurements they got on my right eye. The measurements on the left eye were only to be used as kind of an average anyway, and they seemed pretty confident with what they got on my right eye.
In all, it only took about thirty minutes to go through all three machines, so we weren’t there very long at all. After that, we stopped by the library, which is undergoing a lot of construction, to pick up a couple of audiobooks I had reserved, and we were home by 11:30.
My left eye felt a little sore and irritated the rest of the day after all that messing around, and in fact still does now at 8:00 pm. That’s not uncommon, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home from the eye doctor with sore, irritated eyes. It should be back to normal by the time I get up tomorrow morning.
So, as far as I know, the next, and last, thing I need to do before surgery is to get a physical. I believe Elinore told me they would let me know when it was time to do that, but I think I’ll give her a call later this week and make sure they have everything they need now.
I’ve sort of been struggling a little on this, as far as what I should be praying for. I hate to be asking God to restore my sight because I don’t know if that’s His plan for me. I keep telling myself that if God doesn’t want this to happen, there’s about a million different ways He could have stopped it by now, but since May 9 everything has happened very quickly and smoothly. I guess all I can do, and all any of us can do really, is to ask that His will be done. I’ve also been praying a lot for patience, and God has really come through for me. I don’t really feel anxious about this at all. But I suppose that will all be out the window as soon as I get that phone call.

Psalms 67:1 May God be gracious to us and bless us and make His face to shine upon us.

Psalms 62:5 For God alone, oh my soul, wait in silence; for my hope is from Him.

Journal - BCBS Blues, NCAA Pinks

Well.

On Monday I got a letter from BCBS saying that they have denied my application for insurance. Last week, they had asked for records from Doctor Hargrave. We mailed a copy of that request to her office in Dallas on Friday the 19th. The denial letter I got on Monday was dated the 19th. They asked for the records but didn’t wait to get them. They didn’t even mention the records, they said I was denied because of my pre-existing conditions which they have known about all along. Is it a coincidence that their denial letter was dated just two days before Barrack Obama signed the new health bill? No, I don’t believe in coincidences, as I have mentioned before. I don't really think there is anything in the new health bill that would have a direct effect on my case, but BCBS wasn’t taking any chances I suppose. Well, I kept saying that I wished they would make a decision, one way or the other and I got my wish. What's next? I have no idea. More waiting. I'll just have to wait and see where God leads me next.

That was the bad news. Now for the good news! Nebraska won their second round game against UCLA on Tuesday night! It was a pretty exciting game too. Well, the first half was, anyway.

UCLA struck like lightning in the opening minutes of the game and took a 13 to 4 lead very quickly. The Lady Huskers battled back, though, and tied it up at 15 before going on to take a ten point lead. The first half ended with a five point lead for Nebraska. UCLA came out fighting again in the second half and came to within one point, but it was all Nebraska after that. UCLA never gave up, they kept scoring points, but Nebraska was just too much for them. The final score was 82 to 70 or something like that.. Nebraska was hitting the three pointers again. They struggled with that in the first half, but started hitting them almost at will in the second. And not just one or two players, either, I think seven or eight different players hit three point shots.

With this win, Nebraska advances to the sweet sixteen, which is just a fancy way of saying there are only sixteen teams left playing for the national championship. Those sixteen teams come together in Kansas City this weekend. Nebraska is supposed to play Sunday night against Kentucky, but no time was set yet. This marks the first time a Nebraska basketball team, men’s or women’s, has made it to the sweet sixteen. Pretty amazing. Wouldn’t it be great if they won the national championship? Even if they don’t, I hope they can keep having this kind of success for many years to come. What a boon to the University and to Nebraska sports. Seeing any Husker team do that well really leaves me feeling in the pink. Wasn’t that a clever tie-in to my title?

For those of you who don’t live around here, my hometown of Gibbon, which I live very close to now, built a new school and began using it this year. Gibbon is a small town so they only need one school for all grades. The old school, where my siblings and I attended, and also where my parents and their siblings attended, and where my sister's kids have attended, has been standing vacant this year. I know they really neded a new building, but it’s sad to think of the old school just sitting there empty.

Now it sounds like someone may be interested in doing something with it, though. There is an email going around to everyone in Gibbon and the neighboring towns with a link to an online survey. The survey asks several questions about what kinds of activities or services the people around here might be interested in. Maybe they are thinking of using the old school for a community center or something like that. That would be awesome if they can pull it off, although it honestly doesn’t seem like there are enough people around here to support something like that. I sure wish them lots of luck in their venture though!

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

Helping Myself

So, I recently talked about the old saying “the Lord helps those who help themselves." Like I said, that topic has been on my heart for quite a while now. I guess the reasons for that should be fairly obvious for anyone who has been following my blog, but I’m going to talk about it anyway.

I lost my eyesight very gradually, over a period of several years. In September of 2008 I lost my job. That seemed like a devastating blow at the time, but honestly, I couldn’t have kept it up much longer anyway; I was really struggling with it by then. I immediately started applying to various government agencies, including social security, for assistance.

My social security claim was approved reasonably quickly, and our application for food stamps went through with no problem. In addition to that, the Lord moved several members of my family to help us as well. All of our most basic needs were taken care of.

What I really had trouble with, was getting some type of medical coverage. Like I said, my social security claim was approved pretty fast, but there was still a six month waiting period before benefits would begin. In the meantime, I was receiving SSI, or Supplemental Security Income. While I was on SSI, I automatically qualified for Medicaid. I couldn’t get any surgery done on my eyes at this time, though, because I was still having trouble with infections. When my social security disability payments finally began in March 2009, they cancelled my medicaid with very little notice. I hadn't been aware that was going to happen.

So I started making phone calls. For several weeks, I tried to find out if I could still qualify for Medicaid, all to no avail. I just couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone. I talked to lots of different agencies and all they could tell me was “we don’t handle that.” I did find out that there are lots of different kinds of Medicaid, and that they are all handled by different agencies, but I was never able to find the correct agency for my situation. The only thing I found out for sure, was that I could not get medicare until I had been disabled for two years.

That was all back in Texas, when I lived just north of Dallas. Not a good place to be if you’re down on your luck. There are so many people looking for help, their system has become completely bogged down. I suppose it’s the same in any large city. Anyway, in April, God decided He wanted us in Nebraska. So we packed up our things and, on April 26th, moved North. It was sad to leave my home of the last eight years, and it was scary leaving my eye doctor, who had been caring for my eyes almost that entire time, and who I trusted completely, but I had high hopes of being able to get more help in a less populated area.

We took a couple of weeks to settle into our new home, and then I began making phone calls again. I noticed a difference right away, I could actually reach people on the phone here and get straight answers from them. Unfortunately, the answer was still no. My social security payments, not quite enough to pay our bills, were too high for me to qualify for Medicaid. We did get food stamps though, again with no trouble at all.

Naturally, that was discouraging, but I didn’t get as discouraged as you might think. It was clear to me, that God was telling me to wait. There was really no other conclusion I could draw from this. Take a look at what happened, God provided us with everything we needed. All of our basic necessities, namely food and shelter, came to us very easily. When God decided to bring us to Nebraska, he sent my brother and his family to help us move. He helped Mom find us a great house to live in at a very reasonable cost. A house that has carried us through some very harsh storms, I might add. When we first arrived here, there were boxes of food and an envelope full of money waiting for us, all donated by Mom’s church, the church I had attended as a child. Everything we needed came to us.

I really wanted some medical coverage, though, so I could get surgery, and I would be able to see again. I tried and tried, but it just never worked out. That’s because God wasn’t ready for it to happen yet. He will always provide the things we need, but not necessarily the things we THINK we need. Our needs and God’s needs can be very different sometimes.

I still get impatient sometimes, and try to take matters into my own hands. Sevral months ago, I applied for a private insurance plan from State Farm, only to be denied once again. Too many pre-existing conditions. Even now, as I write this, I have an application in with BCBS and am waiting to hear back from them. If God is ready for this to happen, then they will approve my application. If not, then I will wait. I try to be strong and have patience, but I’m only human and I have my moments of weakness.

“The Lord helps those who help themselves?” Absolutely. I am helping myself by putting my faith in Him and trusting Him to fulfill his promises to me. He never promised to restore my eyesight, but He did promise to take care of me, as long as I have faith, and that’s good enough for me.

Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Mark 9:23-24 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

Journal - Insurance Update

If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll already know that I put in an application with Blue Cross and Blue Shield back in December, and for the past four weeks have been waiting to hear whether they were going to approve it or not. Well, I finally have an update.

Yesterday, I got two letters from BCBS. The first was a request for more information. It said I had left a couple of spots blank, and they could not complete the application without it. It went on to say that they needed the information within fifteen days or they would have to cancel my application. No problem there, I was glad to hear from them.

The second letter said that since they had not received the requested information within the allotted fifteen days, they were, regretfully, canceling my application. I guess fifteen days isn’t what it used to be. I received both letters on the same day, yesterday, and both were dated January 25.

Well, my initial reaction was, of course, anger and frustration. Ironically enough, I just finished a book called “The Rainmaker” by John Grisham. It’s about a crooked insurance company that rejected someone’s claim and a kid ended up dying because he couldn’t get the medical treatment he needed. Keep your eye on my other blog, Reviews From The Deep for the review. *wink* Is God trying to tell me I should sue the pants off of BCBS? No, I don’t think so; it was a funny coincidence, though.

Those initial feelings washed over me pretty quickly, when I remembered that this whole thing is completely out of my control anyway. When God is ready for me to see again, then I will see again, regardless of anything I, or my insurance company, try to do about it. Ironically, I wrote a rather lengthy blog on precisely this topic earlier this week and am planning to post it on Saturday. Another funny coincidence? No, I think God probably planned it that way in preparation of the challenge He knew I would soon be facing. His timing, as usual, was impeccable.

So what next? Well, I still feel like God is telling me to wait. Stubborn mule that I am, however, I will probably call BCBS in the morning and try to get to the bottom of this. Anyway, I have a lot of pent-up frustration, and would just love to unload it on some unsuspecting insurance agent. Who knows, maybe it was a simple clerical error.

So that’s my update. Sorry I didn’t have better news for you. I'll probably have more to report later. In the meantime, I need to do some thinking on how I’m going to handle that phone call in the morning..

Isaiah 30:18 And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.

Luke 6:21 Blessed are ye that hunger now: for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh.

The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves

We’ve all heard that old saying, right? But what does it really mean? Does it mean that God will only help us achieve something if we are already beating our brains out trying to achieve it for ourselves? Or maybe He just wants to make sure we’re willing to put forth a little effort before He will help us through those last crucial steps. This topic has been on my heart for quite a while now, and it’s been kind of a tricky one for me.

Let’s start by taking a look at the phrase itself. “The Lord helps those who help themselves” is not found anywhere in the bible. I researched the origin of the saying, and found conflicting information. Some people attribute it to Benjamin Franklin in “Poor Richard’s Almanac” in 1757. Others give credit to a British philosopher, Algernon Sidney, who used the phrase in an article titled “Discourses Concerning Government” in 1698. Further research reveals that Algernon Sidney died in 1683, so who knows if that one is true. Yet another source credits the phrase to one of Aesop’s fables from the 6th century BC. The fable, titled "Hercules and the Waggoner", tells the tale of a man whose wagon became stuck in the mud. The man got down on his knees and prayed to Hercules for help. Hercules promptly told the man to get up and put his shoulder to the wheel because "the gods help those who help themselves.” It seems the phrase actually originated in pagan Greek mythology.

That’s all very interesting as a history lesson, but it doesn’t really help to answer my questions. As a Christian, I naturally understand that I must turn to the scriptures for answers. Here are a few passages I came across:

Exodus 20:9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work.

Psalms 104:23 Man goeth forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening.

Psalms 128:2 For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.

Proverbs 13:11 Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase.

Hebrews 6:12 That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

That certainly makes it sound like God expects us to work. He sure isn’t advising His people to sit around and do nothing, but in all honesty, I’m not completely convinced that those verses apply directly to the topic at hand. I do like that last one, though. Incidentally, there are more than two hundred verses in the bible that speak of labour. Let’s look a little further:

Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Jeremiah 17:5 Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD.

Psalms 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

Psalms 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.

Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

I recognize a couple of those verses, I’ve used them in my blog before. Those verses make it sound like we’re supposed to trust God and wait on Him. That last one in particular seems very clear to me. Incidentally, there are also lots of verses that talk about waiting on the Lord.

I have read a few articles that I found on this subject and, surprise, surprise, opinions are varied. Some support one theory, and some support the other, and, depending on your interpretation, you can find plenty of scripture to back up either one. So what’s the answer?

Here’s what I know, or maybe I should say here’s what I believe:

I believe God does not want us to be lazy or slothful.
I believe that God does not want us to suffer needlessly.
I believe that God wants us to help others in need.
I believe that God wants us to have patience, and wait for Him to do things in His own time.
I believe that God will provide us with everything we NEED.

I guess what it all boils down to is faith. We must have faith in God to provide for us, and to lead us where He will. I think it’s okay for us to try to achieve results for ourselves, but let’s face it; if God is not ready for it to happen, It’s just not going to happen, no matter what we do. How will we know whether to work at it, or just wait on the Lord? That part, at least, is easy, ask God. If He wants us to do something, He will tell us. If he wants us to be patient and wait for Him to take care of it, He will tell us that too. It’s all about faith and trust.

Well, I’ve done a lot of praying about this, praying for God to instruct me, and praying for Him to open my heart so I can receive His instructions, and this is what I seem to be getting. Of course, I will continue to pray and will wait to see were He leads me next. In the meantime, I will put my trust in the Lord.

I’m going to leave off with some words of wisdom that Pastor Mike shared with me:

“..…Steven, the Lord is your help in time of need. No one knows what you need more than the Lord and He will indeed either give you the grace to stand up under your difficulties or He will remove the difficulty. Our responsibility is to seek the Lord and leave the results totally with Him. If He gives you the opportunity to have some medical procedure done that will allow your eyesight to be restored He will provide for that as well.”

Psalms 121:1-3 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

Dream Diary - Patience

Hi there! Long time, no see. This will be a short post, probably. I have an interesting dream fragment that I wanted to put in the record.

In the dream, I was at the Baptist church in Gibbon, the church I attended in my youth, the church Mom still attends today. I was hanging around with my friend Joe Gangwish. Incidentally, Joe is the brother of Bobbi's husband Mike Gangwish. I don't remember what Joe and I were doing but I also vaguely remember Joe’s mom, Francey, being there. Anyway, they disappeared after a bit.

The interesting part began when I entered a certain room of the church, I think it was the parlor. There were several people sitting around a large table playing password. Remember that old game? It used to be a game show, too. Anyway, one of the people was a guy named Ron Sheets that I used to work with when I lived in Kansas City. I don’t remember what he said to me, but he indicated that he wanted my help with the game. He had a word printed on a card and he wanted me to help him come up with clues to give the other players. He held out the card and showed it to me, and the wordprinted on it was “patience.”

Now I wonder what that dream could possibly mean. I’m not sure if this matters, but the cards they were using were kind of like little gift tags, you know the kind that have “to” and "from" printed on them. The backs of the cards had some kind of Christmas design on them. The front had a Christmas design on the top half, and the bottom half had the hand-written password on it. I’m not sure what the Christmas tie-in means. Maybe something to do with how impatient I was feeling at Christmas last year.

So that was my dream. We are being bombarded today. There are chunks of ice falling from the trees and banging all over our roof. Kind of creepy.

Thanks for reading. Try to stay warm!

Genesis 40:8 And they said unto him, We have dreamed a dream, and there is no interpreter of it. And Joseph said unto them, Do not interpretations belong to God? tell me them, I pray you.

Hebrews 10:36 For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

Journal - Nothing Special

Well, there really hasn't been much going on, but I’m going to try to do a little writing today anyway. I was kind of enjoying all the blogging I did in December, so maybe I can get something jump-started here. Nothing very exciting, I’m afraid, but there are a few things I wanted to note for the record.

I haven’t heard anything new from BCBS about the insurance. They called a couple of weeks ago to let me know they were forwarding my application to the underwriters for approval. Another BCBS agent keeps calling me to see if I want to add any dental or cancer coverage to the policy. I probably will need to, my monthly cost has to be $256 a month, but I won’t know how much I need until I find out exactly how much the medical part will be. I hate all this waiting, but I know God wants us to have patience and allow Him to do things in His own time. I’m trying!

People keep telling me that this has been the coldest and snowiest winter Nebraska has had in a long time. Thanks a lot people! We had those two blizzards toward the end of December, and none of the snow has melted away yet. We’ve had lots of sub-zero temperatures, with wind chills as low as thirty below. Then we had another little storm last Wednesday. Not much snowfall this time, but lots of wind that made new drifts. Sounds like the snow will be here for a while, it’s not expected to go above freezing at least for the next week.

Wednesday morning, just before the worst of the storm began, Joni and I went to the courthouse in Minden to get our I D’s switched over to Nebraska. We still had our Texas ones. We’ve been putting that off for several months so I’m glad to have it done. One less thing hanging over our heads. Still have to get the truck registered though, and get our Nebraska license plates. Probably won't do that until February, though, it cost $56 to get our I D's.

Last week, my mp3 player quit working. Not good! That’s what I use to listen to audio books, and without it I am lost. Luckily, the prices have gone down a lot on those lately and I got a new one for $40. It has twice as much storage as my old one, too. My new one has an fm radio, like most others, but I can actually switch back and forth between the radio and the player. I never quite figured out how to do that on my old one.

And speaking of radio, I was flipping through the stations the other day and came across the local oldies station, KKPR. I heard Hall & Oates and John Cougar Mellencamp. The oldies station is playing music that was popular when I was in school. Those are not oldies and I am not old! Well, at least they have the decency to call them “classic hits” instead of coming right out and calling them “oldies."

Let’s see, what else? I think that’s everything I wanted to mention. I think I might be going stir crazy. I don’t like going out in the snow, it’s so hard to get your footing when you can't see the shape of the ground, or the snow that’s piled on it.

Okay, that’s it for now. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you later, okay?

Romans 5:3-4 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

Romans 8:25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.

Inspirations - Leon Fleisher

Well, my holiday blues have carried right on over into the new year. I don’t really know what my problem is. I think I’m just feeling a little impatient about the whole insurance thing. I’ve always been that way; once I make up my mind to do something, I like to get it done right away and not mess around. This is kind of out of my hands though, so that makes me feel a little frustrated.

I finally decided that what I need, is a little inspiration. Leon Fleisher came to mind immediately. I first heard about Fleisher several months ago, before I even started this blog, and I’ve been thinking that he would be a good topic. I’m glad I waited, because I think this is the perfect time to talk about him.

Leon Fleisher, an American pianist and conductor, was born in 1928. It didn’t take long for Fleisher to discover his life-purpose, and he began studying the piano at age 4. He made his public debut at the age of 8, and played at Carnegie Hall with the New York Philharmonic at the age of 16. Over the next twenty years, Leon Fleisher became one of the most sought-after concert pianists in the world, and his interpretations of the works of Beethoven, Brahms, and Mozart are considered some of the finest ever recorded.

Disaster struck in 1965 when Fleisher lost the use of his right hand due to a neurological disorder called focal dystonia. Instead of abandoning his stellar career at the age of 37, he became a conductor and, more importantly, a teacher. For the next forty years, Fleisher passed on his knowledge and skill to a whole new generation of musicians, and today, many of the most notable players and teachers of the piano are former students of Fleisher.

Amazingly, during his years as a teacher and conductor, Fleisher continued to play, using only his left hand. There was a series of piano concertos written for the left hand only, wich were composed for another pianist who also lost the use of his right hand. More “left-handed” piano music was written specifically for Fleisher as well. That must have seemed like such a blessing to him, although I can only imagine his frustration. How he must have longed to reach up to the keys with that useless right hand to play some of his old favorite tunes.

I think that’s a pretty amazing story. Losing the use of a hand would be such a devastating event in anyone’s life. I can only imagine how I would feel if I couldn’t play my saxophone anymore, and for me it’s only a passing hobby. Leon Fleisher didn't give up, though. Instead, he found a way to continue using the talent that God gave him, and instead of one great pianist, we now have many.

The story doesn’t quite end there. Just a few years ago, a cure for focal dystonia was found, involving a series of botox injections. For the first time in forty years, Leon Fleisher was able to play the piano with two hands. Appropriately enough, he recorded a new album in 2004 titled, “Two Hands."

The Lord certainly does work in mysterious ways. Sometimes you have to lose something, to realize what a blessing it truly is. Leon Fleisher summed it up nicely, when he said “I don’t think I would change anything that’s happened to me.”

Matthew 7:11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Heavy Heart

So here it is, 1 o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. Again. This has been going on for several nights now. I have asthma and it’s been acting up pretty bad lately. It’s harder to breathe lying down so for a few nights I was sleeping in shifts of a couple hours at a time. My asthma has been a little better lately though, and I’ve been able to lie down much better. I still can’t sleep though, ecause I just have too much on my mind.

What’s on my mind? Well, I suppose I should back up a little and explain this properly.

I’ve already talked about some of this. I went blind a while back and have been drawing social security. The payments I’m getting are barely enough to pay our bills, but the government says I’m earning too much to get Medicaid. Medicare is out also because I have to be disabled for two years before I qualify. If I had some kind of medical coverage, I could get my sight back because my problem is correctible by surgery.

Well, my mom kept telling me not to worry about that; that she would come up with the money somehow. I kept turning her down because I truly did not feel like that was what God wanted. It seemed like everytime I was tempted to take matters into my own hands and make something happen, I kept getting the message “wait.”

So, anyway, about three months ago the last of my asthma medicine ran out. I tried really hard to put my trust in God to take care of me, but to tell you the truth I was really scared about what was going to happen. In spite of my fears, when the medicine ran out, I was fine! God totally came through for me! For the next ten weeks or so, life was pretty good. I can't tell you how good it felt to be free of that medicine.

Then a couple of weeks ago, it finally caught up with me. My asthma hasn’t been that bad for about 4 years, when I ended up in the hospital for a week. I had a particularly bad evening a couple of nights ago, and I told Mom Iwas ready to take her up on her offer.

So now I face the prospect of getting some health insurance and possibly getting my sight back. Sounds like a pretty good deal. The problem is that now I’m wondering; is this what God intended, or am I trying to take matters into my own hands again? I really don’t know the answer to that, and that’s what is keeping me up at night, now that my asthma is settling down a little.

I know that God doesn’t want us to suffer. But I also know that sometimes he places challenges before us so that “the works of God should be made manifest,” just like it says in John chapter 9. So I guess the question is; has my disability brought glory to God? That’s kind of what this blog has been all about, but did it reach anyone? In my vanity, I envisioned testifying to thousands of people and converting every one of them to Christ, but of course I know it doesn’t always work that way. This whole thing may have been for one particular person out there; someone who just needed to hear someone talk about God; someone who I may never even know exists. Hmm, I need to read “The 5 People You Meet In Heaven” again.

Well, all I can do is pray about it, and hope that I am doing the right thing. It all comes down to faith. I have to have faith that God will lead me to where He wants me to be. Faith is such a small thing; such a huge thing; the only thing.

John 9:1-3 And as Jesus passed by, He saw a man which was blind from his birth. And His disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

Going Blind pt 3

Okay, let’s see if I can wrap this up. If you’ve been following along, you’ll remember that last time I had finally gotten my cornea transplant and could see out of both eyes again after two years with only one eye.

So yeah, I was pretty happy about that. My vision was good in both eyes for the next year but after that it was all down hill.

I started getting infections again in my left eye. We would get one infection cleared up and I’d be okay for one or two or six months, but then another one would pop up. In the meantime, my right eye began to deteriorate. The keratoconus gradually progressed to the point where my hard contact lens didn’t really help any more. I couldn’t get surgery though because of the constant infections in my left eye.

My doctor had always said that she wouldn’t do surgery in either eye until both had been healthy for a whole year. After a couple of years she said maybe she would settle for six months. But it never happened, the infections just kept coming.

Over the next four years or so I gradually lost the vision in my right eye. The transplant in my left eye was holding up pretty good even with all the problems but then I started to develop a cataract in that eye.

Sometime during the early months of 2008 it got bad enough that I couldn’t read books anymore. Through it all I think this has been the hardest thing for me. I’ve always been an avid reader. I have since grown to love audio books and I thank God for them all the time, but I still miss reading.

In May of that year I had to give up driving. That was a big chunk of independence lost and was pretty hard to take. In September I lost my job. I couldn’t have done it much longer anyway though, I was really struggling with it. In October I was declared legally blind.

In April 2009 Joni, Adam and I moved up here to Nebraska. We couldn’t afford to live in Dallas on my social security. I had very little vision left by then but God left me just enough to familiarize myself with my new surroundings. In June I finally lost the last little bit remaining.

And now I am just waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting to see what God has planned for me.

I need cataract surgery in my left eye and a cornea transplant in the right. I can’t get either because I have no medical coverage. I’ve been denied again and again. I can’t get Medicaid because I make too much money and I can’t get medicare until I’ve been disabled for two years. Private insurance plans are too expensive and also I have a lot of pre-existing medical problems, not just my eye problems, but also asthma.

But that’s okay because I have God in my life now. He promised to take care of us and I believe Him. That makes the waiting much easier to bear. When God is ready for me to see again, then I will see again. And what a glorious day that will be! I know I still have some things to figure out before that happens though, and I am doing my best to learn them.

I think that’s what this blog is all about. God wanted me to document what’s happening so that lots of people can bear witness. So the sooner you get all your friends to read my blog, the sooner I’ll get my sight back! Ha ha! Just kidding, but that’s what it’s really all about; giving the glory to God. Putting your faith in HIM, not in doctors or surgeries or insurance policies.

So that’s how I became blind. The End…NOT! No, I still have lots of things to share with you so I hope you’ll keep coming back each week. Until next time…

Psalms 118:8 It is better to trust in the lord than to put confidence in man.

Psalms 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God. I have my trust in the Lord God that I may declare all thy works.

Going Blind- Part 2

Let’s see now, where was I? Oh yes I remember; blind in my left eye but still with good vision in the right.

I was divorced by this time and had met Joni although she was still living in Baltimore. The thing that really helped me was knowing that the damage to my eye was not permanent. My cornea was ruined, but corneas can be transplanted. It was a lot of waiting though. My doctor had to make sure the infection was totally healed and would not come back before she would do any surgery.

Now, I want to explain how these transplants work. Once a cornea has been removed from the donor it can only be stored for five days. So the surgery is scheduled a month in advance without really knowing if there will be a cornea available or not. The day before the surgery they call you to let you know if they got one. Unfortunately I didn’t know that. My doctor never explained it and it never even occurred to me to ask.

I was so excited as the day of my surgery approached. I was living in Dallas at this time and Mom was driving all the way down from Nebraska to be there with me. The day before the surgery, they called me and said they did not have a cornea for me. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I had to call Mom and give her the news (she was more than halfway to Texas by then). She decided to turn around and go back so she could save her vacation time for when the surgery really happened. Years later she told me she felt bad about turning back but I totally agreed with her decision.

Anyway that was in January 2003, I think. They went ahead and re-scheduled the surgery for February. I began getting my hopes up all over again even though I tried not to.

The day before my surgery arrived again and this time I was prepared. I wasn’t going to let them surprise me again so I called that morning and asked if they had a cornea for me. They did! I was so excited! Mom was on the road again and I called her right away so she wouldn’t have to worry.

That afternoon the doctor’s office called me back. The cornea didn’t pass all the tests. Tests?? Yep, the cornea has to be tested for HIV and other things. That makes perfect sense but I didn’t know about that at the time. I was beyond crushed. I knew Mom was only a couple of hours away by then and I didn’t have the heart to call her so I just let her drive the rest of the way. The doctor wanted to re-schedule again but I said no. I just couldn’t go through it again.

In May of that year, Joni and Adam came to Dallas to live with me and Joni started talking me into re-scheduling the surgery. I finally relented in October and they scheduled me for November.

This time everything worked out. I got my new cornea on November 7. The doctor said I could take the bandage off the next morning, and when I did I could see! I had almost perfect vision in both eyes again after waiting for two years. Maybe God was just waiting until Joni was with me so I wouldn’t be alone for this. Certainly He was trying to teach me patience.

Well, obviously this is STILL not the end of the story but I will have to leave it here for this week. I warned you that this might take awhile. I hope you’ll come back to hear the rest!


Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.